Real Life Dating

Alright so I started recently to use a few of the free dating sites to ready myself to enter the dating world on a real trek. Never before have I actually gone out and sought a female to form a relationship with and these sites have done a fine job in preparing me for rejection I may face in a real world situation. I have sent out many a mail trying to set up dialogs, you know using various openings that are not your standard HI THERE! Sadly I havent gotten a reply from any of the women I have had an interest in but that is cool, silly ladies dont know what they missed out on! I have started to think about myself as a Howard Wolowitz(minus the overtly creepy) in that regardless of acceptance or rejection I won't give up. Sadly I have also had to accept that I am a bit of a shallow fella in that I am interested in a certain type. Not to say you need to be a model, I expect no more in the way of fitness than I expect from myself. That being said I dont find myself attracted to many overwieght women though they seem to like me quite a bit lol. This has no doubt complicated matters but never the less I trod on.

The meat of the issue here is where can I meet women in my age group?! I dont really do the bar scene and even if I did I would not expect to find anything other than a fling which I have little interest in. My years of lonliness closed me off from this chaotic world and disconnected me with finding people age appropriate for me. I was looking for some tips or ideas that may have worked for anyone in the past. I live in Iowa USA and though not in a large city it is decent sized (200-300k pop depending on who you are talking to lol) and I think that for this period in my life there must be some places around I can take advantage of to help me on my way. Thanks to any and all who take the time to read my always long winded posts!

Tony

Honestly, I agree with avoiding bars. I'm not old enough for them, and don't drink all that often anyway. One good practice I had was asking a girl out knowing to get turned down. It's not like I completely shot above my expectations, but just generally asked a few people out whom I knew very little about, just to see how approaching would work. Surprisingly, it wasn't hard at all, and I wasn't exactly disappointed at all. That way you'll become comfortable with rejection without being completely crushed. Or, you might actually get someone to go on a date with you.

Right now I have the same problem as you. I used to go to high school out of state, and formed many awesome friends there. Unfortunately, we parted our ways into colleges and respected states. Now I honestly don't know anyone in my state, and although I try to be friendly and sociable as I can be, it's hard starting from square one after 7 years of being out of state. Anyway, one thing you can do is just generally go places. Does your local university have clubs? If so, find something that you don't know much about, and think you can stand, and just go. It'll take some courage on your part, but you'll be happy once you do it. Another thing you can do is get a job (depending on your situation). It's a good way to meet people and network. You can also just stop in to a local coffee shop a couple times a week. You don't have to speak to anyone if you don't want, but just generally being around people can help you be more comfortable. Just grab a book, coffee, and hang out for a bit. Eventually, you'll start noticing some regulars, or someone might even start a conversation with you. Regardless, just find something/someplace to go and hang out once in awhile, people will start recognizing you, and you'll have something in common to talk about.

200 - 300 k...
Sadly in my 20S...I met most women at parties,
bars or night clubs. Or friends introduced me
to them. Some women dont party all the time. Some do.

Even where Im living at the younger crowd only come out at night
after 11PM and hang out in bars or night clubs...it's like a total madhouse as always.


I got luckie my ex wf asked me out...she was at her work place.
I was also in the usaf...co eds. So i met babes living at my dormatory.

I also met babes while attending college.
Maybe try taking an art or music class.

I met one of my ex at church.lol

And i dated another babe at another church..Strange I was chit chatting with her parents
I had the nerve to ask her out in front of them. lmao She was hot and single and god sent her to me.

I also used to attend course in miracle workshops...My ministor was trying to hook me up with a chick.
Thats miracle at work alright.lmao

I also met grips of women in recovery...ex drinker and partiers.
They usually chit chat with me after meetings or come sit next to me.

errr...i met one other babe at the mall...but her friend kinda hooked us up.

I also dated a babe from work...Very risky Bussiness.
She was my Sale person.LOL Conflicts of interest
Lots of bussiness deals that effected our relationship or rather the bussiness.
Trying to hide our relationship from our bosses and co workers.

Are there hot spots where you live?
Such as a park where grips of people hangout on the weekends?

You might try checking out all the local events in your city. Concerts, famers market...ect
Most big cities have fliers for events.

Sometype of club that have both men and women?

The gym?

AJR said:

Sadly I have also had to accept that I am a bit of a shallow fella in that I am interested in a certain type.

Click to expand...

Throw your dreams into space like a kite, and you do not know what it will bring back, a new life, a new friend, a new love, a new country - Anais Nin

AJR said:

The meat of the issue here is where can I meet women in my age group?!

