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I work at home, I don't have a car, my family has moved away, I've lost touch with the few friends that I did have, sometimes I go for days without leaving the house at all and if I do go out it's just to walk to the grocery store and back.

I'm completely, utterly alone.

Most days I can put it out of my mind and busy myself with work but other days bad thoughts creep in - like if I died no one would come to my funeral. There wouldn't even be a funeral...I feel like crying but I don't dare because I will never stop.

I try to think of things to do like volunteering but I haven't been able to bring myself to do it yet. I wish I could but I'm afraid or something.

I tried online dating. The last date I went on was years ago and the guy asked me (5 minutes after we met for the first time) if we were going to have sex or not because if not he wanted to go back home where he had several girls waiting for him if I wasn't interested.

I told him that I was feeling pressured and uncomfortable. He said that was because I was on a power trip. Then he told me that if we did have sex and I got pregnant that he would push me down the stairs.

I felt even more alone after that and gave up trying to meet anyone for a long time.

I'm trying again now and I met someone online last week and he said that we should meet for drinks and if I wasn't fat or diseased we could have sex but that I shouldn't expect anything afterwards. So I told him "no thanks because I want to feel special". He said that I was living in a fantasy world and to write him back if I change my mind.

I'm not writing him back. Oh well at least it was someone to talk to for a little while even if it made me sad.

Sometimes I think people get sick just because they are so lonely. They would rather be sick in the hospital with people paying attention to them than home all alone. Or maybe the loneliness causes the sickness because it's so painful. I hope that doesn't happen to me.
 
Guest said:
I work at home, I don't have a car, my family has moved away, I've lost touch with the few friends that I did have, sometimes I go for days without leaving the house at all and if I do go out it's just to walk to the grocery store and back.

I'm completely, utterly alone.

Most days I can put it out of my mind and busy myself with work but other days bad thoughts creep in - like if I died no one would come to my funeral. There wouldn't even be a funeral...I feel like crying but I don't dare because I will never stop.

I try to think of things to do like volunteering but I haven't been able to bring myself to do it yet. I wish I could but I'm afraid or something.

I tried online dating. The last date I went on was years ago and the guy asked me (5 minutes after we met for the first time) if we were going to have sex or not because if not he wanted to go back home where he had several girls waiting for him if I wasn't interested.

I told him that I was feeling pressured and uncomfortable. He said that was because I was on a power trip. Then he told me that if we did have sex and I got pregnant that he would push me down the stairs.

I felt even more alone after that and gave up trying to meet anyone for a long time.

I'm trying again now and I met someone online last week and he said that we should meet for drinks and if I wasn't fat or diseased we could have sex but that I shouldn't expect anything afterwards. So I told him "no thanks because I want to feel special". He said that I was living in a fantasy world and to write him back if I change my mind.

I'm not writing him back. Oh well at least it was someone to talk to for a little while even if it made me sad.

Sometimes I think people get sick just because they are so lonely. They would rather be sick in the hospital with people paying attention to them than home all alone. Or maybe the loneliness causes the sickness because it's so painful. I hope that doesn't happen to me.

Hi. I just wanted to say that you need to hang out with a different crowd of people. Don't get so desperate that you get yourself used by everyone. That'll just make you more miserable. You're hanging around the wrong type of guys. Try to find someone that's not so interested in sex and that they care about more important things than sex. There's alot more to life than that. I know this is easier said than done. In fact.. I'll be honest with you that I don't really have any friends left.

The thing is there are guys out there. I'm a guy and sex isn't an issue with me. I honestly don't care for it. I doubt I'm the only guy out there with this outlook. Try to find someone who isn't so shallow that they care about weight. So long as the person has a good heart inside that's all that should matter. Also don't listen to people when they say all guys are pigs. That's not true at all. From your post you don't appear to be a bad person. Don't let people belittle you and rip you apart because no matter what anyone says you don't deserve it. You just don't. Anyone who believes otherwise is a fool.

Anyone that's willing to have sex with you after five minutes, several days, weeks, or even a month is after only one thing and that's sex. Those people can't give you what you want. You need to find someone who loves and cares about you for who you really are. I know that this is hard.. I know how frustrating it is.. and I know how it never feels like it's going to happen.. but even being alone is better than being used. I know that sometimes it doesn't feel that way.. I understand that life can be incredibly cruel.. believe me. I've suffered alot.

Just look real hard. You might find a gem buried in the garbage one day. If not you might atleast be able to find someone to talk to that you can relate too. There's good people out there.. don't give up.
 
That sux, your story makes me sad. I am a lonely guy myself and despite what might impress other guys I would never do what has happened to you. should one advise that you don't need anybody? that you should pick up some self-help books and try to believe the best you can in appreciating the little things? or that you should get back on the horse of online dating and try again and in all probability meet another *******. I don't know. things are sad sometimes, any advice I could give would only be more depressing because it would sound like I don't understand your situation, which I really don't. I have no idea what you look like, how old you are or, what you're personality is like but one thing I can say you are amazing and wonderful in a way I might not even recognize through my ignorance and prejudices if I met you, but its there. it has to be. if you’re on here and feel lonely you are sensitive and hurt and that says a lot. that there is a special vulnerable part of you that is very kind. life just fuckin' sucks sometimes. I hope that you find someone that will make you happy, that probably sounds empty coming from a stranger you'll never meet but I mean it after reading your post.

semi-related but I thought this was a great quote from this forum, I think we’d all like this,


"I wish I didn't have to speak. It's so hard sometimes, to get the words out, in person or on paper. I wish I could just project my thoughts outward from my center, so that others could see them and understand what I can't describe or what becomes irrelevant in words"
 
HI Gladius
ur words made me cried. i know maybe thats stupid. but i just cried.

thank u.

im not the girl who wrote the above. but i do understand what she felt. we r not ugly, we r not fool. people think u r lonely because u r too ugly and nobody likes u. but thats not true.we r lonely because we feel lonely.thats all. we still didnt meet the right man ,the friendship. we just kept waiting ,waiting ,waiting.

sometimes i think, we all hope everyone could be happy. but does everybody really all could get happiness? no. there r always some people who cannot get love ,happiness. maybe im one of them.

but i still leave a small hope for myself.i told myself there r still many good people in life. maybe , maybe i could meet them tomorrow. maybe my happiness is just delayed by the terrible traffic or the rainstorm or something else. it just needs more time.

who knows?

give up. never give up.
 
What's your job, original poster?
Heh... online dating. I can't do that because I'm a guy. I have no idea why would any girl even respond to me...
I tried friending some on myspace, never got a reply back.
 
those are not men, but pathetic little boys... even that term is an insult to little boys.

someone who says or acts like that pressuring you for sex and the stairs thing, well thats all just very sick and twisted.

can I please say on behalf of guys, we are not all like that at all!

no one deserves that treatment. Thats just horrible.

I dont have a car either and some days I sort of hold up in my house, I go out real late to the closest convience store... I guess I'm not going to meet alot of people that way, never mind my special someone. Sometimes I get discouraged two with running into people who are oblivious, mean, cruel... it drains me. I don't want to just set myself up to be kicked down and stomped on yet again.

I try to keep my faith in God's plan that I don't understand, still that lonelyness crushing you or just being pummeled every time you try just rots.
 
Oh jesus not this crap again. "We guys suck blahblahblah, please urinate on me Mistress".
 

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