Hi guys this is Kiran K, Male age 23 from India. I have finished my B.Sc Physics, Math and computer science. now I am going to study Masters in Physics. I am in love with Nature esp. Math and Physics.
How do I look like?, you can see My few hobby works here:
Dream it's a paradox short film (my classmates cheated on me while working on it so story is not mine, only scientific logic, vfx ideas all the work is mine)
My nasa space exploration video (featured in nasa website in 2009)
I am dyslexic (tested) and I think I also have asperger's syndrome. I have grown up curious asking lots of questions in my life mostly related to nature and science. Ever since I was kid I always involved my self in my own creativity and excitement. I never understood what is social relationship and all that...First thing is what is friendship? how can I know when I might get one?
Since my childhood days I used to see people hanging out and smiling at each other, laughing, hugging and kissing etc. I could understand kissing part cos I know it is due to hormones and attraction etc.
What is love? what is friendship ? how can I ever understand it?
why do people like each other, why do people become friends ?
why can't I get a friend ? I used to meet few people who got good social relationships like having friends and girl friends etc. I could never understand what's going on? when I traveled to London UK to study, I met lots of people not even for one person I could never relate my feelings or share much.for most of my study year I was completely under the magic of loneliness.
My heart feels heavy (ever since I was kid)
I am always lonely (since my childhood days)
I feel lonely while I am with people.
I chat with my self while I am in group.
I feel lonely while I try to take part in a party (I hate parties)
I always feel odd mostly by the end of the day.
I feel like I do not belong ...
I do not involve my self in parties and festivals or any get togethers cos I do not understand anything why people would go for it.
"I feel like walking in the desert forever, looking for water what I get is just drop of water from the society which I reject while they are having fun with rain."
What I ask this society is, can you see me crying while I am standing in the rain? can you?
"I feel like very old , aged person who is about to die after lot of experience. standing alone for the ages. Looking for some one waiting for someone.... feels like grandpa of the lonely world."
I never had a good relative or family relative to share my thoughts with.
guess what? what worse is never really had one person to begin with? I always did my homework for gaining social relationships and yet ,I am still loner.
what worse is I never got a chance to share my feelings with anyone in my whole life, like all the time it's all by my self..People give me gifts after telling my lonely story, I am not sure why they may be doing it, it is to show mercy , I do not feel anything after I see and get the gift pack and I never use it.
I do not celebrate my b-day never did...
I promised and I planned my self during my childhood days that I will die being virgin and celibate.
Yes I am virgin and celibate age 23. Now things are different for me compared to childhood days.Now I need to fight with my hormones every day being a boy it's a curse.it's hard to avoid girls, it's hard to avoid seeing girls or talking to them. however I am successful in avoiding all.Before my puberty it was easy for me to avoid girls now it's curse.I just started talking to girls who are my classmates since my degree 3ed year. Before my degree I never talked to a girl. I respect girls,I never even touched one...
When it comes to the way I have grown up, it's horrible :
-I was bullied by other students, they used to throw food material at me, make fun of me all the time. I used to cry everyday.
-I was insulted by my teachers that I am dull student (There is no acknowledgment about Dyslexia, teachers in my country do not know what it might be..) I used to fail in 4 subjects for unknown reasons even after working hard.
-I used to get punishments almost every day for poor results in studies, I lived under fear of my teachers everyday. Everything went on with suffering..
-My name is Kiran, they all called me DULLER and useless all the time.
-They insult me before every student and You tell me how can I get a friend when I was discriminated.
- once my father came to my class for me being sick, He insulted me before whole class along with my class teacher that I am useless, I do not have intelligence.
- I am thinking to get separated from my family members cos they always underestimate me they all call me useless. esp. my father insults me all the time as if he would get a chance to do it. I end up crying till this age closing doors.
-what worse is I cannot share anything with anyone even if I try they won't it would be like insulting our own feelings even if you would try to share it. only lonely people would understand it so that's why I am here.
I love nature and intellectual things. I have so much to share and I never got a person to share. I have dreams to full fill that is to become Physicist/ theoretical physicist. I want to understand friendship and love, I do not have much of a person to share anything, I did everything I could but by the end of the day I feel lonley.I am not sure if it got something to do with biological reasons.
here are some facts about me :
1.I do not smoke, I do not take drugs never did.
2.I do not lie to people, I do not cheat anyone like other do to me use me for their profits.
3.I do not drink wine , alcohol any kind related.
4.I am vegetarian, Love innocent animals
I always try to stop animal sacrifices.
