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I Don't Live for Myself Anymore
#1
I feel like when I wake up I have nothing to look forward to or anything to be happy about. I'm broke, alone, have no job, no hobbies or anything that makes me enjoy life. I haven't had a face to face in about 7 months now. I've been trying to look on the bright side for a really long time and I just can't do it anymore. If it wasn't for God or my family I really couldn't see any reason for me to be here. I mean I don't want to die or anything but I'm not living either. Everyone likes to nag about the good things. Well what are the use of good things if you do nothing with them? They say life is priceless. Well what good is a priceless object that you just stare at all day? I can't see it.

I don't hate myself or anyone else. I got no burned bridges or enemies. And for all the time I took to finally gain some self-esteem and pride I ended up here alone with no use for either of these things. So I guess I'm just here. I hate feeling this way but I can't help it anymore. I listened to all that BS about things getting better for 7 years of my life and it never happened. Sure I got a little wiser and helped some people out but my life never really changed. I'm still the same miserable zombie I always was. I'm not angry about it anymore. I guess I've given up caring since that won't help anything. Caring never did anything for me. It helped others though and that's good.

But these days I just don't see a future for me anymore. Maybe that's why I'm always trying to help people. Deep down I always knew that I wasn't going anywhere and that I might be able to help other people. Anyway that's how it is. I don't really know how to see life any other way.

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#2
It's hard to do anything with no money or motivation. But it sounds like you need a metaphorical shake to your life. Do something that scares you. Move to a different town, take up a martial art or sport, anything to get the adrenaline flowing. Jump out of a plane for charity. Learn Tai Chi, and learn to enjoy your own company in the process.
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#3
At least you have good taste in cartoons Wink

And you have your family too. Many people don't have a supporting family... that's something important. Look at the bright side. I'm in a similar situation, if I start to think about all the things I lack or never had, I wouldn't even get out of bed... You are young too. Just hang in there, don't waste your time, try to do stuff you like and you should be fine.

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#4
Yes, stop caring about it. Let it sort itself out.
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#5
You know, I relate so well to what you are saying. I don't want to die either, but what I'm doing is not even close to living. And every time I reach out, I only get hurt. Every time I feel a shred of hope, it gets crushed. Every single time. It's like being the bad end of a cosmic joke. And I can't stand when people are like, "Oh, it will get better." It drives me insane when they say that crap. Of course I know their intentions are good, and I appreciate that, but you can only hear that diatribe for so many years before you realize that no matter your efforts, you feel you have "BORN TO LOSE" written on your forehead.

I will never ever understand life. Criminals and lazy assholes get all the benefits and all the rewards, and all the intelligent, loving and caring people get shit on. It doesn't make any sense, and it makes it really difficult to believe in anything.

I, like you, want to help people, and that is why I come to this forum and others. To inform people about things, and to pass on advice. I spent most my life studying human behavior, but even with all of that under my belt, the human race is still a mystery. If God exists, he'd be smart just wiping us all out and start again with the bees or ants as the dominant species. Big Grin
"Kit Kincade, that's me. K.I.T. Keep it together, keep it together, keep it together."

-Bowfinger

[Image: bowfinger_1999_05_g.jpg]
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#6
(02-07-2013, 09:20 AM)dreamsurfer Wrote: I feel like when I wake up I have nothing to look forward to or anything to be happy about. I'm broke, alone, have no job, no hobbies or anything that makes me enjoy life. I haven't had a face to face in about 7 months now. I've been trying to look on the bright side for a really long time and I just can't do it anymore. If it wasn't for God or my family I really couldn't see any reason for me to be here. I mean I don't want to die or anything but I'm not living either. Everyone likes to nag about the good things. Well what are the use of good things if you do nothing with them? They say life is priceless. Well what good is a priceless object that you just stare at all day? I can't see it.

I don't hate myself or anyone else. I got no burned bridges or enemies. And for all the time I took to finally gain some self-esteem and pride I ended up here alone with no use for either of these things. So I guess I'm just here. I hate feeling this way but I can't help it anymore. I listened to all that BS about things getting better for 7 years of my life and it never happened. Sure I got a little wiser and helped some people out but my life never really changed. I'm still the same miserable zombie I always was. I'm not angry about it anymore. I guess I've given up caring since that won't help anything. Caring never did anything for me. It helped others though and that's good.

But these days I just don't see a future for me anymore. Maybe that's why I'm always trying to help people. Deep down I always knew that I wasn't going anywhere and that I might be able to help other people. Anyway that's how it is. I don't really know how to see life any other way.

You know, I was jobless, broke, in life limbo, and skulking all day in depression a year ago. So I can relate to the position you are in.

You can get up in two ways:
1) inherit a million bucks from a distant uncle
2) pick yourself up from the gutter and fight for your right to have a good life

Someone I know wasted his whole life doing nothing. He was very smart, able, energetic, then he got laid off from his job and he got so depressed he did not work for THIRTY YEARS. Sure, it's an option too. But just think about it, what life do you think he has had. Is that OK for you?
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#7
I was made redundant a few years ago when the recession first hit, I did manage to find another job, albeit on lower wages, but it kept a roof over our heads.

At that point I looked around to see what I could do, I guess I'd been going through life on autopilot till that point. What I tried certainly hasn't made me rich, but it has enriched my life.

Some days are tough, you feel down and don't want to do anything. I try and pull myself up, I make a choice to be positive and as happy as I can be.

Walk tall, you are worthy, what passions do you have, what do you do really well?

Even if it won't make you rich or famous, do it for yourself. It could be the break you need, and each step leads on to the next until you end up... well who knows.

I hope you take this as positive advice, it's not meant to be just some fluffy words. Everyone has something in them.

Ever played one of those role playing games? when you get to create a character you have so many points to spread on different aspects, I think people are like that. you may not be the best looking, or not the smartest, but I bet there's something you're better at than most people you know.

Good luck.
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#8
^ What Edward said.
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