Telling people my feelings?

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PlayingSolo

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Any time one of my friends or coworkers asks me if I think a particular girl is attractive, or if I like any particular girl, or why I don't have a girlfriend, I have a really hard time giving an answer. In the case of them asking if I find someone attractive, I feel like I would be embarrassed if I were to say yes... I'm it really sure why. I guess I just feel like I'd be safer to just keep it all inside. So I end up giving a neutral answer, usually something like "Yeah she's okay looking". Maybe I just feel like they would judge me if I were to say that I found someone attractive. Other people around me seem to hAve no problem with this...maybe it has to do with my anxiety problems.

Anyone have a similar issue with vocalizing their feelings..?


It's not like these people are strangers to me. They're my coworkers and friends, probably the closest people to me in my life...
 
I have those problems too. It's usually so hard to talk to people and express what you truly feel and these are one of the reasons why i don't have any friends. I look around me and they look as if they don't have any problems expressing their feelings. They say the most random things without being scared of judgment. When I get a chance to talk to someone It's so hard to talk to someone without being scared of saying something offensive, stupid, or anything. When i do give a reply they end up giving me a look, or the conversation ends up being awkward silence.
 
I don't think it's unusual.
You are in a work situation, so maybe you want to keep things business-like. I have been like that at work in the past, but now after many years I am finally getting the confidence in myself to talk about my feelings for others.
You are still young so in the future it will get easier.
I'd advise you to try talking about your feelings with people you think you can trust. It's just a matter of practise and experience.
 
Weirdly enough i used to have that problem about telling my classmates whether i liked a particular song or food. I ended up giving neutral answers as well. It's like i was worried i'd embarrass myself in front of them or they would judge me. Just like you feel about voicing your opinion. It always felt safer to keep it all inside. I do believe it has to do a lot with social anxiety.
Maybe you could try voicing your opinion once and see how you feel about it:)
 
Same here. I still have that problem and never been able to get rid of it. I fear how people might judge me and I end up giving neutral answers too as that seems to be the safest option.
 
Yeah I know what you mean. I used to be really cagey about giving answers to such questions. It's not very fun :S

Awhile ago I started playing a game with myself where I'd look at someone and try to find one distinguishing feature I really liked about them, whether that's their bright grape coloured hair, their confident walk, their awesome shoes, or whatever. That way it became a little more fun for me, and when I got questions like that I could actually have a more interesting response than just, "yeah they're pretty, derp."

Also I found that it was giving my brain something to do that wasn't feeling awkward or self-conscious, and that helped me a lot. Whenever I'm on my own just walking around or going someplace or sitting on the train or whatnot I'll play this game with myself (surreptitiously). Even if you don't end up actually vocalizing your response, at the very least you might be actually looking at the girl and thinking what is unique or stands out about her, rather than being consumed by inner turmoil and anxiety. Anyway that's my response.
 
Well... most people are very assumptive. Just thought I'd throw that out there first.
Anyway... If someone asks me how I feel about something, usually I'll be honest about it, but I rather keep my feelings to myself considering they're only relevant to me and I'm my own best friend. No one else needs nor wants to know how I feel, so why even bother?
 
I understand this as well. I used to be like this. I usually don't go into huge details about my opinion of someone. If I like a particular girl, I'm proud to be able to say it to other people. In the past I would be embarrassed to say I liked a girl in particular that no other guy would like or was talking about all the time.

I guess this sort of thing comes back to self worth. Never be afraid to voice your opinion or feelings.
 
You've all made some very good points. I guess this all comes down to being sensitive about other peoples judgements of me. Which I think seems to be a pretty distinguishing symptom of anxiety. It seems so simple now, Idk why I didn't see that before
 
ajdass1 said:
Yeah I know what you mean. I used to be really cagey about giving answers to such questions. It's not very fun :S

Awhile ago I started playing a game with myself where I'd look at someone and try to find one distinguishing feature I really liked about them, whether that's their bright grape coloured hair, their confident walk, their awesome shoes, or whatever. That way it became a little more fun for me, and when I got questions like that I could actually have a more interesting response than just, "yeah they're pretty, derp."

Also I found that it was giving my brain something to do that wasn't feeling awkward or self-conscious, and that helped me a lot. Whenever I'm on my own just walking around or going someplace or sitting on the train or whatnot I'll play this game with myself (surreptitiously). Even if you don't end up actually vocalizing your response, at the very least you might be actually looking at the girl and thinking what is unique or stands out about her, rather than being consumed by inner turmoil and anxiety. Anyway that's my response.

i really like this idea. and i think practicing this would really help with the 'judgement' part that that we fear. and also perhaps impending 'teasing' among friends.
 
Agreed, its usually something you have to be careful about too.

Since most people are looking for affirmation, you basically want to guess what they want you to say and find a way to agree with it. If someone else finds a girl pretty, you basically have to agree(or you're saying that their taste is flawed!) . The safe way is to find something attractive about her and mention that, which allows you to be both professional as well as tacit - for example that she dresses well, or that she has great hair.
 

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