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A_T_Swordsman

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I can't think of a way out of this situation, but maybe some other minds can help me.

From just a "I'm bored and lonely." That doesn't seem like too big a deal. Plenty of websites will tell you to go hang out at a bar, join a club, etc...

Well, I have other annoying restrictions which have limited me.

Last semester I had so much homework I was unable to re-join Latin and Ballroom dance club. I spent nearly all my time with homework. This semester, things have semi-quieted down. Every few days I'll be swamped with homework, then, like this weekend, I'll have a couple assignments that will probably only take me 12 or so hours, giving me most of the rest of the weekend free. But, that doesn't make it easy to join a club because my free-time is so hectic.

Also, I'm not really a fan of alcohol. I mean, I don't mind a shot with friends who really want to do it as a thing of camaraderie, but I'm not going to order a beer.
Should I really be hanging out at bars then? I mean, I'd literally be sitting there with a soda at a bar, by myself... what's the point?

Sure, I like museums, and art galleries, rather than sports... But museums and art galleries are few and far between...

I've been to the library once to check out a book, but lately none have looked interesting (though I'll keep looking for ones...) but even still, the library in my area isn't exactly a social place, since it's usually deserted.

My friend suggested I hang out with my computer at a coffee-shop, and I'll probably do that some time (I don't drink coffee, but a hot-chocolate or smoothie is cool) but that's still so restrictive.

Maybe more experienced/open minds than mine can help me out here.

Don't get me wrong, hanging out on the internet with you guys is fun and all, but you get the idea XD
 
Hi A_T_Swordsman.

You're right about bars. If you aren't buying alcohol, you are paying probably like $4.00 for a glass of juice. The bars charge so much for non-alcoholic drinks because they could have another person in the seat you're taking up, buying beer all night. It helps them to still make a few bucks. It also is for targeting designated drivers who aren't boozing.

I can recommend a few spots and things to help you.

1. Try going to the local YMCA and play some ball or floor hockey if you are into that kind of thing.
2. Internet cafe's
3. An exercise gym
4. Chess clubs if you like the game.
5. Pool Halls can be fun
6. Local indoor pools with water slides and all that stuff.
7. Card Rooms
8. Various church functions
9. Volunteering at a local hospital in the sick children's ward.
10. Martial arts clubs

What you want to do is examine your interests and go from there.


https://www.google.ca/#hl=en&tbo=d&...56,d.dmQ&fp=64d4a585716470bd&biw=1440&bih=775
 
What exactly do you want to do? Meet new people?

By the sounds of it you do but you don't really sound interested in doing certain things, for example, you were talking about going to a bar (even though you wouldn't be drinking), but this doesn't seem like something you'd normally do, and also even if you did meet some people there, it's going to be something that they'd be interested in doing. Do you know what I mean?

It seems that your looking to meet new friends but unfortunately the things your interested in makes it harder - that's not a criticism, I'm just saying that it's harder to meet new friends in a library than a bar, but just because it's the "common thing to do" doesn't mean you have to to meet people.

haha, LK an his google always makes me smile, he proves that most of life's problems can be solved by googling.
 
I go to bars and just drink a soda :p There's nothing wrong with that at all. I've actually met a lot of people that go there by themselves and are not getting drunk. Try going to a music hall/bar instead of an actual bar, I bet you'd enjoy it. You need to go somewhere where you can talk to different people! I find that coffee shops, libraries, etc don't really allow you to 'mingle'. Try finding some club in your community that you're interested in; community theater, jogging groups, book clubs, cooking classes, etc. There's something out there for everyone, you just have to try!
 
LoneKiller said:
Hi A_T_Swordsman.

You're right about bars. If you aren't buying alcohol, you are paying probably like $4.00 for a glass of juice. The bars charge so much for non-alcoholic drinks because they could have another person in the seat you're taking up, buying beer all night. It helps them to still make a few bucks. It also is for targeting designated drivers who aren't boozing.
Yeah and I'm careful with my money so I'm not so sure about it XD

1. Try going to the local YMCA and play some ball or floor hockey if you are into that kind of thing.
Well, My college has a sports center, but playing by yourself is boring as heck.
2. Internet cafe's
No internet cafe's around here since there are just internet locations, but everyone is just doing homework.
3. An exercise gym
Similar to #1. I am going to start going more often, but obviously the more suggestions the better ^.^
4. Chess clubs if you like the game.
Chess is ok, but all the clubs around here meet at specific times, which I can never make.
5. Pool Halls can be fun
I'll look around for some.
6. Local indoor pools with water slides and all that stuff.
None around my area
7. Card Rooms
Don't know of any around here, will look.
8. Various church functions
Sounds fine. I probably should be more involved.
9. Volunteering at a local hospital in the sick children's ward.
I'm just worried my inability to commit because of random homework avalanches. I'm still looking into it though.
10. Martial arts clubs
Club issue, plus they are expensive. I did martial arts in the past, and have sort of moved on from it.

