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frey12

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I just came back home from vacation from NY, to Cali. And while I was in NY I was not happy either, and though I wasnt as lonely, their were times when I really really was. And on my way home on the plane, I got in a fight, not a physical fight(I was hoping it would of been because I would just take the punch and make it my mission to ruin the guys life).

But I enjoyed it so much, I only feel happy in conflict, its the only thing that can truly brighten my day. I was happy for the next two days after then here I am on day three. And I hit a new personal low today, I wont say what it was. Partly due to shame, partly because I dont think its appropriate. But I dont know how to have fun with others, I dont know how to just generally deal with people. I do know how to argue and fight though. And it makes me so sad that i cant physically fight anymore, partly because when i was 15 you got brought up on charges, and now that im 21 going on 22 its just out of the question. However its the only thing that truly makes me happy even if its for an instant.

Now I am back completely alone, in my house again. Trying to find a way to pass the time, and im hurting myself in doing it. I am trying to rack my brain in thinking of a way to try something new to improve my life. But I keep coming up empty.
 
frey12 said:
I hit a new personal low today, I wont say what it was....
Trying to find a way to pass the time, and im hurting myself in doing it.

Well now I can't help but guess.

Anyway whatever it is, I'm sure I've gone lower. Though I can't relate how you only feel happy from conflcits. Probably because I know that as it is, I'd have my ass handed to me by anyone. Arguing though....I love to argue!

As for not knowing how to have fun with others. Now that I think about it, I might not either. Maybe thats it, doing things together with other people.... is fun. My experience, if it helps, is that there are certain people who are all about fun, if you're with them, you will have fun.

I don't understand why you can't think of something new to improve your life....seems like I have a list of things I could do to live a better life, i just can't decide if I care or not. At least i think thats the reason I don't act.
 
frey dude, If you like to fight you should come hear to the UK and go out for a drink on a friday and saturday night. You would have no problems in finding someone to fight with.

You have some anger in you by the sounds of it. You need to sort this are you could end up getting hurt. I went fro a stage where I had a real temper. And you do become much stronger when your anger. I got round that by focusing on a sport like bike riding. I use to lift weights as well. It helped a lot. Now am much moor melo but have to admit would sometimes like to go out and pick a fight with the biggest person I can fined but am no where near big a nuff to be doing that. To many operations in hospital has an effect on things.

My advice to you is take up a sport like boxing. Anything that's going to release that anger in a moor positive way. You getting into fights is not going to help you at all. And even if you do knock someones heard clean of and that person deserves it if your a decent person you well feel guilty for it after. Guilt is one of the worst feelings.
 
I think that's completely normal for guys. We like challenges to beat down, and challenges only happen when we have something or someone to fight against. I know that some of my happiest moments were when I knew that there was someone who hated my guts, and couldn't do anything about it to harm me.

The only advice I'll give is to pick your battles so you find the ones that you can win. Either that or play me in chess, though I can't guarantee you that you'll be able to win ;)

Regards,
IO
 

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