How do guys feel about kids?

Okay, I've actually asked this question to a few of my guy friends and got mixed answers about it. So I'd like to get a more diverse opinion of it. I don't know if this has been asked before, but I did a quick search and couldn't find it.

Do guys want a ready made family?

Now, in my case it wouldn't be as simple as answering yes or no or maybe. I have two kids. One of which is mildly autistic. So it would be a lot to handle.
Would you consider dating a person that had kids? Would you consider dating a person that had kids with medical issues? I know that sounds harsh to add the second question there, but it IS a lot to handle.

Add on top of the fact that I have kids, the issues that I have. Some are pretty severe and some can make me sick. I guess I don't see how anyone could get past my massive issues to see me as a person, so why would anyone want to take on me AND my kids....

Yep I would. I have kids too tho so I can appreciate why you worry.

A better example though is a good friend of mine met a girl fell in love etc and had 2 kids together. She did respite care so fostered a lot of kids some with autism and some severely mentally handicapped. I always respected him for how he coped as I saw how hard they worked and how much pressure that could put on both of them. At the end of the day, that was a decision his partner had made that she wanted to do with her life so probably easier for her to handle I think whereas he took it on because he loved her and wanted to be with her. I actually think it made him grow a lot as a person, I've known him virtually my whole life but would never thought of him as an obvious choice for something like that but he handled it brilliantly. He's a nice bloke but he's not some sort of saint (I'm sure he'd agree) but he loved her and I think they both coped brilliantly and have 2 gorgeous girls (one of which I am godfather too ). In the end they have separated but not at all because of the fostering or the family situation, they just grew apart like couples do, I know he misses some of the kids he helped look after.

So I guess the point I'm making is if someone truly loves you they will accept the complexity of your situation. It can actually bring out the best in people.

I'm not a guy, but I can tell you from my experience that there are men out there who are open to a relationship with a single mom. The men who were the most amenable to it were single dads themselves, not too surprising, although I did date one guy who had no kids of his own and who professed to love kids and was open to being with a woman who already had kids.

I did encounter a lot of guys with no kids who said flat-out that they didn't want a woman who had kids by another man because they wanted no "baby daddy drama," so yeah, those guys are out there. There are other men who are open to taking you as you are, with the people you bring along.

It will put some men off, but if you find the right person, he will be happy to take on you and your kids. I don't want to sound trite when I say this; I do genuinly believe it. Some men who maybe can't have children or who don't want to go through the nappy stage would be happy to have a ready made family. Or a man who has his own kids would not see your having children as a problem.

I would, I love kids and want kids so a "ready made family" wouldn't turn me off. Kids with medical problems is a very interesting question. That would have to be something I'd need to be educated on, I know it would probably cause a strain on the relationship and would difficult at times. To say no would be ignorant cause anyone could possibly have a child who has some sort of disability. It comes with the package. I would base it on if I could personally handle it, there are going to be times where I may have to take care the child on my own and could I handle it? That would be an experiment I'd want to do early on too just to find out. I certainly wouldn't care any less about a child with a disability as I would any other child.

I'd date someone with kids, however, they often wouldn't want to date me. Why? Because I'd like to have kids of my 'own' as well, and most women who already have children are quite reluctant to have more.

Yeah that might be a deal breaker, I'd like to have one of my 'own' as well. I had a friend who had 3 kids and mentioned to me she didn't want more. Then she added that with me she might have one more kid, after she saw my initial reaction to her comment. Glad I skipped that boat though.

A lot of people say they don't want more kids. Some say they don't want any kids at all. BUT, not all of them mean that. I have a friend that was ADAMANT about never having any kids, she now has 2 kids and wants more. I think it entirely depends on the guy and how they feel about him. They could also change their mind later down the road. Hell, it took my kids' father 6 years to talk me into having another baby.

With me...I couldn't handle being pregnant again, so me having more kids that way is totally out of the question, but I'm not opposed to adoption or other methods.

What sort of personal problems do you have? I always thought you were a good person myself.

uh, unless said personal problems are medical issues, then id understand not wanting to share them on a forum.

Limlim said:

What sort of personal problems do you have? I always thought you were a good person myself.

uh, unless said personal problems are medical issues, then id understand not wanting to share them on a forum.

