I keep crying.... lots of emotional ranting

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WallflowerGirl83

Guest
I keep crying in my room, I don't talk to anyone cause I feel like I'll upset everyone and people will run away. Anytime I get close to someone... I get scared that one day they'll just leave my side and I'll be all alone again. My mind keeps racing with thought after thought.... little flashes of memories. Than I remember horrible things that were said to me and times when I was happy....

Blowing bubbles when I was younger...
Than I remember kids all laughing and I'm alone by myself not knowing when there all laughing about.
The time my ex boyfriend yelled at me and ignored my phone calls.
My real father hitting my mother and being confused by it.

Recently I've been staring off into space and just staring and staring... and I feel nothing. No emotions, just numbness. I wonder why people even like me... people may talk to me but I wonder why do they even waste there time. I feel like a huge failure, like I'm nothing....

And than I remember why I feel like this.... my ex bf emotional abused me and treated me like I'm nothing. And I'm so angry I stayed. I'm angry at myself for letting people hurt me and make fun of me. I'm angry for my father abusing me..... I feel like noone really hears when I'm talking. People talk over me, I feel like I'm not heard. I cry really hard sometimes and vanish from sight cause I feel like a failure. :( I've been crying so much right now.... and it's really scaring me.
 
Don't be afraid to let people in. Just be cautious of who you let in. Even if we make the same mistakes with others over and over, it's not failing. It's trying. I'd be a hypocrite if I told you not to put yourself down, but hey, fresia it, I'm allowed to be a hypocrite. You can still be right while being hypocritical. Don't put yourself down. Be kind to yourself.

You are not void of emotion, you are crying. This shows you have a soul, and feelings, and actually give a honeysuckle, about something. It's OK to cry, even so often. It wont be like this forever. You may feel like nothing but please let people appreciate you.

We hear you. I hear you. No one is going to talk over you here.
 
You're still here. You're still alive, still breathing, eating, drinking. Still fighting.

Still standing your ground after twentynine years of horrid experiences. You've seen things, you've heard things, you probably wish you've never seen or heard any of them. But you have, and you're still here.

And you know why? Because you're wrong. You're not a failure, you're a fighter, and anyone who tells you otherwise can turn into a turtle and go back to the sea. You're a beautiful person because you were able to endure what you went through, and because, however hard, you stayed true to yourself. You have your own opinions and thoughts, your own beliefs and ideals. And they're still there, after all this time.

It doesn't matter what other people might say or think of you, you are beautiful, inside and out. It's okay to cry sometimes, cry as much as you want, if it helps you keep going, then it's okay. I know you can keep going, take a look at what you've already endured.

Yeah, people treated you like honeysuckle but believe it or not, they made you who you are now. Because of all the honeysuckle you've been through you're stronger than most people out there, but you have to keep fighting! Keep fighting for yourself and what you believe in! You might fall down a thousand times but for as long as you stand up, only then will you have the chance to feel truly alive!

You say you like thinking about the nice things from the past. What did you like in particular? Anything that stayed with you in your memories? What if you go and do it again? Experience that nice feeling again? Just for you. It doesn't matter what other people might think of it, it's time for you now. Take a small step and pick one little thing that you used to enjoy, and do it again. And remember, even if you don't succeed the first time, or the tenth time. Keep trying, and eventually you will succeed.

I know that's easier said than done, if you need help, or just someone to vent on about anything at all. If you need someone to listen to you at the times where you just fell. Send me a message, please. I'm there for you, anytime.

Take care.
 
Rosebolt said:
You're still here. You're still alive, still breathing, eating, drinking. Still fighting.

Still standing your ground after twentynine years of horrid experiences. You've seen things, you've heard things, you probably wish you've never seen or heard any of them. But you have, and you're still here.

And you know why? Because you're wrong. You're not a failure, you're a fighter, and anyone who tells you otherwise can turn into a turtle and go back to the sea. You're a beautiful person because you were able to endure what you went through, and because, however hard, you stayed true to yourself. You have your own opinions and thoughts, your own beliefs and ideals. And they're still there, after all this time.

