How do you meet someone? How do you be with someone?

I"m really curious.. how do u meet people? And form a relationship?

Or even go for dates? or ask for dates?


Thing is.. .. i am 24 and i never had the gf/dating experience most teens have had in their younger age (12-18).

So i guess.. i never had those innocent dating years or any experience...

but now as an adult.. i really don't know how to approach this? I desire relationship/love/companionship... but i don't know where to begin?

Like when i was in highschool it was just about going up to a girl and asking her "will you go out withe me". (I tried this and have failed, numerous occasions).

So i'm..really lost. And lonely.

I don't know how to meet people...Like say i were to meet some girl at a party or coffee shop or something.... if we have like a 2 minute interaction, how the hell am i to proceed that to a date?

I have no guidance in this ...so here i am. If you can help out at all, please do so. Thank you.

There's different ways. My first GF..I met without even knowing her or seeing her before.
We didnt attend the same HS. She and i just hit it off.

While I was in HS, collage and the usaf...I had more enteractions with girls regularly.
Some girls were boy crazy. other girls were shy but likes me.
So it was just a matter of time that I kissed them. Some would even ask me out.

In middle school and HS...I bascailly asked girls to dance during dances...
As I got older...attending night clubs. I bascailly had enough experince and nerves
to ask a complete stranger to dance with me. So its kindda like down hill from there.
It's actaully less nerve wrecking from me to just talk to women at bars or night clubs
instead of dancing. Im not a very good dancer.

My exwf asked me out becuase she saw me regularly where she worked.

Plus my first GF, exwf, and fiancee are pretty.
So Im not too intiminated by pretty chicks.
It's not a big deal to me to talk to women or ask them out.

Just keep on asking women out, I got rejected serveral times. Then I got stood up twice.
Then bascailly someone finally said yes. I went on a date with her within 10 mins of meeting her.
I never saw her prior to that. She was very pretty. Some of my friends was surprized that I did that.
But like I said...her looks didnt inteminated me.
I went through this after being out of the dating scene for a while....

It's helpful if you can find a hangout place ...where you can interact with a woman you like
consistantly but not necessary.

As far as asking her out....dont make it so formal. Simply ask her if she wants to go hang out, eat, have coffee, see a movie, grab a drink,
play miniture golf, bolwing...ect This way she's dosnt feel committed to you right off the bat, more relaxed and have a good time.
The more she feels good and have a good time...the more she's willing to hang out with you more...
Build on that....

If she's sexually attracted to you...she'll give you plenty of hints...so dont worry or push it...
But when she's willing and allowing you to make sexual advance...you must make your move.
Sexaully get her off...please her. Get her to feel good...good...good.
Read books or watch vedio on how to get women off. Not porn.

Same gose with asking you to be her BF...let her bring up the subject and making it formal.
She's gonna give you plenty of hints about being a formal couple too.
Then build on that.

If a woman is in a bad mood....crying, feeling down, bitchy, pms...ect
Dont approch her at that moment. She'll associate you with bad feelings.
You might trigger bad feelings for her...the next time she see you.
Remove yourself from her...during those times..
This is why some guys get stuck in the friendzone by trying to help a woman feel better.
The women associate them with negative feelings and go out with other guys instead.
Save all the being there for her...for later on...when the relationship is more committed.

Thats why you gatta learn how to get a woman to luagh or feel good about herself.
She'll associate you with good feelings. You trigger good feelings inside of her..
She'll wanna be around you more often..
Compliment her all the time...on her looks, her accomplishments. Anything positive.
Positve feelings.....good feelings.

When your in a committed relationship...you'll have arguments, miscommunications, conflicts eventually.
Like I said....try to remove yourself from her when she's feeling down. Im not saying be insensitive...
When a woman feels like honeysuckle or is angery...there's nothing you can say or do anyways to make her feel better.
Everything you say, do or dont do is gonna wrong to her...simply becuase she's seeing through her emotions.
You just gatta have patient with her...she'll eventually claim down.
She might say alot of hateful and hurtful things. She might even break suff or engauge in negative behaviors....
You gotta somehow learn how to be transparent, dont take it personal during these times....
Remind her often that you love her and she's always loved. Try not to judge her as best you can.
This where loving youself first and forstmost plays a major factor....
During these time...you must be able to stand on your own two feet. Know that you are loved already.
She's not going to be able to give or is avaliable to you...when she's pissed
You must find your center or stay balance somehow.....
Remain positive as best as you can.

