Conforming to Dating/Relationship "Rules"

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2fresh4youx

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I don't get the whole relationship rules thing. I've only had one girlfriend and I remember the entire time, she would always go on about how relationships are based on rules that the male must follow and things MUST happen a certain way. Things like making it to second base by x number of dates; The guy must initiate the kiss; the guy must ask the girl out; the guy must impress the girl. Is it just me or is this just a whole bunch of immature garbage? I feel as if women have these huge expectations from a man and that man should be thankful that a woman is taking notice of him, and that he must work hard to get her. Why can't a relationship be as simple as being honest with one another with no pressure whatsoever?

And as a male, why can't I deserve to be "Swept" off my feet by a woman? I see a girlfriend as just being a really really good friend with extra benefits. No pressure and all fun. The way society makes these rules seems like it is a massive task to just get a woman and that he must act in a certain way to get her. I don't know but all this added pressure just spells recipe for disaster. The man tries to act so "wonderful" and "Dreamy" for the woman, that months into the relationship the woman realises that he is not what he was at the start.

And (Not trying to be sexist here at all) then there are women who will be annoyed at the man for not being able to read their minds, like they should act in a certain way in certain situations that conform to the so called "rules".

I think a relationship should be a natural flowing phenomenon and that work should be put in on both sides. It should be based on the personality of the two individuals and not these so called "rules" that society makes up and that most people seem to adhere to so religiously.

I don't play games and I refuse to play anyone elses game. I think a lot people have a lot of growing up to do. Sorry for the rant, but what are your thoughts on this people?
 
2fresh4youx said:
Why can't a relationship be as simple as being honest with one another with no pressure whatsoever?


I agree 2fresh, it should be based on communication first and foremost. Sometimes, I think people forget that.
 
I hear you! I find society's rules baffling anyway, and in dating I just wouldn't know where to begin.

In an odd way this might help you to weed out the people you're not interested in (do you REALLY want to be married to a woman who is stuck on rules?) - and focus on ones who are genuine, and spontaneous.

Like you said, it's a waste of time to build a relationship based on pretending... Just be yourself! If the girl doesn't like you for who you truly are, then what's the point anyway, ya know?! :)
 
I understand completely 2fresh, and I'm a woman.

Honestly, women go through our own dating eccentricities. For one, almost our entire worth is based on our appearance and there's a lot of ageism. Truthfully, I want to be honest with someone I'd like to date, but it seems like most people don't like honesty. They prefer the lie (I'm not talking about me, of course).

Haven't you heard too much honesty is enough to kill a relationship before it starts? Really, all I want as a girl friend is someone to accept and understand me on some level, a companion that I support and vice versa, and intimacy. That's really it.

But people play so many stupid games, like not calling you for some arbitrary amount of time lest they seem too desperate, and other BS like that. If I like you, I will call you the next day and have some ideas for things we can do. Simple as that.

But like I said, I'm not complicated, I like sci-fi movies, ice cream, sports, and travelling. It's all of these standards that complicate the simple "I like you" and "you like me" process of dating.
 
Pandapanda said:
I understand completely 2fresh, and I'm a woman.

Honestly, women go through our own dating eccentricities. For one, almost our entire worth is based on our appearance and there's a lot of ageism. Truthfully, I want to be honest with someone I'd like to date, but it seems like most people don't like honesty. They prefer the lie (I'm not talking about me, of course).

Haven't you heard too much honesty is enough to kill a relationship before it starts? Really, all I want as a girl friend is someone to accept and understand me on some level, a companion that I support and vice versa, and intimacy. That's really it.

But people play so many stupid games, like not calling you for some arbitrary amount of time lest they seem too desperate, and other BS like that. If I like you, I will call you the next day and have some ideas for things we can do. Simple as that.

But like I said, I'm not complicated, I like sci-fi movies, ice cream, sports, and travelling. It's all of these standards that complicate the simple "I like you" and "you like me" process of dating.

Yeah, the honesty thing you can take too far, but if you had problems with being too honest with a date, you'd most likely be "Too" honest with other people as well, so it would tell you a lot about the type of person they are.

I guess people out there love drama and excitement too much, so lying, cheating and pretending seems to create such a thrill for people.

Ashariel, I like the way you think!

