The Dangers Of Working With Children These Days (Very Serious Thread)

LoneKiller · Jul 9, 2012

Hi Everyone.

The world has its male baseball, soccer, basketball, and other sports related coaches for school children. As much as this disgusts me to say. Many, many young children these days are molested by these men. It doesn't apply to me. Kids annoy the honeysuckle out of me. I avoid them like the plague.

I don't know about anyone else, but I'd be petrified to get a job working with children these days. So many molestation cases are popping up at an alarming rate in today's world.

Pedophiles disgust me. But here's the thing. If a young child you are working with accuses you of sexual molestation, whether you did it or not, the stigma will never go away. There will always be others out there who will think you are as guilty as sin. Which can lead to disaster in your life.

Am I wrong to be afraid of working with children these days? Could you ******* imagine if the kid of some prison guard accused you of "Touching" them!? Some will say that a child would never just make up a story like that. But it doesn't matter. Whether or not they did or didn't, you end up in court where everyone will see. Who wants that kind of danger? Do any of you feel this way?

Barbaloot · Jul 9, 2012

I don't think you are wrong to feel that way. Sometimes it's better safe than sorry, but false accusations can even come from your personal life... so you're never really safe unless you're just ... never alone around children ever.

In the UK, at least when I worked for one of my universities there, it was explicitly illegal to touch any child in any way who was under 16 without their parents' consent. My employers would have long lectures about that law, just in case any children came along with their parents or families. I guess it's a good thing because it protects both children and employees, to a certain extent, anyway. I imagine accusations could still come completely out of the blue, but at least nothing innocent could be misconstrued.

SophiaGrace · Jul 9, 2012

I'm going to be a school counselor and I think the risks are worth it.

LoneKiller · Jul 9, 2012

SophiaGrace said:
I'm going to be a school counselor and I think the risks are worth it.

I'm not sure. but I think that child molesters are predominately men. I believe that females are less likely to engage in that kind of behavior. Again, not sure though.

Okiedokes · Jul 9, 2012

You have a point there... and kids will lie and some kids are good at lying... this is why I'm hesitant to babysit because either they might lie about something or what if something happened since kids are so quick. I wouldn't want to be put in that position. Even the most responsible parent can screw up or not be quick enough, but when it's someone else's kid you can get in even more trouble. I get these strange ideas like what if?? so I won't even bother.

LeaningIntoTheMuse · Jul 9, 2012

This is why I don't want to become a father. Don't want to deal with this bullshit.

The happiest day of my life will be replaced by the saddest, if my own kid turns on me.

Lonesome Crow · Jul 9, 2012

My ex-gf was a social worker. She worked with children off and on most of her life.
She really wanted to help children. Took lots of courses and classes in human behaviors..ect
She finally got accepted to work in children's services. It was her dream job.

It was also something inside of her that she needed to resolved.
It wasnt clear to her...who malested her when she was a child.
A family member or a friend of the family.
Her family just wrote it off or kept it a secret.
So it was really hard for her to talk about it to anyone of her family.

Slowly....it messed her up. All the truama and dramma she saw day after day
becuase overtime she became emotionally attached to some of the children.
She was like a mother to some of the children. A loving mother they never had.
The children where assigned to her until they turn 18 or and be a self supporting adult.
The children where from all differnt age group. From new borns to 17 yrs old.

Many times she would come home and just cry for hours becuase it truamatized her.
She had to go retrieve the children...during drug bust, abusive parents, neglected
children, domestic violence...etc. Very, very messed up conditions.

Bones · Jul 9, 2012

Above are some of the reasons why my daughter missed out on being kid.

Because it was me and her after winning custody when she was around 01.50 years old, she always had to sleep by herself.

If she was scared, I would leave her door open and sleep in the hallway where she still could see me.

A kid could say something that could be taken wrong and I would lose her; and her being with her mom, was NOT an option for one reason or another.

Also, she was never allowed to have someone stay the night for the same reasons.

It is really sad it had to be this way because of this day and age.

Now that her friends are two years older than her and an adult, the restriction was finally lefted this summer as long as my mom was in the house.

I really feel bad and horrible over this, but I had to do it because of the potential consequences.

(I am emotional over this enough to shed a few tears right now because my daughter missed out on some of the fun things of being a kid.)