5. I respect girls and people too.
6. I do not use bad words I do not have any kind of bad habits.
Trust me you will be jealous of me and surprised after knowing me.
7. I am scared of
-facebook - pics, hugging kissing pics and videos with peoples friends etc
-using forums
-using messengers
-talking to girls etc...
8. Most of my classmates got jealous of me and they created unwanted problems for me.
9. I do not use my cell phone and I am also thinking to give up on using emails.
10, I am honest and sincerer, I spent most of the time with documentaries, podcast and motivational speeches , my curiosity and imagination, excitement about nature.
I spend my time learning some new skills every time even it might surprise you for what I am capable of doing it's all thanks to my Loneliness.
guess what I deleted my facebook/orkut and other accounts more than 30 times and recreated it ,thinking that I was wrong to do it. I am really scared to use it.the above qualities are enough for me to get rejected by all. WOW look at me I am such a bad person for being good.
Guess what ? what is the biggest and the best prison of all?
"Loneliness is the biggest prison of all the prisons, where your job is to secure it, you make sure that you won't come out of it, what a portable prison no matter where you go the network follows you, wherever you are, it stays with you, no matter whatever you do nothing brakes it until the right person got the key to free you from it" - Kiran K.
I do not have any answer for it. I am thinking to go for solitude forever. I am not seeing any light coming to my prison any hope to free me from this life time prison.
I have even tried to kill my self twice during my childhoods while I am in this prison slowly I try to adopt my self to this prison. the reason why I am living is because of Nature, Physics and mathematics.
I suspect that I might be having some health problems for living in this prison for very long time. my life is too short I never had a friend and never really feels like having one... I am really getting too slow for the work I do in understanding nature and science.
I really welcome my natural death someday! Before that for taking life on this planet I have my own contributions so that it might be helpful for the rest of the humanity. I am sorry to my self that I give up looking for social life for my self it's up to people to see my heavy heart and understand it.
Please guys I do not want anyone to suffer like me, I want to see everyone smiling all the time and not to live in this prison like me.
I have seen some of your posts lot similar to my situation. I am risking, I am forcing my self to be loner for good reasons. I my self do not want to be alone. however, it seems to me that it's up to people since I do not understand anything. The reason why I am living is because thanks to my passion and motivational speeches.
Regards,
Kiran K.
How do I look like?, you can see My few hobby works here:
Dream it's a paradox short film (my classmates cheated on me while working on it so story is not mine, only scientific logic, vfx ideas all the work is mine)
My nasa space exploration video (featured in nasa website in 2009)
I am dyslexic (tested) and I think I also have asperger's syndrome. I have grown up curious asking lots of questions in my life mostly related to nature and science. Ever since I was kid I always involved my self in my own creativity and excitement. I never understood what is social relationship and all that...First thing is what is friendship? how can I know when I might get one?
Since my childhood days I used to see people hanging out and smiling at each other, laughing, hugging and kissing etc. I could understand kissing part cos I know it is due to hormones and attraction etc.
What is love? what is friendship ? how can I ever understand it?
why do people like each other, why do people become friends ?
why can't I get a friend ? I used to meet few people who got good social relationships like having friends and girl friends etc. I could never understand what's going on? when I traveled to London UK to study, I met lots of people not even for one person I could never relate my feelings or share much.for most of my study year I was completely under the magic of loneliness.
My heart feels heavy (ever since I was kid)
I am always lonely (since my childhood days)
I feel lonely while I am with people.
I chat with my self while I am in group.
I feel lonely while I try to take part in a party (I hate parties)
I always feel odd mostly by the end of the day.
I feel like I do not belong ...
I do not involve my self in parties and festivals or any get togethers cos I do not understand anything why people would go for it.
"I feel like walking in the desert forever, looking for water what I get is just drop of water from the society which I reject while they are having fun with rain."
What I ask this society is, can you see me crying while I am standing in the rain? can you?
"I feel like very old , aged person who is about to die after lot of experience. standing alone for the ages. Looking for some one waiting for someone.... feels like grandpa of the lonely world."
I never had a good relative or family relative to share my thoughts with.
guess what? what worse is never really had one person to begin with? I always did my homework for gaining social relationships and yet ,I am still loner.
what worse is I never got a chance to share my feelings with anyone in my whole life, like all the time it's all by my self..People give me gifts after telling my lonely story, I am not sure why they may be doing it, it is to show mercy , I do not feel anything after I see and get the gift pack and I never use it.
