Can people really change?

I've been sort of a quiet, reserved guy most of my life. If I'm with a group of people, I'd only speak up to talk if I was actually confident with what I was about to say. I'd always worry about embarrassing myself with something I say. I'd also prefer to be by myself sometimes rather than with a group of people. I consider myself more of a thinker than a talker, which hasn't always helped me in my life.

So recently, as part of an effort to improve my life, I decided that enough was enough...I'm gonna try and be more vocal by engaging myself more in conversations with people, asking more questions at work, starting up small talk with random people, saying "yes" more and just generally being more outgoing and less scared of the repercussions.

And even though sometimes I do make progress with this, most often I end up just reverting back to my old ways instead of this new outgoing person that I'm trying to be.

So thats making me wonder...is it really possible for someone to change? Especially when it comes to changing something about yourself as big as this. I mean, for 23 years, I've been this guy...but now I wanna change. Is this even possible? Or has it already been programmed in my head to act a certain way as a default. Or is it just a long process that takes a long time?

Because this is something I want to change about myself but I'm having trouble doing so.

Practice. Lots and lots of practice.

Yes, you absolutely can (and will) change as time goes by. Sometimes it's circumstance that forces it, other times its by choice.

When I was your age (23) I wasn't exactly the nicest person you'd ever want to know- I was a self-absorbed, closed-minded, uncaring and very vicious.

I didn't like who I was and the direction I was going and I knew I had to change- a lot of the crowd I ran with back then reached a premature expiry date due to the type of stupidity we engaged in- I didn't want to end up like that.

By the time I was in my early thirties I'd got away from that mentality and now at the ripe old age of 46 I can't even relate to the guy I was back then. Something that's kind of amusing to me is how much more curious, adventurous, and fun-loving I am now compared to then. I might not have everything figured out and things don't always go as I'd planned/hoped for but I'm a lot more flexible about it and still willing to try again.

So yeah, you can change. There's no substitute for time on the Earth to bring that about.

Course you can change; if you really want to.

But it's not something that's gonna happen as soon as you think abut it.

Or has it already been programmed in my head to act a certain way as a default.

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That's kinda right, it's down to habit and how you normally would act, it's hard changing, especially when it's been so long. But you can with effort.

It sounds as though you are by nature an introvert. I am as well and frequently have to push myself to mix more and to initiate a converdsation. So I think that while you will be able to improve your social skills and to learn to socialise better, at the same time you will still be introvetred by nature and will probably never be the life and soul of the party.

Yes it is a process that takes a lot of time and experience but it is doable.

I am almost nothing like I was 8 years ago.

perfanoff said:

I am almost nothing like I was 8 years ago.

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Yeah but I think you naturally change with maturity. Maybe not everybody.

Generally not once they're adults.

All you need to change as a person is to want it sufficiently. That's why we're people, so we can change ourselves.

LeaningIntoTheMuse said:

Generally not once they're adults.

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Why not? We've got the intelligence to change, and as long you have the will there's a chance, right?

It's easy to feel entitled and cry about your problems at any age, if you want to change, you can always do it.

perfanoff said:

It's easy to feel entitled and cry about your problems at any age, if you want to change, you can always do it.

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I agree with this. If you REALLY want to change, then you'll change. If you don't really want to change, then you'll sit around and complain that change is impossible.

Yes. People can change. But its hard work.

9006 said:

LeaningIntoTheMuse said:

Generally not once they're adults.

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Why not? We've got the intelligence to change, and as long you have the will there's a chance, right?

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Yeah, I'm with Mike here.

Also, to begin to change, you need to be aware of what, how and why something needs to be changed first, then the process will kick start a lot easier compared to if you don't know what your goal is or what you want to achieve. Still, either way, changing for the better definitely isn't easy. Very much possible though.

perfanoff said:

It's easy to feel entitled and cry about your problems at any age, if you want to change, you can always do it.

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Yes.

Tiina63 said:

It sounds as though you are by nature an introvert. I am as well and frequently have to push myself to mix more and to initiate a converdsation. So I think that while you will be able to improve your social skills and to learn to socialise better, at the same time you will still be introvetred by nature and will probably never be the life and soul of the party.

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yes I agree, people don't change that much !

I will be never someone who has lots of friends and is going out every night !
It won't happen mainly because I don't really want it. I do enjoy my own company !

Like everyone else or most mentioned, yes you can change. As long as you are willing to put in the effort and time in order to change, you can change. As long as you're willing to make some potential sacrifices in your current lifestyle, you can change. However, with change there's a limit. Don't try to be someone that you're not and not comfortable as. It can backfire.

Tinderleaf said:

Like everyone else or most mentioned, yes you can change. As long as you are willing to put in the effort and time in order to change, you can change. As long as you're willing to make some potential sacrifices in your current lifestyle, you can change. However, with change there's a limit. Don't try to be someone that you're not and not comfortable as. It can backfire.

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depends if you like yourself.

I don't see the point in changing because I do like myself. I think I'm great !

I think people can change some things about themselves. But that really depends on what it is you're trying to change and how much you want it. If you want it badly enough and you try and try and try, in time, you WILL change.

Maybe you like your default settings. Maybe you've grown attached to that version of you. Maybe you're suited better to the old you. Think about it. Ask yourself questions and then try to answer them.

I take back what I said before.

I believe people can change to some extent, but they have to want to. If they see nothing wrong with their life, they won't change.

LeaningIntoTheMuse said:

If they see nothing wrong with their life, they won't change.

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Or if they are afraid to change or get out of their comfort zone.