What did you do to Raise your self esteem?

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What did you do to raise your self esteem?

  • Read books

    Votes: 3 21.4%
  • Go to seminars

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • buy programs, DVDs

    Votes: 1 7.1%
  • Talk to successful / confident peeps

    Votes: 1 7.1%
  • Nothing yet

    Votes: 9 64.3%

  • Total voters
    14

AdamGoldman

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Joined
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Location
Israel
I used to be VERY shy, with extreme low confidence.
I was PARALYZED at any social gathering including more than 5 people.

Not to mention ladies I was interested in :)

I started reading a TON and listening to many seminars and
programs about self esteem, confidence, personal dev.

Really helped me out.

What did you do to improve your life?
 
For me it was kind of wierd brcuase I didnt have any problems
going out and getting girls when I was younger. I was actaully a party animal.

I was a lead guitarist in metal bands since HS. Most people and chicks though
we were slick, hip and cool. Plus being in a band gave me a sort of click or
gang of dudes I counld kind of protect myself with. We were rough on the edges
,badboy, evilist bunch. We wore lots of studs..they also came handy as a weapon.
So you didnt really wanna fresia with us, eventhough we had hair down to our asses
and wore lipslick and eye shadows.lmao
Attend HS was a major freaken chore. We always get in trouble for ditching
(band pratice)get sent to the dungon of dooms for weeks to months at a time.lmao
The only thing that was useful was Woodshop so we could build our own electric
guitars and flirt with chicks. We all get kicked out of music classes too cuase
they wernt teaching us how to play the devil's music.lol

We actaully all came from Will to do familys. Our parents are well off..
doctors, bussiness owners, ceo..ect So we had plenty of Guitar and fast cars
and partying money. Chicks always wanted to hang out with us..even though
we were social outcast.

When I join the usaf...pretty much with samething thing. i got a band together
and had a group of friends that had the simular backgrounds as i had.
The only different was...they cutted our mother fucken hair and threw us into
uniforms. Some women like men in uniforms.
We get into bar fights and honeysuckle..bascailly becuase of women.lmao
I actaully processed lots of stuff quickly or didnt let a lot of stuff get to me.

It was the one girl that capture my soul. (the duaghter of the devil.lmao).
I finally went into treatment and started attending AA..I believe that messed
me up more. To grow up..be a man..blah...blah.. blah.
I bascailly settle down, got a good job, raised kids...ect, ect
I bascailly felt like a god **** square peg that got reammed through a round
hole. I was fucken REFORMED.lol The mother fucken GOOD GUY.
While I lived for years and years in long term relationship. I felt a part of
me had also died. The so call being a good husband or partner actually
turned against me...slowly over time...I notice I had less and less friends
becuase I was too god **** buissed, tied to a desk. Earning money to
provide for a family. My social life went out the window. My exgf or exwf
are rather beautiful women that most men could only dream of being with.
I didnt complain much. It was calm and she would have wild sex with me
for the most part.
Its just weird..becuse i was rather independent then I became codependent.
Living with her for so...so long. I thought we grow old together...stuff like that.
But after our relationship fell apart...I struggled becuase I became so emotionally
emeshed with her over a period of time. It really, really messed with my self esteem
and confident as a person. It felt like the best years of my life had gone by.
I did the right fucken thing as society wanted to me to do. Be a good man and provide
for you own. At the end of that...I was left with nothing.

So yes, I been listening lots and lots of seminar, read self help books.
I can even meditate like a fucken monk...Im very spiritual.

I was actaully a happy go luckie child..I lived through a lot of bullshit.
Ive been abandent, neglected, abused, bullied...ect.ect
At a young age i learned how to survive and knew how to get over honeysuckle quickly.
At some level i also knew how to make lemmon acid from lemmon, life was throwing at me.
I became self surfficent at some level becuase i got abandent as a child. I had
to be ok with myself. The pains I lived through never resolved anything for me.
Thats why i was kind of rough on the edges...

