Problem with meeting new people.

I am currently 19 years old. Growing up, I didn't have many friends except my two best friends that I've known since my early childhood.

My two best friends, Alex & Steve, aren't in my life anymore and it truly sucks. I had a special connection with both of them. We all had a very similar sense of humor, we knew everything about one another, we had similar interests, but in the end it all fell apart. I stopped talked to both of them for the following reasons.

Alex & I were incredibly close growing up. We knew each other for 8 years or so. 2011 came around, and he just began to isolate himself and started ignoring me for no particular reason. I kept trying to contact him, invite him to hang out, but it was futile. There was nothing I can do. He just didn't want to socialize anymore. He just became depressed, or bitter or something. I felt like I had no choices left. He simply didn't care about anything any longer so I just gave up on him and I just stopped caring as well. I used to talk to him on the phone every single day, and I used to see him weekly, but all of a sudden he just shut me out like I was a nobody to him, and I just finally gave up.

My second best friend, Steve. I knew him for 8 years as well. He was always a huge part of my life, but as the years progressed, he grew less and less reliable, and started to devalue our friendship. He would stop talking to me, he would stop calling, barely wanted to hang out, and overall didn't seem to really want to be around my life because he had other friends so he didn't really care about what we had. I realized that it was pointless to keep trying to get through to him and make him care, but I gave up in the end.

So as you can see, both friendships ended almost the same way. Both of my best friends just stopped caring. They began to devalue my friendship, up to the point where they just wouldn't call me or talk to me for months. And it wasn't because of anything I did. I was always there for them. I was always a wonderful friend and companion, and they just didn't realize how genuine of a person I was. It truly sucks because people like me aren't very common. I am nothing but a good person, I have really good qualities and yet I feel like nobody gives a **** about that.

It's just very depressing. I knew both of my best friends since my early childhood. We grew up together, grew up developing similar interests, similar personalities, etc. How am I supposed to find that in a new person? There is no way. I just can't do that. Me and my best friends have a long history and being able to replace that just doesn't seem possible at all. How am I supposed to meet somebody like them? I just can't meet new people. Everytime I meet a new person, I realize how different I am from them.

Like I said, my two best friends and I were very similar. But finding that similarity in a person in real life just doesn't seem possible at this point in my life. I mean, I'm already 19. I have a job, I am constantly social at my job, but nobody clicks with me. Or rather, I can't click with anybody. I just feel
too detached from society.

I just wish I could rekindle the bond I had with my former best friends. But I just don't think there is anything I can do. I just feel like they're too grown up now and don't really appreciate me as much as they used too. Now I have nobody, except a few online friends. That's all I have to keep me company.

The last time I spoke to one of my former best friends was two months ago. I contacted Steve and asked him if he wanted to make plans. Going in, I knew what to expect. He was going to make some kind of excuse again, and sure enough, he did. At that point, I had it with him. I realized that it's over for good. That there is truly nothing left so salvage. I just can't keep that kind of person in my life. Somebody who can't be there for me and make a simple plan with me. It was always something new with him. Everytime he approached me and asked me to meet up, I would always be there. But he rather stay home and play his video games all day and forget about me. That's just unbelievable. People just don't care anymore.

While I can understand you're having a difficult time, I'm a little curious as to why you posted the same thread you posted a month ago almost word for word? People commented to that one and one even gave you some good suggestions.

Barbaloot said:

While I can understand you're having a difficult time, I'm a little curious as to why you posted the same thread you posted a month ago almost word for word? People commented to that one and one even gave you some good suggestions.

Click to expand...

Well I only got two responses in that thread and they didn't really help me that much so I'm hoping to receive a little bit more feedback this time.. I am running out of options.

OK then. Good luck.

Wow, same as me... my best friend treat me good, but after few month, he ignore me :3 I help him a lot... but now i got nothing. But did you do something wrong, or there is no reason why they stop caring about you?

I have gone through the same thing. I was part of a small group of what I thought were close friends. I'd known them ranging from 10 years through to 30 years, I thought we were such a close-knit group. We used to do everything together. Along came the internet...people preferred short emails instead of telephone conversations. Nobody had time to meet up anymore. Then came the marriages and kids. Those who went that route lost touch with me, and to be honest, it wasn't all that bad because I had nothing in common with them anymore. Those who stayed single or childless...well, then came My Space, then Facebook, then Twitter...where it seemed for them a quick comment on my page was all that was necessary to keep the friendship alive. I no longer have any accounts with any social networking sites, and guess what? Lost all the friends.

I feel like I made the effort but they didn't. I'm in your boat. I haven't had a real friend in over 9 years now. I feel like I don't click with anyone. Hell, I don't even own a television, when I tell people that they think I'm an alien or something. I think I was born in the wrong era.

I don't know if advice is good coming from me, considering I can relate so well to you...but how about taking a course or something? It could be anything that you like, or even a course at the local school. You'd meet like-minded people...and maybe that one person you can click with. That's my plan for 2013, moving to a new city and returning to University.

