Extremely low self esteem...reason?

I ask myself this all the time... Why do I have such low self-esteem? I mean I guess I could bring it back to family and say it's genetic or I could say I didn't get told I was beautiful or anything as a child or something. But all of those are inaccurate... I mean people told me I was pretty, as far as I know self esteem is a learned trait, nurture not just nature.

The way I act now when people tell me I'm pretty, which doesn't happen often because I'm not the perfect little size 0 cheerleader girl with tight jeans and low cut shirts or whatever... When people tell me it now, I say thank you but I think in my mind, I don't really accept that as truth. I mean because everyone has their own opinions and stuff, you person could say I'm ugly as fresia and another could say I'm the most beautiful person in the world.

I know I don't need to focus so much on what everyone else thinks, I'm working on it, not quite sure what I need to do to tell myself, what they say doesn't really matter... Because these are people I'm around every day, I try not to care when they make fun of me or when they sit there and laugh at me but it's just hard.

I need some tips on improving low self esteem, I mean it's come up a lot since when I first started high school and then my dad left. But I want to feel good about myself and not be so easily swayed. I don't want the stupid people that go to my school and make fun of me to be that in control of my moods..

Basically I want some help in being happy with myself the way I am, not taking it personally when someone calls me a name, or when they give me criticism, I don't think I should get that upset about it.... You know?

Help, someone?

I've never seen you before but I know your beautiful and I'm not lying, the fact that on the outside you aren't perfect pales in comparison to your inner beauty, what's ugly are the people that laugh at you, they are just realizing how ugly they feel on the inside, and your just caught in the cross hairs of their inner struggle don't let it get to you.

I have really low self confidence too, but there are things that I repeat in my head to make me feel better

1. Everything is temporary.
No matter what kind of situation your in, it will always pass
high school------->will pass
and the people that laughed at you then are statistically more likely to end up working at McDonald's or other shitty jobs

2.What is to give light must endure burning.
Everything you go through will make you a better person, everything like this builds character everyday making you even more beautiful on the inside

Hope some of this helped, good luck with everything

RainyDaze said:

The way I act now when people tell me I'm pretty, which doesn't happen often because I'm not the perfect little size 0 cheerleader girl with tight jeans and low cut shirts or whatever... When people tell me it now, I say thank you but I think in my mind, I don't really accept that as truth. I mean because everyone has their own opinions and stuff, you person could say I'm ugly as fresia and another could say I'm the most beautiful person in the world.

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Perfect little size 0 cheerleader girls might look good to some, but once you talk to some of them you realize they're the most empty headed, emotionless beings to ever crawl the planet (I know there are exceptions). There is more beauty in a girl that can articulate her thoughts and emotions with perfect clarity than an entire cheerleading squad...kind of like what you just did. It might be just my opinion, but that is beautiful to ME.

RainyDaze said:

The way I act now when people tell me I'm pretty, which doesn't happen often because I'm not the perfect little size 0 cheerleader girl with tight jeans and low cut shirts or whatever... When people tell me it now, I say thank you but I think in my mind, I don't really accept that as truth.

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Feel the same exact way. I dont trust anyone because in the end they are just going to hurt me.

RainyDaze said:

The way I act now when people tell me I'm pretty, which doesn't happen often because I'm not the perfect little size 0 cheerleader girl with tight jeans and low cut shirts or whatever... When people tell me it now, I say thank you but I think in my mind, I don't really accept that as truth. I mean because everyone has their own opinions and stuff, you person could say I'm ugly as fresia and another could say I'm the most beautiful person in the world.

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That's right. People have their own different opinions. People who tell you if you're pretty or ugly, it's just their opinion and how they prefer to see you. Which is why how you think about yourself and how you see yourself should matter the most.

RainyDaze said:

I know I don't need to focus so much on what everyone else thinks, I'm working on it, not quite sure what I need to do to tell myself, what they say doesn't really matter... Because these are people I'm around every day, I try not to care when they make fun of me or when they sit there and laugh at me but it's just hard.

Basically I want some help in being happy with myself the way I am, not taking it personally when someone calls me a name, or when they give me criticism, I don't think I should get that upset about it.... You know?

Help, someone?

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Yeah it takes time to get used to the idea of not caring what others say about you or what they think of you. Just keep telling yourself that it doesn't matter what they think whenever you start to feel affected by what they say. If what they say could be true of how you are and that it can help you improve yourself as a person? Then you can try to take it positively and see how you can improve.

You know, this is workable. It takes time to work into that mode where you can take people's negative comments on you.
I think that you can either you can keep reminding yourself that their comments don't matter. Or you can say an alternative to their comment - a positive one that is.
Hope it somehow helps.

AngryLoner and I were talking the other day n he said that people often base their selfworth on what others think about them.. and that that was a major reason why we need love.

what you need is to make good friends.. spend time with people who show you love. Also know that you are everything you ever need to be.. we all are.

Sure we arent perfect and sometime feel broken, n ugly..but truthfully we are all the same..beautiful at heart, selfish as well.. ; human!

If people have nothing better to do than insult you and laugh at you because of your looks, then it's a sure sign their opinion isn't worth noting. It may sound trite and cliched but the saying that inner beauty is the one that matters has a lot of truth in it. Even if I do not initially like someone's looks much, it always starts growing on me once I get to know the person better. Eventually, someone who looked quite plain at first ends up looking rather pretty! So it's the personality that actually matters, not your looks. What I want to say, is that the only people whose opinion is worth giving a **** are the ones who know the real you and care for you. And they will never think you ugly.

So let me tell you what I think. In HS I was extremely insecure because I had no friends and considered myself pretty ugly. I know that other people thought I was ugly too. This wrecked my self esteem, and I never recovered. What I would recommend is for you to be more aggressive and talk back to the people who say negative things about you, because I certainly wish I did that. I needed to learn how to defend myself but no one ever really taught me how to do that and I always thought I'd either get beat up or get in trouble. If you talk back then people will think twice about insulting you. I feel so much better about myself if I'm in a more aggressive mood than in a depressed mood. Just a tip.

After high school, I didn't really have to deal with the whole looks and popularity thing as much, so there is hope in sight. Getting through HS is rough if you're not in the popular crowd and many people don't understand how hard it is for people like us. The truth is, that even though some of those size 0 cheerleader chicks are told their hot and are getting around, some also have insecurity issues. They hide it pretty well.

Silvernight said:

Even if I do not initially like someone's looks much, it always starts growing on me once I get to know the person better. Eventually, someone who looked quite plain at first ends up looking rather pretty! So it's the personality that actually matters, not your looks.

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My sentiments exactly!