Today people are still wnating to through old ideas at me...of whatever the fresia it is to
be a grown up or a man. it might be knew news to them..but it's fucken old ideas to me.

If you read or listen to enough seminars...you'll know what Im talking about.
The innocents child within me. The part of me that intuitively knew I'm ok and knew
how to get over honeysuckle. The part of me that filtered out a lot of bullshit and messed up ideas...
that some deem I ought to and must live by.
 
AdamGoldman said:
Any good stuff you found that helped you man?

All audio books.

Ultimate confidence.
Beyound positive thinking.
By Dr. Roberts Anthony.
The audio books help much better. By listening to it. My brain absorb the informations better than reading it. I Listen to it
often to reinforce the informations.

The sedona methdoe helps me lots..of letting go
of my negagtive thoughts and emotions.
This helped me alot becuase i was really pissed off at my
exGf for what she had done. I gotten into a cycle
of anger. She never applogized or even acknowlege
she dystroyed our lives and livelyhood.
So i had to find someway to resovled that within me...
I know people say to just let go,...but if it was that easy
I would had done it without any struggle.
The Sedona methdoe was simple for me....Thats why I liked it.
I felt releaved within a week.

My lastest are teaching by Abraham Hicks.
She gose into details and covers a lot of areas.
Mainly she gave simple instructions to learn how pivots
from negative thoughts and feelings to positive thoughts
and feelings. I bascially get into the habit of droping
negative thoughts and feelings ...then focus on feeling
good about myself.

What to say to yourself when you talk to yourself...
It helped me a lot to do positive self talk.
Ive even made recordings of myself with 100 postive saying
of my own vioce.

As far as women.
My exgf became mentally abusive to me. My mind remembers
a lot of negative stuff she say about me becuase i was also
became emotionally very vunerable. So negative stuff would
just pop into my head if Im feeling a little bit down.
Thats why I really needed to get well and get my head on
back straight again....

Ive read plenty of PUA stuff...but they just giving you tactics.
If you dont have confidence to begin with..none that stuff
are going to work. There's alot of stuff in there.
Dont write it off...

Just because someone makes a comment of you noy being a saint.
YOU MUST UNDERSTAND alot of stuff that gets thrown at us
of is deem good for us are actaully stuff thats ******* us up.
If you read some self help books...it's going to tell you.

There's some key pionts...
The women that wanna have sex with you...arnt your mother,
grandmother, sisters...ect
SO DONT TREAT THEM LIKE ONE....
You heard of guys telling you to treat women like your grandmother???? Those guys arnt getting laid or getting
the women they want. Women dont wanna be treated like
a grandmother..FFS (not unless your her grand son.)

The other key is
Women are going to accept you or not accept you...
IT HAS NOTHING TO YOU WITH YOU.
Dont internalize it

Im very careful when Im emotionally vulnerable.
I used to try to get advice from others...but i get it from all angles.
And some of the advice arnt really worth a dime and my brain processes it weird when I feel bad.
The best thing for me to do when I get like that...is to just chill out.
Then I listen to the recording of myself (the 100 positive saying)

WHY??? they're positive messages. And it's in my own vioce. It's key.
Remember how I said when I was emotionally vulnerable and my exgf was saying a lot of negative stuff about me?
How it effected how I view and felt about myself?
Im simply using this process to work for me..instead of against me.

My exgf used to tell me. No one else would love me except her...stuff like.
That i would grow old and lonely if i left her. That if i didnt do alot of stuff for her or gave her honeysuckle load of money
that I didnt love her...stuff like that.
She kept telling me that I was a mean bad person...(becuase I didnt give her money)
My mind just replays the ".mean bad person"...or "no one will love me"

I dont listen to sad songs when I'm feeling down( im vulnerable) all that dose is make me feel more like honeysuckle.
I usually listen to soothing soft newage music without words....Up lifting music sometimes to snap me out of a funk.
So the teachings of Abraham Hicks makes sense to me....A lot of self confidence is about feeling good about myself.

