Love is a cruel joke

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Drew88

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I am getting so sick and tired of searching for someone to connect to, and not being able to get anybody to respond to me. I know its a challenging task to find someone and you gotta have faith, but when no matter how much you try to reach out, how many ads you put up, people you talk to or message and no one wants to pursue you, shows interest, or want to connect with you. It can be hard not to feel so lonely, coming home to nothing but my cat. I feel like I have something I can give to someone, but I can not help but feel that I'll never get the chance. I am getting older and my kidneys could fail at any moment, I would like to feel the TRUE embraced of a partner before they do.
 
Oh my gosh, I can relate so well to you. I have been having the same thoughts lately, I want to feel affection and romance before it's too late. I sometimes feel desperate about it...like I won't make it before I kiss a guy again - it brings tears to my eyes. Unfortunately I can't really offer tried and true advice since I've basically lived as a hermit the last 18 years of my life and avoided people as best I could. I'm in a better place these days, and now I want that romance. I racked my brain trying to figure out how to meet people. I don't think I could handle online dating places and ads like that, the possibility of rejection is too high. For me, it's person to person only, so I'm moving back to the city, and returning to school in a year, hopefully that'll force some good social situations on me and I'll find a guy to share that embrace with. I may be wrong, but I really think that sharing interests with people gives you a better chance of really connecting. A room full of people who study what I'm studying? Maybe that'll do it. Or if I join certain clubs and associations...sorry if that doesn't really help. I just can relate to how you feel very much and I feel for you.

Skye
 
Thank you for your reply, and I congratulate you on at least kissing someone, that more then what I've done in love. The problem I have is if I were to go "back to school", enter a club, or etc I find it very hard at the thought of meeting someone. Besides if you are in a class/etc, why would you bother meeting someone when they are their focus is on the subject? Its complete BS.
 
Drew88 said:
Thank you for your reply, and I congratulate you on at least kissing someone, that more then what I've done in love. The problem I have is if I were to go "back to school", enter a club, or etc I find it very hard at the thought of meeting someone. Besides if you are in a class/etc, why would you bother meeting someone when they are their focus is on the subject? Its complete BS.

Sorry you think my reply was complete BS. In my opinion, people aren't always just at school to study. I think there is a social aspect to it. I'm not saying people are going back to school to hook up. That's an expensive way to date.
 
Montreal Skye said:
Drew88 said:
Thank you for your reply, and I congratulate you on at least kissing someone, that more then what I've done in love. The problem I have is if I were to go "back to school", enter a club, or etc I find it very hard at the thought of meeting someone. Besides if you are in a class/etc, why would you bother meeting someone when they are their focus is on the subject? Its complete BS.

Sorry you think my reply was complete BS. In my opinion, people aren't always just at school to study. I think there is a social aspect to it.I'm not saying people are going back to school to hook up. That's an expensive way to date..

I'm not saying people are going back to school to hook up. That's an expensive way to date.

This is the funniest thing I've read today- awesome!
 
Montreal Skye said:
Drew88 said:
Thank you for your reply, and I congratulate you on at least kissing someone, that more then what I've done in love. The problem I have is if I were to go "back to school", enter a club, or etc I find it very hard at the thought of meeting someone. Besides if you are in a class/etc, why would you bother meeting someone when they are their focus is on the subject? Its complete BS.

Sorry you think my reply was complete BS. In my opinion, people aren't always just at school to study. I think there is a social aspect to it. I'm not saying people are going back to school to hook up. That's an expensive way to date.

I do not honk that your Reply is BS, in fact you have a point. I know that. The way I look at it is that I would think it would be harder to meet some one in a class/work setting if you are focus on class or work. Why would somebody try to mix the two when if you it's not the best for the reason you are there. For me it would be best to where the focus is people not a subject or a task.
 
When people go to school, they don't always sit there with their eyeballs strained and drying out to focus on the class. That's what Skye's point was... Sure, they focus, but having a conversation with someone isn't that far-fetched just because they're in class. You could be a valedictorian and still socialize in school. Talking to someone in class doesn't mean you lose focus of being in school. It's a social setting, is what the point was...
 
I can't tell you sorry I am to hear about your social problems. More so, about your kidneys. I think that the reason you are having trouble finding someone is because nobody trusts anyone any more. Some people have been hurt so many times, that they constantly have their guard up.

Don't blame yourself. Maybe you are trying too hard. I posted something about attractive men and women a long time ago. I've spoken to a lot of hot women. Quite often they are single. They feel that because they are pretty, most guys won't ask them out because they just figure that a girl that hot has to be taken, when in fact, a lot of times they aren't.
 
