Bob's Random 1 Minute Reviews

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Bob Arctor

Guest
I'll mostly be reviewing movies I either love or hate in this thread, but I might sneak in some games, music or other products from time to time. People are free to post in this thread so long as they're not adding their own reviews.


The Machinist

"The Machinist" is a vibrant and thrilling nightmare world, cleverly hidden behind a veil of grey, monotonous clichés. One gets the sense of unearthing a conspiracy to cover up murder in purgatory. Little by little, the viewer is stripped of their sense of security as the seemingly banal facade of this universe crumbles away to reveal a red streaked madhouse. Nothing here is safe or certain, and the tension never ceases to build until the cathartic climax of the ending.

Christian Bale does an exemplary job of depicting the anemic and detached Trevor Reznik: a man slowly becoming unhinged. The leading ladies are Aitana Sánchez-Gijón as Marie, the benevolent and beautiful airport café waitress, and Jennifer Jason Leigh as Stevie, a sweet and nurturing prostitute. They both also do excellent work, along with the rest of the characters, in convincing you that this world is just as real as the cold realities which begin to rain down on Reznik. The cinematography is wonderfully choreographed, and offers clues along the way which help to unravel the mystery.

This movie definitely makes my top 50 list, a must see IMO, though maybe not for the faint of heart. I give it 5/5 Murphy heads :D.

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Total Recall (2012)

Well, they really did it. I didn't think it was possible to decimate a classic so utterly and completely, but they really pulled out all the stops on this one. The original was a beloved cornerstone of early 90's sci-fi action, a linchpin of Arnold Schwarzenegger's lengthy resume. Sure, it was peppered with cheesy one-liners, questionable acting and well, characteristically 90's special effects, but these wonderful and forgivable little flaws only further endeared to us this adaptation of a Philip K. Dick short story, and ensured it's immortal placement on a list of cult classics.

The 2012 remake starring Colin Farrell as Douglas Quaid (originally Schwarzenegger's role, and let me add that it takes a special kind of acting to give a less convincing human performance than the Terminator) has had any remotely interesting plot elements replaced with mediocre special effects. I mean seriously, one of the coolest parts of the original was when they went to Mars, where nearly three quarters of the action took place. How does one justify remaking a movie about secret agents on Mars, and LEAVE OUT THE PART WHERE THEY GO TO MARS!!?

There were no mutants, no aliens, no semi-fetal, tumorous men growing out of another man's stomach, no exploding robotic lady heads...the list just goes on of how they seemingly tried to bore the crap out of me. Honestly, the whole thing was like watching a less entertaining hybrid of "I, Robot" and "Minority Report"...MUCH less entertaining. The strongest emotion I felt was pity towards Bryan Cranston (known mostly for stellar performances in "Breaking Bad" and "Malcolm in the Middle") for having the bad judgment to attach his name to this tripe. This movie's one redeeming grace might have been Jessica Biel in a series of skimpy outfits, but she's fully clothed throughout the entire production! GRRRRRR!

If this was a stand alone original and not a remake, I might feel a tad more charitable and forgiving of it's numerous inane qualities. However, seeing as I have the beloved, cult-status classic to compare it to, I see no choice but to give this movie 0.5/5 Murphy heads.

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On a side note, there is actually one good thing about this movie, which is that it will be really really easy to forget that I ever wasted 118 minutes of my life watching it.
 
A.I. Artificial Intelligence

It's difficult to hang a genre on this movie. Simply applying the label of sci-fi falls far too short of the true scope of this work. The first 45 minutes is quite possibly one of the most inherently unsettling displays I've ever witnessed outside of a horror. The scenes which follow shortly after are some of the most heart-wrenching I've seen in a work that cannot be classified as pure drama. Beyond this the viewer is immersed in an action-adventure, peppered with provocative and comedic elements, finally ending like something out of a fairy tale book written by robots. Personal opinions notwithstanding, I believe this would be a very difficult movie for anyone to forget. In a word, I would call it captivating.

