el Jay
Well-known member
I've heard advice along these lines countless times in my life. "Don't care what others think about you!" or "Just ignore them" or other variations. But how exactly do you stop caring what others think? How do you ignore people who comment negatively about you?
If you're the kind of person who can ignore what others think and say about you, how do you do it? Is it just that you somehow don't even regard what they say, and it's in one ear and out the other? Does it not enter your mind what other people think about you? Or is it a battle against your own mind to not let it get to you, and somehow, you manage to come out on top?
If you do worry about what others think, why do you? What's your thought process that allows others' perceived thoughts and comments to get to you and affect you so deeply that you may do (or not do) something based on it? What gives others their power over you? What past experience(s) may have contributed to it?
I'm unfortunately one of the latter, who struggles with worrying what other will think of me constantly. This has ended up as a major social anxiety source for me. It's probably a result of all my bullying in grade school (over 6 consecutive years of major bullying, and over 8 years total). For years, anything I did that was the slightest bit out of line provoked several other kids to relentlessly tease and bully me about it. They would even make it a point to follow me around and continually bully, and get other kids in on it who previously were ignoring me (probably out of peer pressure).
This had led to a deep-seated fear of reprisal from others for anything I do that's... well, I don't even know how to define it. The anxiety is even triggered by something as simple as a store not having something in stock that I wanted and I assumed was in stock (like a restaurant out of a certain entree). That's the sort of thing kids would leap at me for. As illogical and ludicrous as it is, I can't help suffering anxiety other everyone nearby doing the same to me now that I am and they are adults. So I know it's illogical, but it's impossible for me to just "logic" my way out of it.
So this illogical fear of undue reprisal from others in the form of bullying and general ostracizing results in me being overly worried what everyone around me thinks. Ironically (or maybe not), I'm less concerned with what someone thinks the closer to them I am.
There's also a component wherein I'm lonely and never had many friends (and never more than one good friend at a time in real life), so I feel I HAVE to worry what others think of me, because I have so few people and friends in my life. Beggars can't be choosers, and all that. I don't have the luxury of simply not caring.
I'd like to hear input from other people about their own struggles and successes with this issue.
If you're the kind of person who can ignore what others think and say about you, how do you do it? Is it just that you somehow don't even regard what they say, and it's in one ear and out the other? Does it not enter your mind what other people think about you? Or is it a battle against your own mind to not let it get to you, and somehow, you manage to come out on top?
If you do worry about what others think, why do you? What's your thought process that allows others' perceived thoughts and comments to get to you and affect you so deeply that you may do (or not do) something based on it? What gives others their power over you? What past experience(s) may have contributed to it?
I'm unfortunately one of the latter, who struggles with worrying what other will think of me constantly. This has ended up as a major social anxiety source for me. It's probably a result of all my bullying in grade school (over 6 consecutive years of major bullying, and over 8 years total). For years, anything I did that was the slightest bit out of line provoked several other kids to relentlessly tease and bully me about it. They would even make it a point to follow me around and continually bully, and get other kids in on it who previously were ignoring me (probably out of peer pressure).
This had led to a deep-seated fear of reprisal from others for anything I do that's... well, I don't even know how to define it. The anxiety is even triggered by something as simple as a store not having something in stock that I wanted and I assumed was in stock (like a restaurant out of a certain entree). That's the sort of thing kids would leap at me for. As illogical and ludicrous as it is, I can't help suffering anxiety other everyone nearby doing the same to me now that I am and they are adults. So I know it's illogical, but it's impossible for me to just "logic" my way out of it.
So this illogical fear of undue reprisal from others in the form of bullying and general ostracizing results in me being overly worried what everyone around me thinks. Ironically (or maybe not), I'm less concerned with what someone thinks the closer to them I am.
There's also a component wherein I'm lonely and never had many friends (and never more than one good friend at a time in real life), so I feel I HAVE to worry what others think of me, because I have so few people and friends in my life. Beggars can't be choosers, and all that. I don't have the luxury of simply not caring.
I'd like to hear input from other people about their own struggles and successes with this issue.
