I am living in a hostile situation

Hi,

I will try my level best to describe my situation as its a bit complicated.

My parents and I live in a rented flat for the last 10 years.

The owner of the house is not one but they are a joint family comprising of more then 20 members.

I for the first 5 years used to complain a lot and critize them for they dont maintain (clean) the house. We live at the ground floor so we are the most affected by the bad odour which was a result of neighbors dumping garbage inside the compound. I must confess that I in frustration used a lot of abusive language against some of the owners.

Then a time came when they ganged up against me & started inflicting mental tortures of various kinds which went to such an extent that I went into Schizophrenia.

In this locality they own many cars & most of them are not self driven. Drivers are employed.
My house owners have influenced them & asked the to pass abusive remarks when I go out on the street.

Not only the drivers, almost the entire locality has been influenced & they insult me indirectly when they get a chance.

Now its reasonable for you guys to ask, if they dont like you why dont they ask you to leave ?

Now here's the tricky part. As I have mentioned before that the house owners are a joint family, one of them is quite an influential person of this area. And people usually dont go against his wishes. He & my dad are so called good friends & so he against the wishes of the entire family has kept us here.

My dad is "ignorant". He has no self esteem or self respect. As long as they let him stay here despite insults to his family he is ready to stay.

I am unemployed so I cant move out. Life is hell.

Sounds bad, since you don't seem able to leave and your dad is good friends with one of the most influential, can't he ask for the others to end this?

Edward W said:

Sounds bad, since you don't seem able to leave and your dad is good friends with one of the most influential, can't he ask for the others to end this?

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The influential guy too is not very fond of me. For two reasons, a) The language I used to use & b) He like ass kissers, which I am not.

I am going to assume. That the real problem is that your family is poor. And living here is like your Dad's Job (being a servant or otherwise working for the owner).

Put yourself in your Father's position. You are poor you have a family to feed. You have a someone that you can serve in exchange for a place to live compared to in the gutters for your family. You get food on the table for your family so they dont starve. And you just need to endure the verbal and social abuse until you have saved up enough for your family to have a real future. but whatever it is to endure, is still better than living in the gutter or alley.

Could you could look for work somewhere else and move there on your own, while maintaining regular contact with your parents by mail and over the phone, with the occasional visit? Your parents could stay in their flat and you would be somewhere where you could make a fresh start. You are online, so have access to the net. Maybe you could check out job sites and see if there is anything you could do in a different town. Or do you have any extended family living elsewhere who could help find you a job and accomodation in their area?

Sounds like.... issues... to me.
Doesn't seem like a good idea to comment further.

Going against the status quo as you've chose to do has resulted in the situation you now find yourself in. I'm not saying its right, wrong, or otherwise but I'd use this as a learning experience going forward- having an opinion is fine (and commendable), the problem is that others may not buy in.

It's not fair that you've put this on your father, if you're mature enough to point fingers and blame that also means you have to be mature enough to accept responsibility for your words and actions. That's a lesson from the School of Hard Knocks (I have my Masters Degree there).

Honestly l_a, given the situation you've described you'll either have to suck it up and try to make amends with the man who's the main antagonist in the hope that things will improve or you need to leave. Don't say leaving can't be done, I and many others have set out on life's journey with little more than the clothes on our back and a few bucks in our pocket. It's not easy but its a whole lot better than enduring the hell you find yourself in.

Something for you to ponder- "He who rocks the boat seldom has time to paddle".

Good Luck!

Regumika said:

I am going to assume. That the real problem is that your family is poor. And living here is like your Dad's Job (being a servant or otherwise working for the owner).

Put yourself in your Father's position. You are poor you have a family to feed. You have a someone that you can serve in exchange for a place to live compared to in the gutters for your family. You get food on the table for your family so they dont starve. And you just need to endure the verbal and social abuse until you have saved up enough for your family to have a real future. but whatever it is to endure, is still better than living in the gutter or alley.

Click to expand...

We are not really poor. Actually what happened was, we purchased a flat 9 years ago. The builder was a fraud. He sold the same flat again to another person. So we went to court & have won the case but justice system here is very slow. Its a matter of a year now that we recover our lost money & move out.

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Tiina63 said:

Could you could look for work somewhere else and move there on your own, while maintaining regular contact with your parents by mail and over the phone, with the occasional visit? Your parents could stay in their flat and you would be somewhere where you could make a fresh start. You are online, so have access to the net. Maybe you could check out job sites and see if there is anything you could do in a different town. Or do you have any extended family living elsewhere who could help find you a job and accomodation in their area?

Click to expand...

Actually I never finished school. But I did a lot of technical courses like

Computer hardware
Basic Networking (LAN)
Cisco Certified Network Associates
Microsoft Certified System Administrator.

I get jobs but because I am not a graduate the pay is very less. So at this moment a job will only improve my financial condition coz I wont be able pay rent with that salary. We are planning to purchase a 2 floor house and I will be opening a cyber cafe there.

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WildernessWildChild said:

Going against the status quo as you've chose to do has resulted in the situation you now find yourself in. I'm not saying its right, wrong, or otherwise but I'd use this as a learning experience going forward- having an opinion is fine (and commendable), the problem is that others may not buy in.

It's not fair that you've put this on your father, if you're mature enough to point fingers and blame that also means you have to be mature enough to accept responsibility for your words and actions. That's a lesson from the School of Hard Knocks (I have my Masters Degree there).

