Questions For The Parents

So, there are "Questions For The Girls" and "Questions for the Guys", but there is nothing for parents. I know there are quite a few parents on this forum and I'm sure some of them have questions or need advice whether it's about their teenager or being a new parent. So, this thread is for parents giving parents advice. Enjoy! :club:

I guess I'll start out with the first questions. How to get children more happy about sharing? My niece thinks anything she looks at, touches, or even thinks about is hers and gets all kind of upset when you tell her no.

It depends of her age...around 2 they are the center of the world, they are at the stage of discovering themselves and the bounderies. No sharing, goes against what they want lol

At other ages i guess it comes with the upbringing...most of the time one of the parents is a person who always felt like they had nothing, so they let their child behave that way, so they can have everything.

Around five, its by example, you share your toy, the other child shares something, etc, at that age they have compassion and are aware of others feelings.

She's in the terrible two stage right now -_-. It's horrible. Right now she wants to play with my xbox and hates me because I don't let her near it. haha

I didnt have that problem with Tiff or Kelsie.
The girls are only a year apart.
They were insaperable almost like twins.
They slept together, played together, laugh together...ect

I believe that effected them. They intuitively learn how
to share.

I didnt raised or treat my duaghter as if im training a dog or animal...
I seldom had to disciplin my girls. They ask alot of questions.
I simply had to take more time to communicate with with.
I treated them as equal human beings

They were actually more behaved and happier than most children.
Children are visual learner. They mimic thier parents.

As far as playing with my vedio games...
Like i said....if I wanted to teach my children how to share...I share.
I enjoy play vedio games or other activities with them.

When Tiff start school...I had to bascailly be with Kelsie almost all the time.
I was her daddy...but I was also her friend.

Tiff and kelsie are my step duaghters. Their mother and I spilt up right before
the girls were teen. Both of them still reach out and talk to me today.
It's that early bonding they had with mein their early life development.

My kid never had a "terrible two" phase. The problem with working on your niece's attitude toward sharing and respecting others' belongings is that she needs consistency. If you're the only one trying to coax her toward the goal, it won't work.

nerdygirl said:

My kid never had a "terrible two" phase. The problem with working on your niece's attitude toward sharing and respecting others' belongings is that she needs consistency. If you're the only one trying to coax her toward the goal, it won't work.

Click to expand...

I agree with this....

Also, any parent with a child over the age of 2 knows that the "terrible twos" aren't at all that "terrible" lol

Sorry, I'm just trying to get the thread rolling lol.


Question number two: How do you handle being a single parent? Or coming into an already made family .

Well right now i have a great relationship with my girls, we are in harmony. Then daddy comes along and playes with their feelings and their minds, he came over for 2 minnutes tonight and i had hours of damage controle to do afterwards. One was crying because he told her he felt rejected from her and thats why hes talking rought to her. (btw she ran into the house to see him, so she is not rejecting him) He sarcasticly congratulated my other daughter for having a great grade on her math test, he always tells her shes no good at math, and has been on her back constantly about it, I truly dont know whats wrong with that man, can wait to get the girls away from him. So the only inconvenience i see in beeing a single parent, is that i am not there to protect them when its his turn to have them.

Would you rather not have him involved at all?

Sterling said:

Would you rather not have him involved at all?

Click to expand...

At this point yes . They tell me he is always in a bad mood, he drinks alot and takes drugs. Pays no child support, when i ask for help, he expects me to get on my knees to thank him, if not i,m an ungreatfull *****.

But i dont know about the girls...they love him. Whats worst, beeing abandonned by him or beeing around him... i dont know. And when they are around people he playes the great dad role, the girls love that. He's not completely bad... i guess it could be worst...when i think of my dad...wasnt cool at all, but i still love him.

When it comes to sharing, I would share something of mine as an example for him. If he doesn't let me play I tell him that's not nice, or I'll walk away and say something like alright fine I'm done. He doesn't like that. lol.

