does it really matter what people look like to be friends?

is it the #1 factor to value people and friends: how does a person look like? are we all photogenic? I know that I'm not such a kind of a photogenic person, and that's why I'm not an actor , but I look good in real.

Sometimes I find it disappointing after getting to know someone online and then she finds out that I have dark hair - oh yay - and after that - not interest anymore - in talking or chatting. Most of the girls (at least where I'm living) say they're searching for blond men, but do they all have blond hearts as well?
The funny thing is, and the trend is: girls dyeing their hair dark and trying their best getting tanned skin.

Why do we judge others before getting to know them? I guess it worked out in the past, without chat and digital cameras. The people had time to write letters and took time to communicate.

My guess is because a lot of single people on the internet aren't really just looking for other friends, they are sizing everyone up as a potential love interest. If you are really just looking for friends, it shouldn't matter.

Thanks for your answer, but what would be the ideal potential love interest or partner, most of the nice photos are digitally produced and enhance and never show real persons.

Barbaloot said:

My guess is because a lot of single people on the internet aren't really just looking for other friends, they are sizing everyone up as a potential love interest. If you are really just looking for friends, it shouldn't matter.

Click to expand...

In general, I value character and virtues far more than anything else. Looks completely don't matter when it comes to friendship. When it comes to romantic relationships, I think its only natural to desire some physical attraction, but even that is secondary to chemistry and connection.

And I cannot imagine turning down a great guy just because he had dark hair, or blond hair or NO hair lol. Besides whats not to like about dark hair?

LOL around here in tbe states the female friends i made desire dark hair. Go figure. When it comes to friends, looks dont matter to me. I have one friend who is very athletic and two who are struggling with weight. I get along fine with them. Looks never helped me gain friends and Im well dressed and not bad on the eyes. Its the way I connect with someone as a friend and if they treat me as well as I treat them that counts to me.

Looks should never play a part in friendship, in fact shouldn't really matter so much in a true love relationship. Sure, people are physically attracted at first, but how much does that really matter, and how much of a priority is it? Over 50% of people married get a divorce, so it wasn't their looks holding them together.

People should be more focused on higher qualities of human behavior and humanity, not the superficial, shallow end of our thinking. Important qualities between all human beings should be respect, honesty, acceptance, tolerance, forgiveness, and an aim at unconditional love. Think of how far along our society would be if we practiced living by more civil virtues, instead of being so absorbed by surface qualities such as looks, money, power and reputation. Think of a world where no politicians or business men lied every single day, as an example.

Just be yourself mate. You will attract the friends and girlfriends who will see you for you, for your personality and what's inside your soul. If the rest of them don't want to bother with you because of superficial or material reasons, believe me, you are better off without them.

Cheers

Insert clapping smilie here

TomTam said:

but what would be the ideal potential love interest or partner,

Click to expand...

For that there is no answer. Everyone has different taste.

If someone is concerned with how their friends look that person is either really vain or looking for more than just a friend.

ThisSideOfTheRainbow said:

Looks should never play a part in friendship, in fact shouldn't really matter so much in a true love relationship. Sure, people are physically attracted at first, but how much does that really matter, and how much of a priority is it? Over 50% of people married get a divorce, so it wasn't their looks holding them together.

People should be more focused on higher qualities of human behavior and humanity, not the superficial, shallow end of our thinking. Important qualities between all human beings should be respect, honesty, acceptance, tolerance, forgiveness, and an aim at unconditional love. Think of how far along our society would be if we practiced living by more civil virtues, instead of being so absorbed by surface qualities such as looks, money, power and reputation. Think of a world where no politicians or business men lied every single day, as an example.

Just be yourself mate. You will attract the friends and girlfriends who will see you for you, for your personality and what's inside your soul. If the rest of them don't want to bother with you because of superficial or material reasons, believe me, you are better off without them.

Cheers

Click to expand...

Thank you

---

Veruca said:

In general, I value character and virtues far more than anything else. Looks completely don't matter when it comes to friendship. When it comes to romantic relationships, I think its only natural to desire some physical attraction, but even that is secondary to chemistry and connection.

Click to expand...

That's exactly what I wanted to say, it's my opinion too, thank you Veruca

Nope, doesn't matter to me. If I like someone, I like 'em, regardless of their looks or any other 'criteria'.

Well, unless they don't like cupcakes - that's a deal breaker.

