Lonelylife makes me feel more lonely

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.
M

Mystery_Man

Guest
In my attempts to find some sort of connection or friendship online I have found myself becoming more lonely than ever. I can understand the rejection face to face, I have a lot of unattractive features and I'm awkward, but I even get get rejected here and elsewhere online. Usually people just stop talking to me after a couple of messages, buy occasionally it will go on for a month or two. Just be honest and tell me you don't want to talk instead of leaving me wondering. I would at least like to know what's wrong with me do I can fix it.

This just goes to prove that who you are really doesn't matter one bit, it's what you have, what you have achieved in life and what you look like. We aren't worth a **** for who we are.
 
This place is called a lonely life, but it's also got a large percentage of genuinely depressed and mentally ill people. Just calls 'em like I sees 'em.
 
Friendships are a little more complicated than that. It doesn't even need to be because they don't like you so much as that they don't feel much of a connection and therefore let things drift (which to some people looks like a middle finger to the face), they don't like one-on-one conversation online very much because of the amount of time it can eat up when messages start piling up, etc.

I hardly ever do it because half my day is already writing and coding, and I'm exhausted with writing and stimulation by the time I turn to a pile of messages that need to be answered intelligently. It's only going to be worse when I'm working again.

It's not who you are or what you look like, it's how much you invest in individual friendships before anyone's had time to gauge whether or not there's anything there. Even social butterflies don't get to count every single person they meet as a lifelong friend; that's just not how it works.
 
Keep trying Mystery_Man. Don't give up. Out of the many people, there's bound to be at least one person who can connect with you.
 
I think the problem is that while there's plenty of people all around us, whether in real life or online, only a small fraction of those people are ones we can truly connect with on some deeper and more meaningful level. The problem is there's varying levels of connectivity, so while one person you may not get along with at all, another you might get along with fairly well, but there'll still be barriers there that prevent your personalities from truly connecting. I've noticed that a lot over the years, and it can make it difficult to discern the "true" friends from just "pretty good but far from perfect" friends. Of course, people who just forget about you, or dismiss you because they don't care for some aspect of your appearance or personality probably aren't the kinds of people you should WANT to be friends with, but I know all too well how difficult it is to look at things from that perspective when it happens so often.
 
This just goes to prove that who you are really doesn't matter one bit, it's what you have, what you have achieved in life and what you look like. We aren't worth a **** for who we are.

I'm afraid I disagree, it's all about meeting the right person. I struggle to find people who I'm completely compatible with, I'm currently alone and have been for a little while, it doesn't really bother me as much as it probably would other people, I've met a few people but they're not really my type so I've just moved on and I'll keep doing it until I find someone who I have more in common with.

The internet doesn't have all the answers (despite what google says!) and sometimes it takes longer than usual. You can't expect to find a buddy straight away just because it's the internet, in the end it's still a lot of different people just like in real life, only in a much bigger space.
 
9006 said:
I've met a few people but they're not really my type so I've just moved on and I'll keep doing it until I find someone who I have more in common with.

That's the spirit!

9006 said:
in the end it's still a lot of different people just like in real life, only in a much bigger space.

..and a lot less intimidating.
 
I agree completely, I just find it amazing in 3+ decades on this earth I've found so few people who either accept me or connect with me. It's pretty discouraging. I know where I live there is a vey high number of college graduates and very successful people. Who are stylish, hip and have nice things who wouldn't give someone like myself the time of day. I'm high school educated, work a blue collar job (I hate that term) and have lived in town my entire life. I drive a gas guzzling 10 year old American car, not a Prius, haha. These issues make it hard for me to fit in in real life.

I have to agree, I wouldn't want to be friends with judgmental, shallow people. At least they make themselves known quickly and can be dismissed before they waste much of my time.

el Jay said:
I think the problem is that while there's plenty of people all around us, whether in real life or online, only a small fraction of those people are ones we can truly connect with on some deeper and more meaningful level. The problem is there's varying levels of connectivity, so while one person you may not get along with at all, another you might get along with fairly well, but there'll still be barriers there that prevent your personalities from truly connecting. I've noticed that a lot over the years, and it can make it difficult to discern the "true" friends from just "pretty good but far from perfect" friends. Of course, people who just forget about you, or dismiss you because they don't care for some aspect of your appearance or personality probably aren't the kinds of people you should WANT to be friends with, but I know all too well how difficult it is to look at things from that perspective when it happens so often.
 
bodafuko said:
This place is called a lonely life, but it's also got a large percentage of genuinely depressed and mentally ill people. Just calls 'em like I sees 'em.

Yeah lots of comorbidities, although loneliness isn't classified as a mental illness in and of itself.