Terrible two's were annoying for me because of the lack of understanding. He didn't talk much till he was 3 and I never knew what the problem was for certain.


I do have a question to add also: When your child entered school, did you notice a big behavior change? Good or bad?

I think it depends with who thhey play with, my girls didnt change, but i did notice certain behaviors that would indicate to me who they were playing the most with at that period. Ex: she starts eating with her mouth open....her friend does that, or she starts telling me i have no right to tell her what to do...lol i know exactly where it comes from. I think at that age they are trying to fit into a group, and get their spot secure, sometimes they think acting a certain way will get them in the ''in'' group. They are entering the social life, and trying to ajust to it.

whispers said:

Sterling said:

Would you rather not have him involved at all?

Click to expand...

At this point yes . They tell me he is always in a bad mood, he drinks alot and takes drugs. Pays no child support, when i ask for help, he expects me to get on my knees to thank him, if not i,m an ungreatfull *****.

But i dont know about the girls...they love him. Whats worst, beeing abandonned by him or beeing around him... i dont know. And when they are around people he playes the great dad role, the girls love that. He's not completely bad... i guess it could be worst...when i think of my dad...wasnt cool at all, but i still love him.

Click to expand...

Kimi loves her mother and I very much.
She still carrys alot of hurt for being abandent
at birth.
I dont know if she sabatage her life or herself at a subconsious
level to draw attention from us to resolve her anger. The
deep desired of wanting to be loved unconditionally by her parents.

I cant mention tiff or kel to her. It has a negative effect on kimi.
That i would love someone else children but not my own.
Its like a major slapp in her face or pouring salt into her wounds.

She's still very angery at me. She definitely dont want to
share me with tiff or kels.....not especially now.
She feels it's her time to loved.
Even at her age being a young adult. She will always need to
be loved. Even now, especailly now you never stop being a parent.
She every, very angery at her mother..yet still wishes and wants
her mother back.
Not a messed up mother..A loving and caring mother.
Sassy loves kimi very much. There's days and nights that
she would cry for her own child.....
but something alway gets in the way.

Drugs and alochol abuse gets in the way of parenthood.
It makes everything more complicated than it has to be.

Logically Kimi can figure everything out.
Never the less, it still dosnt take her pains away just because
she can figure things out.

The terrible 2 is nothing compair to the terrible 22.lol
The bigger they get...the bigger their problems are.
You never ever stop being a parent.
You cringg just the same to know your own child is hurting no matter how old they are.

whispers said:

Well right now i have a great relationship with my girls, we are in harmony. Then daddy comes along and playes with their feelings and their minds, he came over for 2 minnutes tonight and i had hours of damage controle to do afterwards. One was crying because he told her he felt rejected from her and thats why hes talking rought to her. (btw she ran into the house to see him, so she is not rejecting him) He sarcasticly congratulated my other daughter for having a great grade on her math test, he always tells her shes no good at math, and has been on her back constantly about it, I truly dont know whats wrong with that man, can wait to get the girls away from him. So the only inconvenience i see in beeing a single parent, is that i am not there to protect them when its his turn to have them.

Click to expand...

Not sharing this to suggest anything about you Whispers I don't know your situation, I just have a similar story to what you had happen.

I had a friend who went through something similar. Her situation was a bit different. Every time her (ex)husband would call and talk to the kids it would be like everything she had done to keep them in line was undone in a matter or minutes. She wasn't so innocent in this though, she did take off with the kids across 4 provinces and would talk down about their father whenever she had the chance. She would call me crying and I could hear the kids in the background, and be saying bad things about her ex. I would try to get her to not do that with the kids around, she said they don't hear her. I told her if they are in ear shot they hear her. I knew this first hand because on weekends she'd let her oldest boy spend time with my brother and I (there's a history between me and this girl) and he would tell us that he wished his mom wouldn't say bad things about his dad. He would sit and talk about things he did with his dad and how he hated hearing his parents fight. This kid was only seven years old. Proof in evidence right there. Yet my friend would ignore this, even when he'd say it to her face. Even her little girl who was 4 at the time would say the same thing. Her two year old was oblivious to what was going on.

