People always let me down. Always.

In my whole span on this planet, I don't think I've accumulated a single friend who hasn't stuck the knife into me for absolutely no reason (other than some sort of petty selfish gain). This was exemplified neatly today when a work friend (and incidentally a girl who apparently "likes" me) completely screwed me over for seemingly no reason.

She expressly told me weeks ago that she really wanted to collaborate with me specifically on a major piece of work. I already had someone lined up to do it with, but because she was so enthusiastic and a "friend", I cancelled all my plans and told her I'd team up.

I then proceeded to formalise it all, get everything for the project set up. Fast forward a couple of weeks to today, and after spending three days trying to talk it over with her, she abruptly tells me she's just decided on a whim to work with someone she told me she definitely wasn't happy to work with originally.

I waited for 4 hours to talk this over with her this morning. Four hours of my time wasted. fresia my workplan, my convenience, my friendship of multiple years and my trust. Screw the fact that it means I'm completely hung out to dry with my own work.

I ignored her when she tried her utmost to "apologise" - it was completely her decision to hurt me and her words were totally meaningless.

The long story short? The more I get to know other people, the more I dislike them. If I have one single good quality that's certain in life, it's that I've always treated people decently regardless of how shittily they've generally treated me.

I'm so, so sick of how fickle people are, the only thing that eases the feeling slightly is knowing I've never sunk to their level.

solitary man,

fresia people, bro

fresia people

(and i don't mean have sex with them, lol)

i mean "fresia them"

most people are followers

the latest trend in our society is to be a complete and utter piece of honeysuckle and waste of flesh

since 97% of people are followers (no proof to back up this statistic, btw),

then it follows logically that once it becomes cool to fresia people over

that 97% of people will do it

don't put your faith or welfare in the hands of humans

they are hairless monkeys

and, I might add, some of them, don't know the percentage, are on the look out for nice souls to take advantage of - I don't know how long one must wait before calling someone a friend, but now for me that has become a really long time

I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

Unfortunately, most people will always eventually disappoint you or screw you over. I've had to learn to take everything they say - their promises, their ideas, their plans - with a grain of salt and expect that it's not serious and that it won't happen. Few people ever keep their word. I find that it's better to just always concentrate on yourself first and foremost. You can still be kind, you can still be decent, you can even still be friends, but for the amount of times I've been left hung out to dry, I've learned to make sure I am completely OK before I relinquish any of my time or energy to anyone else.


But, there are a few gems on this earth whose word is their honor. They are always appreciated. I still don't fully trust them though.

Barbaloot said:

I still don't fully trust them though.

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*********, i know that's right

but doesn't that piss you off

But, there are a few gems on this earth whose word is their honor. They are always appreciated. I still don't fully trust them though.

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well,
i pride myself on my word, my honor and above all honesty. I will easily scarifice myself for a friend and/or throw myself to the wolves. trust comes to me when people i know well come to realize this and believe it. so if you dont fully trust anyone then nobody has made you a believer. but it is truly your loss if you don't accept it from someone that has earned it.

I just personally think it's an error in judgment to ever trust someone completely, people err. But my opinions & trust issues aren't the topic of this thread. TSM is the one with the problem here.

they say that a bad reputation travels farther than a good one. and negatives out weigh positives.
the bad expiriences that we live through can shadow the good times and the good people that may cross your path and make you forget they existed. im sure that, if everyone is honest with themselves, has had at least one person in their life at some point who did not let them down, or that never broke trust.
one of my favorite sayings is: if you have no expectations you cannot be let down.
they are words to live by.
but that isnt the same thing as saying if you dont want to be hurt then dont trust anyone.. you just need to learn to recognize the right people to trust and to what extent.

Barbaloot said:

I just personally think it's an error in judgment to ever trust someone completely, people err. But my opinions & trust issues aren't the topic of this thread. TSM is the one with the problem here.

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Ditto. The closer you feel you get to someone the more it hurts when they let you down. Even worse when you've done nothing to deserve it and have always treated them well. It's like you're better off not to get close to anyone these days. People in real life that is.

so its down to that ages old question.. is it better to have loved and lost? or to never have loved at all..
the healthy answer should be yes. better to feel love (or trust, as they are equal) than to live guarded and untrusting forever. even though it hurts when it fails. i believe every person that has ever lived has felt that hurt. its all down to how we each deal with it and the lesson we take away from it.

every person i've trusted in the past has betrayed me

that's some anecdata that is very hard to ignore

i don't want to be bitter, i don't want to hate people

so, i've worked on moving beyond expectations and letting them go

if you don't expect anything from anyone, you can't be let down

you can simply enjoy your time with that person each time you are with them

once it ceases to be enjoyable you can say "hey, saw that coming, no biggie"

and continue on living your life

if you practice really hard, you might even be able to love people

although i think this sort of love more closely resembles the paternal sort rather than our more immature ideas of love

thoughts?