P.s. I have found that online interaction in no way even comes close to irl interaction. Please, you have to face your insecurities about your value as a person, and make friends irl.
 
Dear MysteryMan, I can tell you about why one stops talking after a couple of messages. Whenever that happened to me, it was because a) the other person was too far away, too different or too little in common to make it reasonable to pursue a relationship/friendship with them, it had NOTHING to do with a judgement or rejection, actually in all cases I thought they were really nice or cool people. Once messages were slowed down only because first I was away, then the other person was away, and in spite of the sympathy the conversation never took off.
After only some messages you can suspect that when you are "rejected" it is not because of your personality or who you are, but because of some tract that you don't share with the other person; if you were stuck in a desert island together maybe a beautiful friendship would blossom, but now, like someone else said earlier, we have a lot of choice, so why not find someone who loves football like we do (to make an example)?
 
I understand this, because I find it difficult to find somewhere to fit in online too. And you would think that online would be easier than in RL. Most of the 'friends' on Facebook are on my friends list just because, at one point at least, we played the same FB games. But most of them I've never talked to. One of the few people I do talk with online .. although at very random intervals .. said to me the last time that we talked that they find it difficult to talk to me because we have nothing in common. That seems to be how it goes. Even if I find a group or a forum page or something, about an interest or a hobby, I don't seem to be able to find anyone to talk with, let alone find a connection with. Even on here. It gets frustrating, as you see others have good conversations, and they are obviously friends, yet it just never seems to happen ... I kinda guess that nobody is really very interested in a mid-30's Australian guy.
 
Somebody writes stuff, then I randomly write something else and may get a random reply or something. It's not that I spend a lot of time at all talking to someone from here, even if there's some I'd love to talk with. I don't know if many others find here something of the personal connection you speak of. I know at least some do though and I'm happy for those :)
 
Mystery_Man said:
I agree completely, I just find it amazing in 3+ decades on this earth I've found so few people who either accept me or connect with me. It's pretty discouraging. I know where I live there is a vey high number of college graduates and very successful people. Who are stylish, hip and have nice things who wouldn't give someone like myself the time of day. I'm high school educated, work a blue collar job (I hate that term) and have lived in town my entire life. I drive a gas guzzling 10 year old American car, not a Prius, haha. These issues make it hard for me to fit in in real life.

I have to agree, I wouldn't want to be friends with judgmental, shallow people. At least they make themselves known quickly and can be dismissed before they waste much of my time.

I switched from a white to blue collar job 5 years ago and never looked back and keep my 10 year old american car in pretty good shape. Not a bad situation to be in imo, I'd rather stay out of the hipster world as a matter of preference and love being able to move around at work instead of sitting on my ass all day. (No offense to any of those who do, but I couldn't take it anymore!)
 
Back in the day, something like this site would have been easier to have conversations with people on. but these days, message boards are not the conversation places. People these days are into texting and stuff. They want to send some 1 line messages and nothing in depth. I've never text'd so I don't know how it works but I know when I e-mail people I know, I can write a 10 page e-mail (just saying I could, not that I actually have) and they will respond with a 1 line message. I could have asked all kids of questions but since that requires actually typing out a message, that's just too much work.

I miss the old days when people had conversations online.
 
blackdot said:
Back in the day, something like this site would have been easier to have conversations with people on. but these days, message boards are not the conversation places. People these days are into texting and stuff. They want to send some 1 line messages and nothing in depth. I've never text'd so I don't know how it works but I know when I e-mail people I know, I can write a 10 page e-mail (just saying I could, not that I actually have) and they will respond with a 1 line message. I could have asked all kids of questions but since that requires actually typing out a message, that's just too much work.

I miss the old days when people had conversations online.

What days were those? I remember brief conversations and people who just don't like each other as far back as 1997 and I know tons of forum friendships made recently, Are you sure you're not getting theoretical 1-line messages because many people don't have time between school and work for something that would make any student weep at the amount of work? :p
 
I'm refering to the early 90's when there were no cell phones or texting. When the internet was just getting started. People would actually write e-mails. People would actually have discussions with other people.
 
blackdot said:
I'm refering to the early 90's when there were no cell phones or texting. When the internet was just getting started. People would actually write e-mails. People would actually have discussions with other people.

People still have discussions. I read through sections of a dozen extensive back-and-forth ones last night.
 
Yes, a select few people still use these online type things. There are always exceptions.
I'm talking about a lot of people to mix in with.
 
blackdot said:
Yes, a select few people still use these online type things. There are always exceptions.
I'm talking about a lot of people to mix in with.

Six forums in the habit of forming long trains isn't "a select few." ;)

Blame your experience on what you want, though.
 

Latest posts

Back
Top