Failing University. Falling behind society. Losing motivation.

Hi everyone. As a note, I'm not good at explaining my problems so bear with me.

Just to let myself be known a little, I'm currently 20 years of age living under my parents with no job employment or redeeming qualities for myself to speak of. The only thing that keeps me going in life is getting through my IT degree at university and hopefully to get a career by the end of it. In other words, I've been maintaining mostly a focus on my studies with university lately but at the cost of having no work experience so far as well as no redeeming qualities outside of my education. However, I've have had thoughts about finding something out there to keep me occupied outside of the majority of my time being home alone with parents. Going for a casual job for the first time is one example. Unfortunately, I just don't have the confidence to do so mainly due to my lack of experience outside of my studies but I digress.

Getting more to the issue, just so to speak about my unoriginal situation, I've been having a rough time throughout university. Yes, it may not seem like a big deal but considering my so-called focus on education, everything seems to be going downhill due to me failing certain units out the IT degree I'm studying every semester and now I'm in danger of being dropped out. IT of course, interests me don't get me wrong. However, the cause of my failure is mainly due to me procrastinating too often as well as a lack of motivation and the usual difficulties at times to get the work done on time. Also, I have trouble asking for help considering in reality, I find it difficult to convey my thoughts and issues on certain things and in the end, I'm mostly on my own with the work I do. Also, I'm a bit of a shy person too and if it isn't clear enough, being rather anti-social. Talk about not getting your priorities straight and regretting it every now and then.

So far, I've had 4 semesters and all of which I have a fail grade on one or two units I've had throughout my studies. Not even 1 perfect semester so far. I've been taking 3 units every semester considering I should be comfortable with that had I stayed focused. Now I'm into my fourth semester and I've just failed 2 units out of 3 I could have passed in hadn't I gotten lazy and lost motivation of which caused me to struggle to pass the unit. Overall, with 5 units passed and 7 fails on my record so far, it's hardly worth getting proud of and the warnings about being excluded from my study at university will just keep popping up. The only thing I should be glad about is that I'm thankfully still in university but when I think of the fees I have to pay for the units I've failed alongside prolonging my degree when society expects that I finish it at an earlier point is just depressing to me.

As a result of my studies currently, I've also felt isolated from friends and others for the majority of my time considering how much I've fallen behind with my studies as well as not having any sort of work experience and redeeming qualities in comparison. I feel as if I'm just wading through life on my own as I've moreso failed my studies with the units I've screwed up over time due to my stupidity. Plus, it feels even worse when your parents and relatives are aware that I'm failing and treat me as if I'm sort of social outcast that doesn't belong here. And you know what, I deserve it and it seems as if it'll be a long time till I'll be digging myself out of this miserable situation I've gotten in. Not to mention, seeing people my age being successful and getting somewhere in life makes me envy them but at the same time, I feel bad for the situation I've placed myself in too. All in all, I can't help but feel lost with my life as my priorities are messed up, particularly in getting towards my career goal as well as missing out on what friends are enjoying out there and succeeding in life also. I'm such an idiot to be honest.

I also apologize if I'm being stubborn as well as the fairly lengthy post. I certainly feel a lot of shame on myself for what's happened and it's hard to cope with it like it is amongst society. Thanks for reading my post also and some advice and motivation would be nice.

Well, I'm never motivated enough to study myself really and I have to force myself bbut when I do I can stay at it for some time.
Maybe try to get yourself to study by scaring yourself out of lack of motivation, maybe make a study group with friends if you can. Tell yourself that for example at one particular day, you will finish such and such particular amount of work/studying.
Try to make yourself more interested in the topics, work hard and apply yourself, I'm sure you can do it.
Good luck man, I know how it is, I just came back from an exam today and have one tommorow too.

I sympathise with you. My dad always wanted me to be a doctor, and I couldn't seem to imagine doing anything other than what he wanted. I didn't apply myself at A-levels and so I didn't get into any medical schools. So I got into a course in Psychology & Neuroscience. After the first semester I couldn't handle it... I had a nervous breakdown and dropped out. Of course, my dad didn't want to have anything more to do with me.

Anyways long story short I ended up getting a distinction on a foundation Art & Design course and going to Uni for Fine Art. Sometimes I still feel like a complete and abject failure. But I'm a better, happier person now by orders of magnitude than I was then. If you don't get good grades, or if you drop out, does that make you a failure? It almost seems like insanity to say so. And yet that's what we believe? I don't know... it's so much more complicated than that.