[youtube]0M0P7aQeglE[/youtube]
[youtube]VUN_mD_oVmk[/youtube]
[youtube]kjpuGfjUTVQ[/youtube]
 
Callie said:
None of the above....I got rid of what was bringing my self esteem down.

Care to share with us WHAT was bringing you down
and HOW you got rid of it?

@LonesomeCrow,
Thanks a lot man!
Gave me some interesting insights to work on.

Quick "?" -> FFS = For fresia Sake ?
 
AdamGoldman said:
Callie said:
None of the above....I got rid of what was bringing my self esteem down.

Care to share with us WHAT was bringing you down
and HOW you got rid of it?

The WHAT would be my husband (even tho I'm still technically married) The HOW would be, he left me, but still, it's the same in the end.

I'm still working on my honeysuckle, but it's a fresia of a lot easier when you don't have an alcoholic jackass on your case 24/7.
 
[/quote]
I'm still working on my honeysuckle, but it's a fresia of a lot easier when you don't have an alcoholic jackass on your case 24/7.
[/quote]


Amen to that
 
I grew up in an alcoholic home...Holy honeysuckle man.
I wasnt walking on eggshells.
My alcoholic father nit picked my ass almost to death
and took out alot of his bullshit out on me.
He was beyound being over critical...

Can you imagine all the negative crap he was saying to me???
Years of that....
Thats why I locked myself in my room and played my guitar when he gets home from
happy hours. Comes home all drunk in a pissy mood.

And my mother was like...behave kids.
Dont distrub dad...cuase he's like a box of chocalate...dont know what you're going to get.lmao

And it's really really bad when I had to fucken almost knock his mother fucken lights out
becuase he was choking my mom. crap like that can really fresia a kid up in the head :(
But i get blame for the honeysuckle or get threathen to get kick out of the house to keep the family secrets.
And of course he'll nit pick me more and more....


Fucken Jesus had nothing on me. Mr. perfect walking on water.
I walked on broken glass bare footed, man :p

Have you tried ACOA???
google the 13 triats of Acoa...

its wacked man..
my exgf turned into a major alcoholic and my recent ex was really really bad.
And the wacked out things is...Ive had plenty of nice healthy women asked me out...i also end up with a pyscho or choose them.
Some of the acoa literature helped me.




 
Lonesome Crow said:
I grew up in an alcoholic home...Holy honeysuckle man.
I wasnt walking on eggshells.
My alcoholic father nit picked my ass almost to death
and took out alot of his bullshit out on me.
He was beyound being over critical...

Can you imagine all the negative crap he was saying to me???
Years of that....
Thats why I locked myself in my room and played my guitar when he gets home from
happy hours. Comes home all drunk in a pissy mood.

And my mother was like...behave kids.
Dont distrub dad...cuase he's like a box of chocalate...dont know what you're going to get.lmao

And it's really really bad when I had to fucken almost knock his mother fucken lights out
becuase he was choking my mom. crap like that can really fresia a kid up in the head :(
But i get blame for the honeysuckle or get threathen to get kick out of the house to keep the family secrets.
And of course he'll nit pick me more and more....


Fucken Jesus had nothing on me. Mr. perfect walking on water.
I walked on broken glass bare footed, man :p

Have you tried ACOA???
google the 13 triats of Acoa...

its wacked man..
my exgf turned into a major alcoholic and my recent ex was really really bad.
And the wacked out things is...Ive had plenty of nice healthy women asked me out...i also end up with a pyscho or choose them.
Some of the acoa literature helped me.

Is this directed to me?
If it is, my parents weren't alcoholics (although other family members were), so I don't quite belong in ACOA, but I know the concepts of it. I have, however, been in Al-Anon since he left me. I'm aware of the processes and whatnot...so I suppose I HAVE done something to help my self esteem.
 
I went to AA to help me stop drinking when i was a kid.
22 yrs old.
Al anon might had help me more...as i said
i keep getting involve with alcoholics.
I never consider it unlit my exgf reladped 7 yrs
Into our relationship. It got really bad.

Then i got back with my exfiance from 22 yrs ago.
She said she wanted to straighten but. She tried
But she's into total grip of alcoholism...really bad
Worst rhen my exgf.