Hopefully I don't come across as bitter and twisted in my post, but it's merely an observation of the common aura of the dating world.
 
There are no rules. It's not the same cut and paste thing for everyone. If anyone wants to believe in some sort of rules for relationships, then that's on them.
 
I think the girl sounds like a nutjob. A relationship can't be based on rules. A relationship needs to be based on trust and friendship. I see nothing wrong with a girl who tries to "sweep" the man off his feet. It's not the 1950's anymore and most girls have this ridiculous image of how a man is suppose to do everything for her. I do still appreciate having my door opened for me and getting flowers every once in a while. Your partner is suppose to be your bestfriend. The person you feel the most comfortable around, the one person you know you can count on to be there. Why wouldn't each of you want to do things for each other. No one would want to be the one doing all the giving and the other not giving back. It'll never work like that. This is the person you love, you should want to show them how much you care about them and they should you too.
 
I think Hoffy has it right. Essentially, you've got to trust each other and that only happens if both parties are being honest. There's no other way, otherwise you're stuck trying to read each others mind which is a crap shoot. Why not just lay all your cards on the table and say, "This is who I am. Would you like to be apart of my life flaws and all?"

But the truth is people don't like being vulnerable, if you're vulnerable that means you're open to being hurt emotionally. Of course our egos are too enormous to be so emotionally exposed.

That's why there's the phone game (will he call first or should I?). The availability games ("Can't come out this weekend, I know I said I would, but y'know.) People don't want to seem too available because that means they're desperate. It's all so moronic.

Just admit to yourself, you like the person (yes, there's a little eagerness) because you may have found some one who likes you for you and you're excited about the possibilities of the future. I mean, really right?

I don't know, call me crazy I guess.
 
I think it would be cool to date someone with rules on things like that. Then I would at least know what I was supposed to do.

As it is, I have no clue how to date.
 
blackdot said:
I think it would be cool to date someone with rules on things like that. Then I would at least know what I was supposed to do.

As it is, I have no clue how to date.

lol, you actually make a good point.
 
Rules schmules.

I agree, there should be no SET rules to follow. That would be boring as hell.
 
Yeah well, I guess the only rules in a relationship are the ones that you accept. If you don't accept a rule, the rule is either thrown out, or the relationship is. There are unsaid rules as well. For instance, I can see that the woman is gonna cost me dearly. She just borrowed my car, and wrecked it on the way back to her house. Now I'm driving around in my 1/2 ton truck, and the gas is costing me twice as much until I can fix the car (if that's possible). Fate - It's a weapon.
 
blackdot said:
I think it would be cool to date someone with rules on things like that. Then I would at least know what I was supposed to do.

As it is, I have no clue how to date.

That's the thing though. There is no specific way to "date" or be with someone.
 
VanillaCreme said:
blackdot said:
I think it would be cool to date someone with rules on things like that. Then I would at least know what I was supposed to do.

As it is, I have no clue how to date.

That's the thing though. There is no specific way to "date" or be with someone.

I know, which is why I said it would be good if there were rules. Without rules, there is no way to figure it out.
 
gnome3 said:
Yeah well, I guess the only rules in a relationship are the ones that you accept. If you don't accept a rule, the rule is either thrown out, or the relationship is. There are unsaid rules as well. For instance, I can see that the woman is gonna cost me dearly. She just borrowed my car, and wrecked it on the way back to her house. Now I'm driving around in my 1/2 ton truck, and the gas is costing me twice as much until I can fix the car (if that's possible). Fate - It's a weapon.
Oh good Lord... I hope things get better from this point! 0.0
 
blackdot said:
VanillaCreme said:
blackdot said:
I think it would be cool to date someone with rules on things like that. Then I would at least know what I was supposed to do.

As it is, I have no clue how to date.

That's the thing though. There is no specific way to "date" or be with someone.

I know, which is why I said it would be good if there were rules. Without rules, there is no way to figure it out.

You "figure it out" by dating them and getting to know them. What they like, what they don't, etc...
 
Well, since women expect to find "the one" on the first date, there is no chance to get to know them.
So rules would be better.
 
unfortunately women have come to expect men to be that way and don't believe guys that aren't that way.
 
Not all women are looking for "the one" on the first date. How they hell are you suppose to know if the person is the one on the first date. Whatever woman does think that way is highly stupid and desperate.
 

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