How to find a mate when socially awkward

I was wondering how some folks meet their mates when they are just so incredibly awkward that they avoid bars and parties and stuff where most people meet mates.

That largely depends on how old you are and where you live.

If you find out, write a book and I'll be the first to pre-order off Amazon.

I do go out but just am too socially inept to meet anyone.

awkwardduke05 said:

I was wondering how some folks meet their mates when they are just so incredibly awkward that they avoid bars and parties and stuff where most people meet mates.

Click to expand...

you don't

putter65 said:

awkwardduke05 said:

I was wondering how some folks meet their mates when they are just so incredibly awkward that they avoid bars and parties and stuff where most people meet mates.

Click to expand...

you don't

Click to expand...

#screwed4life

putter65 said:

awkwardduke05 said:

I was wondering how some folks meet their mates when they are just so incredibly awkward that they avoid bars and parties and stuff where most people meet mates.

Click to expand...

you don't

Click to expand...

That's simply not true. I've never known a serious couple that met each other at a bar or a party. They met each other because they didn't stay at home on their computer every night complaining about how shallow the opposite sex is.

There are a lot of threads about online dating around here - people seem to have strong opinions about it (I don't remember if they're for or against it, though) - maybe you should try that.

In all seriousness, are you asking where to meet women, or how to meet women when you are awkward? (or both?)

Barbaloot said:

putter65 said:

awkwardduke05 said:

I was wondering how some folks meet their mates when they are just so incredibly awkward that they avoid bars and parties and stuff where most people meet mates.

Click to expand...

you don't

Click to expand...

That's simply not true. I've never known a serious couple that met each other at a bar or a party. They met each other because they didn't stay at home on their computer every night complaining about how shallow the opposite sex is.

Click to expand...

M'eh they both have the same outcome for me.

theraab said:

There are a lot of threads about online dating around here - people seem to have strong opinions about it (I don't remember if they're for or against it, though) - maybe you should try that.

Click to expand...

If you're set in the looks department, online dating is a waste of time. Most people on here agree that online dating is focused primarily on looks. If you don't have a good picture on your profile, you will get passed over.

---

Barbaloot said:

That's simply not true. I've never known a serious couple that met each other at a bar or a party. They met each other because they didn't stay at home on their computer every night complaining about how shallow the opposite sex is.

Click to expand...

So where DID they meet? The laundromat? The grocery store? Starbucks?

I think the OP was referring to getting out in general, not just parties or bars.

And some people get on their computer at night complaining AFTER they get home from being out.

They typically met anywhere that wasn't on an internet forum angrily ranting about their shitty experiences with the opposite sex (that were likely self-inflicted)... so in short, everywhere is a possibility. Especially places other people are.

Barbaloot said:

They typically met anywhere that wasn't on an internet forum angrily ranting about their shitty experiences with the opposite sex (that were likely self-inflicted)... so in short, everywhere is a possibility. Especially places other people are.

Click to expand...

I agree with Barbaloot here. To be honest, getting bitter isn't a productive way to acquire a girlfriend - to suggest otherwise is folly.

I don't have the solution, but I just think getting out and chatting to more girls is a good start. Go to places where people like you congregate, both male and female, and you'll find people you engage with.

A few days ago I went to the library, took out a book on my course I thought looked interesting, then I went and asked to sit next to the friendliest looking lady I could see. She seemed quite pleased that I asked, actually.

Of course I didn't have the balls to say anything after that and I just read silently for 15 minutes, but I got a nice smile and felt like I'd taken a tiny productive step to interacting totally at random with a girl. And that can only be a good thing, surely?

Id rather have a socially awkward guy like you than an woman-hating ******* who has nothing better to do that whine about not having anyone. You have respect for others (women) and it shows.

Edit: lmao, I have no idea if you are socially awkward. You posted in this thread so I assumed. lmao, my apologies.

TheSolitaryMan said:

Barbaloot said:

They typically met anywhere that wasn't on an internet forum angrily ranting about their shitty experiences with the opposite sex (that were likely self-inflicted)... so in short, everywhere is a possibility. Especially places other people are.

Click to expand...

I agree with Barbaloot here. To be honest, getting bitter isn't a productive way to acquire a girlfriend - to suggest otherwise is folly.

I don't have the solution, but I just think getting out and chatting to more girls is a good start. Go to places where people like you congregate, both male and female, and you'll find people you engage with.

A few days ago I went to the library, took out a book on my course I thought looked interesting, then I went and asked to sit next to the friendliest looking lady I could see. She seemed quite pleased that I asked, actually.

Of course I didn't have the balls to say anything after that and I just read silently for 15 minutes, but I got a nice smile and felt like I'd taken a tiny productive step to interacting totally at random with a girl. And that can only be a good thing, surely?

Click to expand...

This is true. I think it's very helpful to take advantage of all opportunities to strike up a conversation - even if it doesn't go anywhere, it's good practice. It can be done just about anywhere, and with any luck, you'll at the very least have a new friend or acquaintance.

When I was single, I pretty much never had men just come up and talk to me. I got stared at creepily from afar, many who lurked around awkwardly from a distance, men who shouted rude things at me, but no one who just came up and started a polite, friendly conversation with me. You might be surprised at how much it's appreciated (by other friendly people, and this is something you can gauge by their responses to such pressing questions as "Hi, how are you?")

