Are friends still friends....

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Bill Compton

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I'm majorly confused and this is really messing with my head. When I was younger friends were always there for you. They answered the phone, texts, made time for you and with true best friends nothing was ever too much. This is how I treat my friends too, and still do.

I've just hit thirty and its changing so much. People are just not there for me anymore. I can't figure out if its the change in social attitude and how people are becoming lazy, not bothered to reply or possibly im just put on the back burner.

Or if its because I'm older and people have no time (they have jobs,etc), but I worked 12 hours days for years and still made time for my friends.

Lastly could it be me? am I needy? but I'm almost 100% sure im not. I just want the same respect and treatment back. Maybe Im too nice or too sensitive. I dont exactly give away too much to people, I keep a line of respect, althoug I do have an open heart and Im really honest.

The same thing seems to be happening with girls too.

Man its killing me cause all I've ever done is be nice to people, without being too nice (you know a normal amount) and I never get the same back.

Anyone else have this. Can anyone explain why cause without good friends life is pointless. for me anyhow....
 
Part of it is your age. I'm 34 and I noticed this when I was in my mid-20s - most of the people I hung around started to get married, have kids, move away or kick their careers into high gear. Most of the people I was close to in my early 20s I've lost contact with - and a few will exchange emails or calls every few months, if that.
I don't think it's a change in social attitude (if you mean it is peculiar to this generation) - I think back to when I was little and my parents were in their 30s, they had very few "real" friends. There might have been a couple that they would go out to dinner with every once in a while, but they didn't do much beyond that. Granted, they had kids at home, so it wasn't exactly easy for them to go "hang out", but even if they didn't, they probably wouldn't have gone out that often anyway.
I'm not sure what you mean by "the same thing is happening with girls" unless you mean they don't want to go to the bars or clubs anymore - that is definitely the age - it just isn't that appealing anymore.
It's just part of getting older. Wait until you realize that your pants don't fit quite as well as you're used to...that's a real shocker.
 
I'm not sure what is causing your friends to get in touch less often, but I think the change in lifestyle is a major aspect. When I was younger I talked to my best friends every single day, even after seeing them at school. Now I'm lucky if I get to see my best friend twice a week. I really think that having a job, a relationship or a family and (at least for most people) a constantly growing number of social contacts can make people too busy to reply. While I have always considered myself a loyal friend, I have sometimes caught myself taking a week to reply to a text or an email if I was busy with university work. It absolutely wasn't because those people didn't matter to me.
Even though I really dislike the idea, I think that nowadays it's much rarer to find this one person you talk to every day and share everything with. I've always been the kind of person who would be happy having one or two best friends and wouldn't need many other social contacts. But I've come to realize that as people get busier, it helps to have some more casual friends with whom you can also have fun, even if it's not in the same way as with a best friend. I hope yours start being more caring again soon, or that you find new ones who feel the same way :)
 
You can't expect people to return any kindness, whether you've shown them kindness yourself or not. People will be people, and they will do their own thing, regardless of any nice friends they have. I'm sorry that you're feeling that way though, because I know exactly how it feels, only I've received that treatment from my own family. I'm sure a lot of your friends do appreciate you the way you are, even if they don't always express, or even if they never express it.
 
This seems to be common with age. I am slowly going through it now. In a few years when my friends get married, it'll be the same here I bet. If I am lucky, I'll be married or have a partner too at least. All you can do really, is look for some people your age in your position. Then you can support eachother. I'm always on the look out for new friends lol.
 
VanillaCreme said:
You can't expect people to return any kindness, whether you've shown them kindness yourself or not. People will be people, and they will do their own thing, regardless of any nice friends they have. I'm sorry that you're feeling that way though, because I know exactly how it feels, only I've received that treatment from my own family. I'm sure a lot of your friends do appreciate you the way you are, even if they don't always express, or even if they never express it.

expectation is the root of all heartache, i like that. I just expect people to treat and think of me how I treat and think of them. But honestly I think my standards are way too high!


Gutted said:
This seems to be common with age. I am slowly going through it now. In a few years when my friends get married, it'll be the same here I bet. If I am lucky, I'll be married or have a partner too at least. All you can do really, is look for some people your age in your position. Then you can support eachother. I'm always on the look out for new friends lol.

I often think its a London thing, in fact although not exclusive to London, it is certainly a place full of shitty heartless people with levels of self-indulged-ness that shocks me daily....

Having said that occasionally I've met someone nice, its so rare it the city tho....

im gonna put this in capitals as it is a question I have been honestly asking for years....

WHERE ARE ALL THE NICE PEOPLE IN LONDON? IS EVERYONE REALLY THAT SELFISH?

answers on a postcard.......
 
I strongly doubt it's just you. I've read many articles about the lack of social ties today. People are losing connections with family and non-family. Just google it and you'll find all kinds of reports. It's sad.
Personally, I just threw my hands up and said "fresia it. There's no point in even trying anymore." I have very little hope for the future.
 
ahah, I must agree with the London thing, guess that also applies to most big cities... our society is so messed up, if you go in traditional societies people can go crazy because of the nosiness of the others, but isolation as we know it doesn't exist. I think it is so great that technology is putting people back together, through forums like this one, meetups, etc. it's not much, still the potential is great.
 