To me, no, it doesn't matter what people look like. Not anymore, at least. Not all that long ago I was still judging people rather unfairly based on looks. In grade 12, I ended up being in several classes with someone whom I had previously misjudged based on appearance. I eventually got to know him, we became friends, and we ended up working on a few projects together in those classes.

MissGuided said:

Nope, doesn't matter to me. If I like someone, I like 'em, regardless of their looks or any other 'criteria'.

Well, unless they don't like cupcakes - that's a deal breaker.

Click to expand...

I love cupcakes, yummy yummy.

For true friendship, no. One of my best friends is a short Latino guy who looks aztec. I am a slender caucasion woman with fair skin. He has very dark skin, dark hair. Everything about our appearance is completely different but we are TRUE friends. True friendship/love surpasses all that stuff. And I think it's quite neat how different we all can be physically. The beauty of diversity on the planet.

HappyYogi said:

For true friendship, no. One of my best friends is a short Latino guy who looks aztec. I am a slender caucasion woman with fair skin. He has very dark skin, dark hair. Everything about our appearance is completely different but we are TRUE friends. True friendship/love surpasses all that stuff. And I think it's quite neat how different we all can be physically. The beauty of diversity on the planet.

Click to expand...

Thank you

I don't personally care about how my friends look. If I'm honest, I'd prefer it if they didn't look too good. Else they'd stand out when we're among ladies

But seriously, it's a superficial world we live in these days. I find that too many people (especially young people) are too concerned about reputation. We all like things that look nice. But I guess an increasing amount of people take it a step too far. I like to think that it's a phase and that in time, it will die down.

HappyYogi said:

For true friendship, no. One of my best friends is a short Latino guy who looks aztec. I am a slender caucasion woman with fair skin. He has very dark skin, dark hair. Everything about our appearance is completely different but we are TRUE friends. True friendship/love surpasses all that stuff. And I think it's quite neat how different we all can be physically. The beauty of diversity on the planet.

Click to expand...

Amen = So be it.

Gutted said:

But seriously, it's a superficial world we live in these days. I find that too many people (especially young people) are too concerned about reputation. We all like things that look nice. But I guess an increasing amount of people take it a step too far. I like to think that it's a phase and that in time, it will die down.

Click to expand...

It's true, but what's the definition of "nice" :rolleyes2:

Well I'm not sure from the OP whether you mean as friends or as a potential partner which is entirely different so I'll go with just purely friendship.

In terms of male friendship I see a lot of groups of guys sociably where you see a range of blokes, perhaps one better looking than the other. I always think taking the piss out of each other is a healthy way to maintain a good friendship circle, in fact the best looking one often gets the piss taken out of him the most because his mates will say he is obsessed with his looks or acting like a girl. I remember watching an American Comedian Reginald D Hunter on show saying how he found it amazing how Brits take the piss out of each other and how he had to realise that’s what you say to your friends. It just some how works really its a very british thing to do to take people down a peg or two. So the larger one gets ribbed for putting on a few pounds, the bald guy gets ribbed for being thin on top, the good looking one just gets ribbed for well anything.. being good looking and vain or having an ego if nothing else. I think its actually quite an acute social skill to be able to buy into that, its more about accepting people can be jealous or unsure about themselves or others and just levelling the playing field and taking the piss out of everyone and its important to be able to take it and laugh it off when its your turn to be the butt of the joke. Its based on knowing at the heart of it that a true friendship exists and really all of this stuff is superficial within that circle because what really counts is being part of that group and the friendship ties between them. I say that as its prevalent in my social circle too and my friends are just average good decent blokes, not ultra competitive chasing women every night of the week, but still I like the fact that I know them well enough to be able to laugh at each others flaws, it does bind you closer.

So I guess that’s more of a male trait just from what I’ve seen, I see that less within female social groups but maybe it does occur when men are not around. Women will take the piss out of each other too sure but probably stay clear of joking about physical attributes so much, its more character traits – one being dizzy, one being a man eater or terrible when drunk, whatever again.. I think that’s a shame actually I think it’s beneficial to get physical traits out in the open and laugh them down as not important, at least as far as your friendship circle is concerned. Its healthy to be with friends where you might be fat, you might hate it but when you're out with them its not an issue and so much so that you can laugh about it. I think maybe the ability to laugh at yourself and others without fear of causing offence is about as British a trait as you'll find to be honest, whether it’s the same elsewhere though I don't know though.

Thanks Good Citizen, I think a good friend is a potential partner, why do we have to search partners like buying sweets, seem to be delicious, may not taste good, and others want to try / taste them