It doesn't matter what other people might say or think of you, you are beautiful, inside and out. It's okay to cry sometimes, cry as much as you want, if it helps you keep going, then it's okay. I know you can keep going, take a look at what you've already endured.

Yeah, people treated you like honeysuckle but believe it or not, they made you who you are now. Because of all the honeysuckle you've been through you're stronger than most people out there, but you have to keep fighting! Keep fighting for yourself and what you believe in! You might fall down a thousand times but for as long as you stand up, only then will you have the chance to feel truly alive!

You say you like thinking about the nice things from the past. What did you like in particular? Anything that stayed with you in your memories? What if you go and do it again? Experience that nice feeling again? Just for you. It doesn't matter what other people might think of it, it's time for you now. Take a small step and pick one little thing that you used to enjoy, and do it again. And remember, even if you don't succeed the first time, or the tenth time. Keep trying, and eventually you will succeed.

I know that's easier said than done, if you need help, or just someone to vent on about anything at all. If you need someone to listen to you at the times where you just fell. Send me a message, please. I'm there for you, anytime.

Take care.
Click to expand...

+1 :)

I really agree with this post, I could have not said it better by myself.

Let it all out. It's okey to cry, we all need that sometimes. There is no reason to believe that you're a failure, because you're not. You seem a great friend and there isn't nothing wrong with you! You are much stronger person in your heart and mind than those people who were so mean.

I hope you feel better soon, take care of yourself. *hugs*
 
WallflowerGirl83 said:
my ex bf emotional abused me and treated me like I'm nothing. And I'm so angry I stayed. I'm angry at myself for letting people hurt me and make fun of me. I'm angry for my father abusing me.....
Click to expand...

My dear, I can relate to this - and you know, I was angry that I let people hurt me too. I thought I would never find anyone who could feel that same way.

You know, one of the many reasons why I try to be positive a lot more now is because I told myself, I owe it to myself to feel better again because I've let myself suffer for too long. It's only right that I treat myself right and let me be happy, and that will be my choice. You can do this too. I hear you, I really do because I too went through something similar. You're not alone in this, remember. We're all here for you.

Cry it all out, it helps. Never bottle things in, cos it will only end up exploding from inside, causing you more hurt. That's not good. *hugs* I hope you'll feel better soon.
 
Thank you for all your kind words. I've noticed how hard I am on myself. Since my ex and I broke up I noticed how depressed I've gotten cause I let my abuser back into my life. He's been gone but the trauma still remains. He was verbally abusive towards me and controlling. Now I'm trying to get myself together and on some days it's hard cause those horrible things he said to me still stick inside my mind. It really does help me that people are listening and offering me support. My anger is slowly fading which I'm thankful about. I let lots of guys take advantage of my kindness and lots of people drained me whole. Deep down I know things will get better for me. Just right now I'm really depressed by everything that happened.
 
WallflowerGirl83 said:
Thank you for all your kind words. I've noticed how hard I am on myself. Since my ex and I broke up I noticed how depressed I've gotten cause I let my abuser back into my life. He's been gone but the trauma still remains. He was verbally abusive towards me and controlling. Now I'm trying to get myself together and on some days it's hard cause those horrible things he said to me still stick inside my mind. It really does help me that people are listening and offering me support. My anger is slowly fading which I'm thankful about. I let lots of guys take advantage of my kindness and lots of people drained me whole. Deep down I know things will get better for me. Just right now I'm really depressed by everything that happened.
Click to expand...

It's understandable that you feel this way. *hugs* Just let it out or vent anytime you feel like it here, it does help. Things will get better indeed, takes time to heal a deep wound. *BIG HUG*
 
I'm sorry that you're going through this.

I have noticed your posts around here, and you seem like a sweet person. I don't know why anybody would dislike you?
 
I'm so sorry that you've had to experience all that wallflowergirl. A lot of us here can relate, and it is awful when we have these moments where we doubt our self worth. Its okay to cry and let it all out, but you have to try to come back and remember that you are worth it dear.

I hope you're feeling better now though. Hugs.
 
This is the nicest thread I've seen in ages on this forum. All the responses are kind and caring. All these people like you. You are likeable. You're a good person.
 

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