When you feel angery at her...dont stuff your feelings. You must find a way to release your anger without taking it
out on her. You also must stand your grounds.
The rule of thumb is...DONT honeysuckle WHERE YOU EAT.
Talk to other people...Vent to other people or journal to relase your anger.

Putting aside the usual generalizations for once because they are not much use really..

Whats your background? Maybe knowing something more specific about yourself would help people come up with some advice that’s specific to you, rather than people trotting out the same lines that you could read on any one of the hundreds of threads on here asking the same question.

So as a starting point..

How are you confidence wise in terms of talking to new people? Do you feel you have much to say but can't find the words for instance?
Whats is your own self image, do you like how you look, how you are as a person? Is that a problem for you that you think might be hindering you?
Do you work, do you get on with your works colleagues?
Do you have much of a social life? Do you go out much into social situations or do you have a group of friends and if so whats the breakdown, all male or female? Have a look around and think about who are the people in your life that you interact with regularly. Opening up to them and asking for advice or help is probably the best way to meet new people...through the people you already know.
Whats an average day like in your world, what sort of people do you engage with, what do you do most evenings in the week and weekend.

I think the more you can paint a picture of whats going on in your life, the better your chances of discussing it with people and working out what you want to do.

I always think on here people often ask a similar question and will receive no end of well meaning and sound advice but its all pretty general and difficult to use. You'll also get a range of opinions often conflicting, so ultimately it will be down to you to chose what to listen to.

You say hi, you're my girlfriend now so you don't have any more excuse to mess up your life.

Worked for me.

IgnoredOne said:

You say hi, you're my girlfriend now so you don't have any more excuse to mess up your life.

Click to expand...

You have to have the nerve to actually talk to them first. LOL

LonelyInAtl said:

You have to have the nerve to actually talk to them first. LOL

Click to expand...

A man can be many things, but not a coward.

wadokai said:

I"m really curious.. how do u meet people? And form a relationship?

Or even go for dates? or ask for dates?

Click to expand...

As someone who is 39, I have no answers for you. I ask this question to a lot of people in real life and none of them can answer the question. All they can tell me is to go out and date. They can't tell me how to date or where dates are located.

I struggle with this as well

not a simple or easy question really.
it all depends on where you are and what you do with your time.
i think the trick is to find places where girls your age like to go. shopping malls and things like that may not always be the answer because even though they all seem to go there they are with friends and on a mission so it can be hard to find a time/place to break the ice.
ive been married for so long now that I wouldnt have the slightest clue where in my city to start lol.
but honestly, in my time on the internet i have met some great girls. and I have known quite a few couples that have met in unassuming places online and moved it to a real world relationship. 2 couples i know are now married.
you can get to know the person and have a chance to meet shy people that other wise may not get out much or respond to you properly if you walked right up to them.
internet is a perfect place to break the ice and get to know the person inside.
there are girls on this very forum that are available, friendly, great people that are also looking for someone. just bite the bullet and message someone. it's really not that big of a world.

Meet someone in a place of common interest, and then sink your claws into them and claim them all for yourself.

wadokai said:

I don't know how to meet people...Like say i were to meet some girl at a party or coffee shop or something.... if we have like a 2 minute interaction, how the hell am i to proceed that to a date?

I have no guidance in this ...so here i am. If you can help out at all, please do so. Thank you.

Click to expand...

You use that 2 minute interaction and ask if you could take her out sometime and if she says yes, ask for her number. It's not that difficult. The worst she can say is "no" or give you a fake number - but so what, you're no worse off than you were before the conversation.

If you have any female friends, ask them if they have any single friends that might be your type. That has the added bonus of your friend being able to talk you up.

Guys can't wait around for women to approach them - although that does happen, it is relatively rare; you have to man up and make the first move.

As far as taking them out - be ready with some conversation topics (nothing too deep or serious, things like family, work/school, interests), ask her questions, and try to keep the conversation alive. I always have a couple of funny stories on standby in case there is a lull in the conversation (awkward silences can be a date killer).

theraab said:

wadokai said:

I don't know how to meet people...Like say i were to meet some girl at a party or coffee shop or something.... if we have like a 2 minute interaction, how the hell am i to proceed that to a date?

I have no guidance in this ...so here i am. If you can help out at all, please do so. Thank you.

