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IgnoredOne

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Starting tomorrow at January 13, 2008, I'm going to be keeping my list of self-improvement goals and progress here in the manner of a journal, with an eye on specificity. I'll also put any comments and thoughts here.

Primarily, this is an experiment to test the theory that as an individual accomplishes more when 1)goals are specific, 2)goals are public, and 3)goals are associated with one's names.

Today has been an exhausting day. We'll see what happens tomorrow evening at 6 PM.
 
DATE: Jan 13, 2008

GOALS:

Chess
I've wanted to become a better chess player, so I've decided to concisely try to learn at least one mating manuever a day, and then apply it by playing five games against opponents. Of these, I'll try to play as White(due to the one tempo advantage) until I feel confident, thereupon I'll begin to practice with Black.

  1. Learn one textbook endgame tactic a day.
  2. Play five games.
  3. Practice as White, then Black

Social
Although I've made a lot of progress on this, I'll still like to be able to become more social and I realize that I'm still far from being all that I could be in this arena. While I have some friends, it seems like it'll be a better challenge to try and connect with strangers - it'll also help with the exposure therapy against any phobia that I might have.

  1. Smile and greet strangers.
  2. When possible, engage them in conversation.
  3. Try to learn one thing about them that you didn't know before.

Literary
This the main thrust of my career, so it behooves me to put plenty of attention into this. This includes not only practicing my own writing, but also understanding and reading the work of my rivals or potential rivals. Significant in this is an open mind to learn from the techniques of others, and not to underestimate the skills of my rivals.

  1. Read "Like Real People" by my classical rival
  2. Read the untitled story by my Cambridge rival
  3. Write and finish at least one more scene of sci-fi story you've half-finished

Technical
I've been needing to try to understand functionality of Cisco routers for the CCNA examination. I've not been doing very well at this, and definitely need to find a way to apply myself. I've not been very interested in it, but perhaps by setting formalized goals, I'll be able to apply myself in an efficient manner.

  1. Read 100 pages of "Linux Clustering"
  2. Work three chapters from Practice Questions of Exam Cram
  3. Complete at least one lab.

Regards,
IO

PS: Incidentally, this my 100th post. I am quite pleased.
 
JOURNAL:

Chess

I accomplished all goals today! I learned Blackburn's Mate, a fairly simple checkmating strategy that seems to have little utility in actual games. It involves the opposing king in a position so that all possible surrounding and legal move squares for it to be in to be under attack, so that only a pawn is defending him from a diagonal. The key to completing the checkmate, then, is to shift the pawn from its defending square. In the example used, a Queen was sacrificed in exchange for a pawn, so that the supporting pawn(the one defending the king from checkmate) would be used to recapture her.

So with the pawn moved from its blocking and defensive position, a bishop could then project long-range power and attack the king, checkmating it.

I played five games, though I did not get a chance to use Blackburn's Mate. In my first two games, I was White and was able to deploy a King's Pawn opening to an elegant conclusion and won both games. I then began to play Black, with a 10 minute timer - a double weakness for me, as I play poorly with a timer and Black has the natural tempo disadvantage. I was happy to win my first game as Black, against a girl who played reasonably well. I lost my subsequent two games, one against a better player(and a failed Queenside attack on my part, after I had established center board superiority as Black), and another to the timer.

Social
I accomplished all goals today! I was happy that I did not necessarily shy from meeting new people when I did my run around the neighborhood, though I did have some moments of nervousness. I ran into a mother with her child, both biking, the latter apparently having some difficulty and gave them superficial greetings. As it would occur, I encountered them again in the park where the kid was still having difficulty with his bike. So I took the opportunity to find out more about them...

Me: "Is he learning how to ride the bike?"
Mother: "We're all, always learning, right?"
Me: (laughing) "Some of us more than others. How old is he?"
Mother: "He's six."
Me: "Well, he has a three year head start on me. I learned the bike only when I was nine."
Mother: "This just means he has three more years of bruises and tumbles." [To kid] "You hear that, young man?"
Kid: "Uhh."

