This can't be what life is.

Shop on amazon
Advertise with us!
Find deals on ebay
Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.
A

angelicaK

Guest
It is the weekend after Thanksgiving.  

I have been loveless for my entire life, it seems.  I remember the loneliness hitting me hard early in high school.  Seeing people surrounded by more people.  Smiling.  Comfortable.  I was never included in much.

It has been 21 years since high school graduation.  I have a meaningful career.  But that is it.  So I confine myself to that.  Yet, the holiday hell is upon all lonely people.  I went out today and saw friends and family preparing for fun and thingsthingsthings to do.   Not I.  I just pick up my dry cleaning (work clothes), go to the bookstore for another book to fill my non-work time.  Desperately awaiting Monday so I can return to the job... create the illusion that I have human contact.

I am a teacher.  High School.  Lots of thugs and needy kids.... One girl looked at me and said, "Miss... you must have so many men in your life."  I almost burst out laughing.  

But I have a dog.  And a cat.  They walk around me in the house.  I love them and I take care of them.  But what terrifies me is this.  If I didn't have them, where would I be?

It feels as though there is a rock in my chest.  It twists and constricts like a sponge and tears come to my eyes and the corners of my lips dip down to my chin... I'll keep lying to the world.  Sure. Books, poetry, music, and knowledge are filling my heart and soul with riches.  I'll keep lying.
 
Hello angelicaK,

Be well. And have faith. Life WILL BE BEAUTIFUL. (And I happily noted that my Caps Lock key works just fine).

ss7.
 
Teaching High School is crazy in my opinion.


On-Topic: U will meet that special person very soon.

*puts down fortune cookie*
 
ss7 said:
Forgive my chattiness, but what sort of poetry do you like?
Click to expand...

Of course, I love the old stuff. Emily Dickinson is my favorite, John Donne, Longfellow. Millay.

But right now, I am really digging into moderns. Kim Addonizio and Billy Collins are my two picks.
 
Gunblaza said:
Teaching High School is crazy in my opinion.


On-Topic: U will meet that special person very soon.

*puts down fortune cookie*
Click to expand...

Well, no one has every accused me of being sane.
 
Extraordinary said:
You haven't had anyone around you in over 20 years? No one at all?
Click to expand...

Not to the depth I would like. I always settled for "another one by my side" instead of real connection. But that is convoluted and hardly interesting. Suffice to say, I don't feel bonds of human connection that others seem to experience.
 
angelicaK said:
ss7 said:
Forgive my chattiness, but what sort of poetry do you like?
Click to expand...

Of course, I love the old stuff.  Emily Dickinson is my favorite, John Donne, Longfellow.  Millay.

But right now, I am really digging into moderns.  Kim Addonizio and Billy Collins are my two picks.
Click to expand...

John Donne and Longfellow are masters.

I have liked Matthew Arnold. A darkling plain where ignorant armies clash at night--the imagery is wonderful.

I also have liked a bit of Shelley. Ozymandias conveys a sense of impermanence like very few poems can.

I liked the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam (the translation by Fitzgerald). Even in the translation, it is transcendental. I can only imagine the beauty of the original Persian text.

I'll look at Kim Addonizio and Billy Collins. They sound interesting.
 
ss7 said:
angelicaK said:
ss7 said:
Forgive my chattiness, but what sort of poetry do you like?
Click to expand...

Of course, I love the old stuff.  Emily Dickinson is my favorite, John Donne, Longfellow.  Millay.

But right now, I am really digging into moderns.  Kim Addonizio and Billy Collins are my two picks.
Click to expand...

John Donne and Longfellow are masters.

I have liked Matthew Arnold. A darkling plain where ignorant armies clash at night--the imagery is wonderful.

I also have liked a bit of Shelley. Ozymandias conveys a sense of impermanence like very few poems can.

...A friend of mine named his poodle Shelley. I have grown addicted to my monthly subscription to Poetry Magazine. Good stuff in there, much of it has a sense of humor.
Click to expand...
 
Hello,
I can relate to your post. My only social interaction is through my work. if I have a conversation it is with a co-worker. I do have 2 family members that I see and talk to, but there should be a social connection with others.

Television, the internet, hobbies, really aren't enough but...
I don't know how to fix it. I just wanted to say let you know that I think I understand what you are feeling and I wish you luck in finding your way out of it.
 
angelicaK said:
It is the weekend after Thanksgiving.  

