hi cant trust anyone:(

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M

mich32

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:(hi

Just thought i would write a bit on myself about how i find it difficult anyone man, or women and therefore fear getting into a relationship.
I have been on my own for nearly years now and have had two bad relationships in the past that hurt me alot. i have mixed feelings about being single although i like the independence of it, not being tied to someone. i do miss the more affectionate side of a relationship and having someone that i can call my partner as well. My problem is i have met men who i have liked, but i have not took the opportunity of a relationship, as half of me is happy being single the other wants someone with me. I fear getting involved with a relationship as i may get hurt again. Does this make sense? Also i dont feel i have room for someone in my life at the moment as i see my best friend most times and the other times i am on my own at home or out in the pub and i havent met anyone in a pub who is my type either.

My question is how can i overcome my fear of relationships? and how can i ever meet a man if i dont have time?

I am 32yrs and have no children and feel time is running out hope im not left on the shelve.

I f anyone has any advice it would be welcome.
 
Be determined to find someone..n TRY...even if you meet someone who is not exactly your type.. give them a little chance... you never really know what's your type until you've tried what you think isn't..
.

Other than that it's really easy to stress out and think that you are running out of time.. at 32 you aren't really.. unless you are sure you want kids.. if you are only looking for someone to trust and build your life with you've got time though.. keep doing what makes you happy.. just be open, honest and a bit bold even lol...at times...

know what you want.. n that it's out there..then pursue it.

Lol..didn't I sound all confident..in reality I dont know much..lol
 
First I dont know anything, ask Colette! She provided great insight into stuff like this for me. But I do recognize the feeling of passing up relationship opprotunities I have done it repeatedly. And I really dont trust anyone and I havent even been in a relationship, so not saying feel bad for me, because aside from the lack of people, which a part of me really prefers. I think if I had never hit puberty I would of never wanted anyone. However fear requires resistance, so if you know mistakes you make, like lack of communication, freaking out(can included random yelling at person, being mean, ditching/ignoring), cheating on said person. You can always try being honest. Plus I know your on this site, but try to have fun with said people, and pick one of out the litter seems to work for others, i dont know I am picky!
 
mich32 said:
i have mixed feelings about being single although i like the independence of it, not being tied to someone. i do miss the more affectionate side of a relationship and having someone that i can call my partner as well. half of me is happy being single the other wants someone with me. I fear getting involved with a relationship as i may get hurt again. Does this make sense?

oh...it does, planty of sense to me.
baby...welcome to the club or pub where I'm the president




My question is how can i overcome my fear of relationships?

when u figure this ordeal out, please let me know. thanks :)



I f anyone has any advice it would be welcome.
I also need it :)


magor fear of commitment issue here :(
 
I don't have anything to help you but I wanted to let you know that at least you're not alone in this feeling.
I have a really hard time trusting people as well from not only bad social relationships but also multiple accounts of rape and molestation.

I'm just now on the road to try to trust people more and I know that it's caused alot of problems in my relationships with people, when I actually reach out and try to talk to people.

So I know how you feel, keep your head up and listen to these guys' advice. =].
x3.
 
RainyDaze said:
I have a really hard time trusting people as well from not only bad social relationships but also multiple accounts of rape and molestation.
Im so sorry to hear that. Similar happened to me, no rape though as far as I remember. No way u can forget these memories. Hope u feel better.
 
Rainy,

This is a hard thing to overcome. I know you may have difficulty EVER fully trusting someone, but maybe taking a step by partially trusting someone, and letting them inside at least part way, is a way to help get back to some sense of normalcy. I am fortunate enough never to have suffered the abuses you were forced to endure, but I can only suggest that if you can take baby steps toward trusting someone, perhaps over time, that trust can grow, and someone can prove their trustworthiness through good treatment and care over the months.
 
partially trusting someone, thats what I do.But I expect them to betray the little amount of trust so that when they do it I don't feel as hurt as I would had I trusted them 100%. I sort of prepare myself for that from the beginning of any new relationship.
 
e.m.e. said:
partially trusting someone, thats what I do.But I expect them to betray the little amount of trust so that when they do it I don't feel as hurt as I would had I trusted them 100%. I sort of prepare myself for that from the beginning of any new relationship.

You know, sometimes I wonder if the problem I have with relationships is my lack of trust or total disregard for the potential of disaster. Either I'm too cautious and don't open up enough to let anyone truly in, or else I throw caution to the wind and dive in without checking the water. This ususally leaves me hurting inside, and less likely to have a successful follow-up relationship.

Relationships are so tough. Sometimes I think everyone on here should just build a huge commune somewhere beautiful and share a blyssful relationship with everyone around them. Everyone would watch out for everyone else, and there'd be a lot of understanding for the level of destruction prevalent in all of our lives!
 
armor4sleepPA said:
You know, sometimes I wonder if the problem I have with relationships is my lack of trust or total disregard for the potential of disaster.

i guess this comes first

1.)
I throw caution to the wind and dive in without checking the water. This ususally leaves me hurting inside, and less likely to have a successful follow-up relationship.

then follows learned defense mechanism

2.)
I'm too cautious and don't open up enough to let anyone truly in,

build a huge commune somewhere beautiful and share a blyssful relationship with everyone around them. Everyone would watch out for everyone else, and there'd be a lot of understanding for the level of destruction prevalent in all of our lives!
I get it. lol
its just most people have been hurting all their lives....and lost faith in brighter future and hope for it to come.
even though there is a future, especially for all the young people but to restore confidence in it...there's gotta be a miracle.
but when?
 