Anyway, theres no acoa or alanon in my area.
Its very difficult for me to talk to anyone....

Yes, as simple as you can put it....get rid
Of things that would destroy my self esteem.
Even if shes the love of my life....
It even worst for me now..
Im telling myself i dont want to love anyone else
But her...

We have a daughter together ( the girl in my avutar)
I get knotted emotiinally.
No one can ever understands me and the curunstance around
Kimi...
I cry everytime i think of her or talk to her.
It nesses me up pretty bad....
For me to feel good about life...as Abraham Hicks say to do
Is not for the fainth of hearts...
But i must...if i don't....Ill drown in a sea of pains and dispair...as she said.

I know my daughters are getting fed to the wolves.
I wrote duaghters becuase no one knows how
It feels like when my other daughter( step duaghter)
Call me crying her heart out...
Daddy...please dont judge me cuase i had to statt stripping
For money. I feel really bad and i need you to love me.
I had no other choice...i looked for work and i know you
Dont have anymore money to send me. My baby was
Starving....daddy please make all this honeysuckle go away....
 
Then i have pals that wanna ask me to gp hang out
At hooters and watch young chicks.lmao

If im not a liitle bit crazy....id be more worried.lol
 
Reading books helps, at least for me. Not only self-help books but other kind of books motivate me. Like for example now I'm reading Felix Dennis "How to get rich" and I find it inspiring to read about some dude who worked towards a goal and reached it. I know it's unlikely I become rich, still I enjoy reading someone w/ a possitive experience.

Also books about buddhism. I'm really atheist but I like to be open minded. I find truth in the knowledge of this acient religion even tough I don't believe in things like reencarnation.

Anyway I must say therapy helped me the most... books are just a little help really. But it's always welcomed...
 
All the self help book, now to rich or sucessful, recovery books,
Seminars or even the bible ..all have a common meaage

Wheather its term as my blue prints, beliefs, programming, road maps..ect.

If im using the same road map. It dosnt matter if i get there quicker or take
a different route. Even if u tried my damnest...im still going to get the
Same results sooner or later....if the results ive been getting isn't
To ny satisfactory.....logic say i should trash the stuoid map
that's getting me no where.


Even if im faced with a positve curcumstance...if i contine
To solve problems in the same old way. I will get the
Sane old shitty results.
 
"Insanity - doing the same thing over and over and
expecting different results. - A' Einstein"

:)
 
Man today was the busiest day I've had in...well all year I think. I woke up pretty early, just couldn't sleep anymore, ate breakfast and briefly worked out for the 3rd day in a row. Then I went skateboarding around the block and actually managed to land a few tricks. Later I went to home depot with my mom and bought the rest of the lattice she wanted put up on our fence. I also bought all the electrical supplies I needed to start my DIY project, except for the 1/2" pipe bender as they were out of stock. When I got home I put the lattice up on the fence, just before we got hit with a big storm. When I went inside I fixed a broken window frame (with gorilla glue :p). My mom was my ride to home depot as my car has recently bit the dust, and my parents were going out later, so after dinner I took the bus up to a home depot on the north end of the city (it had to be HD because I had a $50 gift card for there) and got myself the bender. Then I went to a friend's house to watch a movie.

All in all, I'm exhausted but it was definitely worth it. And now I can't sleep cuz I'm too jittery from all the coffee I drank, so I'm writing this.
 
AdamGoldman said:
6 answered "nothing yet" on the pool.

Mind sharing why?

For me, the reason I clicked on that option is because I decided to simply live with my low self-esteem, rather than try to fight it. Someone who often thinks he's inferior is part of who I am - and to try to change that is to deny my problems.

With my condition the way it is, there is often no 'middle ground' for me as well. I will generally be very up, or very down. Since an equilibrium is almost impossible to maintain, I would therefore rather be someone who feels that he isn't as good as other people, than the alternative which is someone who thinks he's better than everyone else. The latter would just make me arrogant.
 

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