Click to expand...

What's your age group?

Well as I said I am 27 and so I would say the lowest I would go is 21 bare min and highest is say 32. I personally wouldnt say that I am any more shallow than any other person the walks this Earth and I dont think I should have to settle for some of the women who do have interest in me, heck I am not even sure how to go about letting them know I have no interest without being an ass lol.

I appreciate the few replies and Ill have to try a few of those things out, we dont have any dance clubs or anything I can think of that would put me in a comfortable situation to get to know someone, I am almost to the point of randomly giving out my number along these lines....

My name is Tony what is your name?...blah
Well I wouldnt mind taking some time to get to know you, would you like to go out sometime? Get some coffee or dinner?...blah
"No" Well that isnt a big deal I can give you my number if you change your mind and are interested in getting together!

Rusty as hell but I cant expect to ride in a rodeo if I stay in the stalls am I right?!

I'm not shallow...i only go for hot blondes with big boobs. How's that for picky?
They turn me on...other women dont

Laundry mats...I've met single babes doing luandry.

Yeah...fresia it.
I say random honeysuckle all the time to women.
Thats how most of the recovery chick would come up to me after a meeting.
They tell me random honeysuckle to start a conversation.
Thats how I used to meet women at bars or night clubs...Random honeysuckle right before closing hours.
The next you know I'm having lunch with them in a couple of days.
Like I say some women dont go bar hoping all the time...they're just like you...putting themselves
out there trying to meet guys.

There was a little tourest hot spot hangout...I say random honeysuckle to strange women now ans then.
How else am i going to meet them. Some people thinks it had to be so formal or the right circumstance before
they make a move...Will, in my experince..that's like waiting for fucken rain.

I was at a bar minding my own. Some chick was drinking with her friends all night.
Then out of the fucken blues she comes and talks to me, say she was pissed at her firends.hahahaaa
She bought a fucken drink and asked me to have a drink with her and the rest is history.
She told me a bunch of random honeysuckle.lmao She acted just like me...we clicked.


A week later I was at the same bar. Some hot babe was shooting pool with her friends and a couple of dudes.
I went outside...minding my own bussiness. That chick comes outside and tells me
"fresia those *******. What's your name?"...Random. Just like that. Lmao
She wasnt dating those dudes or they wernt her BF. Just hanging with her friend.
It looked like she was on a date but she wasnt.

Unless you are an 8 or better on the looks scale, you will get nowhere in online dating. Online dating sites are for the "pretty" people. The first thing people see is your picture and then make a snap judgement about you based on that. I have NEVER received any responses back from women on these dating sites because I'm a 3 or 4 at the most. The last two relationships I was in ended because one was dating me for money, and the other liked my personality but was not "physically attracted to me".

You may want to try http://www.meetup.com and check out groups in your area. I've been to a few meetups but just to get out of the house for group dinners and free movies. I'm not going to try to "hit on" a woman or try to get a date with one of the people I meet at a meetup thing because I don't want to put them in the position of having to say "no" and then see each other at other meetups. But I just have a deathly fear of trying to talk to women like that. YMMV so you should maybe try it.

I think if a woman ever came up to me and started chatting me up or asked me out I'd have a heart attack on the spot. LOL

I think I'm in the same situation. I want to go out in the "real world" and try to find relationships with women that way. I've never done that before! Once in high school, I asked a girl out, she agreed but then I chickened out. That's as far as I've come.
The only way I've managed to meet women IRL is by setting something up online. It was how I met my ex, so I know it can work. Interestingly, it was she that messaged me first. That doesn't happen very often. But it's so much work and it's wearing me out, and it can become an obsession.
So, online dating is the only thing I know sadly, I have a hard time believing it would be easier in the real world even though I live in a large city!

PS: nothing wrong with having a type you're attracted to. I'm not much into obesity either, can't do anything about that.
PPS: research has shown that men typically look more at the pictures indeed, but women tend to read the presentations more

The thing is that I love a woman to have a few extra pounds on her. Granted I love the petites too but they would have to be trim not starved so that is usually why I have leaned towards the catagory I am in...just a few extra pounds.

Thus far my online dating is uneventfull aside from some rather obese ladies contacting me, and in an effort to continue being respectful I am happy to talk with them and perhaps become friends but the few who have contacted me seem to have relationships only in mind.