Peaches said:
ahah, I must agree with the London thing, guess that also applies to most big cities... our society is so messed up, if you go in traditional societies people can go crazy because of the nosiness of the others, but isolation as we know it doesn't exist. I think it is so great that technology is putting people back together, through forums like this one, meetups, etc. it's not much, still the potential is great.

technology is always breaking up things socially, making it kind of casual if you will. i find that sad. So pleased tho that someone agrees with me on the London thing. Peaches, i like you! lol pm me... :)
 
i feel the same. i find that girls my age all have kids and husbands. they dont make time for the friendships because they dont need them anymore. i dont expect to be the center of my friends lifes but it hurts when people just give up on you. its not convenient too. i get sick of the i'm too busy excuse. if they wanted to be your friend, they would find a way, i dont want to be rude, but this is how i feel because it happens to me. i dont think its anything i am doing wrong because i know i am a good friend.
 
Omg yes. I really miss being in my early twenties, when we were like, "dood, let's hang out." And that's what we did. We just hung out. We ate stuff, went to shows, walked around, laid around, watched movies, read stuff, did our homework, chores, etc. Now, it seems like everything is a to do with scheduling, with making sure we have the right place, right stuff. Everything seems so stiff, structured and formal now.
 
This is Exactly What Im Going Through, No One I Used TO be Friends With Even Bothers To Notice I Exist Anymore, Some People Can be So Cruel 8C I Wish People Could See The Damage There Causing Others. I cant Stand To See others sad, Since i know how they fell.
 
Bill Compton said:
I'm majorly confused and this is really messing with my head. When I was younger friends were always there for you. They answered the phone, texts, made time for you and with true best friends nothing was ever too much. This is how I treat my friends too, and still do.

I've just hit thirty and its changing so much. People are just not there for me anymore. I can't figure out if its the change in social attitude and how people are becoming lazy, not bothered to reply or possibly im just put on the back burner.

Or if its because I'm older and people have no time (they have jobs,etc), but I worked 12 hours days for years and still made time for my friends.

Lastly could it be me? am I needy? but I'm almost 100% sure im not. I just want the same respect and treatment back. Maybe Im too nice or too sensitive. I dont exactly give away too much to people, I keep a line of respect, althoug I do have an open heart and Im really honest.

The same thing seems to be happening with girls too.

Man its killing me cause all I've ever done is be nice to people, without being too nice (you know a normal amount) and I never get the same back.

Anyone else have this. Can anyone explain why cause without good friends life is pointless. for me anyhow....

This is the second post from you that I have noticed that you've asked if you're needy. Maybe you are and just don't realize it. The world isn't a nice place full of nice people. Are you making an effort to make friends or just expecting some to just fall in your lap?
 
Friends come and go, I miss my high school and college days. Those were some fun times with friends, mostly, even with the drama. But it's the ones you keep in touch with that matter, even if it's only over Facebook or something like that. I still keep in touch with a few from my childhood and high school.
 
a thing can only be a loss to you by the amount of value that you place into it
 
once I graduated college, there was no longer people around. You no longer have a school to go to so there are no longer people.
Coworkers in an office don't want to hang out. Most people get married and have kids. They no longer have time for losers who can't date or get married or have kids too.

The older you get, the worse it gets.
 
Sterling said:
Bill Compton said:
I'm majorly confused and this is really messing with my head. When I was younger friends were always there for you. They answered the phone, texts, made time for you and with true best friends nothing was ever too much. This is how I treat my friends too, and still do.

I've just hit thirty and its changing so much. People are just not there for me anymore. I can't figure out if its the change in social attitude and how people are becoming lazy, not bothered to reply or possibly im just put on the back burner.

Or if its because I'm older and people have no time (they have jobs,etc), but I worked 12 hours days for years and still made time for my friends.

Lastly could it be me? am I needy? but I'm almost 100% sure im not. I just want the same respect and treatment back. Maybe Im too nice or too sensitive. I dont exactly give away too much to people, I keep a line of respect, althoug I do have an open heart and Im really honest.

The same thing seems to be happening with girls too.

Man its killing me cause all I've ever done is be nice to people, without being too nice (you know a normal amount) and I never get the same back.

Anyone else have this. Can anyone explain why cause without good friends life is pointless. for me anyhow....

This is the second post from you that I have noticed that you've asked if you're needy. Maybe you are and just don't realize it. The world isn't a nice place full of nice people. Are you making an effort to make friends or just expecting some to just fall in your lap?

Yeah its definitely something that I may be angling all my problems at! I'm pretty confident im not but I am quite sensitive and I think I give a lot of my heart to people. Thing is I do have friends that are really good at staying in contact etc, its not everyone, just some. I think its a mixture of growing older and the change to our ever progressing cheap society!

Your right tho the world isn't a nice place full of nice people. This place is pretty cool tho, everyone seems to have an appreciation for others, i miss that a lot of the time.


blackdot said:
once I graduated college, there was no longer people around. You no longer have a school to go to so there are no longer people.
Coworkers in an office don't want to hang out. Most people get married and have kids. They no longer have time for losers who can't date or get married or have kids too.

The older you get, the worse it gets.

This is my worry...
 
The essence of life is change. Don't expect things to remain still, or people to remain the same. People are constantly either growing closer together or farther apart...
 

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