Female "friends." Just venting a little

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Rox2

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Sep 6, 2012
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I need to vent a little about a recent issue. I was invited a week ago to go to a concert tomorrow night. It was going to be me and four coworkers. One of them was my friend before I even started working there, the others I met at work.

We agreed several days ago to meet up at one of the girls' house last night and carpool to the concert. I had no idea where the girl lived. I texted my friend and one of the other girls NUMEROUS times between the hours of 4pm and 8:30pm (the concert was at 10:30pm, but we were supposed to meet up around 9pm) with no response whatsoever. None.

An hour or two later, I see them posting pictures of "Girls Night Out" on Facebook.

I don't know why this hurts, but it does.

1.) One of them was supposed to be my friend. We were friends before I even started working there.
2.) I paid my $20 debt for that ticket a week ago. One of the other girls bought the tickets all at once, so I gave the money, and she had the ticket. But what do you know, my texts went ignored all night/afternoon.
3.) None of them were even friends and hanging out before I started working there. I was literally the one who got everybody to start socializing...

I have no idea why this happened, no idea why my own friend would choose to ignore me. I sent her a final text last night telling her that I was ashamed of her actions. After all of the times I drove her around, babysat her son on my day off, loaned her money to pay bills, etc., the LEAST she could do is answer my texts. But no, nothing. At work today, I just casually asked, "so did yall have a good time?" and said that I expected my money back.


It's frustrating. I don't know why this happened. Why would they invite me to go to begin with if they were going to pull this stunt? :( This happens with pretty much every single friendship I have with another female...
 
That's terrrible. It would be interesting to hear her explanation. Get your money back!
 
Eh, you know how girls are with their girls nights out. However, now you have a lesson learned. Next time say you will buy your own ticket and they can meet you there. Well better yet, do not and go by yourself and make some new friends.
 
AFrozenSoul said:
However, now you have a lesson learned. Next time say you will buy your own ticket and they can meet you there.

If there's genuine avoidance/bitchiness going on here then why would she want to go at all?
 
Hey Rox, that's horrible! You should totally get your money back and ignore them from now on. It is really difficult to find good female friends though, at some point or another, most will end up acting out their insecurities on you, especially if you're nice and not manipulative.

But I'm sure there are good women out there. I've known one or two, so I hope you get to meet girls like these too :)
 
How can people be so cavalier about the emotional bloodshed they are directly responsible for? Especially someone who encouraged friendliness and camaraderie? Does middle school ever end?
I remember the relief I felt graduating from HS. Naively believing that maturity would be embraced by all once we left the institution of torture. I was dismayed to find that adults were worse, due to the lack of culpability in the real world. I always adhered to my own set of rules - compassion, empathy, and tolerance. Which I guess was just inherent in me and not something every adult strives to embrace.
I would ask for an honest explanation - none of the pathetic justifications people tend to use to excuse their ugliness. I don't think, after her behavior in the past weekend, there is anything to salvage. I don't know how you operate, but I can be insanely persistent. And I don't have a problem being confrontational.
I will reiterate, though, there was nothing that you did caused or justified that treatment. Chin up - her actions are a direct reflection of the type of person she is - callous and unfeeling and have nothing to do with your value as a human being.
 
Just a simple point-check with the two girls you texted that they had their mobiles switched on that day, as I often switch mine off and end up answering texts too late for the answer to be of any use.
If their phones were on and they ignored you, then I agree with what people here are saying. You did nothing wrong and her behaviour was unjustifiable. Like the person above, I had thought when I left school that childishness and this sort of nastiness would be left behind in the playground, and was shcoked to find out that this was not so.
 
Wow that's horrible! I'd be pretty upset too about it. I have friends who call me at the last minute wanting to hang out but I tell them I'm busy cause I know deep down I'm just there B plan in case things went badly with some other friend. You deserve better friends for sure. Be strong when you get your money back. If your really upset about it still wait till your alone to cry. Don't give them the satisfaction.
 
Never lend money... either you invite them for something, or let them pay for themselves.
 