Click to expand...

You use that 2 minute interaction and ask if you could take her out sometime and if she says yes, ask for her number. It's not that difficult. The worst she can say is "no" or give you a fake number - but so what, you're no worse off than you were before the conversation.

If you have any female friends, ask them if they have any single friends that might be your type. That has the added bonus of your friend being able to talk you up.

Guys can't wait around for women to approach them - although that does happen, it is relatively rare; you have to man up and make the first move.

As far as taking them out - be ready with some conversation topics (nothing too deep or serious, things like family, work/school, interests), ask her questions, and try to keep the conversation alive. I always have a couple of funny stories on standby in case there is a lull in the conversation (awkward silences can be a date killer).

Click to expand...

the problem with asking women out and getting rejected is your confidence goes after awhile. You lose heart. You have to be very strong willed to carry on.

When it comes to dating, I think the best way to describe my issue is like this:

When I mention I don't know anything about dating, people tell me to just go out there and find a date and date that person.
The easiest equivalent way of looking at that is to tell a kid who just learned out to add basic numbers to now do a Calculus problem.
You have to have some type of training before you can do that. You have to go through all the other math classes to get up to that point.
For me, I'm now up to sometimes being able to tell a female hello. I have no idea how to get any further than that so just go out and date is not a good step-by-step process for me to follow. I'd be better off trying to do a Calculus problem.

putter65 said:

the problem with asking women out and getting rejected is your confidence goes after awhile. You lose heart. You have to be very strong willed to carry on.

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I guess the question is if you'd rather feel hurt than nothing at all?

Me, I pick the "nothing at all". I've had enough hurt in my life. I wish I could change that, but pretty much knowing I'll get rejected has made me a bit jaded.

blackdot said:

When it comes to dating, I think the best way to describe my issue is like this:

When I mention I don't know anything about dating, people tell me to just go out there and find a date and date that person.
The easiest equivalent way of looking at that is to tell a kid who just learned out to add basic numbers to now do a Calculus problem.
You have to have some type of training before you can do that. You have to go through all the other math classes to get up to that point.
For me, I'm now up to sometimes being able to tell a female hello. I have no idea how to get any further than that so just go out and date is not a good step-by-step process for me to follow. I'd be better off trying to do a Calculus problem.

Click to expand...

What about women friends?

I don't want just friends, I want an actual relationship.
And when most of the women I know are either married, been married and have kids, or are too young; being friends won't get anywhere.

LonelyInAtl said:

putter65 said:

the problem with asking women out and getting rejected is your confidence goes after awhile. You lose heart. You have to be very strong willed to carry on.

Click to expand...

I guess the question is if you'd rather feel hurt than nothing at all?

Me, I pick the "nothing at all". I've had enough hurt in my life. I wish I could change that, but pretty much knowing I'll get rejected has made me a bit jaded.

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i feel better with 'nothing at all' - fed up of been hurt and messed about. Why go thru it ? Why put myself thru the disapointment all the time ? - It is not worth it !

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blackdot said:

I don't want just friends, I want an actual relationship.
And when most of the women I know are either married, been married and have kids, or are too young; being friends won't get anywhere.

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I know one woman. She knew I liked her and wanted a relationship yet all I got was 'friends' - yet she has had loads of boyfriends since I have known her. All of those men, she regarded as better than me. I'm not sure I like that. It's a bit insulting to be honest. I'm like any bloke, I want a piece.

my confidence.. is okay. I mean sometimes good but sometimes bad. It's bad when im' alone. I do tend to take things negatively (realistically). I find i don't have that much to say, to girls i'm interested in. Like i can try to converse but .. i run out of things to say. My self image is...nothing great. I mean... i don't look at myself as a guy who can get girls. Now while it can be argued that this is holding me back, but it hasn't held me back from trying... and trying hasn't really gotten me anywhere either. I'm a social person , i try to go out latin dancing and honeysuckle and yeah i've met some people but just as acquaintances. Some have become friends. But thats it... never any attraction or... dates or anything. =/

I'm a good person. I'm not an *******. I'm not an alpha person. But I'm a good hearted gentle soul.

I think that's where the problem lies. I actually care about people.

Thing is, the only thing i have , that i consider attractive, is my personality.

I'm no looker. I"m short, fat, have moles on my face, and overall nothing pleasant. I mean .. no one would be physically attracted to me .. or at least not enough for it to go anywhere...