Drew88 said:
I am getting so sick and tired of searching for someone to connect to, and not being able to get anybody to respond to me. I know its a challenging task to find someone and you gotta have faith, but when no matter how much you try to reach out, how many ads you put up, people you talk to or message and no one wants to pursue you, shows interest, or want to connect with you. It can be hard not to feel so lonely, coming home to nothing but my cat. I feel like I have something I can give to someone, but I can not help but feel that I'll never get the chance. I am getting older and my kidneys could fail at any moment, I would like to feel the TRUE embraced of a partner before they do.

I can also relate to your post Drew. You seem like a nice person and I hope you find someone who loves you for you. I also have never had females persue me, show any interest or try and connect with me and my day to day life is very lonely.

It would be so wonderful to find someone wouldn't it. I feel that I also have alot to give, I have alot of love and affection to give and I would do anything to find a nice woman to hug, explore the world, share things with and experience life with.
 
VanillaCreme said:
When people go to school, they don't always sit there with their eyeballs strained and drying out to focus on the class. That's what Skye's point was... Sure, they focus, but having a conversation with someone isn't that far-fetched just because they're in class. You could be a valedictorian and still socialize in school. Talking to someone in class doesn't mean you lose focus of being in school. It's a social setting, is what the point was...


Thats my problem, I just can not take a class and casually talk to a girl. I can not be "just friends" with her if she isn't a minor, taken, or older, for me its all or nothing. Why waste the time?
 
So getting to know people is a waste of time?
Why should any girl give it her all when she barely knows you?
How would you react to some stranger placing all these expectations of love and commitment so suddenly?
I dunno but for me...it's creepy. :S

Casually talking is really not a big deal...if you expect that simply by talking to a girl that you're interested in (that isn't a minor, taken, or older) that all of a sudden she's going to love you and commit to you instantly - you're mistaken, because things like that take timeee.

But you won't reach your destination if you aren't even willing to start from the bottom...it's not gonna kill you to casually talk to people. Get to know people and see how it goes from there...for all you know, that girl you casually talked to is the one or maybe she'll lead you to the one...or maybe you've made another good friend.

No point in putting excessive pressure on yourself or girls that are strangers pretty much. :S
 
Stars said:
So getting to know people is a waste of time?
Why should any girl give it her all when she barely knows you?
How would you react to some stranger placing all these expectations of love and commitment so suddenly?
I dunno but for me...it's creepy. :S

Casually talking is really not a big deal...if you expect that simply by talking to a girl that you're interested in (that isn't a minor, taken, or older) that all of a sudden she's going to love you and commit to you instantly - you're mistaken, because things like that take timeee.

But you won't reach your destination if you aren't even willing to start from the bottom...it's not gonna kill you to casually talk to people. Get to know people and see how it goes from there...for all you know, that girl you casually talked to is the one or maybe she'll lead you to the one...or maybe you've made another good friend.

No point in putting excessive pressure on yourself or girls that are strangers pretty much. :S

So getting to know people is a waste of time?
No, it just can be from my prospective some times


Why should any girl give it her all when she barely knows you?
She shouldn't, thats just all I think about. I focus too much on the future & the past. I know that, that is a fault of mine.


How would you react to some stranger placing all these expectations of love and commitment so suddenly?
If it was it was the type I was interested in? In my dreams



time, time, time. We are not all guarantee time, and i do not know about you but i do not have a whole lot else going on.

Besides. if I have talked to a girl and lets say are friends, i am too passive to bring up the stakes. And if I do and it doesn't progress, then I no longer have any interest in keeping that friendship. Why would I, when it reminds me of what I could not have?
 
I understand what you mean.

I was in the same position as you quite some time ago...for years even...about how I felt and whatnot.
I kept looking and looking for love but it just never came.
I've gone on soooooo many failed dates and even though I take care of myself, decent person...I guess guys don't find me really desirable. :S

The pain lessened for me over time...I still take the opportunity to meet new people, but what has actually helped me is just letting go of expectations and accepting not everyone finds love. I know it's shitty of me to say but it keeps me sane knowing I'm not losing anything to begin with cause it's probably not there anyway. :S

Not saying that's applicable to you or whatever, but it works for me. If I do find love, I'll consider myself hysterically lucky lololol...:p
Setting the bar looowwww haha...


Sometimes I'll feel sad about it but it's a really shallow feeling of sad.
Not nearly the depth or anything close to what it was before...it's strange. It's like I feel sad now and then; but sometimes, it's kind of comforting.


Just thought of something...I treat love like how I treat the lottery...
I still participate, but don't expect to win.
If I do, I'll be thrilled but it if never happens...then so be it.
 
