Do you ever wish that you could go back in time and change the past or leave it as is

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sunshinemisa

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As one gets older, the question is similar but, the theme is always the same. Would you change something in the past or would you leave it as is?

My answer to the question has always been the same. No, I would never change anything in the past. I truly believe that whatever happens, that you are meant to go thru it to realize just how strong, compassionate, and truly amazing you are. More importantly to never give up hope.

I guess I'm feeling kind of low because I've hit a rough patch. My husband and I argue more, people I know are treatiing me differently and I'm having a rough time finding a job. Some days are good and most days are not so good. My self-esteem starts to go down as well as confidense .

But as I look back at my life and all the crap that was dealt, I realize now, just how strong I've become and no matter how bad it can get, there's always hope, no matter how small.

Sorry for the long vent? story? not sure what to call this. Ah, I know, I'll call it rambling..lol!

Hugs for all and please share your story.

 
I've posted about this before here I think...but it was on my last account, so I don't know where it is and wouldn't know where to begin to look.

That said, my answer hasn't changed since then. I wouldn't change my past at all. While I wish I didn't go through a lot of what I went through, I wouldn't change it because it made me who I am. If I hadn't went through that, I don't know where I'd be...perhaps better off, perhaps worse off. One can't know what would happen if you had done things differently. Also, if I were to change anything about my past, I most likely wouldn't have my kids and while they can be a major handful, I wouldn't trade them for anything.
Life is what you make it, it doesn't slow down or wait for you, it keeps moving forward....so should we, without looking back.
 
I wouldn't change anything from my past, but I think that it's for a different reason than the above two. Of course, while it is true that something is learned from every experience, good or bad, from the past, it also holds true that there is little that I detest more than my past.

There's always something about the past, regrets or failures that I want to forget. Yes, I do forget about them eventually, but that doesn't mean that I don't think about them sometimes and cringe at myself in disapproval. Going back will only just make me relive something horrible that exists as a fatal memory in my mind, and that's the last thing that I want to do at this point.
 
Callie said:
I've posted about this before here I think...but it was on my last account, so I don't know where it is and wouldn't know where to begin to look.

That said, my answer hasn't changed since then. I wouldn't change my past at all. While I wish I didn't go through a lot of what I went through, I wouldn't change it because it made me who I am. If I hadn't went through that, I don't know where I'd be...perhaps better off, perhaps worse off. One can't know what would happen if you had done things differently. Also, if I were to change anything about my past, I most likely wouldn't have my kids and while they can be a major handful, I wouldn't trade them for anything.
Life is what you make it, it doesn't slow down or wait for you, it keeps moving forward....so should we, without looking back.

Sorry Callie. :(

I totally agree with you, just was feeling a little low and a little frustrated right now. I know that looking back at this moment in time once I get a job, I'll be thinking, I wish I could go back to this moment in time. :)
 
There are some things I wish I could change. The way I treated certain people who cared about me, certain decisions I've made. But I can't think too much on how I regret these things because I know that nothing can ever be changed. I just won't make the same mistakes again.
 
This is one of those few questions that has me sitting on the fence of indecision. There are times of my life I dearly wish I could have avoided, some of those times due to other peoples influence on me, others due to my own not so desirable behaviors.

I'm pretty ok with myself today and the way things are. A few months ago, not so much, that's when I would have moaned about wishing things were different.

My honest answer to your question sunshinemisa, I don't know. The one thing that would make me say a definite no is if it would mean a change in having my kids or not. If going back to change things meant possibly not having them around then I would leave things alone.

That's my non-committal answer for the day.
 
I wound if i could.
It can't be done.
So whatever mind trip or pyschological stuff people come up so that they may cope
or move on. To be positive...ect. ect.

In my own experince. Certain things happened that nearly destroyed me as a person.
It also effected people I love very much and its destroying them.
It still effects all of us today at a lot of levels.
It didn't make me stronger.
I survived it, that's all.
No, Im not OK today.
Im recoverying...but I'm not totally well.

The river flows with or without me...
Wheather I like it or hate it.
Good stuff...terrible horrifying stuff.
The river of life forever flows.
 
If I could, I'd make it so my mom and father had never met. I think she would have had a better life.
 
Lonely in BC said:
The one thing that would make me say a definite no is if it would mean a change in having my kids or not. If going back to change things meant possibly not having them around then I would leave things alone.

That's what keeps me from answering "Yes."

Becoming a mom has been the best thing that could ever have happened to me. Change one thing from the past, it could change that outcome. Not going to do that.
 
There are several major things I would change. Accepting that I can't is difficult, but I have no choice but to accept it.
 
Lonely in BC said:
This is one of those few questions that has me sitting on the fence of indecision. There are times of my life I dearly wish I could have avoided, some of those times due to other peoples influence on me, others due to my own not so desirable behaviors.

I'm pretty ok with myself today and the way things are. A few months ago, not so much, that's when I would have moaned about wishing things were different.

My honest answer to your question sunshinemisa, I don't know. The one thing that would make me say a definite no is if it would mean a change in having my kids or not. If going back to change things meant possibly not having them around then I would leave things alone.

That's my non-committal answer for the day.