My problem is that I know I"m VERY socially awkward and an not ashamed to admit it. I have no clue how to go up to a woman I don't know and try to start a conversation. Hell, I can't even get up the nerve to ask someone I'm already acquainted with out.

And yes, during my hike today (my Zen time for the week) I realized I'm using the whole looks thing as a crutch to cover up my social awkwardness. While looks do matter to an extent, they truly aren't the end-all-be-all. I saw a guy my size walking on the sidewalk with a very attractive girl and that got me thinking...what does he have that I don't? Nothing, I bet. And after two hours in the woods alone I emerged with the above realization that I would make a hell of a bf. I have a stable job, am very intelligent, make good money, could be a good provider, enjoy getting out, am a romantic at heart... If a woman dismisses me by my looks alone, SCREW HER. She doesn't know what she's missing out on.

But this realization came with a price. While my weight is relatively easy to change, my whole social awkwardness is not. I don't know how to flirt, don't know if I'm being flirted with, can't read women. I was at a meetup group at a bar last weekend and a lady was talking to me while she was waiting for a drink. Was she interested or just making small talk? I don't know. Did I let an opportunity pass? Perhaps. It's these types of things that prevent me from actually meeting someone, IMHO.

Well, I'm off to a fund raiser for Angels Among Us. Don't flame me too bad.

LonelyInAtl said:

While looks do matter to an extent, they truly aren't the end-all-be-all. I saw a guy my size walking on the sidewalk with a very attractive girl and that got me thinking...

Click to expand...

*stabs needles in eyes while making yet another example*

Example of?

Look at the words that I underlined. It's the second post like this. You've pointed out "looks."
"gorgeous" in the other post and "attractive girl" in this one.
Im not picking on your here - just wondering if for all the preaching about women going for looks, if one day everyone will finally admit that EVERYONE does and deal with it.

Besides You said I could use you as an example anytime.

Barbaloot said:

putter65 said:

awkwardduke05 said:

I was wondering how some folks meet their mates when they are just so incredibly awkward that they avoid bars and parties and stuff where most people meet mates.

Click to expand...

you don't

Click to expand...

That's simply not true. I've never known a serious couple that met each other at a bar or a party. They met each other because they didn't stay at home on their computer every night complaining about how shallow the opposite sex is.

Click to expand...

most couples I know met in a pub. It's a fact !

---

getting set up by mutual friends is a good idea. They invite you both to a party for example. Ive seen that happen a few times. I think if you don't like drinking then join club of some sort. Millions to choose from. Cycling, chess, books etc.

If you are awkard with women, you need to learn how to talk to them. Why don't you volunteer to work in a charity shop for a few hours a week ? Behind the counter you will have to deal with women and talk to them. It will give you good practise !

---

awkwardduke05 said:

I was wondering how some folks meet their mates when they are just so incredibly awkward that they avoid bars and parties and stuff where most people meet mates.

Click to expand...

you need to first develop your confidence and learn how to talk to people. Forget about finding a mate for awhile. Get out there and start talking to people. Join a club is a good first step.

EveWasFramed said:

Id rather have a socially awkward guy like you than an woman-hating ******* who has nothing better to do that whine about not having anyone. You have respect for others (women) and it shows.

Edit: lmao, I have no idea if you are socially awkward. You posted in this thread so I assumed. lmao, my apologies.

Click to expand...

Was this in reply to me, Eve?

If so, I guess I am kinda awkward!

I'm very quiet at parties and things, funnily enough I find it easier to talk comfortably in more formal locations (such as meetings, etc.) I also find verbal flirting practically impossible in person. It's not that I can't think of flirty things to say, just that any of that sort of stuff makes me feel really embarrassed for some reason and I usually start blushing :shy:

Barbaloot said:

When I was single, I pretty much never had men just come up and talk to me. I got stared at creepily from afar, many who lurked around awkwardly from a distance...

Click to expand...

Unfortunately, awkward lurking is kind of my forte. It starts with the girl looking over at me and ends with me wishing I had something useful to say for a few minutes before I go somewhere else

TheSolitaryMan said:

Unfortunately, awkward lurking is kind of my forte. It starts with the girl looking over at me and ends with me wishing I had something useful to say for a few minutes before I go somewhere else

Click to expand...

Well, at least you're good at something. LOL.

I'm not sure why you think you don't have anything useful to say - I'm willing to guess (based on the other thread about physical contact), that you are overthinking this one too. You can approach a girl with just about any sort of topic (within the bounds of decency, of course) - just make sure you keep the conversation going; the best way to do that is by asking her questions.

I'll say this, though, if you (and the OP) are genuinely awkward, I would use that to my advantage; play up the awkwardness - if you're naturally clumsy, be clumsy and if something happens, laugh it off. If you can't think of anything to say, laugh and say, "Wow, I just met you, we can't already be out of things to talk about". It won't seem so awkward when you laugh about it - it will seem more (I don't know the right word, but something like "charming"). And, as I've said in many other threads, always be ready with a couple of funny stories to tell. The point is, if you're awkward, be the best **** awkward you can be.