Haley Joel Osment gives a superior performance as David: the robot built to not only simulate a child, but to be capable of experiencing love. His portrayal of childlike innocence set in stark contrast to the almost alien nature of a thinking, learning machine is nothing short of chilling, and gives the creepy factor of his "The Sixth Sense" performance a run for its money. Eventually, as David becomes more and more human, we are forced to see what seems to be a lonely, heartbroken child make his way through a chaotic, dystopian world where mechanized beings are often feared, despised and even hunted down for extermination. Through all of this David has but one ambition: to be reunited and loved once again by his "mommy."

The movie raises philosophical questions about the nature of humanity and our ability to create. Is it truly possible to play God and create sentient, emotional beings? If so, what responsibility do the creators hold toward their creations? How does one define love and devotion? Are machines capable, perhaps even more capable than us, of experiencing eternal love? All in all, I found this piece of fiction very intriguing, and enjoyed watching every part of it except perhaps for the jarringly sentimental ending.

I give this movie 4/5 Murphy heads.

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Hi there. I know it's been a while since I've done a review. Well to explain that...I am lazy. That is all.

So speaking of The Fountain, I recently watched a little flick called...Pacific Rim...*S*P*O*I*L*E*R*S*... I had my doubts going into this, and wasn't happy that the only showing I could catch was 3D
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. However, despite the awkward glasses, occasionally blurry scenes and in-your-face (no pun intended...no wait, pun intended) attempts to showcase 3D artifice, I thoroughly enjoyed this movie. In fact I'd even go out on a limb and say that this giant robot experience is guaranteed to purge the Michael Bay Transformers franchise from your system entirely. Giant robots are cool again! :D

I don't go to theaters a lot these days, but if there's one kind of movie that's definitely still worth it for me it's this. Nothing compliments horrifying beasts wreaking havoc like the boom of theater speakers. This was action done right I tells ya: just a pure, sweet, heart pounding, earth shaking robot-and-monsterthon. One of the things I love most about this movie is its simplicity. I mean the plot can be summed up in four words:

GIANT
ROBOTS
FIGHT
MONSTERS


My biggest and basically only complaint is that there weren't enough monster fights. Granted, I missed the first twenty minutes and supposedly they don't waste any time getting down to brass tax, but a good appetizer doesn't make up for a feeble entree. During the bulk of the movie there were basically two and a half robot/monster confrontations. I say 'half' because one of them is a sort of flashback so it only half counts. I was expecting at least twice that many fights and/or sightings, but I guess I can't have EVERYTHING I want.

Oh and there's a small amount of cheese, but I was pleasantly surprised at how conservatively it was implemented, especially for a movie like this. What is there is used sparingly and strategically: just enough to make me have a vague emotional interest in the characters and have a few laughs without stepping into soap opera territory or trying to be a comedy. All the filler/razzle-dazzle that's presented is either harmlessly amusing or functional in driving the story forward.

I had a lot of fun watching this, and will give it 4½ Murphy Heads out of 5.

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Dark Souls II...need I say more?

Yes.

This game is a juggernaut of amazingness, dipped in awesome sauce and then deep-fried in a strikingly rich colour palette. It's incredibly challenging. People will buy this game and sell it the next day, oh yes. Some might proclaim it to be shoddy game making, but in the depths of their souls they will know that they simply weren't up to the task.

This game is brain over brawn. It's problem solving at its deadliest (while playing a video game). You cannot hack and slash your way through Dark Souls II. Those who attempt to play this game with a cavalier attitude, those who think they know what a Souls game demands of a player, they will be crushed. To enjoy this game you will need hope, wits, patience, determination and a keen eye.

Even though this is a review thread, if you know me you'll probably know that I consider Souls games to be peerless, and beyond review. However, I felt the need to express my love and appreciation. Therefore I bestow upon this work the highest honour possible within this review thread: the Golden Debbie Award.

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Bob Arctor said:
I'll mostly be reviewing movies I either love or hate in this thread, but I might sneak in some games, music or other products from time to time. People are free to post in this thread so long as they're not adding their own reviews.


The Machinist

"The Machinist" is a vibrant and thrilling nightmare world, cleverly hidden behind a veil of grey, monotonous clichés. One gets the sense of unearthing a conspiracy to cover up murder in purgatory. Little by little, the viewer is stripped of their sense of security as the seemingly banal facade of this universe crumbles away to reveal a red streaked madhouse. Nothing here is safe or certain, and the tension never ceases to build until the cathartic climax of the ending.

