HappyYogi
Well-known member
Hi. I am reeling a bit from an innocent (I think) comment made by a male acquaintance of mine (who I have a crush on).
He was working at my house and I asked if he wanted to come tomorrow to work (finish up the job). He said "I like to work, sure beats staying home a lone in my apartment". To that I said "you don't feel any comfort there"? And he said "No, I don't like to be alone. When you've been with someone for a years you get used to not being a lone.. Some people like to be a lone, not me". He also said "I basically only sleep there".
I responded "oh, of course I understand".
This guy is a divorced guy...been single for two years.
Okay, when he said this I had like a flood of emotions go thru me.
First off, I only asked because I wondered if he felt any comfort and hominess in his place. To me it's not very healthy to never feel comfortable in your home or being a lone (you can disagree with me here if you wish) especially if you are single. While I do much better with an intimate relationship in my life...I can be very happy in my home a lone. I've made my home into my sanctuary where I feel it is my rest, my "home" and because I have my books, my computer, my hobbies, pets, backyard, I only feel occasionally lonely at home. I have filled my home with beauty and stuff that inspires me...so I generally don't feel alone. I love my alone time.
I felt when he said that that he may have made a comment on me. He knows I live alone and knows that my work is kind of alone, too. We've been working together all week so he knows a bit more of my life...and I am an "independent" person for sure. I wanted to say "Hey! While I love my alone time, I also love being in an intimate relationship and I am not my best without one." I wanted to let him know I am not happy being a lone all the time...it's just my life, my circumstances...and my personality from being alone as a child.
I also kind of felt judged. LIke many of you here...I want to feel less alone but don't always know how to not be a lone. I love companionship, friendship and all that but because I grew up very alone...I have become a more "lonely" person than the average person but that doesn't mean I am cold hearted, or don't need anyone. I guess I've become really good at being alone because I have to?
Am I making sense?
This comment made me worry if I am being judged in a negative way. It made me sad if I am because the truth is so much more complex.
And lastly, even though I have a crush on this guy...I have to say that while I like how he wants to be in a relationship it is a little bit of a turn off that he isn't more self-sufficient and can't generate some of his own joy and at least develop himself a little more to create a life for himself on his own. Like why can't he feel some comfort and joy in being home alone? Why hasn't he developed himself in this way?
I want to ask all of you this...do you think it's healthy for a single person to not feel comfortable in their apartment? To not be able to feel good being a lone at all? Is my ability to be alone in my home, the making it a sanctuary positive or negative? Is it seen as being more developed and whole or just a negative reaction to a lonely life?
Thoughts?
He was working at my house and I asked if he wanted to come tomorrow to work (finish up the job). He said "I like to work, sure beats staying home a lone in my apartment". To that I said "you don't feel any comfort there"? And he said "No, I don't like to be alone. When you've been with someone for a years you get used to not being a lone.. Some people like to be a lone, not me". He also said "I basically only sleep there".
I responded "oh, of course I understand".
This guy is a divorced guy...been single for two years.
Okay, when he said this I had like a flood of emotions go thru me.
First off, I only asked because I wondered if he felt any comfort and hominess in his place. To me it's not very healthy to never feel comfortable in your home or being a lone (you can disagree with me here if you wish) especially if you are single. While I do much better with an intimate relationship in my life...I can be very happy in my home a lone. I've made my home into my sanctuary where I feel it is my rest, my "home" and because I have my books, my computer, my hobbies, pets, backyard, I only feel occasionally lonely at home. I have filled my home with beauty and stuff that inspires me...so I generally don't feel alone. I love my alone time.
I felt when he said that that he may have made a comment on me. He knows I live alone and knows that my work is kind of alone, too. We've been working together all week so he knows a bit more of my life...and I am an "independent" person for sure. I wanted to say "Hey! While I love my alone time, I also love being in an intimate relationship and I am not my best without one." I wanted to let him know I am not happy being a lone all the time...it's just my life, my circumstances...and my personality from being alone as a child.
I also kind of felt judged. LIke many of you here...I want to feel less alone but don't always know how to not be a lone. I love companionship, friendship and all that but because I grew up very alone...I have become a more "lonely" person than the average person but that doesn't mean I am cold hearted, or don't need anyone. I guess I've become really good at being alone because I have to?
Am I making sense?
This comment made me worry if I am being judged in a negative way. It made me sad if I am because the truth is so much more complex.
And lastly, even though I have a crush on this guy...I have to say that while I like how he wants to be in a relationship it is a little bit of a turn off that he isn't more self-sufficient and can't generate some of his own joy and at least develop himself a little more to create a life for himself on his own. Like why can't he feel some comfort and joy in being home alone? Why hasn't he developed himself in this way?
I want to ask all of you this...do you think it's healthy for a single person to not feel comfortable in their apartment? To not be able to feel good being a lone at all? Is my ability to be alone in my home, the making it a sanctuary positive or negative? Is it seen as being more developed and whole or just a negative reaction to a lonely life?
Thoughts?