I hope everyone is getting what they need from someone and if you are not....it is your job to get off your rump and get to it! Have no fear, it took half my twenties to finally realize that you have to be really proactive or suffer in lonliness.

I appreciate all the replies and hope you are all well!

tusk said:

PPS: research has shown that men typically look more at the pictures indeed, but women tend to read the presentations more

Click to expand...

This "research" is BS. People are visual and everyone judges by the pictures in the first seconds to make a decision if they're interested enough to bother reading the profile. I've had profiles on multiple dating sites and NEVER had an email because I'm an unattractive guy.

LonelyInAtl said:

This "research" is BS. People are visual and everyone judges by the pictures in the first seconds to make a decision if they're interested enough to bother reading the profile. I've had profiles on multiple dating sites and NEVER had an email because I'm an unattractive guy.

Click to expand...

Yeah maybe. They never actually presented the profiles they used, and it could've just been a PR trick. But I think men tend to be more visual than women.
I wonder if that's why I don't get many emails either. The other day, I sent out a little more than 20 (sincere) mails and got about the same amount of profile views. No response at all! Doesn't make you feel very attractive, does it.

tusk said:

LonelyInAtl said:

This "research" is BS. People are visual and everyone judges by the pictures in the first seconds to make a decision if they're interested enough to bother reading the profile. I've had profiles on multiple dating sites and NEVER had an email because I'm an unattractive guy.

Click to expand...

Yeah maybe. They never actually presented the profiles they used, and it could've just been a PR trick. But I think men tend to be more visual than women.
I wonder if that's why I don't get many emails either. The other day, I sent out a little more than 20 (sincere) mails and got about the same amount of profile views. No response at all! Doesn't make you feel very attractive, does it.

Click to expand...

I've gotten a single response from a pretty girl.

You want to know my message?

"
I just wanted to say, you have EPIC blue eyes.
Just beautiful. I hope you have a good day!
"

That was the only message of that 'fawning, complementary' type messages I put out, and it got a response.
So be complimentary, or as they say on OkCupid, "Tell her something nice!"

Good Luck OP

I feel your pain all! On those sites I send out at least 10 to 15 messages to folks every week, some dont even visit my profile so I know they are not interested, it is the ones that take the time to see your profile then don't even respond that get me down sometimes. That is the reason I make an effort to respond to every mail someone take the time to write me. Sure I may have no interest in you but it is respectful to at least take the moment out of your time to say hello and thank for a response. I see TONS of really pretty women on these types of sites and I, despite the lack of any research whatsoever lol, that these are the types that join for the morale boost of getting views and messages. They have no intention of responding but that is another reason why I am trying to look for places in the "real" world. You can say hello to a stranger and at the very least they will say hello back so as not to be rude. I went to a coffee house today and I purposefully cut in front of this attractive women knowing she wouldn't stand for it. Guess what? Instant conversation starter! Not saying shove your way in there or anything but put yourself front and center and dont allow yourself to be ignored or swept under the rug. Small acts of confidence lead to bigger ones in my book. If she wants to chat you can know in 3 sentances whether she is interested or not. All I can say is be the one to push things forward and if she shuts you down your response is the most important! You can not take no for an answer in an offhanded non arrogant way, "well that isn't a big deal here is my number if you are interested in getting together sometime" Not the strongest success rate but really more of a confidence booster and possitive outlook that I know for fact that women like and have interest in.

Keep on trucking like zombies are on your heels folks! Best of Luck and Happy Travels!

Tony

LonelyInAtl said:

tusk said:

PPS: research has shown that men typically look more at the pictures indeed, but women tend to read the presentations more

Click to expand...

This "research" is BS. People are visual and everyone judges by the pictures in the first seconds to make a decision if they're interested enough to bother reading the profile. I've had profiles on multiple dating sites and NEVER had an email because I'm an unattractive guy.

Click to expand...

Don't generalize "everyone" in the same category, because you are wrong. Not EVERYONE bases a person on looks only, not everyone automatically looks at a picture and dismisses them because they aren't the hottest guy in the world.

Callie said:

LonelyInAtl said:

tusk said:

PPS: research has shown that men typically look more at the pictures indeed, but women tend to read the presentations more

Click to expand...

This "research" is BS. People are visual and everyone judges by the pictures in the first seconds to make a decision if they're interested enough to bother reading the profile. I've had profiles on multiple dating sites and NEVER had an email because I'm an unattractive guy.

Click to expand...

