I want a girl but there might be problems that will prevent it

I was diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome as a child, but it was not completely proven. And I actually hate having it for that reason because I feel the dysfunctions just may not be there because of a lousy doctors opinion from showing 1 or 2 traits of it. I also went to a special ed high school mostly for having bad ADD. So ive been around autistic/asperger people long enough to know im not like them. In reality, people generally find me as any normal cool person. I have a pretty normal social life. I have 2 very close friends and a handful of other friends that probably still care about me. However, I am single and have never had a real relationship. I'm almost 21 and the reason why i've never had someone is partly cause I was too shy to do anything with them as a teenager and the fact that I was in a sped school with hardly any girls too. To also add that I am TERRIBLE in talking to them.

I want someone to love so badly and it depresses me to still have never found someone after all these years, especially being the tall attractive person that i am. This may seem weird to what i'm about to say but... I am not a virgin. I have had sex with 3 different girls. However, I have changed as a person since then. I feel like I have become more sensitive, and I am afraid that the next time the opportunity comes when a girl comes to me, although I would want to date her, I would not be able to because I will feel very uncomfortable when I am touched by her or touching her. I have not had any female interaction in almost a year. Like I fantasize in my head often about showing love and affection for a girl and it seems so real and possible but I may just not be able to perform it in real life. I am also really worried that since i've never had a girlfriend when I actually do and she finds out that im an inexperienced noob, she'll get turned off and look elsewhere. Like going on a job interview with no working experience. No one is going to hire you!

I have talked with someone who had Aspergers to reassure myself that im not like him. I thought at first "no way, i'd never do that" but now i'm thinking this MAY just happen to me too. What he told me was he lost his virginity around 19 like me, and he said he enjoyed girls coming onto him but now that hes a little older hes very uncomfortable when girls touch him and end up rejecting them.

I don't feel like talking about this to my friends and am extremely embarrassed about this problem because I am very straight and love women. I do not want to tell a girl something I MAY NOT EVEN HAVE so can someone PLEASE tell me if they experienced something like this as a "normal" (non aspergers) person. I NEED to get this issue off my chest so I can be on with my busy life. I am not an ******* or some close minded idiot im just a kind innocent loving person and girls WILL see that if they would ever give me a chance i swear. I've been told a few times how lucky a girl will be to have me. But im so worried that once again... 1) girls will find it weird that someone that looks like me never had a girl and not want to give me a chance... 2) I may not be able to physically interact with them because i'll feel too uncomfortable DESPITE a stupid label. I do not want to be this way and im so worried and upset over this so can someone please give me feedback on this? Thanks for taking the time to read this.

I really don't know what to say here because I don't have experience of or know anyone with Asperger's syndrome. However it seems to me like because you haven't had much experience with female contact, it would make sense why you would feel this way. I'm sure a lot of other guys who don't have much contact with females feel the same way you do. I do think this is normal.. I don't see anything abnormal or weird about it really.

I am a woman with Aspergers. As you will know already, the autistic spectrum is so broad and it sounds as though you will probably be at the highest end of it, so it is understandable that you may find you have little in common with and find it hard to relate to some others with Aspergers who sound as though they have greater difficulties than you have. I know someone whose difficulties are greater than my own-you would be able to tell on first meeting her that she had some sort of problem even if you didn't know what sort, whereas I can come across as 'normal' at first to someone who hardly knows me and doesn't spend much time with me or see me under stress.
I can sympathise with your not wanting to tell a girl about having an Aspergers diagnosis. I generally mention it early on when getting to know someone so that they can back out if they can't handle it before either of us are attached to each other, but it is a question of what you personally prefer to do. It comes down to what you feel most comfortable with. You are perfectly within your rights to keep the diagnosis to yourself until you feel you know the other person well enough to tell them about it. It isn't anything to be ashamed of and it doesn't make you less valuable as a person. The right person for you will accept it simply as one of the factors which make up your individuality.

There are plenty of Aspies in relationships.

I am in my early 30's, and in the same dateless position. I have also had a diagnosis of Aspergers, but not sure if it was by accident or if I really have it.

Needless to say, I am terrible with social interaction, and struggle with anxiety and depression and eye contact. So who knows?

Hi Leaning into the muse-who gave you the diagnosis, as you sound unsure about it?
I was diagnosed by an autism specialist nurse, then it was confirmed by a psychiatrist and by a psychiatric nurse.

