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interested in someone and I hate it !
#1
It's a woman who works in a photography shop. I can't kid myself any longer. Ive been going in to buy frames for the last few weeks. We always chat, have a laugh, she's easy to talk to. I always walk away with a smile on my face and feeling better.

Today I stopped and chatted with her for a longer time. She served other customers while I waited. She talked about xmas and work. She asked me where I work and when I told her, she said her daughter had worked there. It was then I got confused because I remembered her daughter and she was around 34. So I stood with my mouth open because that makes her at least 51 or 52 I guess. I know it was an indirect compliment I was making because there is no way she looks that age. I thought she was my age (44).

Ive found her on facebook and it doesn't say she is married. I know her name. I didn't sent a friend request.

I hate this because my mind wanders and I start to feel I may have a chance or whatever. I don't want to start thinking all sorts about dates or whatever. Everytime I go in, she is talkative, it's not difficult to start a conversation. Today was the first time she asked me questions about myself.
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#2
Why hate that you can feel attracted to someone? You should probably add her and chat with her.. it makes you feel better anyway. Go without expectations and cherish that friendly connection you have?
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#3
(12-28-2012, 04:23 AM)perfanoff Wrote: Why hate that you can feel attracted to someone? You should probably add her and chat with her.. it makes you feel better anyway. Go without expectations and cherish that friendly connection you have?

it's because Ive been in this situations dozens of times before. Ive had nearly 30 years of this and all Ive known is rejection, failure and disapointment. Ive messed it up everytime. There hasn't been anything good to think back on to give myself a little bit of confidence.
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#4
(12-28-2012, 05:11 AM)duff Wrote: Ive had nearly 30 years of this and all Ive known is rejection, failure and disapointment. Ive messed it up everytime.

Bah nothing lasts forever...

[Image: 363200338_640.jpg]
Take my love, take my land, take me where I can not stand.
I don't care, I'm still free. You can't take the sky from me.
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#5
(12-28-2012, 05:11 AM)duff Wrote: it's because Ive been in this situations dozens of times before. Ive had nearly 30 years of this and all Ive known is rejection, failure and disapointment. Ive messed it up everytime. There hasn't been anything good to think back on to give myself a little bit of confidence.
Tell me what have you learned from those experiences? Think back to your actions, what made you fail?
If suicide were not the answer. I would not constantly be thinking about it.
[Image: hpotato_otaku_kaichou_wa_maid_sama_side_...rd06-1.jpg]

Inspiration To Get In Shape... Applies to Everyone
A Huge Picture And a Smaller One. Also I call BS on your excuses
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#6
Interested in someone and hate it? Yea, me too.

Not in 14 or whatever relationships, but 3 or 4, each which I put my heart and soul into trying to make it somehow more than it was (which was largely just a friendship). But they weren't that into me. And I just realized I wasn't that into them.

"Wait...what?" You say. "How can someone devote 12 years of their life on relationships that don't matter?" It's because I wanted them to matter. It wasn't about the person ever, it was just about the idea of being in love. So yes, until I actually can say "this is the person I really want" I'd say any sort of attachment is a burden not a pleasure. Faced with the option of wasting 4 years on another random stranger who expressed some interest in me, but was married/bf/lesbian (wtf, don't approach me if you're taken), or facing the rest of my existence lonely and depressed... loneliness isn't that big a deal.
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#7
(12-28-2012, 10:00 AM)AFrozenSoul Wrote:
(12-28-2012, 05:11 AM)duff Wrote: it's because Ive been in this situations dozens of times before. Ive had nearly 30 years of this and all Ive known is rejection, failure and disapointment. Ive messed it up everytime. There hasn't been anything good to think back on to give myself a little bit of confidence.
Tell me what have you learned from those experiences? Think back to your actions, what made you fail?

I failed because they were never interested. And I spent weeks / months thinking they might be. I don't the way I asked these women out made a slight bit of difference. I don't think there was any women who were interested and I didn't do anything about it. Sometimes I waited a while and the woman started going out with some bloke (usually somebody I knew), sometimes the woman would laugh at me or be cruel to me. Most times it dawned on me that I was wasting my time.