I try to be confident and talk with girls but it doesn't go anywhere.. hell i don't even konw what to say most of the time.

THe fear of approaching is bad enough.. but on top of it ..what to say? And even whaever i say, and we talk for a bit....how do i ask her out? Is saying "hey wanna go out sometime" to a person u just met really okay? or does it come off as creepy?


I Agree with you blackdot. THere isn't any...actual guidance. People just say "oh you just go out"..well.. where od u go?
"oh you just ask girls out" .. okay what do i say?

What i find is most people who say these things are people who had experienced dating from a young age..getting advice from siblings or family or whatever.

I've had no one. No guide. No one.

And.. i've come to a point in my life that i can't bear the loneliness anymore and i really want someone in my life.. i want to be loved. I want to love.


I just.. don't know how to meet girls..where to meet girls..how to create attraction...and..how to ask for dates..or anything. I just..don't ...know. =/

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Hank2 said:

not a simple or easy question really.
it all depends on where you are and what you do with your time.
i think the trick is to find places where girls your age like to go. shopping malls and things like that may not always be the answer because even though they all seem to go there they are with friends and on a mission so it can be hard to find a time/place to break the ice.
ive been married for so long now that I wouldnt have the slightest clue where in my city to start lol.
but honestly, in my time on the internet i have met some great girls. and I have known quite a few couples that have met in unassuming places online and moved it to a real world relationship. 2 couples i know are now married.
you can get to know the person and have a chance to meet shy people that other wise may not get out much or respond to you properly if you walked right up to them.
internet is a perfect place to break the ice and get to know the person inside.
there are girls on this very forum that are available, friendly, great people that are also looking for someone. just bite the bullet and message someone. it's really not that big of a world.

Click to expand...

well.. i don't know who on this forum is available.. and i don't know if i can just randomly start messaging people for..internet dates... or i guess i don't even know how to start this?

and i guess... how would u even stop from being internet-friendzoned? lol

I went to bars, church, support groups, boardwalks, blwoing alleys, coffee shops, thrift shops. phiers, enternet caff...
Fairs, or public events...such as famers market or whatever eventsa that's avaliable in your area,
Check fliers....I dont know where you live..Some cities or towns hold event more than others.

In my experience...Women flirt with me just as much at church as they do in bars.

K...you already know how to chit chat with women...

It's the body contact part and moving to the next level.

Women that are interested in me will start making body contacts with me...
Yeap...as simply as playing footzy, bumping elbows or just kicking my shoes....even if we're aduilts.

They're lean into me more when they talk. Then our shoulders will touch.
Especailly in a crowd or a bar...They'll make an excues to whisper in my ears...
I make excuases to whisper in her ears. and I'll breath on her neck. She'll let me.
They'll start petting me...touching my arms...shoulders, knees.

What do I say??? It dosnt matter what i say..if she's interested in me.
She'll build repore with me and go with the flow just the same.
Thats why...people cant give you exact words.
Compliments or light heart jokes...light hearted converstations.
I can tell the dorkiest jokes or say something very foolist.
If a woman is interested in me...she's going to laugh along with me...not at me.
Then she'll tell me some stupid of funnie things she did in her life also..When she acted like a dork...
I luagh with her...not at her.

I dont really know...if Im not good looking or not.
I dont think Im that good looking. I have a scar on face that I notice more than the women do.
My complection isnt or want the greatest even when i was younger. Im 46.. I have wrinkles and grays.
Younger women compliments me all the time. All the women I been with say Im handsume,..cute..ect.

It's mosty males that will redicule me or bullied me...when I was a kid. Makes sense becuase of testosterone and competitions.
However I always get the pretty girls....or Im attracted to what I deem are pretty and a lot of men do too.....

Here's me and my fiancee. Im not posting this to rub it in...in anyone's face.
I got bullies when i was a kid too....I had a very negative self image of myself for a long time...even when I had GFs..
I felt bad about myself for a long time...I had to surround myself with positive people and worked on how I view and feel about myself.

wadokai said:

.

I'm no looker. I"m short, fat, have moles on my face, and overall nothing pleasant. I mean .. no one would be physically attracted to me .. or at least not enough for it to go anywhere...

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Well, then develop genuine and real confidence in yourself. Beyond being just nice, try to be something who is worth spending time with - improve whatever you feel is your weakness.