Self-Esteem: Physical Scars

So it's summer, and everywhere around me guys are wandering around with their shirts off. This is basically something I wouldn't be seen dead doing, even if I was just with family or something.

I'm jealous of the 99% guys that just have normal torsos. Skinny, muscular, fat, whatever - just having a standard bellybutton and lower stomach must be so nice.

When I was a baby I was in pretty dire medical situations a bunch of times and I had significant operations done in the region of my stomach.

The net result is I've got a large scar right across that area (right below my abs), then under that the skin all sags, making my bellybutton look about 3 times as long vertically as it actually is. It's (IMO) totally gross.

I feel so frustrated sometimes - I've worked so that my arms and legs are muscular, I have abs that are visible and yet below that I have this awful looking stomach that I can do nothing about.

Am I just being really petty and shallow? I mean, I'm really thankful for the good attributes that I have (doubly so since I lost some of my hearing), but sometimes I feel like I couldn't ever bear for anyone to see me with my shirt off. I already don't go swimming or to pool parties because of it.

maybe wear something other than swim trunks to the beach?

My brother had several surgeries as a premature baby...many on his stomach.

He's 14 and it doesn't even bother him...he goes out in trunks and doesn't care.

No one has ever criticized him and honestly, if anyone bothers you - tell them to fresia off.

I've seen people with a missing leg or this or that physical "deformity" and nobody cares.

The only people that care are superficial idiotic people likely in their teens to twenties...mature people won't give a ****.

Scars are awesome.

Just tell women that you were shot in the gut while undercover once -- and refuse to give them more details.

I agree with BJD, scars are not only awesome but can be sexy.
You shouldn't worry about it, you could even do like he said and make up awesome stories about how it happened if anyone asked. Most of the time though, people probably won't even comment on it. If it were me, I probably wouldn't even notice it.

And I'm sure it doesn't look nearly as bad as you think it does.

But, to make sure, I'll need topless photos to confirm my statement...






... jk unless...?

Badjedidude said:

Scars are awesome.

Just tell women that you were shot in the gut while undercover once -- and refuse to give them more details.

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Lol, that does sound dark, brooding and mysterious I suppose

When it comes to girls, I feel like I'm misleading them with my body. If they perhaps feel attracted to me in vests/shirts or whatever, they're not seeing the 'real' horrible me lurking underneath.

SophiaGrace said:

maybe wear something other than swim trunks to the beach?

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I've managed to get away with a tank top plus shorts/trunks sometimes, but swimming's pretty much out of the question

Stars said:

My brother had several surgeries as a premature baby...many on his stomach.

...

The only people that care are superficial idiotic people likely in their teens to twenties...mature people won't give a ****.

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Thanks Stars, your reply cheered me up a bit

Yeah, unfortunately everyone around me at the moment is in their teens/twenties! It didn't used to bother me so much until I worked on improving my body, then it hit me just how bad it looks.

Barbaloot said:

I agree with BJD, scars are not only awesome but can be sexy.

...

And I'm sure it doesn't look nearly as bad as you think it does.

But, to make sure, I'll need topless photos to confirm my statement...

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Lol Well, I'm afraid it's highly unlikely I'll be taking my top off anytime soon. It's really not the "sexy" sort of scar, more like anti-sexy. I think it's compounded by the amount of weight I've lost over the last couple of years too, I still need to tighten the skin up.

Needless to say though, I'm 100% sure you would notice were you to see me on the street parading around with shirt off.

TheSolitaryMan said:

Needless to say though, I'm 100% sure you would notice were you to see me on the street parading around with shirt off.

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So what if we did? Scars are a part of who you are, there are always stories behind them. Sometimes they are just from stupidity, but then you have those times when the person can't help having the scars...such as yourself. Yeah, people will look, it's human nature, but those that are worth having in your life won't care about some scars, they'll care about YOU.

That said, one would think there was some type of cosmetic surgery that could at least make it a little better. I don't know if that's an option for you or if you could afford it or even want to do it, but it might be something to look into.

There is always a story behind scars, it's an ice breaker for conversation at least. Not to bag on over weight people but if some of them can go to the beach in a bikini/speedo then you have nothing to worry about. Oh even better example, Google Steven Tyler Speedo.

TheSolitaryMan said:

When it comes to girls, I feel like I'm misleading them with my body. If they perhaps feel attracted to me in vests/shirts or whatever, they're not seeing the 'real' horrible me lurking underneath.

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Hi Solitary Man, I can relate to this statement. I feel like I look great in my clothes, but when the bra comes off, gravity takes over. I'm mortified sometimes how age has hit me so quickly. I also have scars all over my arms and I used to wear long sleeves all the time but now I don't care. They are especially apparent in the summer when I have tanned arms, they're all white and it's obvious I used to self-harm.

Funny, I don't care about those scars, but I feel way too insecure show my saggy belly or wear a bikini without steel cups in the bra...I think in general, we are way too self-critical. Even the most "perfect" looking person has flaws that they hate.

I read something the other day to the effect of "most people are more concerned with their own apparent flaws than the ones you are trying to hide from them". I think that's so true!

But I know how it messes with the self-esteem. I guess that's why I've been alone so long.

post pics!

I got beat up once... someone sliced the side of my face above my cheek bone and got dropped off at a shady hospital that did a crap job patching me up...
Now i have a scar... but i cant see it... not without a mirror... I usually forget its there. but im sure others notice... but i never got asked about it. not once.

