Losing yourself

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Wave Shock

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18 years...it's only been a short time, and already I feel like I am losing myself...Losing my grip on who I am, or who i was. I don't know...I just feel like I am becoming a whole different person...I keep fighting, I try to keep looking forward, I try to keep myself from feeling down...

I'm just not sure if I can keep holding onto this. I feel like I'm going to break. What's a life if I don't do anything but play video games and listen to music? I mean, can I say I have a lonely life if I really don't even have a life. In terms of reference, I would say so. The thing is, I'm here, so...I keep fighting. Jeez, it's like a mental war in my head...

Where is the old me? The one who was able to have fun, meet with friends, and not have a care in the world. I'm even starting to lose interest in video games (my safe haven). I come down to this statement, "Life is but a dream, it's up to you to make it a reality." Hmph...I feel like I already hit reality, and, wow, I don't think I wanted to hit reality yet.

I don't know...I just want to know who I really am and why because, right now, I don't think it's me.
 
Wave Shock said:
I don't know...I just want to know who I really am and why because, right now, I don't think it's me.
finding out who u are is a on going process of ur life. The longer u live the more u learn about ur-self and others, ur reactions to certain emotions, ur habits, mechanisms or whatever people call it, things that u learned to help control ur feelings and emotions, anger or learned methods to elevate ur mood etc.. Now ur having a chaos in ur head. Its normal for ur age, ur still growing up and forming ur personality, character. U will learn new things about urself and others and the whole freaken world. Expect to be pleasently surprised but also keep in mind that u will be terribly disappointed and let down many times.The most impo things to learn and work on are some "defense mechanisms" to teach urself to take it easy, not take life too seriously, see atleast little something positive come out of every problem, and bounce back brom future disappointments so that u don't go into deep depression.U'll keep discovering urself and others piece by piece ,will try to put it together...the puzzle of u. Right now, try to sort out ur thoughts more or less or write down in a jurnal or something, ur not loosing control just changing, plus the hormones also are kicking in....chemical reactions in the brain are buuuurrrrning.....
 
I know exactly what you mean man, I don't know if I even enjoy video games anymore, they're only occassionaly fun. But when I bury myself in them I forget to wallow in self-pity. You wonder what happened, how did it get this way? Eh I really don't even want to try to figure it out anymore.
 
e.m.e. said:
plus the hormones also are kicking in....chemical reactions in the brain are buuuurrrrning.....

What exactly do you mean by this?
 
hi,

I am also 18 and know exactly what you mean. I feel so alone and miserable sometimes that it kind of feels like its some kind of virus or something, seeping throughout my body, I know that part of it at least is in my mind but that's what I feel like.

I look into the mirror at nights like these and wonder who the person steering back is because all I see in that mirror is anguish. I wonder whatever happened to make me feel the way I do. People tell me that i still have my whole life ahead of me but what's the point if I'm going to feel like this throughout it.

I used to also drown myself in games, I can't really do that anymore, I now read lots of books because they can help sometimes and what also helps me is if I go to a metal concert just being able to go crazy and live in the moment at least helps me escape for those few hours.

I think though that we do have to face our fears and doubts about who we are and try move foward with live. Even if the past 18 years of our life seem wasted I'm sure that they have happened for a reason, to make us who we are today and who we will be in the future even though that may not be clear at the moment, I know it isn't for me.

Sory for going on a bit about myself to begin with but I hope I could have been of at least a little help to you on the end
 
i've felt like i've been losing myself before. pretty recently actually. not so much at the moment. right now im just trying to get my honeysuckle in order and deal with life. i think it's just a part of growing up. nothing to worry too much about. you'll find yourself again. just keep your head up.
 

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