So I learned something new about a stranger. On my way back, a teenager passed me heading back, and I waved hi and greeting him. He seemed taken aback and far more nervous than I was; I chuckled and it was nice that I wasn't the more scared party this time.

It occurs to me that the less self-conscious you are, the more focused you are on other people and what they might actually want to hear. Say, a simple matter of being nervous of how you sound or how you speak. I could either say, "I'm sorry for how I sound," or "You're amazing to have the patience to listen to comprehend" - the first is more self-conscious, but also causes the other person to feel uncomfortable. The latter is far less self-conscious, focuses on the other person, and serves as a compliment.

Literary
I did not accomplish all goals today. I did read Just Like Real Person, but I haven't read the other person's story yet today, neither have I finished the story that I was working on. Although I could blame work, the truth was that I got myself distracted and wasted a precious two hours that I could have put into either.

Technical
I did not accomplish all goals today. I only read 100 pages of Linux clustering, but did not take the practice examination or work on a lab yet. Again, I could blame work, but I allowed myself to get distracted.

CONCLUSION:

My greatest enemy is distraction and loss of focus. Perhaps I should keep my goals written on a piece of paper always at hand, so I can't allow myself to be diverted?

Regards,
IO
 
JOURNAL:

Chess
All goals accomplished.

Studied the Sicilian defence today and used it successfully in one game. Of the five, I lost two and won three. However, I think I'm getting better at timed games and thinking faster.

Social
All goals accomplished.

Talked to a woman with a dog - turns out she's keeping it for her niece, who's pregnant. She calls her dog a puppy since its only two years old, but then again, I call my dog a puppy even though its five years old. Its an old puppy, but I do love it.

I like how I didn't shy away from anyone today, or really gave a **** what anyone else thought of me.

Literary
I did not accomplish any of my goals today. I fell asleep.

Technical
Again, I did not accomplish all of my goals today, though I did more! I fell asleep, but I did read 50 pages from one of the CCNA exams, and took one of the practice examinations. I also finished one of the labs.

CONCLUSION:

Again, I let myself get distracted. I tried to keep some of my notes written on my hand, but while it did drive me to finish a little bit more, it didn't keep me from falling asleep.

Regards,
IO
 
wow you sound like a chess pro,

I lke to play chess, but i'm not very good, i can't think of ways to manipulate my oponent, and i'm pretty predicable, I've never gotten into the fine details. But sometimes i like to play it with my dad.

Computer programming sounds cool too, i took a short class on it but i didn't get the hang of it, too much logic.

But it sounds like your staying busy and gettinng a lot done,

kudos for that

:D
 
Thanks for the support and the good words, everyone.

JOURNAL:

Chess
Pillbury's Mate. Played five games, lost three, but I'm pretty happy that one of the wins was a very classy unavoidable three move checkmate so that shows that I'm figuring out some things at least. Actually I had fairly decent attacks on all of them, but often failed to notice a weakness that materialized. So I'm going to pay more attention to weaknesses in my structure, and especially use pawns more. In most of my losses, I only advanced the center two pawns.


Social

I flirted with the waitress of a restaurant, which was awesome, at least until my dog suddenly decided to bark and rush at her. I caught my dog in time, but she was pretty understandably unnerved. Ah well, things like that happen. I did wave goodbye to her, and she seemed to be happy to be acknowledged. Later, I was running in the store to make up for lost time, and a kid mentioned, "Mummy, didn't you say that people shouldn't run?" I so wanted to go ahead and tell him that running as the privilege of grownups.

It occurs to me, once again, how one takes the world and even how one affects is heavily dependent on my own attitude. I swear that a part of me felt embarrassed, until I thought up of that beautiful line.

Literary
Got my deadline extended until tomorrow. I really need to start writing.

Technical
Got the new book today, reading it now. Looks like I'll just have to do a 100 pages a day and I'll be fine.

CONCLUSION:
I need to support my pieces with pawns more. And I need to plan out less work in a day, so I can finish them. Though I do have other goals that I'll like to do...