I understand what you mean from your answers to what Stars said and I used have similar thoughts, still do in some ways, but I think my viewpoint has changed now.

It sounds to me that you have got stuck in the rut of thinking about relationships so much, what has been and could be, that it is stunting your ability to socialize normally with the opposite sex... Which in turn may very well cause you to miss opportunities to find someone you click with. You sound like someone who may very well overanalyze things. (I know I do alot atleast anyway which does not help in these situations)

The best thing I can suggest, if this is true, is to just try and chill and try and socialize... Be friendly and try and create small talk, build a friendly relationship from there. There are alot of passive people out there that find relationships... BUT most are active when it comes to just socializing which results in the relationship.
 
ShybutHi said:
I understand what you mean from our answers to what Stars said and I used have similar thoughts, still do in some ways, but I think my viewpoint has changed now.

It sounds to me that you have got stuck in the rut of thinking about relationships so much, what has been and could be, that it is stunting your ability to socialize normally with the opposite sex... Which in turn may very well cause you to miss opportunities to find someone you click with.

The best thing I can suggest, if this is true, is to just chill and try and socialize... Be friendly and try and create small talk, build a friendly relationship from there. There are alot of passive people out there that find relationships... BUT most are active when it comes to just socializing which results in the relationship.

I am not saying that i am right and I know that i am in fact "young", but from my prospective it is something that i feel i need when people all around me are connecting and etc.

another problem I have is where do i go, everything is boring/seems unworth it.
 
Well in response to what you just said.

The best thing I can suggest, if this is true, is to just chill and try and socialize... Be friendly and try and create small talk, build a friendly relationship from there. There are alot of passive people out there that find relationships... BUT most are active when it comes to just socializing which results in the relationship.

I repeat because I honestly think that is the best thing to do. lol

As to where to go... I have this problem aswell and it seems silly but the only times I have gone out on my own is when all my friends have left (usually left with their partner) and I am already drunk so I have just gone to a bar or two to see who is around, get something to eat and then go home with no real expectations.

I would not be able to do that if I was not drunk. lol
I certainly do not advise that you actually do that but it helps me a bit because I am socially anxious. :p


I know what it is like having people you know find others all around you and go their seperate ways. Most in my friendship group I have known for 7-10 years and literally all of my older friends and even my newer ones that I have known less than 7 year are all in relationships.

I mean that literally 100% of my friends are in relationships whether short term, long term, married or some have kids. I on the otherhand have never had a relationship or even hugged a girl. I am telling you now... That can make you feel like ******* crap.
 
Drew88 said:
VanillaCreme said:
When people go to school, they don't always sit there with their eyeballs strained and drying out to focus on the class. That's what Skye's point was... Sure, they focus, but having a conversation with someone isn't that far-fetched just because they're in class. You could be a valedictorian and still socialize in school. Talking to someone in class doesn't mean you lose focus of being in school. It's a social setting, is what the point was...


Thats my problem, I just can not take a class and casually talk to a girl. I can not be "just friends" with her if she isn't a minor, taken, or older, for me its all or nothing. Why waste the time?

Well, that's a sorry attitude to have... Just because you don't get anything out of it doesn't mean it's a waste of time. You expect to ride off into the sunset with the very first girl you say hi to? I mean, just talking to a person wouldn't hurt. Build up whatever social skills you feel you need. Make a friend or two. It's not all useless... gosh.
 
Drew88 said:
Thats my problem, I just can not take a class and casually talk to a girl. I can not be "just friends" with her if she isn't a minor, taken, or older, for me its all or nothing. Why waste the time?

That's a trap you're setting for yourself Andrew. I know because I fell into that trap too. I thought the idea of "dating" was mortifying. I didn't want to waste my time getting to know anyone long term, I didn't want to jump from one person to the other, opening myself up to heartbreak and disappointment. When I met someone, I wanted to fall in love and be together forever. Well, 18 years later I'm still alone and haven't been on ONE date. Now though, I've changed my perspective. I still get antsy thinking about the idea of dating, but I'm trying to set myself up for success at the same time. My idea of taking classes etc...is to put myself in a situation where I automatically have something in common with a guy, so if we have that in common, the friendship will come easier, as will the rest of the conversation. The chances are higher that I'll have success that way.

I had to drill it out of my head that the first person I meet will be "the one". I realized that if I don't make efforts and really put myself out there, I'll still be alone in another 18 years. Maybe this just comes with life experience, but I realized that the most important thing in life is love. Money, success...that's all great. But it can be gone in an instant. To have love in your life is the best. If I meet a guy and we only stay friends, well, maybe he has a friend I can meet...you have to be open to all the possibilities too.
 

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