Don't generalize "everyone" in the same category, because you are wrong. Not EVERYONE bases a person on looks only, not everyone automatically looks at a picture and dismisses them because they aren't the hottest guy in the world.

Click to expand...

I didn't say everyone bases a person on looks only. However, the first impression IS based on looks only the vast majority of the time, probably enough to generalize it as everyone (with a margin for error). Would you ignore the pictures on a profile and read their description first? No, you look at the picture first. Everyone does. If you aren't attracted in some way to the other person, you aren't going to take time to read their profile. You may not have to be the "hottest guy in the world" but if you aren't generally considered attractive by society's standards (overweight in particular) you WILL generally get dismissed as being an undesirable mate. For example, I've seen a question on a dating site that asked something like "All things being perfect, if your potential match was overweight would that be a deal breaker?" Every woman's answer I saw was "yes".

There has to be SOME physical attraction, even if just a tiny flicker.

LonelyInAtl said:

Callie said:

LonelyInAtl said:

tusk said:

PPS: research has shown that men typically look more at the pictures indeed, but women tend to read the presentations more

Click to expand...

This "research" is BS. People are visual and everyone judges by the pictures in the first seconds to make a decision if they're interested enough to bother reading the profile. I've had profiles on multiple dating sites and NEVER had an email because I'm an unattractive guy.

Click to expand...

Don't generalize "everyone" in the same category, because you are wrong. Not EVERYONE bases a person on looks only, not everyone automatically looks at a picture and dismisses them because they aren't the hottest guy in the world.

Click to expand...

You are deluding yourself. The first impression IS based on looks only. If you aren't attracted in some way to the other person, you aren't going to take time to read their profile. You may not have to be the "hottest guy in the world" but if you aren't attractive by society's standards (overweight in particular) you WILL get dismissed as being an undesirable mate. There has to be SOME physical attraction, even if just a tiny flicker.

Click to expand...

Are you sure it's ME that's deluding myself? Seems to me like you're blaming society for you problems. You don't know me and you don't know the majority of the population, so don't presume that you know what I look for in a guy. Half the guys I've dated in my life (INCLUDING the man I married) are nowhere close to the "hottest guy in the world." Don't tell me what I look for in a guy and don't generalize the entire population based on your own experiences. THAT is what is bullshit.

Lets calm down here folks, there is no reason to get nasty. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, has their own opinion. Just because you disagree doesn't mean you need to lash out, I am talkin to the both of ya! Let's just keep it casual, we are all in the same community!

Astral_Punisher said:

I've gotten a single response from a pretty girl.

You want to know my message?

"
I just wanted to say, you have EPIC blue eyes.
Just beautiful. I hope you have a good day!
"

That was the only message of that 'fawning, complementary' type messages I put out, and it got a response.
So be complimentary, or as they say on OkCupid, "Tell her something nice!"

Good Luck OP

Click to expand...

Haha, I tried that the other day. No response--not even a thank-you!
I think I'll brush up my presentation as good as I can, and if that doesn't work, I'll give up. It's my last shot at this, but now it's personal! 30 mails and no responses, no thank-yous for compliments... are they human?! am I?! Bah.

Try doing some OFFLINE dating.

It's actually easier than you might think. Pick a flower and put it on the girl's desk, if you know where she works and honeysuckle. Or carry a flower with you, and when you see a pretty flower, just hand it to her and tell her it complements her, then walk away.

Do enough of that kinda thing and eventually you'll end up with a date.

Badjedidude said:

Try doing some OFFLINE dating.

It's actually easier than you might think. Pick a flower and put it on the girl's desk, if you know where she works and honeysuckle. Or carry a flower with you, and when you see a pretty flower, just hand it to her and tell her it complements her, then walk away.

Do enough of that kinda thing and eventually you'll end up with a date.

Click to expand...

Where the fresia do you live? That kind of honeysuckle gets you publicly humiliated here. I admit, it sounds lovely and it should be seen as such but in reality it just doesn't work. The one (and as far as I am aware of only) thing that can get you a girlfriend in real-life is a large-ish social network where you meet lots of female second-hand buddies (i.e. friends of friends).

On online dating: I tried OkCupid. I had a 50% response rate with over 60 messages sent to different chicks. No date developed out of it, though, because, to be honest, the chicks were either too far away or too mentally retarded. Most of them aren't even looking for a date, or have **** high expectations.

I met my ex-girlfriend (first and last girlfriend so far) on a board such as this one. It was a long-distance relationship but we could still see each other almost every weekend.