Regards,
IO
 
What your doing is an inspiration for others to follow in your self betterment, way to go and keep up the good work and use pawns more!!!:p
 
I need to put in some time for working out, too! I also wonder what it means that I'm listening to Kylie Minogue's darkly beautiful and sinister "Where the Wild Roses Grow," as I write this. Odd that romance and darkness often seem to go together.

Together:They call me the Wild Rose,
But my name was Elisa Day,
Why they call me I do not know,
For my name was Elisa Day.


Female:On the third day, he took me to the river,
He showed me the roses and we kissed,
And the last thing I heard was a muttered word,
As he knelt above me with a rock in his fist.


Male:On the last day I took her where the wild roses grow,
she lay there on the bank,
the wind light as a thief and I kissed her goodbye,
said all beauty must die,
and I leant down and planted a rose between her tears.


Aussie accents are awesome.

JOURNAL:

Chess
Two Bishop and King mate. Interesting - still tricky for me to use it, but it requires me to have two pieces on a king, which is of dubious utility in an actual game. The best part, though, was beating an highly skilled player, two ranks above my level. I had honestly perceived such players to be invincible to my skill level, but some part of me decided to just go ahead and give it my best shot.

As White, I did King's Pawn opening to his Sicilian Defence. Thngs seemed to go badly for me there - I gambled on an early fight for the center, only to have my kingside knight get attacked by a pawn after exchanging a d pawn for his c pawn. Rather than lose a tempo, I noticed that he had a queenside weakness with his moved pawn for the Sicilian, and checked his King with a bishop. He responded with Bd7, and I exchanged bishops with Bxd7(trying to avoid losing tempo again). His Qxd7 later, I finally retreated my knight to b3. With his Queen now on d7, I could attack it later with the knight by moving to c5 as soon as he moved his center pawn from d6. This seemed likely, so I was content to continue my development with QNc3, o-o,Be3(to contain one of his knights, but even better, it attacked his a7 pawn.

I think around here, he realized that he was in trouble, and made his first mistake by moving to attack my center e pawn by advacing his d pawn. This, of course, was the break that I was looking for, and immediately responded with Nc5! This forced him to sacrifice a tempo to save his queen, so I just brought up my second knight to b5 to increase pressure.

His queenside weakness is becoming more evident by now, and after some more threating posturing in the center where he took another pawn of mine and piled both of his knights, I pinned the two with an e-rook to his king. So to defend them(and also to develop another piece into the center), he made his biggest blunder by opting to defend them with Qd5?

I immediately knight-forked his queen with his king by Nc7+!! He immediately resigned rather than to play with the inevitable loss of a queen.

I won three more games after that, giving my record today at 4-1.

Even though I feel that my win against the player two ranks against me was heavily due to his mistake, I did make it much more likely by playing such a strong game against his queenside and demonstrated how overambitiousness by Black in the center can have disasterous consequences.

Social

I actually made no plans to try to talk to anyone since I wanted to get on the ball with my studying and writing, but when I was eating, I ran into a bunch of hospital volunteers(all girls) heading toward their lunch. For some reason, one of them decided to talk to me and we chatted a bit. Groups of girls still make me nervous, it seems, but it was wonderful to feel like I got noticed.

And on a related note, during lunch, I managed to cajole the cashier into giving me more food than I had paid for. Its amazing what you can do by being persistant, seeming to have a reasonable argument, and take advantage of the fact that others are hassled. Hehe.

Literary
Wrote what I needed to and submitted it to my editor. She seemed quite pleasantly surprised that I actually met my deadline for once, and complimented me on my detail. Rock.

Technical
Partioned what I needed to study to finish the entire thing in two weeks, then took an examination and studied one chapter with highlighting. I think it could be interesting.

CONCLUSION:

Well, so many things.

Chess frequently helps me think about life and I can see why it was taught at schools to promote intelligence. Good chess strategy helps you realize good life strategies; in the opening, for example, you're trying to accomplish not one, but three objectives with every single move you made(develop a piece, defend your king, and challenge the center). And while my time in a day is limited, much like in chess, if I find ways to accomplish related items together, I'm essentially moving faster and doing more in the same time.