I've felt the knife in the the back, in fact I'm still wounded from it.

What I found out after years of therapy is people will take advantage of you if you don't set them straight... You know, boundries and all that honeysuckle. I enjoy being nice to people, understandig them, I'm also afraid of being too agressive, that worked against me. I used to think it was no big deal, I was very wrong...

Of course don't know you, Solitayman. Sometimes people are just mean. They take you for granted, they take out honeysuckle on you just because you're shy/insecure. You can't really know what's going on in their heads. People misread your actions all the time. All the time. They make their little interpretations, assuptions... You can't control that. Or maybe you could prevent it... I don't really have that skill tough, but I'd like to develop it...

Sorry that you had to go through something like that SolitaryMan. Sighs.. that just totally sucks. She'd have her retribution some day. :\

Sci-Fi said:

Barbaloot said:

I just personally think it's an error in judgment to ever trust someone completely, people err. But my opinions & trust issues aren't the topic of this thread. TSM is the one with the problem here.

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Ditto. The closer you feel you get to someone the more it hurts when they let you down. Even worse when you've done nothing to deserve it and have always treated them well. It's like you're better off not to get close to anyone these days. People in real life that is.

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Really agree with this Sci-Fi.

Sometimes, as is the case with this project, you just have to trust someone. I couldn't actually approach the task on my own, so I placed my confidence in someone who I've known for years. And the predictable happened.

What really gets me is that she didn't have to do any of this. She could have just worked with me and all would have been fine.

I mean, she didn't even send me a free text to explain that she didn't want to work with me anymore. She even asked the previous day to talk about "our" plans, suggesting she's just changed her agenda at the very last moment for no reason.

My feelings aren't even worth a text message to her...nice.

ladyforsaken said:

Sorry that you had to go through something like that SolitaryMan. Sighs.. that just totally sucks. She'd have her retribution some day. :\

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I doubt it, unfortunately. Experience has taught me that people that behave like this typically seem to get ahead in the world, or at the very least seem happier than me most of the time.

Hank2 said:

so its down to that ages old question.. is it better to have loved and lost? or to never have loved at all..
the healthy answer should be yes. better to feel love (or trust, as they are equal) than to live guarded and untrusting forever. even though it hurts when it fails. i believe every person that has ever lived has felt that hurt. its all down to how we each deal with it and the lesson we take away from it.

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I'm just tired of taking "life lessons", though. It feels more like it should be "It's better to stay away from people, rather than open up and immediately get a dagger in the heart."

I haven't had a girlfriend, a best friend or even just an all-around decent standard friend. All I've had are people that use me, and people that don't care about my feelings enough to treat me decently.

I spend most of my spare time in videogames or working out on my own now. I thought to myself that perhaps it's escapism from other people and that isn't healthy, but then what is healthy? Opening up to real people and always having the same crap experience?

I had this simiar situation happen to me. This ******* person cost me $200. Long story short I bought him something and he promise to pay me back. He kept giving me bs excuses why he can't pay me back right away. Then finally I told him either pay me for this thing or im going to sell it on ebay because this isn't pocket change. He then told me I was the ******* for not letting him just have it out of friendship but he did say he pay me this certain item. So I broke off all communication with him. He tells everyone im just care about money over friendship.

I'm really sorry this happened TSM. It sounds like she really messed you around... the sad fact is, no matter how apologetic she is, she's probably not going to be affected by this as negatively as you are.

I am constantly being let down by family. It seems like even my own flesh and blood doesn't want to know me.

It's really frustrating.

TheSolitaryMan: It is admirable that you haven't allowed such disappointments mold you.

I've become what I generally have disliked in others. Bitter, selfish, and fickle.

Hang onto that strength that makes you kind, decent, and warm-hearted. I still like to think such traits are rewarded and treasured in time.

I am sorry you had to experience that. I hate the feeling of having wasted my time on someone who turns out to be undeserving. I learned at a young age from my parents that people will always let you down. Then in high school I met this really great group of friends and started trusting people again. Then they all start dating and things get weird. It hurts when you're kicked to the curb and you don't matter because they have a gf or bf in their lives now. I guess all you can do is chalk it up to a learning experience and stay true to yourself.

stormy.sky said:

I am sorry you had to experience that. I hate the feeling of having wasted my time on someone who turns out to be undeserving. I learned at a young age from my parents that people will always let you down. Then in high school I met this really great group of friends and started trusting people again. Then they all start dating and things get weird. It hurts when you're kicked to the curb and you don't matter because they have a gf or bf in their lives now. I guess all you can do is chalk it up to a learning experience and stay true to yourself.

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Silly woman, your place is in the kitchen. Who's been giving you ideas to go in a LABORATORY?