I finally freed myself by giving up on love.

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Stars

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Interesting.
For the longest time, all I wanted was to be the loved.
I craved so deeply to love another and to be loved back.
After countless failures in the dating scene and learning of the horrible, traumatic love-related experiences of others; I gave up on love.
The strange thing is...I don't feel a loss.
I feel liberated.

What is the point to long such a thing?
Love is one of those things that you could work hard for, but may never find. On the other hand, you may never work for it - but it'll present itself to you at many opportunities.
You simply win or lose at some things in life.

This realization has made me feel more free than I ever had.
I've started becoming more selfish...only considering what I want to do and not giving a **** about anyone but myself.
After all...the only person that's been good to me and will be good to me, is me. :)
I think we all need to engage in things that make us happy and not let unrealistic dreams of love hinder us.

Strangely, with this new attitude; I found that men have become more attracted to me. But for some reason, I just feel I'm at an unreachable distance now...far beyond anyone's grasps.
I'm in a world of my own...and for the first time, I'm thriving and I'm ******* loving it.

I look at men as if they're a dime a dozen...there is nothing amazing or of much reward in winning over one. Others that know of my attitude; they warn me that I will be alone.
However, what they either pretend to not realize is that most people are alone. We are all alone in the end. And when we die, we are nothing.
Realizing that has lifted a heavy burden off my shoulders.
I finally freed myself by giving up on love.
 
I gave up on meeting girls and stuff a while back but mainly because there was nothing about the ones I could see around me that I loved ad all of it was just blind attraction to the opposite sex. I noticed that after that I started loving myself more and being who I am, not what some shallow stuck-up girl would like to see. So maybe its because you started loving yourself or stopped giving a fcuk about other people want you to be? They're both the same thing I guess


Love trees instead (much better! :) ), or maybe old artists.
 
I will most likely never be loved. I agree that accepting it does make me apathetic towards others. And it does make me more selfish, I just do whatever I want. I don't see anyone paying more attention to me than before though.
 
Love has the power to create as well as destroy. It is like fire that must be kindled lest you get hurt by it. And when it gets out of control we make the mistake of avoiding it all together.
 
Dragonfriend said:
Love has the power to create as well as destroy. It is like fire that must be kindled lest you get hurt by it. And when it gets out of control we make the mistake of avoiding it all together.

Why is avoiding it altogether a mistake? I know i'm too fat and unattractive to find anything but heartache so it sounds tempting to me.
 
LonelyInAtl said:
Why is avoiding it altogether a mistake? I know i'm too fat and unattractive to find anything but heartache so it sounds tempting to me.

Because, unfortunately, we are human. It is human to hurt and to love (if I sound a bit Dumbledore-ish then yes). Ever heard of the lost generation in Russia? The poor kids that grew up in orphanages? Those kids grew up without love and as a result have almost every psychological problem you can imagine in their adulthood. Love is a necessary component in human beings. Without it, we might as well join the lesser animals of the animal kingdom.

Alright, so you know that you're not a hunk, so why not do something about it? There's two types of people on this earth: Those that complain about their problems and do nothing and those that complain about their problems and do something. Which one are you?

Love yourself. That's all there is. If you don't, who else will?

(P.S. If I offend you in any way then I apologize. I lack the basic aspects of compassion and/or caring.)
 
There's two types of people on this earth: Those that complain about their problems and do nothing and those that complain about their problems and do something. Which one are you?

I tend to slide between these two places. Sometimes I complain and do nothing, and at other times I complain and do something. I think that I am tending more towards the latter, but when I feel really low, it is the former. Do others find that they go from one to the other?
 
Animals DO love their offspring! Who said they don't??

 
I feel that this is true. We're just gonna have to get used to being alone. Maybe then, after accepting and transcending thoughts of ourselves and our loneliness, we can get to know people for what they are instead of how much we need them.
 
it's not always physical appearance that is the problem.... mentality issues can limit people. and they cannot do anything about it because its forever embedded in their brain. one cannot simply change their physical appearance either. sometimes can cost a lot of money.
 
You know, Stars, your thinking mirrors mine.
After failing and being unhappy at everything that happened to me, I knew that I needed a solution. That solution was called Objectivism. It's a philosophy created by Ayn Rand that focuses on the individual. The HERO is the person that doesn't care about anything but himself, his desires, his needs, et cetera. I became an objectivist.
And I'm happy. :)
Isn't that what's important?
 
I don't know if i could ever be apathetic towards love.

I am too desperate of a person.
 
I don't really know how to explain how I'm feeling today.
I'm sad but not the kind of sadness that I'm used to.
My face looks blank more than anything and I still had a good weekend filled with company and laughter.
I don't really know how to explain it but it's like there's a part of me that just feels neglected, empty.

I empathize with a lot of the comments shared here.
I have to give up on friendship, love etc because I'm not what people desire.
I can't believe otherwise because it's better to expect the worst and be surprised and happy with any good that may present itself; than to expect the best and only have the worst show up on your doorstep.
Being positive has crushed me.

Think I'll go to bed...just lie in bed and stare at the ceiling as I normally do.
 
I have decided that I will never have a wife and kids. Therefore, I surround myself with animals. They will never hurt me, and I can get all of my intimacy needs from porn.
 
Being happy is what truly matters. And I believe some people aren't destined to get the love they crave for. Beyond a certain point, the very pursuit becomes an element of pain. So stopping the chase is a good thing to do and taking some moments by oneself and doing an introspection helps. And then one realizes that the only thing that one could ever control is one's will. It is a choice between living in pain and not living in pain. The pain does not completely go away and an element of emptiness keeps rearing its ugly head sporadically, but the good thing is that if we persist and search within us, we can reach to things that contents us and even lead to happiness. It differs from person to person-for me writing is my theraphy, my mojo, my liberation, my orgasm.

But we can't stop loving, can we? I mean I do not look for a girlfriend anymore, but I still love my Dog and I love music and I love my friends and my family. And I have bad days when I get drunk and am driven low, but my writing anchors me to go on and come out of the darkness. And my happiest moments are when I can let go of the baggage's I carry in my head in a beautiful way by writing.
 
Interesting discussion with many good points made. When we give up on love is it more likely to happen to us? There's a saying that you fall in love when you least expect it.
Or do we expect too much? Are we brainwashed by movies and popular culture into thinking that falling in love and meeting your 'soulmate' is the ideal state of human existence.
I'm not sure. I've never had a deep, emotional, passionate connection to another human being, but the fantasy still reigns supreme in my mind.
 
hold down man. I think you are too extreme. try to be yourself is very important. i mean being yourself is a way of saying be confident what you like , what you do, and what you think, not like being a self-centered person. nice to balance yourself. Finding a love one is hard. I haven been in a relationship for 4-5 years. sometimes, i did feel i dun give a fresia to anything. But that is not you want to change and do. so nice to have balance of yourself.
 
I think its important to appreciate love when it comes, without placing too many expectations on it.
 

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