Regarding this woman I wish it had said on her facebook that she was married, then I would know where I stood. I know lots of women, mostly thru work. I like alot of them and I chat to them but I know darn well nothing will happen. I suppose if these feelings develop I will probably go in and ask her for coffee or something. And get knocked back as usual. I know it won't kill me, I can handle rejection alot better these days.
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#8
You're of an age though now Duff, as you say you have been through this situation many times before and you see this as a negative but in fact its an advantage. Look at it this way, you're capable of meeting women in situations and striking up conversations, you're not some kid who doesn't even know how to start talking to a women, you already have that sorted. What you need to do is ask her, find out and if it doesn't come to anything move on. Its simple, I'd go down the facebook route it must be easier than asking in the shop. Ask and find out, if it doesn't work out, look elsewhere and don't put yourself through weeks of wondering when you've been in this situation many times before.

Don't mess about, this is your life we're talking about and you have to show a little fight to get what you want so don't play your life out in your mind, you can have what you want.

Add her on facebook now, be bold, carry no regrets. Make a joke you can't afford the cost of any more frames just to say hello every day and you'd rather spend your money on a date... or anything really just get it done so you don't have to waste any more time wondering. If it doesn't happen there will be another woman to meet days, weeks from now and eventually as long as you keep being bold and asking someone will want to get to know you, its a horrible phrase but its true, meeting someone is a "numbers game" so don't ever spend too long pondering.

Personally I'd rather be rejected 10 times than have never asked, at least I could look myself in the mirror and know I'm a guy a who could step up and try to get what I wanted in life rather than always being too scared in life to try.
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#9
(12-28-2012, 11:56 PM)The Good Citizen Wrote: You're of an age though now Duff, as you say you have been through this situation many times before and you see this as a negative but in fact its an advantage. Look at it this way, you're capable of meeting women in situations and striking up conversations, you're not some kid who doesn't even know how to start talking to a women, you already have that sorted. What you need to do is ask her, find out and if it doesn't come to anything move on. Its simple, I'd go down the facebook route it must be easier than asking in the shop. Ask and find out, if it doesn't work out, look elsewhere and don't put yourself through weeks of wondering when you've been in this situation many times before.

Don't mess about, this is your life we're talking about and you have to show a little fight to get what you want so don't play your life out in your mind, you can have what you want.

Add her on facebook now, be bold, carry no regrets. Make a joke you can't afford the cost of any more frames just to say hello every day and you'd rather spend your money on a date... or anything really just get it done so you don't have to waste any more time wondering. If it doesn't happen there will be another woman to meet days, weeks from now and eventually as long as you keep being bold and asking someone will want to get to know you, its a horrible phrase but its true, meeting someone is a "numbers game" so don't ever spend too long pondering.

Personally I'd rather be rejected 10 times than have never asked, at least I could look myself in the mirror and know I'm a guy a who could step up and try to get what I wanted in life rather than always being too scared in life to try.

thanks for your advice.

Your right, years ago I couldn't talk to a woman but now I find it easy. Years of working in retail - I can talk to anyone. So there is no nervous stuttering anymore !

I have used facebook in the past, asked 4 different women out. One even said 'yes' - it is alot easier !

One problem is it looks like she doesn't seem to use her facebook much. I suppose I could 'add' her and mention it when the subject comes up. It might be a bit awkard, she doesn't know my name so I would have to put 'I'm the guy who buys all those frames'

There doesn't seem to be a way of adding her on facebook. I could send a message though !
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#10
(12-29-2012, 12:16 AM)duff Wrote: Your right, years ago I couldn't talk to a woman but now I find it easy. Years of working in retail - I can talk to anyone. So there is no nervous stuttering anymore !

I wish I had that experience. IT pays really well, but in my specialty I rarely have contact with random people. It's usually customers that I already have a repertoire with from talking to them on the phone.
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