Thanks for the responses. I hate sounding whiney, but this is just frustrating and painful. I think the most painful part is the fact that I was invited a week ago, and at that point I told my friend that I didn't know if I really wanted to go. She begged. "Please go, we all want you there. We're your friends and we're going to have a blast!" The next day, I told her alright...

Then this.

I know they had their phones on, because they're both on my Facebook and were commenting on posts and making updates from their mobile device around the time I was sending texts.

I honestly don't know what's wrong with me that females don't want to be around me. I'm not a "girly girl" so maybe that's it. I mean, I'm not masculine - I still wear dresses, cute tops, and make-up, but I am not, errr... like Elle Woods from Legally Blonde, if you know what I'm talking about. lol.
 
It sounds like they could be playing stupid games and laughing at you.
If nobody's forthcoming with an adequate explanation then ditch them and don't look back.
 
I'm sorry it happened to you. Once you get your money back, don't talk to any of them again !
 
Its not you Rox. My sister is a complete tomboy and she has so many friends, both girls and boys that we can hardly fit them all into the house during parties.

There could be many explanations for their behaviour...maybe they envy you. Or you know how some girls like to form cliques, and if you're more independent, they feel threatened. Or maybe they are just plain cruel and get a sadistic satisfaction from hurting you. To be honest, they sound immature, not people to have around in one's life.

Maybe you should try to find male friends, guys make the best friends. Not so great when you want a shopping buddy, but they are, in my experience drama free friends :D
 
Veruca said:
Maybe you should try to find male friends, guys make the best friends. Not so great when you want a shopping buddy, but they are, in my experience drama free friends :D

Funny you say that, because all of my good friends are actually male - and strangely enough, my male friends (yes, they're straight) like to shop more than I do. My two good female friends both live out of state, but they're also more of a "mans girl" and don't like to do all the "girly" stuff either. lol.

Actually, the night of that concert, I went and hung out with a couple of guy friends and had a much better time with them than I think I would have hanging out with the girls. But still, it was quite hurtful the way things happened.

But yeah, I really don't plan to talk to any of them again. This was just... too disrespectful, and I could never respect or appreciate people who treat others like that again, especially after seeing one of the pictures they took was a picture of all of them together, and then my concert ticket was on the ground next to their feet. The tag was, "Here's our spare ticket.." Rude.
 
Hey Rox2, I just wanted to say I read your situation and I can't make sense of it either. Good for you for having a good time somewhere else! I'd stay away from them too.
 
She and one of her friends sent texts earlier. They called me psychotic and to check my mental state, they told me not to bring up the money situation again because I would not be getting it back, and the one who was my friend basically called me a horrible employee. I don't get how I am a horrible employee. I've always gone in on my days off, I stay overtime, and customers always give me good reviews. I am terrified for the sake of my job now, as my [ex] friend is a manager there, and is friends with the higher up manager.
 
Hi Rox2, I think they are just threatened by you being a good employee. They probably feel like you might alert the other managers on what a poor job they've been doing. If you can, I suggest trying to apply for higher positions in-house so that ex-friend won't have that hold on you anymore. If you're really worried, you can always start job searching for something better somewhere else too. *hugs*
 
I could be beating a dead horse here but did your friend get your texts on the day of the concert?

About 2 months ago, a close friend emailed me to ask if I wanted to join her family on an future outing & I emailed ok. The day before, I texted a few times, to confirm the time. No response, nada. I thought maybe an emergency came up but then I saw some pictures of her at this outing on Facebook. Then she later sent me an email about what a great time she & her family had. I was upset - we' ve been friends for over a decade and she' s like a second mom to my daughter.

I sent a curt email saying somewhat sarcastically that her phone must be broken because I had been texting her.

Turns out, her iPhone was broken. She had sent me a few texts too that I didn' t get & I' m sure she thought I was ignoring her too.

So before this snowballs into something ugly, pull your friend aside. Ask if she got your texts. Maybe she didn' t and she thought you flaked. Just because they were able to get on the internet and Facebook doesn' t automatically mean she got your texts.
If she did get your texts and just ignored you - well, I' m sorry. That might mean the end of the friendship :(

Teresa

*Edited for clarity
 

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