Ill share my scar if you share yours

of course people will notice !!! do you not think they notice you are there, even if your shirt isn't off? People always will notice you. Honestly, people don't care about scars... if somebody ever asks you about it, it is just because they are curious, it would not have anything to do with thinking there is something wrong with you at all..... I have scars too, and some of mine were done on purpose...now that is something to be a bit more embarrassed about... dude, don't worry at all, trust me. The odd ones are people that have no scars...its life, scars happen, no big deal... your scar is not who you are, you are who you are, and that is the only thing that matters...

Scars aren't any problem at all. Don't trouble yourself with them, most people won't be/aren't bothered with them.
And as far as loose skin is concerned. I know how annoying this can be. Well, nothing much can be done. Accept it or if you can't, you can surgically remove it.

I'm probably still a hopeless romantic. Even if I don't really believe in love any longer. But still, we're supposed to believe that when we will meet the right person, he/she will accept us completely. With all our flaws. So in other words, the right kind of girl won't be/shouldn't be troubled with it.

And you're certainly not alone. Many people have scares or loose/saggy skin. These problems aren't uncommon at all. Many times people can look great in their clothes. But underneath there can be all kind of imperfections/problems hidden.

scars are a product of nature. only plastic people dont have scars. and im sure there are many out there.

I just dont want to be one of them. and dont care if you dont like me because of it.

but still, give people a chance to know and like you.

But I guess it comes back to liking yourself... the issue we all have on this forum... (i ass-u-me)

I can relate with you, sometimes I get self conscious of my scars as well and I use to blame the hell out of the guy who gave them to me; always like "That mother F...CRAP" only when I was kid though haha, not anymore.

A few weeks after I was born I contracted chicken pox, because my uncle came to visit me while his symptoms weren't present. And it covered my body from head to toe, or so says my mom. She had to bathe me in oatmeal because I kept crying and stuff. But the pain I went through still shows today, I have these abnormal scars scattered over my face and body. But I bet it would be easier on you if you had someone to blame. But yeah I just came up with a funny story whenever someone asks "Wow so, those scars." "Yeah, got into a fight with my friend over bacon. It got so bad he threw a pan with the bacon grease at me." or something like that.

This might not be totally a relevant story to tell.. I'm not sure, but I wanna throw it out there anyway. I've always remembered this story that a Vicar once told to my primary school when I was about 8.

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It was about a boy who was saved by his grandparent from a burning building, resulting in the grandparent suffering many visible and permanent burn marks all around his body.

Later in childhood, the boy makes friends but always seems to be ashamed and too shy to bring friends to his house, because he is afraid that they will see what his grandparent looks like, and then think that it is really weird.

His dad finds out about this fear, and highlights to the boy that actually; the marks there are simply a symbol of a fight to save his life. They're nothing to be ashamed of, but rather something to be cherished as something that means he can live on today.

Later, the boy brings friends to his house, all of whom are in awe of hearing the story about his grandfather when they see him.

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Solitary... I know it is obviously not the same, and easy to say for someone else. But your marks on your stomach are simply just something that you couldn't possibly avoid, and they symbolise the fact that you're still here to have the opportunity to impress everyone with your abs and everything else you've done xD.

I think, as people have said here already, the people that judge you simply due to this appearence aren't those people that you want to know anyway. They're just narrow minded twits. This isn't something that you could help at all, it's just simply how it is. Listen to Stars who's got it pretty much summed up xD. The appearance of scars - whether a "cool" red line accross the stomach or an area of sagged skin - it's besides the point to those important people!

If you were to, say, get to know a seemingly really nice girl who then runs away at the sight - then it's a lucky escape my friend : ) (If I may be so bold as to say that).

I hope you're able to go around in trunks sometime and show off all the hard work you've done. I'm sure I would be very envious xD

When I see Scars on people I think there like some kinda war hero.

Women are way more forgiving of scars and physical deformities than men are. Personal experience. Plus when you say that you had all these surgeries, I personally couldn't help but feel sympathy for that little baby that had to go through all of that. So that's good: you activated some maternal, caretaker response in me: I'm sure that there's many other women who will feel the same way.

Lol @ the bullet comments. There's no need to lie about the scar, you were a kid, what could you do? The cause of it is nothing to be ashamed of. So what if you didn't earn the Victoria Cross for it? Who gives a crap? To repeat what Callie said, what matters most to women (who have any kind of integrity) is who you are.

So you're not one of those bro's who are all like, "dude, man, I'm sweatin my ballz off, argh I have to take off my t-shirt, show off my t*ts" and all the girls are like, "omg look he took off his shirt from behind, like he did that bend over thing and like, brought it up, not like with his arms in front..." You're someone else. Or who knows, maybe you will be, if you want.

Yep, I agree with everybody else about the scarring. Scars are acceptable. They can even be sexy. Personally, I find some scars downright arousing. I know it's weird, but there have been a few scars out there that I just wanted to touch and lick so I could check out the texture of them against my fingers and tongue.

nerdygirl said:

Yep, I agree with everybody else about the scarring. Scars are acceptable. They can even be sexy. Personally, I find some scars downright arousing. I know it's weird, but there have been a few scars out there that I just wanted to touch and lick so I could check out the texture of them against my fingers and tongue.

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Wow, that's awesome.

Um, you should know, but .... at least half my body is covered in scars. In strategically placed areas.

I'm sorry, it was right there. I couldn't resist.

/don't hit me, I'm too pretty

Sci-Fi said:

Oh even better example, Google Steven Tyler Speedo.

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good one.