What I figured is that she wanted her kids to hate their father as much as she did. In turn he wanted the kids to know he wasn't the bad guy in all of this and she had to carry some of the blame which she didn't. Sometimes she'd talk about how her ex never spent much time with their daughter, and how he had issues with women. She'd say that right in front of her daughter thinking tiny ears wouldn't understand adult conversations.

She had a terrible time at controlling her kids, she was a very emotional girl and couldn't understand that what she was going through she was putting her kids through. They weren't bad kids, her little girl had a bad habit of not doing what she was told, but they weren't bad. Their mother was an emotional roller coaster and she had taken her kids away from their father with no explanation as to why. She told them they were just going to visit family at first. The kids never did get a real explanation as to why they weren't going home. She made one bad decision after another never thinking of how it would affect her kids, she only cared about herself and what would make her happy.

When families split up there are always hurt feelings between the adults but sometimes they forget how their actions and words can affect their kids. Whether it's criticizing the kid on something or private conversations between the adults. Like my friend, she had a hard time concealing her emotions, even if the kids couldn't hear their parents discussion they knew something was wrong when mommy was crying, and that she was talking to daddy. What they know is that daddy made mommy cry. My friend would always call me and tell me what happened, I could hear her kids in the background wanting to come in her room. She would tell them to go play because she needed me time right now. I told her that they only want to comfort her, they know she's upset.

I only share this because my friend pulled me into what was going on in her life, and in a way she wanted me to replace her kids father. I'll admit I got sucked into it because there were feelings between us, and often times when we were out with her kids I felt like I was being the parent instead of her. Her daughter wandered away from us in the mall one day, I was the only one to notice and called for the girl. I had to get my friends attention to let her know that her daughter wasn't with us any longer. Me being the responsible adult (parent) watching out for her kids when she wasn't.

Honestly, being a single parent IS hard. You do have to do damage control if the other parent is involved in their lives.
With my situation, I have always wanted my kids raised in a certain (that isn't exactly the norm)...healthy eating, NO fast food, NO fried, NO preservatives, etc etc...there's more to it than just "that's healthier" tho. While I wasn't a single parent, I controlled everything like that because I was the stay at home mom and he went off to work every day for the majority of the day, but now that he's not here...well, because he and his girlfriend eat crap, they feed my kids crap as well. They try to say they don't, but my oldest doesn't lie, so when I ask what he did over the weekend, he'll tell me everything that he shouldn't have done (he does this when I ask him about school as well). Their father is the "fun" parent. He's the one that takes them out to do stuff, gives them what they want, lets them play the games they want, watch what they want...a lot of which I don't want them doing, and he KNOWS the reasons why and has in the past always agreed with them. I'm the parent that has to do everything else. Cook, clean, work, help with homework...and well, at the end of the day, there just isn't time for fun. Yes, there's a little here and there, but I have NO help anymore, so I have to be the responsible one.

Kimi is in an abusive relationship.
As an adult..she's still my child.

If she was only 2 or 5. I can easily remove her from the
bad situation. Not so easy to coax a 22 year old.

As a young woman. She's reaches out to me in hope
of trying to understand why her life is the way it is.
The horrifying stories she tells me of her childhood.
i understand her...Ive lived it first hand.

She also understand better why the relationship between
her mother and I. In a messed up sort of way she understands
that better. She makes the same chioce ive made which
mirror my chioces. The apple donst fall too far from the tree.

Never the less i wish my child not to live through
such a living hell. Suffer so much termoil as Ive had.

She's trying to find her way out. Though I know her vision
arnt so clear. She's emotionally and mentally torn.
I know these things. Ive live that part of this too.
At the end of it all..that's all my child wants..to be LOVED.

How would you handle bringing someone into your family? Such as someone you've been dating for a while?