Christian Bale does an exemplary job of depicting the anemic and detached Trevor Reznik: a man slowly becoming unhinged. The leading ladies are Aitana Sánchez-Gijón as Marie, the benevolent and beautiful airport café waitress, and Jennifer Jason Leigh as Stevie, a sweet and nurturing prostitute. They both also do excellent work, along with the rest of the characters, in convincing you that this world is just as real as the cold realities which begin to rain down on Reznik. The cinematography is wonderfully choreographed, and offers clues along the way which help to unravel the mystery.

This movie definitely makes my top 50 list, a must see IMO, though maybe not for the faint of heart. I give it 5/5 Murphy heads :D.

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Good film !
 
Bob Arctor said:
Dark Souls II...need I say more?

Yes.

This game is a juggernaut of amazingness, dipped in awesome sauce and then deep-fried in a strikingly rich colour palette. It's incredibly challenging. People will buy this game and sell it the next day, oh yes. Some might proclaim it to be shoddy game making, but in the depths of their souls they will know that they simply weren't up to the task.

This game is brain over brawn. It's problem solving at its deadliest (while playing a video game). You cannot hack and slash your way through Dark Souls II. Those who attempt to play this game with a cavalier attitude, those who think they know what a Souls game demands of a player, they will be crushed. To enjoy this game you will need hope, wits, patience, determination and a keen eye.

Even though this is a review thread, if you know me you'll probably know that I consider Souls games to be peerless, and beyond review. However, I felt the need to express my love and appreciation. Therefore I bestow upon this work the highest honour possible within this review thread: the Golden Debbie Award.

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I've never done this before but I'm reviewing my own review. It's about time. I've known for a while what I wanted to post here, I was just too **** lazy and I figured nobody on this forum would care. I feel this has to be said though.

My initial review of Dark Souls 2 was mainly from a PvE perspective, and I hadn't experienced high level (or should I say high soul memory) PvP. I have to say, as a lot of Dark Souls fans already have, including some of my favorite streamers and uploaders, that they ruined PvP in a lot of ways in this game.

So many things are so broken...it would probably be easier to just post a link to an article that's already been written underlining the many imbalances that exist in this game's PvP system. I'll just rattle off a few of my favorites.

1) Soul Memory: in the first Dark Souls, matchmaking was determined by your character's level, which translates into your abilities, health and defense. This kind of matchmaking was really important to most serious players because the majority of people stayed at around level 125.

It's sort of an arbitrary number, but it was generally thought of as the best level for fighting given that the max level is around 900 and in this game being max level means having every ability in the game. Level 125 forced people to be creative with their characters and make important choices about which stats to invest in. It just makes PvP more challenging and fun.

In Dark Souls 2, matchmaking is completely determined by your soul memory. For any noobs out there reading this, you get souls in this game from killing things, be it npc's or other players. Souls are used as experience points for leveling up your character and as currency. Dark Souls 2 added a new mechanic which tracks every single little soul you absorb.

This means that even if you choose to stay at a lower level on any particular character, the more you play, the higher your soul memory climbs. This will eventually pit you against max level people. Right now serious players are staying at around 150. If you're 150 and fighting a max level (848) it's really kind of a joke. They're practically invincible compared to you.

What were they thinking when they implemented this? Were they even aware that a HUGE portion of the player base voluntarily stayed at a low level in their previous 2 games? What was wrong with the previous system of matchmaking based on a player's level? That way max level people could fight each other like gods with every ability in the game if they wanted to, and us regular little PvP ants could play in our private clubhouse. Now they've exposed us to the wrath of over-leveled, talentless scrub lords who only know how to win by being 3 times stronger than their opponent. It's honestly sickening...

You know I said I was going to highlight a few reasons that PvP is a complete mess in Dark Souls 2, but I think I'll stop at soul memory. I think anyone who didn't fall asleep reading this and weren't already aware of this gripe would agree with me that this system makes no sense and punishes the player base.

I still say the game deserves the Golden Debby award. It's still a fantastic game in a lot of ways, and there are indeed some really cool new mechanics and surprises. PvP quality in the Souls series, however, has taken a sharp decline.
 

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