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anon6156

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So my last thread got a little hairy towards the end there and it was seen fit to close it. Understandably so. I'd like to apologize to those who found what I had to say offensive or upsetting. It was truth, but an unpleasant one nonetheless.

Day 117.

A couple of weeks ago I finally hooked up my old external hard drive after it having sat around gathering dust for a some time. Among other things I found a folder of pornography. But very specific pornography. It was my methadone folder, so to speak. There are 4 folders inside. One has images of petite adult women. One has images of petite adult women that have been altered to make them look younger. One has non-nude, non-coerced images of children (innocent candid pictures taken by parents or self-shot). The last one has drawings, sketches, animations, etc. depicting children; mostly graphic.

I had put that folder together over a year ago when I was trying to abstain from illegal material. It was a crutch. Today, this forum is what helps me and it has been far more effective. My folder sometimes worked, sometimes didn't. But the support I receive here has worked every time so far.

When I found the folder my first instinct was to delete it. I don't need it anymore and most of what is in there goes against my new philosophy. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. I've heard of addicts who have success in recovery but still keep a pack of cigarettes, a bottle of liquor, etc. Not to use, but to comfort them knowing that it's available. And that's how I felt. I wanted it around, not because I wanted to look at what's inside, but because I wanted to know I could. I'm not sure it makes much sense because up until then...I wouldn't quite say I'd forgotten about it...but I hadn't thought about that folder in a long time.

Anyway, a lot of you have given me advice in the past to approach this as an addiction and right now that's what this feels like. It only makes sense to think of it that way. If I were an addict in recovery exhibiting this behavior, what's the proper way to handle the situation?

Thank you.
 
Hi anon6156. I'm LoneKiller. Nice to meet you.

I'll be completely honest with you. Posting material with respect to Pedophilia is a dangerous thing online man. You never know who is reading your posts. If the wrong person, a member or guest reads this, you could find yourself in a dire situation.

If I were an internet detective or an overprotective parent who read this, I would put this forum through Hell and investigation if I saw even a hint of pedophilia discussions or images.

I certainly applaud your efforts to stop. I'm sure the urges must be very strong. I don't want this forum or you to attract that kind of attention. This is the internet, and it's 2012. Being cautious to the point of paranoia can be a good thing.



 
If you were to consider this like alcohol addiction you would be the equivalent of someone in a store holding and staring at the bottles of alcohol fantasizing about what it would taste like. From what I've read in your previous threads you have not had any sexual interaction with a minor and so you have less to tackle as appossed to those who have! Although the thoughts you have expressed would put you in the highest order of evil you can take hope that you arent the pinnacle as you have not acted out any of your fantasies. Your "enjoyment" of having control of how others feel is so obviously due to the fact you feel you can't control yourself! This is what you need to focus on and I suggest you seek professional help because by the sounds of things you are inflating any "undesirable" thoughts by purposefully denying them. You can't just dismiss them and hope they will go away! They clearly havent and it seems from what I've read elsewhere that they have got worse since you have abstained from viewing the material. Consider this, if the thoughts/fantasies can grow stronger and more intense surely the opposite is also possible. You need profesional help to get methods for this!
 
The last thread like this turned out so well.

Yes, why not have another.
 
This forum is not the appropriate place for an intense discussion of criminal, destructive deviant behavior like this.

If you are truly desirous of help, I'd suggest that you expend your efforts seeking professional help instead of posting graphically on an extremely upsetting subject. You have no idea how many people who may be reading this might have been victims of people with your predilection, and what a trigger these posts can turn out to be.

If you absolutely MUST post about it, please, seek out a forum for other people suffering the same as you.

I am a mother of minor children, plus I have seen first-hand the total devastation molestation and rape can cause, and every time I see these threads, it provokes a murderous rage in me. I imagine what I would do to an abuser should my children be hurt by someone like you. It isn't pretty.
 
tangerinedream said:
This forum is not the appropriate place for an intense discussion of criminal, destructive deviant behavior like this.

If you are truly desirous of help, I'd suggest that you expend your efforts seeking professional help instead of posting graphically on an extremely upsetting subject. You have no idea how many people who may be reading this might have been victims of people with your predilection, and what a trigger these posts can turn out to be.

If you absolutely MUST post about it, please, seek out a forum for other people suffering the same as you.

I am a mother of minor children, plus I have seen first-hand the total devastation molestation and rape can cause, and every time I see these threads, it provokes a murderous rage in me. I imagine what I would do to an abuser should my children be hurt by someone like you. It isn't pretty.

I agree with this and that's all I'll say
 
After what I posted when I closed your last thread and what happened in it you felt it necessary to start another one? Like Tangerine said you should expand your efforts in seeking professional help. We are just regular people here, we're not equipped to help you. Not that we're trying to turn away someone but this isn't the type of forum for your situation.
 
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