2 social issues.

Friendships

I've been alone for 2 yrs. I have no best friend or no close friend(s). Other than my co workers at work and my mom, that is the extent of my social interaction with people. I dont have/use any messengers as I haven't had a reason to use them.. My phone was turned off last month after being useless. Just my email is all there is to contact me.
I've tried to make friends, but I've been looking in all the wrong places I guess. It's not mutual, and there is only communication if I'm the one initiating. If there is no intiation on my end, there is nothing. Most people don't even make effort to talk to me, about..anything.

I play 2 major online games. On being Phantasy Star Online 2 and the other one Perfect World. Both which I have difficulties making friends on. At least on a mutual level. I play by myself all day, which is incredibly discouraging and daunting, as well as frustrating. It generates some hate towards those who lack interest in hitting me up so to speak. Again, its only if I initiate. But you can bet they will go their friends the like, or whatever you want to call it. If there is a special someone, or they are about to get in a group, this is where things end for me.

Thinking about how continuous this is and how it could possibly stay this way til my death, depresses me so much. I'm lost and out of ideas/methods to coup with this. I just..wait for someone to take interest in me.... Nothing so far. It'd be ok if I could stop thinking about this..

Relationships.

I'm a 30yr old virgin, yes, already a strike against me. I've been with grand total of 5 women in the course of my life. I'm into interracial dating, as I am crazy about white women. That doesn't mean I don't give black girls the time of day. I don't drink, I don't smoke, and I don't go out unless I have someone to go out with. I don't drive. Don't trust myself behind the wheel. I've held the same job for 13 years, and despite being single for 2 years, I was mostly single my entire teenage life. I seem to be attracted by thin girls, but this isn't a definite preference. For a man such as me.. I have no right to be picky.

Often having crushes on girls and fantasizing over them "in the shadows". Never even knowing they have a secret admirer. I don't talk to random girls that look good. I'm what you call a window shopper. I'll look, but that's it. And I'll make sure you wont notice me looking.. some women get attitudes over guys looking at them. Not my fault you look good >.<. Admittedly, I don't have a lot of confidence. The last girl I "talked to" in that way, turned me down, and I vowed never to do that again. My long standing view of women has been a positive one.
And yet, all the things..left, that I find attractive about myself don't seem to be taken notice whatsoever. As a result, I've given up on this.

This is how I feel in short: I feel that my existence is being wasted. That I'm not being given a chance.. No matter how much I wish for friends, or dream and desire for a woman, these things really feel out of reach. I was told not to go looking to let them come to me. No problem with that cause looking or not looking it wont matter I guess. It has been hard to have a positive outlook on this..

Most of this is probably disorganized..but I just needed to vent this.

http://www.meetup.com

I've made some wonderful friends in some of the groups there. Also met someone in one of the groups who is about as perfect of a match for me as I could ask for, but I'm sure she doesn't feel the same way. So, I haven't pursued it. You may have better luck.

In any event, it's still a great way to get out and about.

What's your job?

It's good to vent, welcome to the forum as well.

there is only communication if I'm the one initiating. If there is no intiation on my end, there is nothing. Most people don't even make effort to talk to me, about..anything.

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this is a part of why i wondered into this forum myself basically.
i had one friend that i classed as a real friend, but that is only online.
and i had the same situation, if i didnt initiate contact I could go for ever without talking to anyone. and when we did get talking, I was doing 95% of the talking it seemed.
I came here hoping to meet more people, and around the same time I had a couple of good honest talks with my friend explaining how i felt and that all it would take would be a simple "hey" when they come around. they told me to not be so sensative about it, so then i explained how I am unable to do that even though i am actively trying to combat those feelings.
well, so far so good from my end now. my friend has been messaging me first for the past week or so and things have been feeling better, not to mention that I have also met a couple of new people on this forum that I feel I am getting along with very much. enough to call my friends now (u know who u are )

what i realised the last time I played an online game, was that the group i was surrounded by.. I did not fit in with. I felt exactly like you described. I was the odd man out.
but it doesnt have to be that way. I think now, especially in retrospect, that I was just surrounding myself with the wrong people.
and so i desided to start to look for the right kind of people that i fit in with.

Seifer said:

some women get attitudes over guys looking at them. Not my fault you look good >.<. Admittedly, I don't have a lot of confidence. The last girl I "talked to" in that way, turned me down, and I vowed never to do that again. My long standing view of women has been a positive one.
And yet, all the things..left, that I find attractive about myself don't seem to be taken notice whatsoever. As a result, I've given up on this.

This is how I feel in short: I feel that my existence is being wasted. That I'm not being given a chance.. No matter how much I wish for friends, or dream and desire for a woman, these things really feel out of reach. I was told not to go looking to let them come to me. No problem with that cause looking or not looking it wont matter I guess. It has been hard to have a positive outlook on this..

Most of this is probably disorganized..but I just needed to vent this.

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In my experience, it's a really uneasy feeling when strangers look at me. I almost always ignore it. Women have either been taught or learned how to be defensive to protect themselves. One of these ways is to show "attitude" when someone seems interested. I learned my "lesson" years ago, when I was young, naive. I learned that being "nice" to someone was taken as a sexual invitation or show of interest. I was followed home, I was groped, I was yelled at and called a ***** for being a tease. So: those jerks ruined it for the guys who just want to look.

Women are going to reject you, just as not all women want to be even friends with me. Not all women want to have coffee with me. I wouldn't want them too anyway. I don't want to talk to most women.

When you say "don't seem to be taken notice of whatsoever", what kind of "notice" are you expecting? Do you mean like an verbal acknowledgment of your attractive qualities, or show of interest?