I like that answer "That's my non-committal answer for the day."
I'll have to use that in arguements..lol!! ;p


tangerinedream said:
Lonely in BC said:
The one thing that would make me say a definite no is if it would mean a change in having my kids or not. If going back to change things meant possibly not having them around then I would leave things alone.

That's what keeps me from answering "Yes."

Becoming a mom has been the best thing that could ever have happened to me. Change one thing from the past, it could change that outcome. Not going to do that.

While I don't have kids per se ( I count my husband and my dog Timbit as kids :p) I do know what you mean by changing one thing from the past affecting the future.

I often wondered how I would have turned out if my dad didn't pass away. I think I would be a little be more irresponsible and selfish. Maybe a spoiled brat or not. I don't know. I miss my dad everyday and wish that he could have been here to see me now. But my thoughts are, that with my dad passing way, I had to grow up and take care of my mom and sister and deal with "adult responsibilities" like paying bills, dealing with funeral arranagements etc.

I turned out okay so, I guess this is just how it was meant to be. :)

 
Ox Blood said:
If I could, I'd make it so my mom and father had never met. I think she would have had a better life.

Very thoughtful of you O.B. to be wishing for a better life for your mother, unfortunately if they had never met there would be no you and that would be a tragedy :)
 
My answer is yes I would change the past.
I know it's useless having regrets, but I can't help having them.
One thing for example would be to have kids; I have no children and it wouldn't be fair to have them at my age (48). I've realised recently how much I have been missing out through not having them and will probably continue to miss out in the future.
Then again, I never felt I had a chance when I was younger, circumstances dictated this.
I do wish I had been braver though, to have followed my own instincts, to have stood up for myself more, to have followed my own wishes instead of someone elses. Then maybe I wouldn't have had depression, maybe I would have met someone and fallen in love, it would be better than this loneliness I battle against every single day.
 
The first time Kimi saw me in her life was when she was 21 yrs old. ( 6 months ago)
She held me tight and didnt want to let go.
She cried her heart out the first time she spoke to me. ( a yrs ago)

She loves me as she had always loved me. She needed me as she had
always needed me.

The things I would do to try to make up all the lost yrs for her.
Ive gone far and beyound to try to give her something she lost the moment
she came into this world.

I'd do anything to stop her pains.
I'd do anything to give her mother back to her.

I tried to change everything for her.
In so many ways I was trying to turn back the hands of time for her. And for me. And for us.

I cant change the past or people.
I'm powerless over certain perimeters or law of life.
Acceptence??? I have no other chioce but to accept the laws of life on this ROCK
that gose round and round a star.

regrets.......
Sea of regrets. I can drown in it really really quick. Which I do at times.
Sink or swim?

I would never know waht it was like to be there with Kimi as she took her first step...
The many, many first things in her life.


Stange as it maybe.
Through all the chaos and madness of it all,
There's a part of me that still wants to BREATHE.

Some say to adjust my sails to the wind of change. ( I guess so,....Its not a pyschological dead end )

 
Will...strange as it may be.

At the heart of the matter.
Kimi reached out to me. Sbes at the end of her ropes.
She bare her heart and soul to me.
I wish theres some easy answers i can give her.
The chioces and mistakes her mother and i made as people
And parents or rather lack there of.
No matter how much u try to correct our mistakes in the presence
Moment. I CANT undo the danage and pains shes been going
Through. I wish Kimi to heal and be happy somehow.

I cant even make it right in the moment.
 
Lonesome Crow said:
Will...strange as it may be.

At the heart of the matter.
Kimi reached out to me. Sbes at the end of her ropes.
She bare her heart and soul to me.
I wish theres some easy answers i can give her.
The chioces and mistakes her mother and i made as people
And parents or rather lack there of.
No matter how much u try to correct our mistakes in the presence
Moment. I CANT undo the danage and pains shes been going
Through. I wish Kimi to heal and be happy somehow.

I cant even make it right in the moment.

But you can be there for her now AND in the future, that's all you can humanly do. That's the thing ... nobody can change the past, we all have to accept it.
 
I spent the last year of my life trying to reconcile
With Sassy ( kimis mom). We both moved to a differnt
State to try to start a nrw life for us.
It was also Sassy's intentions and idea.

I quit my job and left everything behind
So that we could build a future tpgether.
But Sassy akways fucks up after 90 days...
The drugs and alcobol abuse....
The BS that destroys lives and family.
Its destroyed your relationship 22 yrs ago.

I even made another attemp.
Same freaken thing....
Sassy swears up and down shes clean and sober
before i even drove another 1500 mikes to bring
Her home to Ca.

Yes, i tlok cbance on not informing Kimi
I was going to get her mom.
Kimi knew i was talking to her mom. But
Kimi and my relationship detriated after
I went to TX....

But from my stand piont ...I was wiling to work through
Whstever set backs to our original goals and plans.
Makkng it right.

While Kimi was happy but still devistated from last summer when
Sassy and i saperated.

Building a relationship with kimi hasnt. been easy.

She loves her mother...this I know.
No matter how angery she is at her mother
She still wishes and want her mother back.

Kimi had to consel me the night i left TX without
Her mother. Kimi alsp kows i love her mother very muh.

Never less...Shes still very very hurt today
As she was last summer or more...



Over and over again Kimi would ask me
is mom in CA,with me last fall..

She wanted her parents back. She always wanted
Her parents back...

And shes basically telling me the samething now....
 

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