I do not celebrate my b-day never did...
I promised and I planned my self during my childhood days that I will die being virgin and celibate.
Yes I am virgin and celibate age 23. Now things are different for me compared to childhood days.Now I need to fight with my hormones every day being a boy it's a curse.it's hard to avoid girls, it's hard to avoid seeing girls or talking to them. however I am successful in avoiding all.Before my puberty it was easy for me to avoid girls now it's curse.I just started talking to girls who are my classmates since my degree 3ed year. Before my degree I never talked to a girl. I respect girls,I never even touched one...
When it comes to the way I have grown up, it's horrible :
-I was bullied by other students, they used to throw food material at me, make fun of me all the time. I used to cry everyday.
-I was insulted by my teachers that I am dull student (There is no acknowledgment about Dyslexia, teachers in my country do not know what it might be..) I used to fail in 4 subjects for unknown reasons even after working hard.
-I used to get punishments almost every day for poor results in studies, I lived under fear of my teachers everyday. Everything went on with suffering..
-My name is Kiran, they all called me DULLER and useless all the time.
-They insult me before every student and You tell me how can I get a friend when I was discriminated.
- once my father came to my class for me being sick, He insulted me before whole class along with my class teacher that I am useless, I do not have intelligence.
- I am thinking to get separated from my family members cos they always underestimate me they all call me useless. esp. my father insults me all the time as if he would get a chance to do it. I end up crying till this age closing doors.
-what worse is I cannot share anything with anyone even if I try they won't it would be like insulting our own feelings even if you would try to share it. only lonely people would understand it so that's why I am here.
I love nature and intellectual things. I have so much to share and I never got a person to share. I have dreams to full fill that is to become Physicist/ theoretical physicist. I want to understand friendship and love, I do not have much of a person to share anything, I did everything I could but by the end of the day I feel lonley.I am not sure if it got something to do with biological reasons.
here are some facts about me :
1.I do not smoke, I do not take drugs never did.
2.I do not lie to people, I do not cheat anyone like other do to me use me for their profits.
3.I do not drink wine , alcohol any kind related.
4.I am vegetarian, Love innocent animals
I always try to stop animal sacrifices.
5. I respect girls and people too.
6. I do not use bad words I do not have any kind of bad habits.
Trust me you will be jealous of me and surprised after knowing me.
7. I am scared of
-facebook - pics, hugging kissing pics and videos with peoples friends etc
-using forums
-using messengers
-talking to girls etc...
8. Most of my classmates got jealous of me and they created unwanted problems for me.
9. I do not use my cell phone and I am also thinking to give up on using emails.
10, I am honest and sincerer, I spent most of the time with documentaries, podcast and motivational speeches , my curiosity and imagination, excitement about nature.
I spend my time learning some new skills every time even it might surprise you for what I am capable of doing it's all thanks to my Loneliness.
guess what I deleted my facebook/orkut and other accounts more than 30 times and recreated it ,thinking that I was wrong to do it. I am really scared to use it.the above qualities are enough for me to get rejected by all. WOW look at me I am such a bad person for being good.
Guess what ? what is the biggest and the best prison of all?
"Loneliness is the biggest prison of all the prisons, where your job is to secure it, you make sure that you won't come out of it, what a portable prison no matter where you go the network follows you, wherever you are, it stays with you, no matter whatever you do nothing brakes it until the right person got the key to free you from it" - Kiran K.
I do not have any answer for it. I am thinking to go for solitude forever. I am not seeing any light coming to my prison any hope to free me from this life time prison.
I have even tried to kill my self twice during my childhoods while I am in this prison slowly I try to adopt my self to this prison. the reason why I am living is because of Nature, Physics and mathematics.
I suspect that I might be having some health problems for living in this prison for very long time. my life is too short I never had a friend and never really feels like having one... I am really getting too slow for the work I do in understanding nature and science.
I really welcome my natural death someday! Before that for taking life on this planet I have my own contributions so that it might be helpful for the rest of the humanity. I am sorry to my self that I give up looking for social life for my self it's up to people to see my heavy heart and understand it.
Please guys I do not want anyone to suffer like me, I want to see everyone smiling all the time and not to live in this prison like me.
I have seen some of your posts lot similar to my situation. I am risking, I am forcing my self to be loner for good reasons. I my self do not want to be alone. however, it seems to me that it's up to people since I do not understand anything. The reason why I am living is because thanks to my passion and motivational speeches.
Regards,
Kiran K.