Honestly l_a, given the situation you've described you'll either have to suck it up and try to make amends with the man who's the main antagonist in the hope that things will improve or you need to leave. Don't say leaving can't be done, I and many others have set out on life's journey with little more than the clothes on our back and a few bucks in our pocket. It's not easy but its a whole lot better than enduring the hell you find yourself in.

Something for you to ponder- "He who rocks the boat seldom has time to paddle".

Good Luck!

Click to expand...

I agree that my own behavior has caused this situation but the only thing I expect from my father is that he can pay the same rent that he pays here somewhere else.

Oh man that's terrible. Sorry to hear this lonely_aryan!

From your last post, it sounds like you've got plans in place to move out, so perhaps you have to look forward to that and try to tolerate the present? I once had to work for a company where I got sexually harassed to the max, but I had to tolerate it until my term was over because the employer threatened me (he was a gang member).

I know its tough, but just lay low for the time being and ignore them. Perhaps you can use this as motivation to leave sooner?

Good luck to you! And hang in there!

lonely_aryan said:

Regumika said:

I am going to assume. That the real problem is that your family is poor. And living here is like your Dad's Job (being a servant or otherwise working for the owner).

Put yourself in your Father's position. You are poor you have a family to feed. You have a someone that you can serve in exchange for a place to live compared to in the gutters for your family. You get food on the table for your family so they dont starve. And you just need to endure the verbal and social abuse until you have saved up enough for your family to have a real future. but whatever it is to endure, is still better than living in the gutter or alley.

Click to expand...

We are not really poor. Actually what happened was, we purchased a flat 9 years ago. The builder was a fraud. He sold the same flat again to another person. So we went to court & have won the case but justice system here is very slow. Its a matter of a year now that we recover our lost money & move out.

---

Tiina63 said:

Could you could look for work somewhere else and move there on your own, while maintaining regular contact with your parents by mail and over the phone, with the occasional visit? Your parents could stay in their flat and you would be somewhere where you could make a fresh start. You are online, so have access to the net. Maybe you could check out job sites and see if there is anything you could do in a different town. Or do you have any extended family living elsewhere who could help find you a job and accomodation in their area?

Click to expand...

Actually I never finished school. But I did a lot of technical courses like

Computer hardware
Basic Networking (LAN)
Cisco Certified Network Associates
Microsoft Certified System Administrator.

I get jobs but because I am not a graduate the pay is very less. So at this moment a job will only improve my financial condition coz I wont be able pay rent with that salary. We are planning to purchase a 2 floor house and I will be opening a cyber cafe there.

---

WildernessWildChild said:

Going against the status quo as you've chose to do has resulted in the situation you now find yourself in. I'm not saying its right, wrong, or otherwise but I'd use this as a learning experience going forward- having an opinion is fine (and commendable), the problem is that others may not buy in.

It's not fair that you've put this on your father, if you're mature enough to point fingers and blame that also means you have to be mature enough to accept responsibility for your words and actions. That's a lesson from the School of Hard Knocks (I have my Masters Degree there).

Honestly l_a, given the situation you've described you'll either have to suck it up and try to make amends with the man who's the main antagonist in the hope that things will improve or you need to leave. Don't say leaving can't be done, I and many others have set out on life's journey with little more than the clothes on our back and a few bucks in our pocket. It's not easy but its a whole lot better than enduring the hell you find yourself in.

Something for you to ponder- "He who rocks the boat seldom has time to paddle".

Good Luck!

Click to expand...

I agree that my own behavior has caused this situation but the only thing I expect from my father is that he can pay the same rent that he pays here somewhere else.

Click to expand...

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You seem to know quite a lot about computers, maybe you can make some extra money by fixing computers and reinstalling windows etc?

I do wish you best of luck.

When I first read this, I saw not cleaning up, and I figured "you're overreacting."

But then I noticed the whole bit about basically making a toxic mess.

So let me get this straight, you settled in this home, and the family downstairs basically acts like poor white trash, but because they have money or influence, they get off the hook. You speak up for your rights and get bullied.

You've been thinking at this the wrong angle. Rather than complaining to them, and opening yourself up to bullying and such, you shouldn't have bothered them directly. Now due to their prestige, they paint you in a bad light.

Hmmm, it sounds like the normal rules of tenant agreement don't apply since they are the owners, and you are the guests.

I don't care how much money or influence they have, since you don't have real power in this condition, you just have the truth, which can publicly humiliate them. Talk to each of these strangers outside. Explain to them that you have lived as a guest for (however long), the people downstairs make a smelly mess, and when you complain about it, they abused you. Organize your thoughts on paper (I know Schizophrenia tends to scramble things) and have someone proofread it. Tell each of these people this, and if public opinion turns against them, great. Public humiliation is one of the ways to put people more powerful in their place if they're acting out.

If not, legal action is nice. You are currently in a leonine contract. See if you can get things solved, so you guys at least have your own place, not owned by them. If that fails, convince your family to leave. I'm sure the fact that you've been mentally abused would probably help. Better to live in a hut somewhere than a completely toxic "home."

Veruca said:

I once had to work for a company where I got sexually harassed to the max, but I had to tolerate it until my term was over because the employer threatened me (he was a gang member).

Click to expand...

Are you serious?? Oh my. I'm glad you're okay though!