I can't find motivation

This is sort of a continuation of my other threads here and here.

But something else that's been weighing on my mind lately is my lack of motivation for anything in life.

Some background: I live with my very old grandfather, and have for several years. Because of this, most things are provided for me, so I've focused on school and taking care of him (though I should note, he's not sick, or an invalid, or anything, he's incredibly healthy for being in his 90s).


Anyways, after my several years of being bullied ended when I began 11th grade, I was sort of in shock for the next few years, not really being sure of myself, and tricking myself into thinking I was fine, when in reality I didn't know how to deal with life when NOT constantly on guard and keeping to myself. I didn't go away to dorm at college (something I regret to this day), I stayed with my grandfather and went to a local comm. college. Even now, after returning to college (a different one) for a 4 year degree, I still live with him

But I never really cared much in college before. I didn't really try. I was (and still am) start enough to do well without much effort, but... I couldn't get excited about things. I just felt so thoroughly "meh" about everything. I didn't have the motivation to do anything, and I didn't. For so many years, I was so focused on just surviving school that I didn't have any dreams, any goals.

Even now, I still don't. Although since then, I've also had it drilled into my head that hard work is pointless. Multiple projects I've been part of, hobby- or career-based, have failed despite me devoting time and energy. My girlfriend of several years, who took up massive amounts of time and energy (and left me depressed for most of our time and still to this day, not to mention ruining my self-esteem when it comes to women). These things combined took several years of my life, and I have absolutely nothing to show for them, aside from some scribbles here and there.

This is all combined with a general lack of support from my family. My dad (who does live nearby) is lazy and self-centered with no real interest in providing support beyond the bare minimum to not be considered a deadbeat father (though he's at least been there for me my whole life, as in, physically present). My mom lives on the other side of the world, and is honestly too "realistic" instead of motherly, so she often gives me a blunt, "honest" appraisal of any plans I have, which only serves to de-motivate me by causing me to doubt why I'm even doing something. And she refuses to stop that.

My grandfather is too old and out of touch with anything in modern society to provide relevant advice. The rest of my family is too concerned with why I'm not like my perfect cousins, who knew what they wanted to do since they were 12 and got all As in college and have a wonderful social life and now are married with children and so happy and perfect.

So basically, I don't know how to dream. I have no real goals or plans. I still don't know what I want to do for a living, despite knowing my talents quite well. I don't find anything I try very interesting, and I struggle increasingly much with finding energy to do even simpler things in life.

I've wondered how to solve this, which is why I mentioned in my other topics I wanted to seek some sort of treatment (probably medication) for anxiety and/or depression. I honestly don't know what therapy can do since I went for a year and while it helped some, it didn't even begin to touch my problems (and I don't have the several years it would probably take to solve my problems via therapy to spend doing that). I'm also not in a position to move out and see if that solves things, because I don't have anyone I could room with, don't have an active job currently to pay for it (and have trouble finding jobs, not to mention full-time college), and I worry too much about my grandfather if I move out (my dad COULD take care of him,and would probably say he will if asked, but in practice he won't, because he's lazy).


Sorry for another long topic, but I'm not good at condensing stories, because I hate details being lost.

Well, before you go popping the pharmaceuticals the corporate medical complex loves to push on its citizens, you need to take a long look at yourself. I don't mean to bash on medications, really. But the overuse of medications in America has become a sickness in itself. Alot of these drugs can do good for people, but alot of them are numbing these people out, or exacerbating their problems. Remember, there are over 5,000 documented cases of people flipping out from Prozac or Zoloft and either committing suicide or going on some gun rampage and shooting a school full of kids.

There are holistic approaches to your problems. And those avenues should be researched first. First, exercise, drink plenty of water, and get into the sun as much as you can. And I mean drink LOTS of water. Your body is about 70 percent water, and your brain is over 80 percent water, and dehydration of even less than a few % can cause serious depression and lack of motivation. Dehydration is the one of the biggest contributors to low energy moods, but no one talks about it. Wake up in the morning and start with a liter. Don't worry if it makes you pee alot at first. The changes you feel will be amazing.

Two. Watch comedies, listen to comedians, watch any type of movie or get any type of stimulus that will keep you laughing and feeling upbeat.

Three. Meditation. There a hundreds of mp3's out there, and youtube clips of great meditation. Meditation moves you into higher consciousness, literally activates different waves of your brain, and is extremely relaxing. Meditate three times a day if you can. Once in the morning, once during the day, and once before bed. Even if they are only 10 minute meditations, the results will be extremely positive.