Being confident, truly confident, really does have a surprising effect on others. I think that human beings are programmed to sense confidence in others, and I've never ever gotten any attention. Yet, it seems like I get noticed almost every day now. Its a bit weird, admittedly, but I'm not complaining.

In the end, I think our greatest enemies are always ourselves.

Regards,
IO
 
I really don't think that there are enough hours in a day. And sleep, too! What kind of extravant expenditure of time that we must put forth in a day just to have enough strength and energy to continue. Worse, too, I find that I have to take at least one nap a day to maintain my level of activity. One supposes that its only 30 minutes, but its still 30 minutes that could have been put to much more effective use. Or something.

JOURNAL:

Morphy's Mate. Solved six chess puzzles. Lost two games, won two, drew one. Using pawns more definitely has helped.

Social

Today was too cold for me to go out. Plus I had too much to do.

Literary
Another last minute save - got to write what I needed and sent it out to my editor. Hooray for last minute saves.

Technical
Studied one of the partitioned chapters. That was not as fun as I thought. Still have the written labs to do.

CONCLUSION:
Life doesn't have enough hours in a day. Like chess, we really have to try to accomplish multiple objectives in an hour if we're to do anything worth a ****.

Regards,
IO
 
I didn't do very much on Friday. I accomplished a little bit, but mostly decided to slack off and rest. Yeah, I'm horrible. Then again, now I have this wonderful weekend of work to look forward to!
 
I'm not sure why I haven't been so unproductive today and yesterday. Perhaps its the cold? Maybe I have some genetic impulse to hibernate instead of getting thngs done when the ambient temperature is below 60 degrees or something. Anyway! I tried to break with this pattern somewhat today.

Also, Gravity by Vienna Teng playing. More people need to appreciate the loveliness of a single voice accompanied by piano; simplicity is beautiful, as they say. Plus, it was the song that Lindsay had once assigned to me(well, it was really Momentum, but Gravity is heck of a lot less pretentious in its lyrics).

JOURNAL:

Chess
There's an old Chinese archery parable. It goes something like this - a young man wanted to learn how to aim at a target, so he sought the advice of a master. The master told him: "Focus your eyes on something tiny, until it becomes large." So the young man found a dead fly and hung it on a string in a window - a tiny gnat of a fly, we're led to understanding.

On the first month, the fly remained pretty **** small. On the second month, the fly seemed a little bit larger to his vision. On third month, the fly seemed so massive that its wings could have been wheels, so the young man immediately gripped his bow, loosed a shot, and pinned the insect on the arrowpoint.

Naturally, On the fourth month, he was arrested for cruelty to the dead, ending a brilliant career that he could have had in cruelty to the living.

Ahem!

Point is, I had my first victory against a expert ranked player today, and it wasn't even an accident or blunder. With repetition comes improvement, I suppose, but its still very nice to realize that I've become a better player. I still make stupid mistakes - stupid mistakes that cost me the game, but I'm definitely out of the beginner rank of players. That makes me happy.

Studied Anastacia's Mate(and pretty much won with a version of it), and solved six chess puzzles.

Social

Too **** cold. Shoo.

Literary
Went and edited a script for a friend - I've also begun to catch up on my missing assignments. My editor is going to send me another story to review, so I'm going to try to get it done before the weekend is over.


Technical
At this moment, I haven't done any studying. I would credit to the weekend, but I think I'll catch up for my lack over Friday now by working on two chapters. I can't let myself fall any further behind, but I can forsake a night of sleep.

CONCLUSION:

Sleep is for the weak, you know?

Regards,
IO
 
Usually there's some interesting preface here, but mostly I'll just comment that I find most movies to be excruitiatingly boring. Its not just that the action is repetitive, but in the search for the cheap adrenaline thrill, moviemakers seem to have forgotten how to give a real adrenaline thrill. Take, for example, Resident Evil: Apoclypse, which was just showing on Sci-Fi a few minutes ago. The original zombie movies worked very well because there was a sense of realism beyond the initial weirdness. Ordinary people behaved in realistic ways, responding to extraordinary conditions. Extraordinary people in extraordinary conditions with weird reactions just causes a lack of connection with the audience.