What you want to do is examine your interests and go from there.
Yeah, I'll keep looking ^.^

9006 said:
What exactly do you want to do? Meet new people?
Yeah, but not be bored at the same time. I'm sure I could meet new people going to places that were uninteresting to me, but as you mention below, it doesn't really make complete sense.

By the sounds of it you do but you don't really sound interested in doing certain things, for example, you were talking about going to a bar (even though you wouldn't be drinking), but this doesn't seem like something you'd normally do, and also even if you did meet some people there, it's going to be something that they'd be interested in doing. Do you know what I mean?
Yeah, which is why I wasn't into it. I just know it's like the #1 suggestion people have for branching out, so I thought I should address it.

It seems that your looking to meet new friends but unfortunately the things your interested in makes it harder - that's not a criticism, I'm just saying that it's harder to meet new friends in a library than a bar, but just because it's the "common thing to do" doesn't mean you have to to meet people.
I know, which is why I'm doing my best looking for ideas ^_^ thanks.

Sterling said:
I go to bars and just drink a soda :p There's nothing wrong with that at all. I've actually met a lot of people that go there by themselves and are not getting drunk. Try going to a music hall/bar instead of an actual bar, I bet you'd enjoy it. You need to go somewhere where you can talk to different people! I find that coffee shops, libraries, etc don't really allow you to 'mingle'. Try finding some club in your community that you're interested in; community theater, jogging groups, book clubs, cooking classes, etc. There's something out there for everyone, you just have to try!
Well, I'll look for some stuff like a music hall, but as I've said before, i joined clubs freshman and sophomore year, but my current situation demands 48+ hours of work on my homework at random intervals, cutting me off from going to clubs.

Thanks for the responses ^_^
 
Wow quite a lot of suggestions there to go with.
Good luck A_T_Swordsman. Hope it works out for you.
 
Those websites that tell you how to live a life without boredom and loneliness are often written by those who thought they were lonely/bored a lot when young, when they were just average. Or they were written by people who were neither, but feel like they can help (due to possibly having a nice personality, which gets in the way of sense) despite not having any experience with the matter. I find this to be the case with many, many therapists. It's difficult to find a metaphor, but I have a distant relative I never knew who died in Iraq apparently due to incompetence from his superior officer...my Dad tends to refer to the guy as "all shirt and no medals" whenever the conversation rolls around about it with people. If that metaphor makes sense.

The only valid thing I could suggest is either piggy-backing with close friends to things they find a hobby which you've never considered, like I'm unsure if you actively went to a bar with friends and took shots or if it was an at-home sort of thing, but regardless. I once went somewhere I never thought I'd ever go, a public park that housed various individuals of my same age that had a similar fashion sense and outlook on life, and it was alright, it helped shake some of the loneliness, but I found that the people who were there pretty much all the time had an elitist attitude which made me feel a little small and insecure, so I stopped. So uh I could suggest you follow a friend to..I dunno, his Wizards-and-Wankers card dungeoneering swap meet thing, for example, and see if the people there are friendly and possibly interesting. Meeting people is 90% of making friends etc, and friends help you not be bored or lonely.

The other thing can be summed up by telling you to recall or watch Fight Club, specifically when Tyler spends most of his time visiting the help clubs, like alcoholics anonymous and the cancer groups etc. This could be considered distasteful to some but, you never know, plenty of people do it (not me, though, so uh, don't take my word for things 100%) and the people who run those things tend to be pretty selfless and generally friendly, so..well. Group activities etc, quite possibly might uplift you and occupy some of your little free time?

That internet cafe thing sounds bust to me, though. Most people are secretive over their business online, even if it is harmless, so I can imagine it'd be used by people who wouldn't really be all that socially active, unless they came with their group of friends in question.

I have no friends man, I keep myself entertained and socially fufilled by letting websites and articles written by other people "speak to me" and keep my amusement up by having several vices, mostly video games and books. Providing you avoid ever completing a game, or reading until the end of a book, which admittedly is pretty sad, you'll never want for anything to do. I'm not saying have one game, one book, and never finish either - a bookcase full of 80% unfinished books, and several games of various types you never complete etc, can help keep you occupied.

If I went off track, I apologise. I am pretty tired.
 

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