SophiaGrace · Jul 9, 2012

Lonesome Crow said:
My ex-gf was a social worker. She worked with children off and on most of her life.
She really wanted to help children. Took lots of courses and classes in human behaviors..ect
She finally got accepted to work in children's services. It was her dream job.

It was also something inside of her that she needed to resolved.
It wasnt clear to her...who malested her when she was a child.
A family member or a friend of the family.
Her family just wrote it off or kept it a secret.
So it was really hard for her to talk about it to anyone of her family.

Slowly....it messed her up. All the truama and dramma she saw day after day
becuase overtime she became emotionally attached to some of the children.
She was like a mother to some of the children. A loving mother they never had.
The children where assigned to her until they turn 18 or and be a self supporting adult.
The children where from all differnt age group. From new borns to 17 yrs old.

Many times she would come home and just cry for hours becuase it truamatized her.
She had to go retrieve the children...during drug bust, abusive parents, neglected
children, domestic violence...etc. Very, very messed up conditions.

I can see how that can be traumatic.

People have to do that job though. They are heroes.

Lonesome Crow · Jul 9, 2012

SophiaGrace said:
Lonesome Crow said:

My ex-gf was a social worker. She worked with children off and on most of her life.
She really wanted to help children. Took lots of courses and classes in human behaviors..ect
She finally got accepted to work in children's services. It was her dream job.

It was also something inside of her that she needed to resolved.
It wasnt clear to her...who malested her when she was a child.
A family member or a friend of the family.
Her family just wrote it off or kept it a secret.
So it was really hard for her to talk about it to anyone of her family.

Slowly....it messed her up. All the truama and dramma she saw day after day
becuase overtime she became emotionally attached to some of the children.
She was like a mother to some of the children. A loving mother they never had.
The children where assigned to her until they turn 18 or and be a self supporting adult.
The children where from all differnt age group. From new borns to 17 yrs old.

Many times she would come home and just cry for hours becuase it truamatized her.
She had to go retrieve the children...during drug bust, abusive parents, neglected
children, domestic violence...etc. Very, very messed up conditions.

Click to expand...

I can see how that can be traumatic.

People have to do that job though. They are heroes.

Life is rather odd...After our children died...She totally lost it.
She couldnt understand why god didnt grant us our own children.
The she would love our children. Yet other people had children
and didnt give a fresia.
Slowly over time...she got hooked on prescriptions meds that
was suppost to help her with her ptsd.
She had all the knowlege, training and witness of how addictions
can destroy family and lives. None of that matters. Thats why she's my ex.

Life gets even more strange.
Ive been trying save my daughter's life. She grew up with foster
parents...that's a bit more waked out than her mother and I were.
Lots of unresolved issues for my daughter. Mostly she just wants
to be loved by her mother and I.

ajdass1 · Jul 9, 2012

I hope we get to a society where we can trust people with children again.

My grandparents sometimes speak of how much more trusting the world was back when they were first bringing up their own kids, and when they were still young. I don't know if this is the case... I think back then people were probably just less aware of it. It got shoved under the rug for the sake of saving face. Nowadays there's more support for these kids, like LC's ex there, heroes.

Another thing is: when you see the news, you get inundated with horror stories. You don't hear about the good teachers who make a difference in kid's lives for the better. They don't make for good headlines. So I think if you do want to work with kids, you can't let that fear stop you.

Also, how bad of an apple do you have to be to accuse someone of molesting you? I can't imagine that it happens very much at all.

LoneKiller · Jul 9, 2012

I just want to say that I hope this thread hasn't offended or upset any members who might have went through such a horrendous time in their lives. I've never been molested as a child, so I can't possibly relate. I apologize if I reminded anyone of a past they are trying to forget.

SophiaGrace · Jul 9, 2012

LoneKiller said:
I just want to say that I hope this thread hasn't offended or upset any members who might have went through such a horrendous time in their lives. I've never been molested as a child, so I can't possibly relate. I apologize if I reminded anyone of a past they are trying to forget.

I've been through it.

It didn't occur to me until you said this though.

I tend to compartmentalize it.

LoneKiller · Jul 9, 2012

SophiaGrace said:
LoneKiller said:

I just want to say that I hope this thread hasn't offended or upset any members who might have went through such a horrendous time in their lives. I've never been molested as a child, so I can't possibly relate. I apologize if I reminded anyone of a past they are trying to forget.

