Stupid question about flirting

Alright...so I tend to be very imperceptive when it comes to girls flirting with me. There have been times where a girl has flirted with me (even pretty blatantly), I completely missed it, and one of my friends has pointed it out after the fact, and I later realize that he was probably right. I went through a long stretch in my life of having absolutely zero self esteem, and never bothered talking to girls as a result. So my game isn't too sharp, if you will. I have a real hard time differentiating between a girl just being friendly or actually showing legitimate interest.

A couple questions...I mean, for the guys, what do you look for in terms of flirty behavior that actually signals to you she's interested? Are there a few, like, obvious telltale signs that really catch your attention when a girl is doing them? And I guess for the ladies, how do you flirt? And do you do it all intentionally, or do things like maintaining eye contact just kind of happen subconsciously?

I understand everyone's different, so I don't know, maybe it's a dumb question. Some people are friendlier than others, some people are physically friendly in a way that might make you think they're interested when they're just naturally like that. But a little bit of insight into this matter would be appreciated, hopefully from both genders. I'm 23 with extremely limited experience in the girl department, and I don't wanna be wasting any more opportunities.

Smiles and laughs, eye contact, touching, being animated and talkative. Going one zone closer than expected (social->personal for nonfriends, and personal->intimate for friends). Wanting to meet up with you.

It's all subconscious but many people with low self-esteem have trouble liberating themselves. I'd say being inexperienced will show but you can make the point across. Flirting is a skill just like every other skill. The more you practice, the better you'll get at it.

Just a warning, people can flirt for a million reasons. Just because a girl shows that she is definitely interested in you does not mean anything. So take it for what it is and nothing else.

Don't worry about lost opportunities. Hindsight is always 20/20 but the past is lost forever, you can only live for the now and for the future.

I don't think it's a dumb question. I'm 26 with very limited experience with women myself. In fact, I had my first kiss at 24. I've also never been very perceptive to flirting either. Nor am I an effective flirt. I usually fall flat and it never leads anywhere. I tend to pull back and not go in too deep to possibly avoid the "inevitable" rejection or just to save face. This isn't a positive attitude to have but it's apart of me and something I have to work on.

Yo,

I think when it comes to flirting there are many people who think along the lines as you do. I think that when you watch a girl flirting with another man, you can see the signs pretty easy, but when you're put in the situation yourself it's tricky, because you find yourself questioning weather she is or not, after all, who'd want to look stupid!

You'll find girls (certainly the ones who are confident enough to flirt with you) tend to make a lot of eye contact, and generally come close to you when speaking. Maybe with light touching, on your arm or shoulder. I think the head tilt is a common one when listening to you as well.

I'm no major expert or anything but these are just things I've experienced.

From a girls perspective, I pretty much agree with everything perfanoff and 9006 have said.

Shy girls would probably not do anything more than look at a guy, smile and try to show that they would like to hang out with you.

Girls who are more confident with flirting will make lots of eye contact, smile while looking at you, try to initiate some form of physical contact, like touching your arm. She'll position her body so it faces you, and she'll adjust her hair to make sure she looks pretty. And she might try to find out if you're interested in someone else, or what kind of girls you like etc.

Hope this helps

And for the record, I think girls out there are nutters to not dig you lot here

Well some shy girls would do what Veruca said, or get too shy to even speak! But that's not flirting lol.

Sometimes by the way the girl is talking to you, you can tell if she's flirting or not. Her tone of voice, body language (which the other members above have covered) says a lot.

Thanks guys. Like I said, it may be an obvious question, but I'm just so bad at picking up on it, at least in the moment. It's much easier to realize it when I look back on it later, even though there's still doubt, but when I think about some of the opportunities to hook up with/date/even hang out with girls that I've squandered, it fuckin makes me sick lol. I'll keep all these things in mind. I guess just to kinda have like, a list, suggested by other people who understand flirting better than I do will be helpful. I just gotta stop being so down on myself and start paying more attention to subtle honeysuckle.

Next time a chick flirts with me and I actually recognize and respond to it, I'll come back and post in this thread, you know, keep everyone updated on my progress

Among the Sleep said:

Next time a chick flirts with me and I actually recognize and respond to it, I'll come back and post in this thread, you know, keep everyone updated on my progress

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Good luck! And yeah, do that, and tell us what the girl did!

9006 said:

You'll find girls (certainly the ones who are confident enough to flirt with you) tend to make a lot of eye contact, and generally come close to you when speaking. Maybe with light touching, on your arm or shoulder. I think the head tilt is a common one when listening to you as well.

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I do this when having conversation with people (male or female) that I am comfortable around and I did not realize it could be considered flirting more of a welcoming, friendly vibe I would be sending.

I've never had the confidence to approach a girl and flirt with her. I usually get a silly crush on someone and pine for them and get depressed about it, never taking my chances. I just can't do it. But what i can do is maintain the level of flirt or conversation that someone who is flirting with me instigates. As you said, the problem is not knowing if the girl is only like this with you because she is flirting, or if she is like that with everyone because she is friendly. So if you just follow her lead and gently try to push the friendliness/flirt up a notch once you've noticed she is also maintaining the conversation, you can get a much better idea of what's actually going on.

painter said:

So if you just follow her lead and gently try to push the friendliness/flirt up a notch once you've noticed she is also maintaining the conversation, you can get a much better idea of what's actually going on.

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But also be careful, you might get more than you're looking for

I probably failed to notice a few women years ago when I looked half decent.
Never going to happen now !

ucxb said:

9006 said:

You'll find girls (certainly the ones who are confident enough to flirt with you) tend to make a lot of eye contact, and generally come close to you when speaking. Maybe with light touching, on your arm or shoulder. I think the head tilt is a common one when listening to you as well.

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I do this when having conversation with people (male or female) that I am comfortable around and I did not realize it could be considered flirting more of a welcoming, friendly vibe I would be sending.

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For some these would be considered flirting. But honestly, things like eye contact, and coming close could just mean that they're merely paying attention to what your saying and they are comfortable with you entering their personal space. They can also just be very touchy, feely and not necessarily flirting. But it really depends on what the woman is trying to project since no 2 are alike.

Moe said:

For some these would be considered flirting. But honestly, things like eye contact, and coming close could just mean that their merely paying attention to what your saying and they are comfortable with you entering their personal space. They can also just be very touchy, feely and not necessarily flirting. But it really depends on what the woman is trying to project since no 2 are alike.

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I just read this and thought to myself, aren't we women difficult and confusing? Lol.

ladyforsaken said:

Moe said:

For some these would be considered flirting. But honestly, things like eye contact, and coming close could just mean that their merely paying attention to what your saying and they are comfortable with you entering their personal space. They can also just be very touchy, feely and not necessarily flirting. But it really depends on what the woman is trying to project since no 2 are alike.

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I just read this and thought to myself, aren't we women difficult and confusing? Lol.

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Welcome to our world! Lol! But we love you, all mysterious and exciting (most of the time)...

Hahaha. Mmhmm, we can be mysterious and exciting too.
You men are great too, the lot of you who are very nice and sweet and thoughtful - don't we women love you guys too.

ladyforsaken said:

You men are great too, the lot of you who are very nice and sweet and thoughtful - don't we women love you guys too.

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Amen to that!