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IgnoredOne

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I figure I'll file in my complaint here. Its a common one, I imagine. I'm Asian, realize that negatively impacts my appearance and dislike that. Although I take strides to compensate, its one of the things which I cannot ultimately change and wonder how many of my rejections are immediately due to that.

I try not to hate myself, but unchangeable obstacles are a source of frustration, of course.
 
dude I think asains are awesome, they look good.

don't be ashamed of your heriatage
 
hey man i hear you, im chinese myself and i can tell certain.. "races" have a dislike for us. I dated a black girl for 5 years and her mother just hated me- kept refering to me as "(her) little friend," i took the high road (and trust me this is the high road for me at least) of course and mumbled "Nagger" - a south park reference which got her panties all tied inside out. ANYWAYS yea, seems like now a days people stick with their own race as we get older and older. Not like elementry school or highschool when it seemed we were colorblind, but after highschool i think the color of your skin plays more of a role, a sad but fact i think.
 
Maybe you could live somewhere where there a lot of Asians. Where I live, there are almost as many Asians as Caucasians, literally. In fact, "Asian pride" and "fobbiness" are two of the "coolest" mindsets perpetuating in the area. Personally, I'm half-Asian, and even I sometimes feel kind of "isolated" by not being completely Asian.

Then again, just about all the Asians here are preps. Dunno if that's your style.


Edit: By the way, I live in Southern California. Orange County, to be exact.
 
Ignored,

I'm sorry that you feel you're inferior due to your race. I guess it really depends on where you're from, and what the culture is like in your area. Some places try very hard to appreciate diversity, while others simply wish everyone who isn't like them to move on.

Do you live in an urban area? I know in larger cities, there are at least more cultural pockets in which you might find friends who do not look down on you because of your heritage. Smaller towns are often more homogenous, and therefore have little to offer those who are different. That being said, however, in my experience I've found that Asians are tolerated better by some people than those who are hispanic, black, or arab/indian.

Best of luck with this... maybe you could find some people on meetup.com that share your interests?
 
Thanks for the support, everything. I've lived in both urban or rural areas, and ts an inevitable fact of life, though as you noted, sometimes greater or lesser. I have to say that my life has had some dramatic improvement in the time between that post and this one, so I guess it isn't that much of an obstacle.

Thanks again :)
 
IgnoredOne said:
I figure I'll file in my complaint here. Its a common one, I imagine. I'm Asian, realize that negatively impacts my appearance and dislike that.

I try not to hate myself, but unchangeable obstacles are a source of frustration, of course.

Why do you feel it negatively impacts your appearance? Lots of great looking asian people around.

It could be worse. You could be a white, thirty-something, american male like me. We get blamed for everything. :)
 
I'm glad your situation is improving, Ignored. Stay secure with yourself, and hopefully some of that self confidence will inspire others to have confidence in you. Ha... easier said than done, right? I tell my students this all the time, but on the inside I wonder if it's total bull honeysuckle. I guess there's a point to it, even if my self confidence is limited to certain areas.
 
armor4sleepPA said:
I'm glad your situation is improving, Ignored. Stay secure with yourself, and hopefully some of that self confidence will inspire others to have confidence in you. Ha... easier said than done, right? I tell my students this all the time, but on the inside I wonder if it's total bull honeysuckle. I guess there's a point to it, even if my self confidence is limited to certain areas.

Well, some things don't have have that much to do with confidence. For an exaggered, You can be as confident in yourself as you want, but if your appearance is poor enough, I feel, you'll find it extraordinarily difficult to find anyone who'll appreciate you. We're visual, the first impression is of paramount importance, and our visual impression of a person /is/ our first impression. Its one of those foolish things to do, logically, depending your happiness on someone else's choices.

But, well, it happens. I mean, no matter how irrational it is, most guys would much prefer a woman's company and would go to great extents for that. Its just the way that we're wired. And JustLost, I'm glad for your confidence, but Asian males have gotten a consistently bad rap for our appearance. Most of it is just "different is bad," but there's also the lack of height(though fortunately, that's not my issue - I was lucky enough to descend from a noble heritage, and am exceptionally tall for an Asian). But I have had incredible difficulties with girls for that reason - I'm obviously not preferred, and at least one girl tell me, "I'll never date anyone who wasn't white." She retracted it quickly, but its not hard to see where her heart is.

Ah well. Can't depend on others.