Click to expand...

I've been through it.

It didn't occur to me until you said this though.

I tend to compartmentalize it.

I can't tell you how sorry I am to hear that you suffered through what can only be considered a truly dire time in your life.

SophiaGrace · Jul 9, 2012

i compartmentalize it because there's no use in living there. gotta live in the present and future.

LeaningIntoTheMuse · Jul 9, 2012

I have nieces and nephews that I'm really close to, but I avoid doing social things with them, because I don't want to raise people's eyebrows. It's really sad, because I really would like to do activities with them; I'd like to teach my nephew how to play baseball, I'd like to do arts and crafts with my niece, and I'd love to take both to the library...but, as we all know, men are assumed to be perps until proven innocent, so I can't.

I have no attraction to children. I don't know why I even have to explain this. I have social anxiety, which may make me look guilty, but I am attracted to women in their 20's. I avoid contact with kids, though, and tend to act like I am guilty, though, because being a single male, with no children, seems to raise red flags.

I understand completely where LoneKiller is coming from. All I can say is, it's a **** shame. The real pedophiles are the ones that are not being caught, until it's too late. The ones that are so normal, that it's shocking when you find out what their real fantasies are.

LoneKiller · Jul 10, 2012

Back at my old house, before my brother and I rented the upstairs apartment, there was a woman who lived there with her young child who was in the tub. She called me and asked if I could watch her while she stepped out. I flat out said that I'm sorry, but I don't want that kind of responsibility. No way. These days, you have to be careful.

Sci-Fi · Jul 10, 2012

I babysat when I was a teenager, mostly boys though. At one time I did babysit a brother and sister, the girl developed a bit of a crush but that was about it. Never had any problems with kids threatening to make false claims. But a guy I worked with once had a kid tell him if he didn't let him do whatever he wanted he'd tell his parents that he touched him. That freaked the guy I worked with out and he never babysat again. It's incredible what some kids will do. I had a "friend" once tell his mom he'd call Children's Aid and accuse her of beating him. That would have been about 25 years ago (man I feel old now). Over the years kids have gotten bolder.

Lonesome Crow · Jul 10, 2012

My step son used to pull that BS on me when he was 16 and being an ass.
Failing all of his classes, staying out till 3 am during the week.
Then crank up the TV super loud late at night while his mother and I trying
to get sleep so I can go to work and pay the freaken bills....as if we didnt
know how to party and get our freak on.....

Then tell me honeysuckle ike i wasnt his dad. Totally just taking advantage
of the situation. And emotionally drag his mother with guilt.
I basically just told him...He's never too old to get an ass whooping.
and I'll take the fucken belt to his ass and it's not abused.

I got tired of it. So I stayed out of the decipline honeysuckle.
Playing good cops and bad cops with him...

Of course he totally went off on his mother oneday. His
mother and I came home during break at 10am and cuagth him
ditching. She was in tears but she knew also he was maniplating her.

I was bing cool about it...just told him to go to school and stop
being an ******* to his mom and that he hasnt invented anything new.
I was 16 too...but he just went over board.
Then he started going off on me.....
I threw all of his honeysuckle out...told him to GTFO. He can go live
with his grandmother or his dad. Lets see if they put up with his BS.
His mother finally had to put her foot down too. Told him to gtfo too.
Dont look at her and start crying 5 mins after going off on her.

It was ridiculous...
Oh well...after he moved out. My gf sex lives got better. Be as loud as we wanna be.
Have sex anytime and anywhere in the house we want. Get romanctic anytime we want.
we stopped arguing..becuase that was most of our arguments... about her kid.
More money to spend on ourselves. Take weekends get away anytime we wanted
like we used too before he moved in. She started walking around the house naked
again for a couple of weeks...just to remember how it was to be able to breathe and just
be herself.

Oh well...he had to do an extra yr of HS and attend summer school
if he dosnt want to do another year. He's actually a very smart kid.
He did intelligence in the navy.

LeaningIntoTheMuse · Jul 10, 2012

Some kids are just bad seeds.

Because of the way the legal system looks at it, though, all kids are golden angels that would never dare make up such a thing! As we all know, that isn't the case.

And the kids that are being hurt, are usually too scared to say anything about it.

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