As hard as it is, if people refuse to make the effort to be your friend, you have to let them go. I physically and emotionally grieved every one of those jerks who dumped me and believe me, it hurt. But you can't let them treat you that way. Friendship is a two-way street and it's very lonely when you're only a friend of convenience, I know!

Skye

I think it is time that you move on. Your one friend, it sounds like, simply does not want to be your freind,,, for whatever reason, I don't know. Your other friend, it sounds like he is going through some depression, and isolating oneself tends to be part of that... personally, I would just shoot him an email every once in a while, so that he knows you are there for him, if he wants to talk.

In terms of finding new friends, you are never going to have the same relationship as you did with the others. Just having a friend is a good thing; do not compare new friends to old ones, as everybody is different, and every relationship is different, so you can't expect to start off a relationship with a new person, in the same position as the relationships you used to have with your old friends... they were your friends for 8 years, but that first day you met them, you were not best friends, you didn't know anything about each other. Friendships take a long time to develop; it does not happen instantly...

Kaiten350 said:

How am I supposed to find that in a new person? There is no way. I just can't do that. Me and my best friends have a long history and being able to replace that just doesn't seem possible at all. How am I supposed to meet somebody like them? I just can't meet new people. Everytime I meet a new person, I realize how different I am from them.

Click to expand...

I have quite a few friends that ended the same way things ended with you, Alex, and Steve. I think these things are hard to pinpoint and really find reasons for in hindsight, but mostly they can be lumped into one blanket reason: "You grew apart." This is normal, and should be expected with some people in your life. It doesn't necessarily make it any easier to deal with, however.

I guess the best thing I can tell you is that you're going about this different then I would. Personally, I wouldn't be trying to meet new people to replace anyone. I don't think people or relationships are replaceable - they're all complicated, different, and layered.

Were your friendships with these two people so perfect that you don't think you could ever improve on them? I think if you think back for a bit, you could find some flaws - every friendship has its flaws.

Also, I had to address you not being able to be friends with other people because they're "too different" - sometimes that's what makes a friendship interesting. One thing I've always been told by my parents is that what we have in common brings us together, but its our differences that bind us.

It sucks that you fell out with your friends. But that seems more common then you think. At least here it is anyway. I've gone from hanging out with hundreds of people when I was younger to like.. 5 people these days. It just happens sadly. People change as they grow up. You can still find new buddies though. I have.

sadface said:

Kaiten350 said:

How am I supposed to find that in a new person? There is no way. I just can't do that. Me and my best friends have a long history and being able to replace that just doesn't seem possible at all. How am I supposed to meet somebody like them? I just can't meet new people. Everytime I meet a new person, I realize how different I am from them.

Click to expand...

I have quite a few friends that ended the same way things ended with you, Alex, and Steve. I think these things are hard to pinpoint and really find reasons for in hindsight, but mostly they can be lumped into one blanket reason: "You grew apart." This is normal, and should be expected with some people in your life. It doesn't necessarily make it any easier to deal with, however.

I guess the best thing I can tell you is that you're going about this different then I would. Personally, I wouldn't be trying to meet new people to replace anyone. I don't think people or relationships are replaceable - they're all complicated, different, and layered.

Were your friendships with these two people so perfect that you don't think you could ever improve on them? I think if you think back for a bit, you could find some flaws - every friendship has its flaws.

Also, I had to address you not being able to be friends with other people because they're "too different" - sometimes that's what makes a friendship interesting. One thing I've always been told by my parents is that what we have in common brings us together, but its our differences that bind us.

Click to expand...

I'm grateful for your response.. Thanks! I just want to clarify some things. By no means were my friendships with my former best friends "flawless". There were many things that I couldn't tolerate about them, but I clung to their friendships for the sake of not having to be alone. I knew that if I let them go, I would have nobody left. That's why I pushed myself so much. That's why I always allowed them to walk all over me. Because of the fear of having to lose them. I just couldn't accept being alone. I have had this problem my entire life. This happened with my ex-girlfriend as well. She betrayed my trust, walked all over me, and I still wanted to be in her life so I wouldn't have to feel alone because at the time, I felt like any company was better than being all alone. But now I realize, it's better to be alone, then in bad company.

It's just, the process of making new friends requires so much effort you know? My best friends, I knew them for almost 10 years. That's 1/10 of my lifetime. Being able to meet somebody right now in my life, this late, and establishing that kind of relationship with them just seems too difficult. I don't see how it can be possible. I've seen it happen before. I just don't know if it can happen for me, you know?

I just have so much to offer as a person, but I feel like I'm throwing my life away because I don't hold the answers that I seek. If I knew what to do with myself, I would. If I knew how to break out of this solitary life, I would in a heartbeat. I just don't know what path to take.. I am just too misguided. When I was with my former best friends, I had no worries. I never had these problems. I felt safe knowing that I had somebody to rely on.. Now look at me. Look what I have become. I'm a loser and it's so difficult to admit, but I am. I just throw my life away so frivolously, and I can't do anything to save it. Time ticks and I remain in the same place. What will happen to me at this point?

Yes, I got a job this year.. Yes I fixed some aspects of my life, but I still remain stuck in this prison. It's too much. ):