JOURNAL:

Chess

I think I've learned all the mates. However, I solved six more chess puzzles.

Social

I noticed today that the really cute cashiergirl at the place where I eat, the one for whom I almost got into a fight because some kids were hassling her, has cut scars on her wrists. I thought about asking her about it, but didn't. I guess I chickened out? Its kinda a sensitive subject, and there probably wasn't much that I could have done.

Literary
Read HG Wells's Time Machine. I miss the days when writers actually used words like "hoarfrost."

Technical
Finished a written lab.

CONCLUSION:

Its a good thing that anything worthwhile takes time. It makes life into more of a game - where you really have to plan out everything.

Regards,
IO
 
Nothing to say today.

JOURNAL:

Chess

Eeeeeehhh...I lost eight games in a row, then drew one, and won one. Maybe I'm getting burnout.


Social

I saved a puppy!

Literary
Listened to my muse go on and on about Australia. She does love her nation - and its cute. I come to realize, though, that as a Texan, we're probably among the most violent people in the world. Rock.

Technical
Read a chapter.

CONCLUSION:

Saving puppies gives you courage and makes you feel wonderful. More people should do so.

Regards,
IO
 
dear journal,
what do I do to do i do i don't ...w/e
i'm the laziest person in the mf world, I'm thirsty but unfortunately I dont wonna get out of the bed, its way to early, its like 2:35 pm or someth. Can u please go get me someth. to drink?
thanks, ur the best.
 
;)

Dear Journal,

I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention; I was busy checking out that absolutely gorgeous- Oh heavens! Imagine my embarrassment as I realize it's just a highly reflective pool of water I've been gazing into. I could kill for a Snicker's brand caramel confection, incidentally. Be a lamb, someone, and fetch me one. I'll be right here.

Love,
IO
 
Dear Journal,

I haven't updated you for awhile, and for more or less good reason - I haven't really accomplished that much. I mostly wasted the last week or so playing Starchamber after downloading it. Mind you that it was a very entertaining way to spend the time and I entirely promote the concept of a novella cum strategy game to more people. Now if only they were faster to get through...

I had a significant moment of weakness today. I wondered about the lack of love in my life, and felt some pang of self-pity that I cannot seem to be loved by anyone. I've never been able to desire anyone and have that desire returned. In short, I've never truly felt wanted by anyone.

A lot of me wanted to cry, but then I asked myself what was the use of crying? After the tears are gone, I'll still be alone and it'll just be a waste of energy. So I was strong and still find myself learning to accept that, I am not like the others. Perhaps I'll never be loved. Perhaps my choices ensure that I live this life alone.

This I'll have to accept. Maturity, it would seem, involves learning how to die gracefully. As I've let my romantic dreams die gradually in the series of failures, rejections, and shattered hopes, I think I've become a more mature person. Because, really, such is life. I may not like it, but reality doesn't need my approval.

Chess

Didn't practice today. Was too busy studying.

Social

Besides the moment of weakness mentioned above, I didn't feel any fear or intimidation from anyone. A small bit of envy, perhaps, but I am me and they are they. They have their fortunes, and one can only hope that they will come to realize it. My flaws are my own, and not their fault.

Literary
Starchamber's novella was pretty **** neat.

Technical
Coffee is my ally. After three cups of caffiene, I didn't want to do anything but study and get it over with. I accomplished more today than I've had in a week. Goal definitely accomplished.

CONCLUSION:

Hope is the delusion of mankind.

Regards,
IO
 
Dear Journal,

I wish that everything had a little bit more permnance. At least, if the good things in life did.

Chess

Solved three puzzles today, didn't get a chance to practice it. I feel that I'm mentally better conditioned for chess now, though I'm not sure if I can yet apply it so well.

Social

Looks like I enjoyed a little bit too much caffiene yesterday. I was sick for much of today, so beyond work, I took some long naps instead. I do feel much better about life, though.

Literary
Need to finish up two scripts for my editor, planning for a bit more writing this weekend.

Technical
More studying done today, including that horrific subnetting chapter.

CONCLUSION:

Pain is the constant of mankind.

Regards,
IO
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