I wouldn't say trusting women is my problem. The problem is opportunity. Everyone is seemingly... taken. Married, engaged, pregnant and looking to get married, so in and out of dating different guys that an opportunity with her means getting inside the ropes of double dutch for someone who doesn't, well, play double dutch with a respectable level of skill. Sometimes I encounter women who even strike me as somewhat flirty, and I find out sooner or later that they're either married or are seeing someone. This trips me out, though I've considered I could be confusing "flirty" with "female friendliness" at times.

26 and it does feel like I'm getting no where fast with this, yet I haven't been completely discouraged because I know there are some things I can work on that might improve my chances.
 
RainyDaze said:
I don't have anything to help you but I wanted to let you know that at least you're not alone in this feeling.
I have a really hard time trusting people as well from not only bad social relationships but also multiple accounts of rape and molestation.

x3.

:( That's terrible and your only 18 :( . Being a guy I have never had this happen.

I think it's amazing that you can even talk about what you went through. It took me longer to tell anyone at all what happened in our house. I think it shows great courage on your part.

e.m.e. said:
partially trusting someone, thats what I do.But I expect them to betray the little amount of trust so that when they do it I don't feel as hurt as I would had I trusted them 100%. I sort of prepare myself for that from the beginning of any new relationship.

The hard part is that so often you chose people who you know will hurt you, usually not on purpose, but by habit. For one because then you can feel justified in your lack of trust. It's also very easy to turn mohills into mountains. Small thing's can easily seem huge even if they aren't the end of the world. Like some kind of self torture.

armor4sleepPA said:
Sometimes I think everyone on here should just build a huge commune somewhere beautiful and share a blyssful relationship with everyone around them. Everyone would watch out for everyone else, and there'd be a lot of understanding for the level of destruction prevalent in all of our lives!

That is a great idea! I have often thought I should join a commune for other reason's. I doubt that is gonna happen though.

jjam said:
I wouldn't say trusting women is my problem. The problem is opportunity. Everyone is seemingly... taken. Married, engaged, pregnant and looking to get married, so in and out of dating different guys that an opportunity with her means getting inside the ropes of double dutch for someone who doesn't, well, play double dutch with a respectable level of skill. Sometimes I encounter women who even strike me as somewhat flirty, and I find out sooner or later that they're either married or are seeing someone. This trips me out, though I've considered I could be confusing "flirty" with "female friendliness" at times.

26 and it does feel like I'm getting no where fast with this, yet I haven't been completely discouraged because I know there are some things I can work on that might improve my chances.

Make's you feel really small and insignificant doesn't it? It's like you have to compete and fight and hurt other's just to get in there. Everyone is in such a rush that your not even knowticed watching from the sidelines.

It's like being in a line where everyone is pushing and shoving to get to the front. And you feel like you are forced to act like everyone else or you will forever stand at the back of the line.

What's even worse is knowing that the fact that people behave like they do is half the problem for why so many things go so wrong.
 
Skorian said:
Make's you feel really small and insignificant doesn't it?

I wouldn't go that far. I'm not great about getting into relationships that involve some serious feelings, but I definitely don't feel small and insignificant for that. I just feel it's one of those hurdles, you know? Love probably lives in some strange place for me. I'll just... keep at it.
 
RainyDaze said:
I don't have anything to help you but I wanted to let you know that at least you're not alone in this feeling.
I have a really hard time trusting people as well from not only bad social relationships but also multiple accounts of rape and molestation.

I'm just now on the road to try to trust people more and I know that it's caused alot of problems in my relationships with people, when I actually reach out and try to talk to people.

So I know how you feel, keep your head up and listen to these guys' advice. =].
x3.

Wow...may I ask how you've managed to handle all of that? I've started to hate people all together, not because that many people have been mean to me (hs was bad, but after that was fine), but because I've been largely ignored my whole life and therefore have zero self esteem.

The thing is, relationships are all about luck. You might meet someone who is completely trustworthy. On the other hand you might meet someone who is abusive and malignant. Knowing that it's really out of your hands is important, I think. You can't really change people if they are wired a certain way. A big reason I have problems with relationships is because of my dad. He is very verbally and physically abusive, and just turned me into a weak pathetic person. My inferiority complex led me to not care about people at all, and that's not something I can change. I don't trust anyone because I believe the world is full of self-interest. I think that if you've been hurt in one relationship, it's possible to bounce back and have a healthy one later in life. But if you've been treated a certain way by people your whole life, especially those who are supposed to be "loved ones", then you're basically doomed.
 

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