A lot of my old friends finished uni two years ago and are already working. Some of them are even married! So I can definitely relate to your feeling of being at university, feeling like a failure, being behind society, and not being motivated. On top of that I can also relate to having social problems while at university... not being some kind of manic social butterfly. Unfortunately I don't think I can really offer any advice, except that you're certainly not alone. Ah, that probably wasn't helpful at all >.<"

I felt like I just read the story of my life. I just finished the first year of my university. If you read this forum 1 year ago, I said something like I can't wait to go to university. Well I just flunked it too. D's and F's, including withdrawing from half my courses during the second semester. I also did not have confidence to find a job also university and was pretty much miserable until 2 weeks ago. I went to Australia for a holiday with a friend of mine for 10 days and when I came back it felt like all my worries melted away. A fresh start. I think you need to take a break. It may sound counter intuitive to break during the most stressful period of your life but it really works. Don't just lay around at home, do something different. Getting a job seems daunting to people like us, what I suggest if you really wanna build up your guts then you should do volunteer work. Cuz volunteer work is free, people don't have expectations of you like in the workplace yet it is a good place to socialize, learn skills and gain a different sort "working" experience. Plus it looks good on your resume too! Next week I'll be setting up a flea market with my friends. On my free time, I try catching cats with homemade cat traps and send them to get neutered and then return them (lol). Although I am not working, hopefully I will be able to get over my fear of social situations like being in the workplace. I also get a feeling of productivity that I had been missing the whole year - hopefully that will help me recharge so I feel motivated next term.

Hope I'm not talking nonsense.I was distracted alot during my firt year. Anyway what I'm trying to say is take a break and do something fulfilling then when you come back your mind will be able to focus on whats truely important. I'm on the same journey as you too!

This was me 3 years ago. Before I dropped out. I don't really know what to say to help. If you don't have motivation then maybe you should be doing something else. Getting a job would probably help out a lot.

kamya said:

This was me 3 years ago. Before I dropped out. I don't really know what to say to help. If you don't have motivation then maybe you should be doing something else. Getting a job would probably help out a lot.

Click to expand...

I agree with kamya, I dropped out too at 20 to change my career. I know many others did the same. Is quite common. There isno need to be hard on yourself.

also check this out, was looking at it at the same time i was reading your post...

Sometimes you gotta do what feels right for you. It's your life, live it how you want to live it.

I'm dropping out this year, my second year. Horrible second semester, major fails. So what? like failing collage is supposed to be the biggest mistake anyone can make in their life; i wasted two years on something i didn't even like that much until i finally decided to say screw it just a few weeks ago. now i'm looking forward to gathering my losses and starting over, i have a small but steady income from buying/selling on the internet, so with some help i can afford to rent a place (rent here is real cheap) until and i find a regular job
you're in a pretty bad spot now. when you're all alone and unmotivated, struggling to survive, your career prospects aren't going to be your primary concern. its the small victories that others take for granted are what counts in bad times, like getting out, having a talk with someone, earning your own little cash, being self-sufficient, that sort of stuff. to me it sounds like you're getting overwhelmed with collage and you're feeling trapped.
as a sidenote; from what i've experienced last year, one of the most important things you can have in collage are friends, its amazing how they give you meaning in waking up in the morning. its that stuff that keep some people going. you feel more like you're a part of something, you're fighting alongside your friends in the trenches so to speak . and i'm sorry, but without good friends you're reduced to a ghost, you said yourself how you feel like a social outcast. If you think you can pull it off, then you're a better guy than i am. if not, you can have another go at it when you're stronger. it's not the end of the world XD See you later

I just want to say thanks everyone for the advice and for sharing your stories that are similar to mine. It's definitely encouraging words to me as I'm looking to seek improvement, motivation and options in myself to move on from the difficulties I'm having with my studies alongside being more pro-active in my social life. As obvious as it may sound, it feels better knowing that I'm not the only one who struggles with their studies and social life outside of studies at times. As such, I certainly can use the break off and go out somewhere as well as find such options like volunteering for work to finding a casual job. In result, it's definitely something that can keep me more occupied outside of my difficulties with studies and trying to become more pro-active as a person outside of being rather isolated as I'am now. Not to mention, I'm comfortable working at my own pace and trying to always live up to the expectations of society, particularly in finishing a degree as early as 3-4 years just isn't possible with my current habits and skills so staying on par with society is off my mind for now as well.

Overall, thanks again everyone. I very much appreciate what's been mentioned here and it's certainly helpful to me. I was afraid that this issue I have isn't much of a deal to be posted beforehand but safe to say, I got the advice I needed.

I too agree that college isn't for everyone and that it's your life. However, you will find it harder to go back later on. Mainly because you will probably have a full time job and you might find some classes will be available only at times you have to show up for work. It's also more expensive. You might even have a family to take care of.

I've lost motivation in what I'm studying right now. But right now is also when I have the most free time for school I just can't pay for it.

All you can do mate is try. If you fail, don't let it effect you for too long. You tried which is more then a lot of people do. If all ends badly, simply move on to the next best thing and see how that goes :]

Thanks for the advice Gutted.