Dear-_-Tragedy
Well-known member
I feel depressed. I feel unmotivated. I feel anti-social. I feel self hate. I feel lonely.
So I am at uni (in the second year now, semester 2) and I just don't have any motivation to carry on with my life or with my course. All I see myself doing is working in some mundane job which I really don't want to do for the rest of my life, even if I get through the course (which is likely going to be at a scrape).
In life there's things you want and things you get. I just seem to get into situations I didn't want. For example, failing 2 of my modules at uni because I was too lazy to get stuck into the work, losing my girlfriend because I smoked too much weed and got psychosis in turn saying and doing things I regret, being sick on the carpet in my shared house thus leaving a stain which will most likely jeopardizing my deposit which I need for my new house. The list goes on but you get the gist.
I know these things may seem very small problems in the grand scheme of things and you are likely to turn around and say 'you're only 20 just knuckle down with your uni work and things will turn out' or something along those lines. I just feel really down and depressed for some reason and I can't put it down to one thing and with depression comes lack of motivation. Maybe I'm just lazy. I've always been that guy who puts in bare minimum effort with almost everything I have to do. Things I am interested in and have fun doing, I do well.
This may have turned into a bit of a rant but it feels good to get these feelings out of the way (hopefully it will). I just need advice, my friends and family have tried giving me advice but it doesn't seem to help. I even get help from the NHS since getting psychosis but that doesn't help. I also take depression tablets and they don't help. I just can't be bothered with the life I have been given anymore which is terrible really considering how much worse my life could be. Some days I feel like just killing myself and today is one of those days.
I also feel lonely. I don't know why because I have 'friends'. Well, you have 'friends' then you have real friends which are hard to come by. Where I live at the moment I only have one real friend. The other people I just go out drinking with now and then but I always spend the night not saying anything. Maybe I am quite introvert in that respect. I used to be able to pull girls in clubs but those days are gone. I just feel lonely like there is something/someone missing in my life.
That brings me to my love life. Before uni I had a few girlfriends, none were serious enough to last. I was also a virgin before going to uni and meeting this girl. I don't need to go into details about this relationship because I already have on this forum. But needless to say I fell in love with her and then a year down the line we split up. I feel deep regret for this because I feel like it was mostly my fault.Ever heard the term crazy in love? Well I was literally crazy in love and developed psychosis as a result of paranoia and drug taking. This is where the self hate comes in. I hate myself for doing such a stupid thing. My older brother developed schizophrenia form doing the same thing (taking drugs). Why did I follow in his footsteps .
Anyway I need to cut this short because I am late for a lecture but I might continue this rant later. Please, I need some advice on how to deal with all these problems. Be brutally honest about my attitude don't sugar coat it. I think that is what I need. Props if you read all of this omg a smile?!
So I am at uni (in the second year now, semester 2) and I just don't have any motivation to carry on with my life or with my course. All I see myself doing is working in some mundane job which I really don't want to do for the rest of my life, even if I get through the course (which is likely going to be at a scrape).
In life there's things you want and things you get. I just seem to get into situations I didn't want. For example, failing 2 of my modules at uni because I was too lazy to get stuck into the work, losing my girlfriend because I smoked too much weed and got psychosis in turn saying and doing things I regret, being sick on the carpet in my shared house thus leaving a stain which will most likely jeopardizing my deposit which I need for my new house. The list goes on but you get the gist.
I know these things may seem very small problems in the grand scheme of things and you are likely to turn around and say 'you're only 20 just knuckle down with your uni work and things will turn out' or something along those lines. I just feel really down and depressed for some reason and I can't put it down to one thing and with depression comes lack of motivation. Maybe I'm just lazy. I've always been that guy who puts in bare minimum effort with almost everything I have to do. Things I am interested in and have fun doing, I do well.
This may have turned into a bit of a rant but it feels good to get these feelings out of the way (hopefully it will). I just need advice, my friends and family have tried giving me advice but it doesn't seem to help. I even get help from the NHS since getting psychosis but that doesn't help. I also take depression tablets and they don't help. I just can't be bothered with the life I have been given anymore which is terrible really considering how much worse my life could be. Some days I feel like just killing myself and today is one of those days.
I also feel lonely. I don't know why because I have 'friends'. Well, you have 'friends' then you have real friends which are hard to come by. Where I live at the moment I only have one real friend. The other people I just go out drinking with now and then but I always spend the night not saying anything. Maybe I am quite introvert in that respect. I used to be able to pull girls in clubs but those days are gone. I just feel lonely like there is something/someone missing in my life.
That brings me to my love life. Before uni I had a few girlfriends, none were serious enough to last. I was also a virgin before going to uni and meeting this girl. I don't need to go into details about this relationship because I already have on this forum. But needless to say I fell in love with her and then a year down the line we split up. I feel deep regret for this because I feel like it was mostly my fault.Ever heard the term crazy in love? Well I was literally crazy in love and developed psychosis as a result of paranoia and drug taking. This is where the self hate comes in. I hate myself for doing such a stupid thing. My older brother developed schizophrenia form doing the same thing (taking drugs). Why did I follow in his footsteps .
Anyway I need to cut this short because I am late for a lecture but I might continue this rant later. Please, I need some advice on how to deal with all these problems. Be brutally honest about my attitude don't sugar coat it. I think that is what I need. Props if you read all of this omg a smile?!