I have been loveless for my entire life, it seems.  I remember the loneliness hitting me hard early in high school.  Seeing people surrounded by more people.  Smiling.  Comfortable.  I was never included in much.

It has been 21 years since high school graduation.  I have a meaningful career.  But that is it.  So I confine myself to that.  Yet, the holiday hell is upon all lonely people.  I went out today and saw friends and family preparing for fun and thingsthingsthings to do.   Not I.  I just pick up my dry cleaning (work clothes), go to the bookstore for another book to fill my non-work time.  Desperately awaiting Monday so I can return to the job... create the illusion that I have human contact.

I am a teacher.  High School.  Lots of thugs and needy kids.... One girl looked at me and said, "Miss... you must have so many men in your life."  I almost burst out laughing.  

But I have a dog.  And a cat.  They walk around me in the house.  I love them and I take care of them.  But what terrifies me is this.  If I didn't have them, where would I be?

It feels as though there is a rock in my chest.  It twists and constricts like a sponge and tears come to my eyes and the corners of my lips dip down to my chin... I'll keep lying to the world.  Sure. Books, poetry, music, and knowledge are filling my heart and soul with riches.  I'll keep lying.
Click to expand...

Hey AngelicaK,

I know how you feel. Where are you from? Have you tried to make any contacts through some support groups or clubs?
 
el bastardo said:
Hello,
I can relate to your post.  My only social interaction is through my work.  if I have a conversation it is with a co-worker.  I do have 2 family members that I see and talk to, but there should be a social connection with others.

Television, the internet, hobbies, really aren't enough but...
I don't know how to fix it.  I just wanted to say let you know that I think I understand what you are feeling and I wish you luck in finding your way out of it.
Click to expand...

I appreciate your message. Thanks.
 
Luna_luce said:
angelicaK said:
It is the weekend after Thanksgiving.  

I have been loveless for my entire life, it seems.  I remember the loneliness hitting me hard early in high school.  Seeing people surrounded by more people.  Smiling.  Comfortable.  I was never included in much.

It has been 21 years since high school graduation.  I have a meaningful career.  But that is it.  So I confine myself to that.  Yet, the holiday hell is upon all lonely people.  I went out today and saw friends and family preparing for fun and thingsthingsthings to do.   Not I.  I just pick up my dry cleaning (work clothes), go to the bookstore for another book to fill my non-work time.  Desperately awaiting Monday so I can return to the job... create the illusion that I have human contact.

I am a teacher.  High School.  Lots of thugs and needy kids.... One girl looked at me and said, "Miss... you must have so many men in your life."  I almost burst out laughing.  

But I have a dog.  And a cat.  They walk around me in the house.  I love them and I take care of them.  But what terrifies me is this.  If I didn't have them, where would I be?

It feels as though there is a rock in my chest.  It twists and constricts like a sponge and tears come to my eyes and the corners of my lips dip down to my chin... I'll keep lying to the world.  Sure. Books, poetry, music, and knowledge are filling my heart and soul with riches.  I'll keep lying.
Click to expand...

Hey AngelicaK,

I know how you feel. Where are you from? Have you tried to make any contacts through some support groups or clubs?
Click to expand...

Kinda. I am swamped at work so my time is deliberately limited. My initial post was Thanksgiving and I have been making a greater effort to be social since then. I also joined a yoga studio and that has helped. But, I haven't gotten really close to anyone at all. My circle of acquaintances is growing, but it is still mildly superficial. Working on it. Thanks for posting.
 
Hi Angelica,

I can relate to you. I love reading. I don't love poetry per se but I have a Master's degree in English. I think we who love books and the arts tend to be more prone to melancholia and loneliness. Do you think so?
 
Yes, dead thread resurrection alert.

It's this type I come across I wish a happy ending to. Happy living, rather. Doesn't need to be a stereotypical one. Just wish some joy for the person who posted, better feelings.
I wonder about them. And the commenters. How they're doing now, what they're up to.
How many of us are so alike and so many, so silent.
 

Similar threads

okidoke
  • Locked
I'm at a loss
Replies
6
Views
537
okidoke
okidoke
Lonely virgin
Hello everyone
2
Replies
23
Views
888
okidoke
okidoke
wwwocls
Hello. Another newbie
Replies
7
Views
319
wwwocls
wwwocls
February203
Forgiving my narcissistic parents.
Replies
5
Views
531
LonelySgt
LonelySgt
February203
Misadventures with narcissist parents at high school. Part 2
Replies
0
Views
275
February203
February203

Latest posts

Back
Top