I feel like people think there's something wrong with me...

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sorandom5454

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This just came to mind after an "incident" I had yesterday at the local store. Or well it's one of those places where you can buy tobacco and lottery tickets but they sell a lot of other things too, had gotten myself some milk as well as some other items. The clerk currently working was the owner of the store, a midage woman. I have seen her before several times and she always acts very nice with me, almost in an... odd way. Not really in the way people are generally nice. Well I never really reflected upon that until yesterday. As she had stuffed my item in a bag and I was gonna leave, she looked upon me with a troubled face and asked if I really could carry the goods. I got surprised as I wasn't sure what she meant so I just mumbled yeah ofc and took my stuff and got out of there.

Now while there may be some explanation for this, I really don't see any obvious one. Why wouldn't a grown man be able to carry a bag with some milk and bread in it? I mean had I been impaired or bought huge quantities of something then maybe it would have been justified to ask but now, no. And I know I should have asked her what she meant but too late for that now. Anyway, what she asked yesterday in combination with how she's been acting with me has lead me to believe she thinks there's something off with me. I feel as if she treats me somewhat like a child while I never seen her act that way with other customers. Given my BDD and that I have times when I feel like I look disfigured or odd, I started thinking this is the reason for her behaving like that. Maybe she thinks I have some diagnose or that I'm mentally challenged or something else, I don't know.

Now, I understand this might very well be my own flawed interpretation of the events. Unfortunately in my head I have already made up my mind that's what she thinks of me. I had a very bad experience with a date some years ago, we had met online and sent photos, then the actual date was horrible and afterwards she told me I looked strange and not like in the photos and also asked me if there was something wrong with me. That was when this thought got rooted in my mind - that not only must people think that I'm very ugly, maybe I even look so ugly/weird that some people think there's actually something wrong with me.

All of this just makes me feel extremely low. Like, it's bad enough trying to socialize with people while being afraid of how they will judge my appearance but it's even worse doing so if I have to be afraid they will think I'm not "normal". Has anyone else been through any similar experience? Or do you have any comments on my thoughts?

And I want to add I absolutely do not mean any disrespect to people that are mentally challenged for instance. It's just that when not being mentally challenged, it obviously would feel very uncomfortable to be interpreted as such.
 
Do you think that maybe you are feeling very self conscious and that this makes you come across as nervous and edgy and maybe this is what the woman in the store is picking up on and is sympathetic to you?
That woman you dated sounds horrible. Telling you you look strange and asking if there was something wrong with you was nasty. I would ignore her as it sounds as if she had major personality flaws.
People have often thought I was a bit 'off' in some way, even when I have thought that I was being completely normal. I know it is becuase I sometimes say the wrong thing and am nervy and self conscious. I blush easily and it makes others unsure around me.
 
I've had similar experiences for all of my life. Having teachers say that I don't look normal, or that I have an unusual appearance. Always being called ugly, even when I was thin and quite fit. I even had a therapist write in a report that I presented an unusual appearance, which lead to a whole load of medical tests (some quite expensive) that ended up finding nothing. All it did was send my self-esteem, already at rock-bottom at that time, in to free fall ... something it has yet to recover from.

Also had people assume that I have an intellectual disability. Or that I am Autistic. Usually that I have Aspergers. When I tell them that I don't, they can get quite angry about it. Often verbally abusive.
 
When i go out in public i tend to get pretty nervous, which shows in my posture and my behaviour, i catch myself sometimes doing odd things physically because i'm so introverted i forget to control my body, lol maybe it could be something like that for you as well? Also don't worry too much about the lady at the store, like you said we get things in our heads and sometimes its wrong but its there. Next time you see her you should talk to her. As for the girl from the date forget her everyone is different, people forget that sometimes. Were you by any chance walking to the store? i know whenever i walk to the store they will sometimes ask if i'll be okay with my bags....idk shrug it off as a mistake on her part, don't take responsibility for others mistakes. You could also try recording yourself to see what it is that others are seeing. just a thought
 
Cucuboth: That sounds absolutely awful... I'm so sorry, I haven't had the exact same things like that but I can so much relate to feeling like that's how people percieve you.

Tiina and CherrySlushie: I would be lying if I said I felt comfortable around people and yes, at times I do get edgy or nervous. But this isn't one of those times, it's usually limited to when doing new things or things that puts a lot of pressure on me (like if I need to talk in front of a lot of people, going on a date and so on). I don't really think people could normally pick up so much from me. And yes I was walking from there, I always do but still, wasn't much really I had purchased.

Well this is a minor thing really and I know I shouldn't hang myself up on it. That date however, I just can't let it go... I know people are different and yes, I later found out she had some personal issues. It was very nasty of her to say that to me but I can't help being afraid that's how any girl gonna see me. Just the difference that some at least wouldn't be that rude but they would probably think the same thing as she did.

I have recorded myself on video and taken photographs probably thousands of times by now, it's something I do several times a week, almost feels like I have to nowadays to keep track of how I look. I cannot say that I really see anything weird in how I act or come off. It's just that I think I look absolutely disgusting.
 

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