Um, my life I guess?

So, I just joined a few weeks ago... But I guess I'll tell you a little about me. Don't know why, but I've seen other people do it. So... (btw I'm kinda random in my writing, but in the end it will make sense)

Okay, I'm 13 and when I was younger, my family moved around a lot. We have finally settled down to live here. Just moved here about 2 years ago. I have a big brother (16) and two younger sisters (6 and 13). My 13 year old sister is adopted, btw she was adopted when we were both babies, so we are like normal sisters, lots of fighting. :club:

Anyway, I guess I'll start with school. I'm really smart. There's no doubt about it. I'm really good at all the subjects. I'm one of those kids where everything just clicks.

Now, I don't know why, but I can't make friends, and when I do we kinda just drift apart. I'm just socially awkward. I'm just as normal as you, but, I just don't know. I think it ties into me moving around a lot. I would never really have friends for long. And it annoys me, because my best friend and I were so close, and now my sister is stealing her! It kinda sounds like those stories where your friend steals your boyfriend, except my sis is MY best friend. I thought we were family, you know family first, friends second. And my sister has plenty of friends, she just doing it to get back at me for being smart. She's jealous that I'm in pre-ap and that I went to Duke Tip, so she is always really mean to me. I keep to myself and I don't brag, I don't say stuff that will put me in the spot light. I don't why she's so mean to me.

So with a family of 4 kids, there's obviously not a lot of parental attention going around. But sometimes I feel I get none. You would think that my parents would be proud of me and they are, but they don't really show it. They don't have time for me. Firstly, because of my brother. My brother and my mom a really close. He's her first born child, I get, motherly connection. But she spends SO much time with him. We just learned that he was dyslexic, so my mom reads to my brother, his textbooks. But he read perfectly fine before. I must sound jealous, but the truth is, I am. And I tell my mom that she doesn't spend much time with me, and then she tells me to stop being jealous and be more considerate of my brothers "condition". It's like I'm not allowed to be jealous, when my jealous sister over here is stealing my friend! She gets so ruthless from jealousy, that my mom has to limit my privileges so my sis want tear the family apart.

Another reason that I don't get much attention, is that I never get in trouble. That's a good thing, right? But my sister always gets in trouble and she is getting tons of attention. I know I'm all like "my sister this, my sister, that", but our personalities really clash.

I don't mean to make my mom sound mean. She really isn't. I'm just telling you the stuff that ticks me off. I love her to death.

I've been feeling depressed lately. I smile and stuff in front of my "friends" but it never really makes it through. I know how I can make friends, but I'm not willing to change who I am (kinda cheesy, but it's the truth) I'm not really totally dependent on friends, they're okay to have around, but sometimes they get in the way. I sound really pessimistic, but the people at my school aren't really my type. They all just follow each other in circles. One trend after another. It makes me sad to watch. Yes, back to the depressed part. I'm just going to put it out there that I'm NOT suicidal and I'm NOT planning on hurting myself. But most of the time I keep to myself, when I get home, I'll hang out with my family for a while, and then stay in my room the rest of the night. No one bothers me, cause they couldn't care less. For all they know, I'm doing my homework, which I am not. I find it hard to want to do homework now, so most of the time it doesn't get done, or I'll do it on the bus. But I spend my evenings, either writing, drawing, or thinking (which is where I just sit around and think about things). My grades are plummeting. So far my parents haven't noticed, and I kinda wish they did, so they realize that I have a problem.

My parents say they care about me, but they don't really show. I know they care, but seriously. I know this might sound so stupid, but I've been going to bed really late, like 2:30. I know it's really bad for me but, I was kinda hoping they'd notice physical changes. But they still don't see me. I try to talk to them, but they won't listen. I don't want to be in my pre-ap science class anymore, but I don't want to disappoint them.

I've been pretty confused lately. I'm sorry I wasted your time in reading this, but hey, at least I wrote it down.

I can relate, I am twice your age and I have been in a similar situation. Thankfully I did go to a school for talented kids but even that school didn't seem good enough. You need to realize though that happiness comes mostly from your interactions with other people.. and until you don't force yourself to change, even for the duration of conversations, you will feel isolated throughout life.

You should be happy your mother doesn't spend as much time as she does with your brother. She takes you as a girl that can take care of herself. You have your life made and ensured if you just keep those grades up. Your brother on the other hand is in danger of not getting a job and fitting in society as an independent adult.

Kids that have lost their family are extremely insecure. As children who have experienced actual, total, parental abandonment, they yearn for attention all the time. They are emotionally broken and it can take DECADES for an adopted kid to grow some semblance of emotional and psychological security. Just like you can dislike your brother for getting any of your parents' attention, your sister can probably hate you for the same reason.

People that are logically smart like me can sometimes lose sight of what's most important in life and it's empathy.. the connections and warmth to other people.. if you're anything like me, you would do well to go out of your way to connect with people more.

perfanoff said:

You should be happy your mother doesn't spend as much time as she does with your brother. She takes you as a girl that can take care of herself. You have your life made and ensured if you just keep those grades up. Your brother on the other hand is in danger of not getting a job and fitting in society as an independent adult.

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Agreed. It's odd to hear a 13 year old who wants to actually spend time with their parents. Normally starting at your age you want to distance yourself from them. You seem like a very smart young adult, so your parents probably feel you will do just fine. It does sound like your mother is overly mothering your older brother, that might turn out to bite her in the end. She should only be helping him when he needs it, and let him do as much as he can on his own. He's going to grow up with no sense of independence and how to do things on his own. You on the other hand will.

With friends, being more social is just something you have to work on more. It can be hard when you feel like you are alone so much but keep at it. The teenage years are important in forming the person you will grow up to be. So, get to bed at a decent time and work on forming those friendships and keeping them.