I get bored easily....feel like I'll never really love someone

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DrFlashman

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At some point, usually 3 to 6 months into a relationship, I always find myself getting bored and frustrated with the person. It has nothing to do with sex; I have no trouble with monogamy. It's more of a mental thing. I get bored with the person's mind. I'm in my early 30s, and every relationship I've been in since I was 19 I've been the one to walk out.

However, I do REALLY want to settle down and find someone to be with and share my life with. I think I'd be a good husband & father. But...if I get bored with someone after 6 months, that's kind of a problem!

I'm big enough to admit the problem probably lies with me. Fine....but WTF?? How come other people can be in loving, committed relationships with a peer and partner, and I can't? Am I unwilling to give myself to someone? Unwilling to be loved?

Any thoughts, suggestions, answers??

 
Not knowing much about you I don't have an answer. Have you gone or thought of going to see a psychiatrist to find out why you get bored with someone after awhile. There's gotta be a reason, once you figure it out you can work on it. I can't see how if you met the right girl you'd ever get bored with her. Maybe that's it, maybe you just haven't met the right person, or could be something deeper.
 
I get bored too. It kind of embarasses me. It got really really bad when I was on Prozac to the point where i didn't care about anyone. It made me feel so empty because normally I DO care but it was just such an effort to care when it was just easier to walk away and be like "oh well, i can replace that person."

it sounds so cold....

Actually it was cold, but it was a struggle (or at least it was) not to become bored. It lost me some friends. Some of whom I regret always that I said that to them. It wasn't a personal "I don't care about you." statement, to them personally but a general "i am unable to care anymore." which was hugely mistranslated.

So empty...
 
Could just be the type of person you've ended up with so far hasn't been interesting or a good match for you. Try going after a different pool.
 
I think that it is most likely that you just haven't met the right one yet.
I know I have often felt bored on dates, and have been trying to look at the time without making it obvious to see how much longer it will be till I can go home.
 
What a curious situation.
What bores you about a person? do they simply stay more or less the same?
 
Out of curiosity how interesting are you?

I've often found (notice I said often, not always) that people who get bored that easily really don't have much to offer. The worst thing you can tell me is that you're bored, I can find ways to make you unbored really quick.

Just something to think about.
 
The thing that bores me on dates is when the other person leaves me to carry the conversation. I will take an interest in them and will ask them things (for example, if they had said in an email that they liked jazz, I will ask about their favourite musicians and if they go to concerts etc) but when they don't ask me anything in return and only give one or two word answers, then it is boring and stressful.
 
I feel similarly, Tiina63.

It seems like people tend to make it very difficult to get to know, as if they are super-special, and they are worth a ton of effort to get to know.
I don't think they understand that the less interesting and easy to communicate they are, the less effort I'm going to put into getting to know them!

Thus, when I stop literally hauling the conversation along and go to simply smiling and letting them talk, they clam up and get boring as all hell.
Wtf, eh?
 
It's normal to get bored with people, especailly if you live with them night and day.
Thats why you live a balance life. Thats why you hang out with friends.
Have various hobbies. Have a career...ect

Like wtf???? you're partner isnt your entertainment center.
Why in the hell dose all the conversation need to be entertaining, intelligent or deep?
We make up retarded rules to live by.

Start something knew with your partner.
Plans for trips or vacations.
Experince new things together.

expand your horrizon....come on now...your fucken smart.
You have all the answer.lmao
 
I guess the initial honeymoon period starts to wear off and the person begins to show how they "really" are.
 
Tiina63 said:
The thing that bores me on dates is when the other person leaves me to carry the conversation. I will take an interest in them and will ask them things (for example, if they had said in an email that they liked jazz, I will ask about their favourite musicians and if they go to concerts etc) but when they don't ask me anything in return and only give one or two word answers, then it is boring and stressful.


Yes, and then there is the Me-Monster, the person who just will not shut up about himself (or herself). It's just as bad as being the individual who is forced to shoulder the burden of the conversation. Anytime there is no balance, it's awkward. You need to the equal exchange of conversation to get to know one another. Having one person dominate the conversation leads to nowhere good.

As for the OP's question:

DrFlashman said:
I'm big enough to admit the problem probably lies with me. Fine....but WTF?? How come other people can be in loving, committed relationships with a peer and partner, and I can't? Am I unwilling to give myself to someone? Unwilling to be loved?

Any thoughts, suggestions, answers??

I'm wondering if it isn't a pre-emptive strike on your part, y'know, lose interest in you partner before she does the same to you - NOT that I am saying that she WILL lose interest in you, but I wonder if you have any sort of deep-seated insecurities. I mean, I think to an extent we all have insecurities at some time. Self-sabotage of a relationship like this is not uncommon at all, even if people may fail to be honest and recognize it in themselves.


 
May I suggest getting a gold fish....better a betta before you actually have babies.
My fucken betta was still alive after 3 weeks of me forgetting to feed it or cleaning
it's blow.lmao

Im serious man...babies dont give a fresia if youre bore with them or not.
You have to get up almost every 4 hours night and day to feed them, change them
and burp them....And you gotta give them plenty of love and play with them.
Thats bare minimum.
I got lucky...my duaghter was a good mellow baby and didnt cried all night and day.
Even then...I used to dragged my ass into work with one eye open from lack of sleep.
 

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