Four. Eat better foods. Eat more raw veggies and fruits. Try to stay away from all the genetically modified poison in American culture. Avoid fast foods. Chocolate is OK, as it has lecithin and that stimulates the mind and body in a good way. Try to avoid serious sugar rushes though. You will crash hard from those, so avoid white sugar, avoid drinking too much coffee, and avoid loading up on soda. Soda alone will kill you.

Five. Take a multi-vitamin everyday, and take an extra B-complex while you're at it.

After you get yourself going with motivation, the rest will fall into place naturally. Your self esteem and daily rhythms will improve. That will effect your social life, and everything will blossom from there.

They are very simple solutions. They will work. The hard part is making them daily habits. It's easier for us as people to stay in a rut and feel sorry for ourselves when things happen. Believe me, I know all about it. But I also know the keys to set myself free, and they ain't Prozac or Zoloft, they are just positive routines and diet that need to be implemented.

I'll try the water thing, and I do try to eat as well as I can, although it's impossible to actually find good fruits and veggies at stores anymore. I do try to limit carbs and refined sugar, though, and don't drink soda.

But, a big part of my problem is my social anxiety, and that's been an issue for years. I don't think it's the sort of thing that what you posted can help with. It's what limits what I go out and actually do, and creates a huge energy barrier to actually doing ANYTHING, even something like going to get something to eat, or...well, anywhere, really. You name it (besides school and work), and it'll make me anxious to even think about going there unless I NEED to.

And that anxiety and the fallout it creates (no social life, difficult to make friends or have fun) then makes me depressed, so I'm quite sure my depression is, at least, correlated with the anxiety. There's also the whole issue I have with hard work never paying off for me that basically causes me to feel that trying to do anything is ultimately pointless because it won't get me anywhere (even if it works for other people).

So I don't think my problems can be so easily fixed with simple stuff, no offense. I can't get away from the defeatist attitude of hard work being useless, and the anxiety that keeps me from stuff is always present. Not to mention the social problems in general from years of not being social (as in, literally not knowing how to make friends, and being unable to feel like I can connect to people because of my past). I don't see any way out of it except medication, because just trying to "will" my way out of it has done nothing but leave me several years older, not much wiser, and without any real friends or prospects in general.

Honestly, it sort of seems like you didn't even really read my post, as you only addressed a small part of my issues and ignored the rest (when they're all inter-related).

No, mate, I did read your entire post, but I was only giving you some suggestions. I realize your problems are all inter-related. The suggestions I gave you were only a catalyst of what may help regain some of your energy and motivation, and also to help change your perspective and feelings of "time wasted or time lost" That in turn will have a reflection on the rest of your issues. Alot of times a person suffers low motivation from bad diet or chemical imbalance, not just personal experiences. We all have to deal with personal experiences, but sometimes its alot easier when the motivation is there to take them on. It's a cycle, as one thing effects the other.

Anyway, I wish you the best of luck. If there's anything I can do for you, just PM me, and I'll do my best to help. Take care, mate.

Cheers.

ThisSideOfTheRainbow said:

No, mate, I did read your entire post, but I was only giving you some suggestions. I realize your problems are all inter-related. The suggestions I gave you were only a catalyst of what may help regain some of your energy and motivation, and also to help change your perspective and feelings of "time wasted or time lost" That in turn will have a reflection on the rest of your issues. Alot of times a person suffers low motivation from bad diet or chemical imbalance, not just personal experiences. We all have to deal with personal experiences, but sometimes its alot easier when the motivation is there to take them on. It's a cycle, as one thing effects the other.

Anyway, I wish you the best of luck. If there's anything I can do for you, just PM me, and I'll do my best to help. Take care, mate.

Cheers.

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Hey, I just wanted to say that I didn't mean to sound so rude in my first post. I'm not even sure what sort of answer I was expecting or wanting, much less how anyone could help me with most of the problems I posted. I guess I was looking more for how people have dealt with it themselves (if they have).

How can i motivate you?
Well i struggle to motivate myself so mmmmm tough one.

Find out what really moves you.....movies like Chariots of Fire got me inspired..."The Mission" too. I'm sure different movies would work for you. Also music. Some music can make me cry and restore my self-esteem. other music can get me off my butt..(play it when I'm cleaning the house...
maybe it's time to move out away from your grandfather...economics and budgeting can be a serious wake up call.
re social anxiety..some great forums i used because i suffer from it too. Very helpful...SAS (Social Anxiety Support) was one