M
Mechanical
Guest
So yeah, I'm back. It's been awhile. I'm such a loner type of person I don't even come to this forum. Too many people! *hides* Well, just kidding about that, but I've been busy. Just recently, however, I've been having an awful time. For awhile I was so busy around Christmas time that I forgot how lonely I was, but now that its over and I'm thinking again and having some free time I am really feeling it. I made a "resolution" to be more sociable with friends I do have and strangers to try to make friends, but its been nothing but trouble. Two of the parties that were to happen during the past week were canceled because the hostesses got sick. Bummer. On top of that, this Tuesday, just three days ago, my pet hamster died.
I've had pets die before: two cats, fish. But I was younger, and they weren't MY pets. My hamster Devlin was MY pet, and he trusted me more than anyone else and was the cutest little guy ever. Then when I get up for school I see him lying limp in his cage and rush over to find him breathing shallowly. I picked him up and he was so limp and I started crying hysterically... My mom was all like "yeah, he's old" and "I know he's gonna die" and all that. So my dad came back home from work and we took him to the vet. Long story short, he had pneumonia (I knew the signs of seeing the gunk around the eyes but he always blinked it away and I didn't think about it too much) which is curable. But she also felt a cyst or tumor in his stomach, and that was what was killing him.
I felt so horrible. I should have known, you know? He was getting fat, I thought, and he's getting fat because I got him a different kind of food and he's not been running that much. And he hasn't eben running that much because he's been getting old, nothing more. But I had it all backwards. I should have taken him to the vet when I realized he wasn't running as much. I was just...complacent. Worried, but not worried enough. I feel like its all my fault, I should have known. No matter what anyone says.
My parents have kind of taught me to only go to doctors in emergencies, and I put that on my pet. I never get check ups or anything like normal people. But I should have known when to bring him to the vet, you know? Maybe he would have lived another year, or at least not suffered so much.
The vet reassured me that rodents like hamsters, rabbits, etc. all hide their weaknesses because they are prey animals, and it is hard to see the signs. Yet I still feel awful. I don't know how to deal with his death. I miss him so much. And then I feel stupid for being so upset; I think other people will be like, "its just a stupid hamster, geez, get over it." But I loved DEVLIN, not a hamster! He was unique and he was my first pet.
On top of everything, this is the thing most making me numb, sad, and uncaring. It's not like I'm actively suicidal, I just wouldn't care if I died or found out I was dying. That scares me. I really appreciate life, even if I'm miserable. I just don't know what to do. And there's no one I can talk to about my feelings, because they wouldn't understand. And I don't feel that comfortable with anyone. Now, more than ever, I'm afraid to get close to even another pet because they'll die eventually.
I've had pets die before: two cats, fish. But I was younger, and they weren't MY pets. My hamster Devlin was MY pet, and he trusted me more than anyone else and was the cutest little guy ever. Then when I get up for school I see him lying limp in his cage and rush over to find him breathing shallowly. I picked him up and he was so limp and I started crying hysterically... My mom was all like "yeah, he's old" and "I know he's gonna die" and all that. So my dad came back home from work and we took him to the vet. Long story short, he had pneumonia (I knew the signs of seeing the gunk around the eyes but he always blinked it away and I didn't think about it too much) which is curable. But she also felt a cyst or tumor in his stomach, and that was what was killing him.
I felt so horrible. I should have known, you know? He was getting fat, I thought, and he's getting fat because I got him a different kind of food and he's not been running that much. And he hasn't eben running that much because he's been getting old, nothing more. But I had it all backwards. I should have taken him to the vet when I realized he wasn't running as much. I was just...complacent. Worried, but not worried enough. I feel like its all my fault, I should have known. No matter what anyone says.
My parents have kind of taught me to only go to doctors in emergencies, and I put that on my pet. I never get check ups or anything like normal people. But I should have known when to bring him to the vet, you know? Maybe he would have lived another year, or at least not suffered so much.
The vet reassured me that rodents like hamsters, rabbits, etc. all hide their weaknesses because they are prey animals, and it is hard to see the signs. Yet I still feel awful. I don't know how to deal with his death. I miss him so much. And then I feel stupid for being so upset; I think other people will be like, "its just a stupid hamster, geez, get over it." But I loved DEVLIN, not a hamster! He was unique and he was my first pet.
On top of everything, this is the thing most making me numb, sad, and uncaring. It's not like I'm actively suicidal, I just wouldn't care if I died or found out I was dying. That scares me. I really appreciate life, even if I'm miserable. I just don't know what to do. And there's no one I can talk to about my feelings, because they wouldn't understand. And I don't feel that comfortable with anyone. Now, more than ever, I'm afraid to get close to even another pet because they'll die eventually.