Very lonely, managing to ignore it the moment

I'm a 24-year-old man (it still feels very strange to me to think that I am indeed now a man) who live in London, UK.

I'm just spending my days in numbness. I'm ignoring the obvious fact that my life is rapidly unravelling.

I have, I would say, one friend. A friend, to me at the moment, means someone who I feel comfortable about phoning up to go out with on a Friday night safe in the knowledge that, should they say yes, they would want to be there, it's not just that they're stuck for something else to do. They wanted to be out with me on a Friday night.

I hate weekends. Weekdays you can tell yourself that everyone's at home watching TV or whatever, which is in large part true. Friday and Saturday it's totally different.

It's 3:39am here now as I type this word. I'll be coming back here for the next few weeks at least. Hope to see you around.

Here's something I read in the papers over here a few days back: The Article

How to choose your inner circle: With friends like these...
... you are set up for a happy life. We all need people to trust and laugh with. And new research shows you how to pick them. Katy Guest reports
Published: 16 July 2006

When Aristotle was asked, in the 4th century BC, what defines a friend, he had no doubts. A friend is "one soul inhabiting two bodies", he said, adding: "Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods."

In 2006, it is a little more complicated. A startling in the American Sociological Review, found 25 per cent of Americans do not have a single friend. That is, nobody "with whom to discuss matters important to them", said the researchers. The average number of friends was two.

Oh, I typed in "I am lonely" into Google. A random thread on some codec site was the top hit, and I followed a link here.

How did others find this place?

It's 3:39am here now as I type this word. I'll be coming back here for the next few weeks at least. Hope to see you around.

Click to expand...

Welcome Ntre! We hope to see you around.

Imagine there are a billion people living in this planet and most them have no one to talk to.That is something to think about.Suddenly the "Prozac nation" makes sense.I feel for you,wanna be friends?It's a start..

Sure. I'm here whenever you need me.

Thank you for your kind posts one and all. I'm not sure I would befriend a girl off the internet; you hear all sorts of horror stories about girls meeting up with guys off the net, I'm not sure I'd be happy asking someone to take that risk! Not that there is a risk with me... well you know what I mean! For the moment at least I'm happy chatting on the boards here with people anonymously.

Anyway. Well, I have the early hours blues again. It's well past 1am.

Know what I did this weekend? Nothing. I don't mean that to sound bitter (I'm not a bitter person generally), merely as a statement of fact.

Friday night I numbed my loneliness by playing computer games. In fact, I gamed all weekend. It was great, my brain didn't get the chance to stop and think about how most people my age (I'm in my twenties) would be out and about with the friends, or relaxing around a friend's house.

Not me. I spoke to no one but my parents, and they were out most of the time. What a pointless existence I lead. I may as well not exist! I feel so sad knowing that I don't matter for anything.

I've just noticed the tone of this post. No, I'm not suicidal, I would never have the guts to do it. I do feel sometimes that I would rather be dead, just to get rid of this sickening, stomach-churning feeling of isolation and loneliness, but I've never made a serious attempt at doing it. I don't think I ever will. Of course there are people who are so lonely and isolated, and who can't cope at all and they do kill themselves... That's a tragedy. I want to scoop people like that into in my arms and give them a big cuddle. That probably sounds mad but I don't care.

Well, it's Monday morning. Early Monday morning. I haven't got work tomorrow. I have no job. I am a maths graduate, so technically I should be able to get a really well paying job in finance or something. Trouble is I have no confidence at all. I have had jobs, but they've all been minimum resonsibilty jobs. I find such jobs boring, but my colleagues were nice.

What am I trying to say?

I am stuck being alive, but don't know how to live. How do you make friends, keep them? How do you make people laugh and behave in a way that means they'll want to spend time with you? I wish I knew.

"I am stuck being alive, but don't know how to live" Boy, do I know what you mean. Trying to put my life back together while living inside a body that doesn't function properly......frustrating to say the least.

I always say that If I have to show up for life everyday I might as well make the best of it.