Regards,
IO
 
IgnoredOne said:
And JustLost, I'm glad for your confidence, but Asian males have gotten a consistently bad rap for our appearance. Most of it is just "different is bad," but there's also the lack of height(though fortunately, that's not my issue - I was lucky enough to descend from a noble heritage, and am exceptionally tall for an Asian). But I have had incredible difficulties with girls for that reason - I'm obviously not preferred, and at least one girl tell me, "I'll never date anyone who wasn't white." She retracted it quickly, but its not hard to see where her heart is.

Well, the girl you just mentioned is obviously not worth your time. I've spent far too much effort on people that don't return my feelings, so I know a bit about this.

I don't know much about women, but I know I'm not one to discriminate. I've seen some very alluring women from pretty much every culture. I'm sure there are girls out there that feel the same way.

I sometimes wish there was something exotic about my appearance. Just so there'd be something unique about it...but I'm just plain old me.
 
Ignored, I think you have a good point in that we're a visual society, and even worse, a judgemental society. Rather than investing the time it takes to truly evaluate the worth of a person (and I believe all of us are of great worth, whether we know it or not), we simply assume the outside reflects that which lies within.

A lot of people are shallow and petty. It seems so often that those who truly do not value us often make us yearn for their acceptance and approval. From our continuing conversations, you're a great person, Ignored. You have a lot to offer, and those people who take the chance to get to know you will enjoy not only your noble heritage and the height that goes along with it, but also the noble heart that governs your existence!
 
Problems caused by society are great aren't they? I mean if no one cared about looks nearly that much and took a look at who you are on the inside, I believe that none of us would have any problem finding people that like us. And it wouldn't be fake and no one would try to hurt you because you've gotten to know them and seen the inside, their heart. Have you ever seen the movie Shallow Hal? That movie ties in almost exactly to your problem...

I admit the guys I go out with may not be that attractive, but they're perfect to me. I like their individualities and things that make them different. I wouldn't change them for the world, even if that means acceptance by society.

As long as they are happy, I'm happy with them. =]. This is just how I see it, I know every girl isn't like this but keep your eyes out and you might find someone that likes you just the way you are.

And on another note I've seen some of the Asian kids at my school and I like the way they look. I don't think that they're ugly or anything. And I agree that most people around here think that pride in your heritage is important. Don't regret being Asian, embrace it and feel comfortable with yourself and THEN worry about being happy with someone else. =].
x3.
 
JustLost, this is an excellent example of where getting what you wished for might not be a good thing. Being exotic often means that some aspect of you is unfamiliar, and we tend to associate the unfamiliar with the unknown, and the unknown with the frightening. So trust me, being the norm is better than you know :)

I admit that I haven't felt much need to have pride in my heritage any more than I would be proud of having a full set of fingers. Its just part of who I am, which hardly defines much of what I constitute as "me", namely my personality or whatnot. But I'll do what I can; I've at least had the courage to admit to it now - once I would never mention it if I could avoid it.

Its, as you imagine, still a bit awkward ;)

RainyDaze said:
Don't regret being Asian, embrace it and feel comfortable with yourself and THEN worry about being happy with someone else. =].
x3.

Easier said than done. Plus, I'm not necessarily uncomfortable with a lot of who I am, and I don't think anybody is entirely and totally comfortable with everything that they are(well, I know of one, but "extreme arrogance" fits her personality better). But your thoughts are well taken, nonetheless, and I thank you for taking the time to put up a long reply.

Regards,
IO
 
motiv said:
hey man i hear you, im chinese myself and i can tell certain.. "races" have a dislike for us. I dated a black girl for 5 years and her mother just hated me- kept refering to me as "(her) little friend," i took the high road (and trust me this is the high road for me at least) of course and mumbled "Nagger" - a south park reference which got her panties all tied inside out. ANYWAYS yea, seems like now a days people stick with their own race as we get older and older. Not like elementry school or highschool when it seemed we were colorblind, but after highschool i think the color of your skin plays more of a role, a sad but fact i think.

Stereo typing in general is very bad. You say certain races dislike you? How about instead recognize that just her mother dislikes you. Possibly not even for the reasons you assume. Believing millions of people dislike you just because 4 or 5 do who have some simular characteristic is just wrong thinking. I would bet that you flat out ignore all those in that group who would destroy such a theory, but one's thinking can be bias and not even see it's own flaws.

In general people will respond poorly to any insult what so ever. It has less to do with race and more to do with put downs.
 
IgnoredOne said:
I figure I'll file in my complaint here. Its a common one, I imagine. I'm Asian, realize that negatively impacts my appearance and dislike that. Although I take strides to compensate, its one of the things which I cannot ultimately change and wonder how many of my rejections are immediately due to that.

