Dear everyone , i would like to thank you all for taking time to read and answer other peoples causes , it really means a lot to people like me
i properly should have started tow different threads , but am thinking about the tow things for a long time so decided to just write about them at once , after all both are about the same people
my name is joseph and am originally from africa , 22 , single
long ago my father decided to move to a different asian country due to war and security , and just for the sake of a better life , and by that he was married to my mother ,both of them are still alive ,
they have been blessed with 3 daughters and 8 kids and only one of them passed away shortly after birth for medical reasons .
the 7 ( me and tow of my older brothers and three of my young brothers and our 7 ys sister ) of us live with our parents in the same house , a 4 room building my father rented almost 30 years ago and according to my mother my father can not afford a better place , and for reasons i cant explain , we as adults , can not just move out unless we are married ( yup ! ) but our older brother has left some years ago and had a life of his own after an argument with my father , and both of our sisters have left after they got married
my father is a self thought person and had to find his way through life the hard way , he is ( i think ) financially not doing so well and that forced him to life a simple life and almost poor for a long time , but he had enough to but hold a roof and but some food on the table for his hungry kids . i respect him a lot because am aware of this .
however , as he was forced to go though life's though challenges , he became ( or maybe was from the beginning ) a very very angry person , and violent most of the time , he would hit (me and the rest of my brothers ) back when i was a kid as hard as he can with anything on his way for the simplest mistakes i do as a kid ( at one time he lashed me so bad i can still see the scares and marks on my body after all these years ). he couldn't understand and still doesn't know the dangers of domestic violence because i think he was not a well educated person , i forgive him for not knowing that . but as time moves forward , he has grown older and stopped being violent when i was 16-17 ( not sure what make him do and am thinking age ), but still cant control his temper until now .
unfortunately his violent has effected us when were kid in all sorts of ways , we would fight for real as brothers when were kids , and some of us even still , some of us are on terms atm and we generaly dont talk to each other that much , at least i don't ,.. but i started to learn that being violent is the worst thing you could be when i was 14 , and did not attempt to hurt anyone ever-since , and i regret thinking or doing so before that until this day .
don't really like living in the past and i would rather leave all this behind , but am only typing this hoping you would get the picture .
... for the last three/four years , i graduated out of high school and raising money for collage because we cant afford it as family , everything is great and have being doubling my income per year and life is good
the first i wanted to talk about is this issue of trust between me and my father , i have came to a conclusion that no matter what happens and what i do , we is not going to trust in anything , not even succeeding in life and accomplishing my goals ,(we don't talk much anyway) he never said that he trusts me and always acts like i know no good for my self , bushing me around like he knows all the best for me and my life .
since i started to notice that , i decided not to depend on him that often and ignore his constant insults towards me and sometimes to even the work i do ! . i also discovered recently ( yes recently ) that i too don't trust him that much because he never did , as a result i have gone on my own way . the problem is that because he still docent trust me , he is standing my way by not allowing me to do what i want . and am not sure what can i do to avoid his anger and still keep an at least ok relationship between us and at the same time pursue my goals or do what i want to do ..... i.e gong to collage
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the second thing is that , the place that we live in has became tiny ( at least for me ) and old . we never did any kind of renewing or anything
, bugs , dust , no bed , no closet ( keep cloth in plastic bags ), no tv in our shared room ( yes we share one room the three of us still ).and not so clean water .. and other things ,, i have seen worse yes but , as long as i can get better , why don't i ?
what am trying to say is that at this point , am very capable of being independent and have my own apartment and live in a better place . but i cant as a said for some reasons ,,, but am thinking , leaving anyway , i know that maybe my parents ( mom especially ) doesn't want me to leave but am dyeing to do so as this place is no longer that good for me now and for the sake of moving on .
questions ( is short ) :* do you think i should just leave and move on with my life against their well ?