A lot of people told me that my situation is like going on a job interview with no work experience. Girls do not like guys who have no relationship experience. It will be extremely weird for them to handle and weird for me as well. Because i'm not even sure if im capable of showing love and affection for a girl (even though I fantasize about it in my head often). I seriously feel like I am cursed. A tall thin attractive guy with nice hair but he's never been in love once? Can't even please a woman emotionally or sexually? I seriously don't even feel like a man sometimes because of this problem.

When you find the kind of woman you are dreaming about, and that is what we as human beings do - all of us dream - , your first concern will be inconsequential. If she has more experience than you or you feel inexperienced, that is a plus, and I will tell you why. When a girl with experience, who knows what to do, meets a man who is less experienced, she can teach you. This is advantage to both parties as it allows her to mold you into what is preferable to her, and it allows you a comfortable and accepting environment to hone your skills.

If you are both equally lacking in experience it is also a good thing. This allows you both to grow together sexually, learn what each others likes and dislikes are. You are in an advantageous position either way, trust me on this.

For your second concern, being worried about your label and or your inability to be able to connect physically. When you find the kind of person you are dreaming about, and she may very well be out there, there will be a time for you to be uncomfortable and there will be a time for you to find your comfort.

You may have gone through some changes, you may be older now, and there may be some fears, but you have the dream. The things you see as obstacles may not be obstacles at all. They may be pre-requisites required to screen out those who aren't a good match for you. Physical intimacy is important, but it's not the whole package, and there will be time for figuring that out.

Tiina63 said:

Hi Leaning into the muse-who gave you the diagnosis, as you sound unsure about it?
I was diagnosed by an autism specialist nurse, then it was confirmed by a psychiatrist and by a psychiatric nurse.

Click to expand...

Two different psychologists.

First things first don't let the whole thing about not being in many relationships wear you down. Many young people love the change of pace. Many women like tall and attractive people and the whole social symdrome thing, it is fine and I know if its there you cant help it but you gotta muscle through if you want a relationship.

Heres the thing:

Have you ever heard the story of the eagle and the chicken?

An eagle egg falls out of its nest and rolls down the mountain to a chicken farm. The chickens raise the larger than usual egg as one of their own.

When the eagle is born, it's told that it is a chicken. It lives life as a chicken until he sees eagles flying overhead in the sky. He instinctively tells himself that he should be doing that, but all the other chickens tell him, "You can't fly, you're a chicken!". And so he doesn't try. The story ends as the eagle grows old and dies what he believes he is, a chicken.

You don't have Aspergers. You know in the pit of your stomach that your doctor was wrong, your teachers were wrong, and you family is wrong. Take that sticker off your shirt that says, "Hi, I have Aspergers" and throw it away. You're an eagle, not a chicken.

.....wtf dancer?

Way to go and make a diagnosis?

He's kind of right. I was diagnosed with autism when I was young. They said I was agressive, socially awkward and I couldn't concentrate very good. I've had help for a problem I didn't have in my opinion. I think I was about 10 when I just didn't believe doctors and psychologists. I actually completely ignored everything they said, and didn't take my medication (for concentration). This was because it did seem to work a bit, not that much, and I didn't need it because my grades were good.

When I was 18 (so about a year ago) the psychologists said I had made so much progress that I didn't have to talk to them anymore. All this by doing nothing. I might be/have been a weird person but I'm far from agressive, don't have any trouble concentrating, and I am a very social person. I can have a conversation with anyone, even complete strangers. I've never told anyone I had autism. My high school knew it but I insisted on not getting a special treatment like some other kids who openly had some kind of mental problem. It might sound weird, but I just wanted to keep it a secret, and I haven't told any of my friends about it because they'll just look at you in a different way. I wasn't afraid of losing them, but I just didn't want to be the kid with autism.

That was probably the most horrible thing about all this. I had to keep a secret, and that was very hard because I had some kind of "mentor" who was supposed to help me with the whole autism thing, but he wanted me to tell my class about it, etc. There also were these conversations with all kinds of people that other kids didn't have, it was quite hard to come up with lies and to not let other people suspect anything.

Believe me, having a label like autism or aspergers on you is ******* horrible. Most people who are supposed to guide you treat you like a retard, and just aren't aware of what you want. I'm glad that's all over for me. I can finally forget about it all.