I try not to hate myself, but unchangeable obstacles are a source of frustration, of course.

Different people like and dislike different things. What it all comes down to in the end is how you see yourself. You will see that which you believe. If you change what you believe then that can change what you see.

I know it's easy to say and hard to do. Believe me I do.

Expecting everyone to like you is unrealistic. Don't set yourself up with unrealistic expectations.
 
Well said Skorian ^^^ Something that I thought of reading that is you can plies most of the ppl most of the time but you cert plies all of the ppl all of the time.
 
But I still want everybody to like me! :)

Now that I've become a lot more confident, I've noticed that I've actually drawn the attention of quite a few girls. Its surprising, really - even one of the female friends I mentioned who neglect me romantically changed her tune as of late. I casually suggested that we should have sex, and switched the topic. A few days later, she brought it up again, trying to explain how it would be such a bad idea - I just threw it back at her, saying that it was her own issue with sexuality to deal with, and not mine. A day after that, she said that perhaps our relationship ought to change to a more sexual nature.

Life is pretty decent.

Regards,
IO
 
IgnoredOne said:
I figure I'll file in my complaint here. Its a common one, I imagine. I'm Asian, realize that negatively impacts my appearance and dislike that. Although I take strides to compensate, its one of the things which I cannot ultimately change and wonder how many of my rejections are immediately due to that.

I try not to hate myself, but unchangeable obstacles are a source of frustration, of course.

I second that

Matt said:
Maybe you could live somewhere where there a lot of Asians. Where I live, there are almost as many Asians as Caucasians, literally. In fact, "Asian pride" and "fobbiness" are two of the "coolest" mindsets perpetuating in the area. Personally, I'm half-Asian, and even I sometimes feel kind of "isolated" by not being completely Asian.

Then again, just about all the Asians here are preps. Dunno if that's your style.


Edit: By the way, I live in Southern California. Orange County, to be exact.

I don't like Asian:(

JustLost said:
IgnoredOne said:
I figure I'll file in my complaint here. Its a common one, I imagine. I'm Asian, realize that negatively impacts my appearance and dislike that.

I try not to hate myself, but unchangeable obstacles are a source of frustration, of course.

Why do you feel it negatively impacts your appearance? Lots of great looking asian people around.

It could be worse. You could be a white, thirty-something, american male like me. We get blamed for everything. :)

Life swap sound fun!

IgnoredOne said:
armor4sleepPA said:
I'm glad your situation is improving, Ignored. Stay secure with yourself, and hopefully some of that self confidence will inspire others to have confidence in you. Ha... easier said than done, right? I tell my students this all the time, but on the inside I wonder if it's total bull honeysuckle. I guess there's a point to it, even if my self confidence is limited to certain areas.

Well, some things don't have have that much to do with confidence. For an exaggered, You can be as confident in yourself as you want, but if your appearance is poor enough, I feel, you'll find it extraordinarily difficult to find anyone who'll appreciate you. We're visual, the first impression is of paramount importance, and our visual impression of a person /is/ our first impression. Its one of those foolish things to do, logically, depending your happiness on someone else's choices.

But, well, it happens. I mean, no matter how irrational it is, most guys would much prefer a woman's company and would go to great extents for that. Its just the way that we're wired. And JustLost, I'm glad for your confidence, but Asian males have gotten a consistently bad rap for our appearance. Most of it is just "different is bad," but there's also the lack of height(though fortunately, that's not my issue - I was lucky enough to descend from a noble heritage, and am exceptionally tall for an Asian). But I have had incredible difficulties with girls for that reason - I'm obviously not preferred, and at least one girl tell me, "I'll never date anyone who wasn't white." She retracted it quickly, but its not hard to see where her heart is.

Ah well. Can't depend on others.

Regards,
IO

What a racist pig!:(

IgnoredOne said:
But I still want everybody to like me! :)

Now that I've become a lot more confident, I've noticed that I've actually drawn the attention of quite a few girls. Its surprising, really - even one of the female friends I mentioned who neglect me romantically changed her tune as of late. I casually suggested that we should have sex, and switched the topic. A few days later, she brought it up again, trying to explain how it would be such a bad idea - I just threw it back at her, saying that it was her own issue with sexuality to deal with, and not mine. A day after that, she said that perhaps our relationship ought to change to a more sexual nature.

Life is pretty decent.

Regards,
IO

Quote by print:D
 

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