*should i confront my father with this whole trust thing or just do what i want even if he did not want to ?
what should i do
thank u ( and please excuse my English )
i properly should have started tow different threads , but am thinking about the tow things for a long time so decided to just write about them at once , after all both are about the same people
my name is joseph and am originally from africa , 22 , single
long ago my father decided to move to a different asian country due to war and security , and just for the sake of a better life , and by that he was married to my mother ,both of them are still alive ,
they have been blessed with 3 daughters and 8 kids and only one of them passed away shortly after birth for medical reasons .
the 7 ( me and tow of my older brothers and three of my young brothers and our 7 ys sister ) of us live with our parents in the same house , a 4 room building my father rented almost 30 years ago and according to my mother my father can not afford a better place , and for reasons i cant explain , we as adults , can not just move out unless we are married ( yup ! ) but our older brother has left some years ago and had a life of his own after an argument with my father , and both of our sisters have left after they got married
my father is a self thought person and had to find his way through life the hard way , he is ( i think ) financially not doing so well and that forced him to life a simple life and almost poor for a long time , but he had enough to but hold a roof and but some food on the table for his hungry kids . i respect him a lot because am aware of this .
however , as he was forced to go though life's though challenges , he became ( or maybe was from the beginning ) a very very angry person , and violent most of the time , he would hit (me and the rest of my brothers ) back when i was a kid as hard as he can with anything on his way for the simplest mistakes i do as a kid ( at one time he lashed me so bad i can still see the scares and marks on my body after all these years ). he couldn't understand and still doesn't know the dangers of domestic violence because i think he was not a well educated person , i forgive him for not knowing that . but as time moves forward , he has grown older and stopped being violent when i was 16-17 ( not sure what make him do and am thinking age ), but still cant control his temper until now .
unfortunately his violent has effected us when were kid in all sorts of ways , we would fight for real as brothers when were kids , and some of us even still , some of us are on terms atm and we generaly dont talk to each other that much , at least i don't ,.. but i started to learn that being violent is the worst thing you could be when i was 14 , and did not attempt to hurt anyone ever-since , and i regret thinking or doing so before that until this day .
don't really like living in the past and i would rather leave all this behind , but am only typing this hoping you would get the picture .
... for the last three/four years , i graduated out of high school and raising money for collage because we cant afford it as family , everything is great and have being doubling my income per year and life is good
the first i wanted to talk about is this issue of trust between me and my father , i have came to a conclusion that no matter what happens and what i do , we is not going to trust in anything , not even succeeding in life and accomplishing my goals ,(we don't talk much anyway) he never said that he trusts me and always acts like i know no good for my self , bushing me around like he knows all the best for me and my life .
since i started to notice that , i decided not to depend on him that often and ignore his constant insults towards me and sometimes to even the work i do ! . i also discovered recently ( yes recently ) that i too don't trust him that much because he never did , as a result i have gone on my own way . the problem is that because he still docent trust me , he is standing my way by not allowing me to do what i want . and am not sure what can i do to avoid his anger and still keep an at least ok relationship between us and at the same time pursue my goals or do what i want to do ..... i.e gong to collage
--
the second thing is that , the place that we live in has became tiny ( at least for me ) and old . we never did any kind of renewing or anything
, bugs , dust , no bed , no closet ( keep cloth in plastic bags ), no tv in our shared room ( yes we share one room the three of us still ).and not so clean water .. and other things ,, i have seen worse yes but , as long as i can get better , why don't i ?
what am trying to say is that at this point , am very capable of being independent and have my own apartment and live in a better place . but i cant as a said for some reasons ,,, but am thinking , leaving anyway , i know that maybe my parents ( mom especially ) doesn't want me to leave but am dyeing to do so as this place is no longer that good for me now and for the sake of moving on .
questions ( is short ) :* do you think i should just leave and move on with my life against their well ?
*should i confront my father with this whole trust thing or just do what i want even if he did not want to ?
what should i do
thank u ( and please excuse my English )