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Some could be considered medical....kinda, maybe....
Some aren't, but I won't get into them on open forum.

And YOU didn't answer the question. lol

I wish I could have my tubes tied

I've seen it happen and work. Doesn't always work out, but it can.

Callie said:

Okay, I've actually asked this question to a few of my guy friends and got mixed answers about it. So I'd like to get a more diverse opinion of it. I don't know if this has been asked before, but I did a quick search and couldn't find it.

Do guys want a ready made family?

Now, in my case it wouldn't be as simple as answering yes or no or maybe. I have two kids. One of which is mildly autistic. So it would be a lot to handle.
Would you consider dating a person that had kids? Would you consider dating a person that had kids with medical issues? I know that sounds harsh to add the second question there, but it IS a lot to handle.

Add on top of the fact that I have kids, the issues that I have. Some are pretty severe and some can make me sick. I guess I don't see how anyone could get past my massive issues to see me as a person, so why would anyone want to take on me AND my kids....

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This woman I was seeing before xmas had 2 kids. I never met them and she made sure they weren't about when I went to her house.

I was never serious enough to consider the question of 'taking them on'

We are now just 'friends' and I met her son last week. He is a typical 4 year old. I am not sure if it was deliberate on her part to allow me to be around when her son was there. She did invite me to her house this week and her kids are off school.

It's easy to get attached to kids, I did with my friends 3 kids. You just have to remember they are going to grow into teenagers one day. lol

I don't need or want a surrogate mother for my kids, I've always managed fine on my own! All I'd need to know is that everyone could get along under the same roof on the nights I have them if we lived together. Thats all really.

The Good Citizen said:

I don't need or want a surrogate mother for my kids, I've always managed fine on my own! All I'd need to know is that everyone could get along under the same roof on the nights I have them if we lived together. Thats all really.

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Oh, I don't expect the guy to be a father or anything like that to my kids... a role model, yes, but not a father. They have a father, I would never try to replace him in their eyes.

Callie said:

The Good Citizen said:

I don't need or want a surrogate mother for my kids, I've always managed fine on my own! All I'd need to know is that everyone could get along under the same roof on the nights I have them if we lived together. Thats all really.

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Oh, I don't expect the guy to be a father or anything like that to my kids... a role model, yes, but not a father. They have a father, I would never try to replace him in their eyes.

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My mom was the same way. If a guy she was dating tried to parent us she'd go all ape honeysuckle on him. We were her kids, it was her decision to have us so we were her responsibility to take care of. She wasn't going to let any man change that.

Callie said:

The Good Citizen said:

I don't need or want a surrogate mother for my kids, I've always managed fine on my own! All I'd need to know is that everyone could get along under the same roof on the nights I have them if we lived together. Thats all really.

Click to expand...

Oh, I don't expect the guy to be a father or anything like that to my kids... a role model, yes, but not a father. They have a father, I would never try to replace him in their eyes.

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Yeah, sorry Callie I wasn't suggesting that was what you were looking for, more thats what I want to reassure anyone who was worried about what 'role' I expected of them (as I have had to before). Thats pretty much me too. I've always been pretty much whatever works for them works for me really... as long as it can work for them somehow. :shy:

Speaking for myself, I couldn't go with a woman that had kids. I'm not a fan of kids anyway, even less a fan of the teenagers they will grow into. Then you take into account the financial side of things and the fact that "step" parents or partners of single parents generally have to bite their tongues if the kid misbehaves...no, not for me.

Massive respect for the guys that are able to do it though.

I should add, although I don't know if this should be a factor or not, but I am only 24. When I'm 40 I may very well think differently.

Sci-Fi said:

My mom was the same way. If a guy she was dating tried to parent us she'd go all ape honeysuckle on him. We were her kids, it was her decision to have us so we were her responsibility to take care of. She wasn't going to let any man change that.

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I think I previously worried about going too far the other way too. Obviously I love my kids but if someone is going to come into their lives then they need the freedom to express themselves and not let them run rings round them without knowing they can speak up. To be honest my kids are quite easy to manage, ones 14 and very grown up, the little one can be bouncing off the walls at times but he isn't a naughty kid, occasionally just needs to be told to calm down, doesn't have a temper on him though at all he is almost always happy. I think if you are adult about it and understand each others position you can work through it, millions of people do it just takes a while to settle in.